11 Year Old Son Dropping in Grades,behavior and Attitude

I had a similar problem with my son. In fifth grade he was an "A" student with what he called not so many friends. In 6th grade he found that by being a clown he was making people laugh and he was now popular. Since then it was downward, him failing his classes and i even put him into a special school. He did well at that and was transferred back into public school. Well at this point he coiunldnt adapt to regular school again and now he is 17 and school just isnt a happening thing. I am not trying to scare you but just trying to hint to nip it in the butt as they may say and hope you can lead him on the right path..I wish i would have known what i was doing to prevent it. I was told not to worry that certain kids arent "made for school" but i still think i did something wrong...Geez..maybe i need the advice...lol..I also work 3 jobs and husband is disabled and no help to me...dont lose faith in him and do the best you can!!!

The book how to talk so your kids will listen and how to listen so they will talk was of great benefit to me in comunicating with my kids and they also have how to talk to your teenager edition. I'm taking specialized training from COAC in NY to adopt from the foster care system and in looking at trama's and the resulting behavior you might want to think about the possibility of your child being exposed to some type of drug use ( Pot at school?) or inappropriate behavior by a caregiver or family friend. It is shocking to find out how many children have been exposed to trama and don't want to talk about it. That said he may just need more of your time, I gave up threatening to take priveleges away from my oldest and try to set him up for sucess with rewards. After he does his homework and a bath he can have choice time. It used to be toys, games or Power rangers Tv. Choice time now includes DVD's and computer time.

I would try counselling. The school will offer it free most of the time. Kids usually act out looking for attenion bad or good. He may be jealous of his sister because if she is well behaved she gets positive attention, which he sees as favoritism. I went through this with my oldest daughter. She was upset because her dad wasn't around. And thought I liked her sister better. Tough love is hard but effective. Until somebody can be home more it will probably not improve . I know that isn't what you want to hear. At least get counselling for you to help deal with him even if he won't go. It helps to get support from a counsellor when you are doing it alone, and they give you good coping strategies too.

Hi -

I have tried, successfully two different "disciple" techniques. First, Smart Discipline, not sure of the author, but if you go to the library, that is where I checked it out. It is AWESOME. Takes away YOU being the bad guy and puts it on the actions of the child.

Second, Cynthia Tobia, Strong Willed Child, she is fantastic and has a few other wonderful books. Part of the Family First Series.

I would be concerned slightly if the behavior is a complete 180, you may want to talk w/ the school councilor to see if perhaps something happened that is causing the personality change. My daughter is also 11 and going thru the rebellion stage, but some things still work, taking away privilidges etc. Dad being involved really helps, Mom is usually the nurturer and Dad, the discipliner and usually my kids will not ignore dad!

The rewards work for my son, that is his personality. My daughter is a little more strong willed and dont want little rewards, she wants big ones, like a cell phone or MP3 etc. We do have a system that if they achieve Honor Roll or High Honor they get a large $ amount but we have only had them hit that one time.

Be consistant and ride it out. The more you try to control, the more they will rebel. Pick your battles and let them have some control. See if talking with him will help, ask him if there is a problem at school, why he is picking on others. He may not say, but at least it opens lines of communication.

Best of Luck.

I know as a parent of 5, and while my children were growing up, my husband also worked long hours as a truck driver and was hardly home. A lot of the time as y son got older and his father was home he started to slip and do what your son is doing. He was resenting the time his dad was away and not doing things with him as other kids had. With all the pressure the kids have at school, it's very hard for them to be different. (I also worked, so I know where your coming from because you need 2 incomes just to get by.) Not that I think that there is something wrong with your son, but did you ever concider having him talk to someone, like a consulor? Some times speaking with an outsider, the child feels that he can say things that he feels you as a mom won't understand, or that it will make you made. There might be a teacher or another professional that he would trust. I felt I could deal with all the things that were bothering my son, I now I wish I had let him talk to someone other than myself. My son turned out good, he's been in the Navy, and has a wife and a daughter now, but there is times things that he and his dad didn't do still comes up. I hope this helps you.

I saw your request stating that you live in or near saugerties ny ,I can tell you that its one of two things having been through this with both my now 17 yr old son and now 14 yr old daughter ,Its either Drugs or hormones ,I would lean toward hormones ! you may even want to change his diet,No corn or food additives especially food colorings and corn byproducts like maltodextrin.They can send some childrens hormone levels over the edge and cause extreme behavior and learning problems.It may sound nutso but I tried it with mine and it worked for the most part.(long story)
I hope this helps you .Teens are not easy in anyway and it starts with the tweens !

Hi, my name is S., I have three children. 12, 10 and 5. My 10 year old is the same way. It doesn't help either that she has a very strong willed, stobborn attitude. But what I have found to work is positive rewarding. Instead of taking away something she likes, I tell her that if this week she brings home any thing with a 75 or higher, her and i will go and do something fun of her choise. that has at least helped with a slight increases in grades, nto much but better than before. We also have her speaking with the school phycologist about her angr issues at home and at school, about why she fells the need to act out and pick on other kids. that has helped out alot. She comes home less angry is is willing to talk with me about things. I use the reward system with her for home things as well, ie; if she can find a game that both her and her little brother can play with out a fight, she gets a treat. Well I hope some of this helps good luck.

Has the school taken notice? There should be red flags all over him with such a drastic change in grades, etc....I would call the schools guidance office and make sure someone gets involved. They would know better what is going on at school then you will. I had many problems with my son during the 5-8th grade years and the school councelor was a godsend.

It seems like the best thing to do would be to find out the root of the problem. In my experience, kids don't just change overnight unless there is some reason behind it. Maybe he is missing his Dad and you because of your work schedules. Would he go to see the school pychologist? Maybe there are things he doesn't feel like he can tell you that he might tell him/her. Maybe he is hanging out w/the wrong kids and misbehaving to get your attention. As my pediatrician always says, any attention, whether neg or pos is what kids thrive on. Good luck.

It sounds like many of the other responses you've received come from more qualified people than I am, but I would like to offer two things to you anyway. One is commiseration, as I have a 5th grade, 10 year old daughter who is having similar problems this year, though not to the degree you are experiencing. Her interest in school has become completely social and she has been a part of some bullying incidents and taken to lying to me about details. So I empathize with you. Also, though I would go ahead with the advice the others have encouraged, contacting school in particular, I would make a HUGE effort to be as non-judgmental as possible when you are discussing your son's problems with him. This is an enormously difficult time in a child's life, this between stage. They are beginning to be interested in things that are still out of their league, they are focused entirely on their peers, who are most likely not being very nice or supportive and, as someone else said, their hormones are beginning to rage. Though I am certainly not a model of this, the times I have had the most success with my daughter have been when I have said things like "wow, you're really having a hard time lately. Can you tell me what's going on?" instead of shouting at her and criticizing. She doesn't respond to that. But when I say, "I remember 5th grade as one of my hardest years" she starts to talk and tells me what has driven her to behave the way she does. Good Luck to you. This time of their lives is so hard.