My 11 year old stepson keeps asking to go over to his cousin's house to "hang out". His cousins live in our neighborhood. They are two single guys in their early 20's. I think he knows them pretty well and they are on his mom's side of the family. My instinct is that it's not really appropriate for a 11 year old boy to be hanging out with these two guys at their bachelor pad. What do you think?
I'd question why the older cousins would want an 11 yr old "hanging out" with them! Have you talked to them?
T.
I would say that if they want to "hang out" they should do it in your home when you or your husband is there. I think to many bad things happen because we expect others to do what's right. If they are happy to hang out around your home and you like the influence they have on your children and step children then great, but if there is argument over that stipulation than that would be a huge red flag to me.
Hang in there with your gut feeling! An eleven year old has no business "hanging out" with two 20 something guys. They may be good guys but they are too old!!!
I agree with your first instinct. I would guard the time spent with the cousins. There are too many issues to be aware of and 20 year old childless men are not going to even begin to think of the innocence they may be washing away.
It could get sticky between you two if you do allow him to go to his cousins house since he is your stepson, however...what do you know about these adult cousins? Do they do drugs? Do they drink alcohol? If you don't know anything about them, by all means DON'T LET HIM GO TO HIS COUSINS HOUSE! Better be a nasty old stepmom than a very sorry stepmom. D. P.
11 year olds are tricky! We want them to stay young and sometimes they want to, but then they also want to test the waters of teenagehood. It is normal for him to want to "hang" with these men (yes, over 18 is men, not boys). Because they are relatives it is a little different then if the were just neighbors. I would not fight him once in a while for two reasons 1: most boys this age will rebel if forced to not do something, 2: they are his relatives and might be ok for him. BUT I also would be strict to limit the time spent with them. They are men and men have men conversations, women, friends, actions, etc!. Ask what they are doing and who else is there. And go with your gut if you have a bad feeling then explain to him that he can only be with them when you or your husband is there. Good luck.
I would say, go with your instincts. It's not good to over-ride those. You could save your son a lot of heartache from experiencing something over there that he shouldn't experience (pornography, language, etc.).
You are right with your instincts. Even if the cousins are good guys, their interests and activities are completely different and can easily mislead or confuse a young boy of 11. Especially if it is unsupervised.
Good luck, M. C.
I say go with your intsinct. I myself wouldn't let my future son go to a bachalors party, there might be drugs/alcohol involved, and if theres women there, who knows what other guys could be doing.
-L. H.
ask them to come over to your house a couple of times .until you get to know what kind of people they are,it would not be appropriate for him to visit unsupervised. and maybe he isnt being invited, he is inviting himslef. but he does need to stay in contact with his family but not at the cost of safety
Trust your instincts!
Trust your instincts! Do not let him go! Normal 20 year olds do not want to hang out with 11 year olds. This sounds weird and not safe to me.
kk
First off, does he have regular contact with his Biological mother? Is his 18 year old brother in the picture? If he sees his big bro and mother on a regualr basis, shouldn't most of his vists with her family be during her time? If you have primary custody, then he may be trying to fill a void by wanting to spend time with his cousins. If this is the case then your husband should step up a little and try to spend some guys time with hom. After all, i am sure his world has changed a bunch with younger siblings hanging around. My husband and I take turns and take out our 9 year old one on one at least 1 time per week to keep him grounded. He also has uncles who are 17 years odl who he adores and we allow to see them as often as possible, however we keep the time limited when (Responsible Adults) are not around. Hope this helps.. My 17 months old twins are trying to put in their 2 cents...
I too find it odd that a 20something would want to hang out with an eleven year old often. I assume you have asked why he chooses to go hang out with them? I also would suggest them coming over or invite them for dinner, lunch an event so you can get an idea of there character a phone # would be a must and short visits with a call first to see if it is a good time for them. stay active in this descion, I think family is huge in a childs life and maybe these older young men are just mentor looking individuals. But check them out go to a park where it is neutral let them play Basket ball or swimming see the interaction. Good luck!M.
