Discover how fathers can nurture emotional and cognitive empathy toward their children, why it matters, and how parents can support each other during parenthood.
Empathy Toward Their Children
Empathy is often described as the ability to understand and share the feelings of another person. For parents, empathy forms the foundation of sensitive caregiving—allowing them to recognize and respond appropriately to their child’s emotional and developmental needs. In families with fathers, understanding how empathy changes during the transition to fatherhood can help parents nurture these skills and maintain emotional connections as children grow.
A recent study by Veistola et al. (2024) sheds light on how men’s empathy—both emotional and cognitive—fluctuates across fatherhood. The findings provide valuable insights into what fathers can do to foster empathy and how the other parent can support these efforts.
What is Empathy, and Why Does It Matter?
Empathy can be divided into two key components:
- Affective Empathy: The ability to share or feel compassion for someone else’s emotions. For example, feeling sadness when you see your child crying.
- Cognitive Empathy: The ability to recognize and understand another’s emotions. This involves identifying when a child is sad, happy, or frustrated based on verbal or nonverbal cues, such as tone of voice or facial expressions.
Both forms of empathy are critical for fathers to engage in attuned caregiving, where they respond appropriately to their child’s needs. According to Veistola et al. (2024), fathers—especially new fathers and expecting fathers—show heightened emotional empathy (compassion) during the early stages of parenthood. However, as fathers gain experience or as children grow older, this affective empathy can decline, suggesting an adaptation to the demands of childcare.
Cognitive empathy, on the other hand, may decrease slightly for fathers with older children, highlighting the need for fathers to remain intentional about recognizing their child’s evolving emotions.
Nurturing Empathy as a Father
While changes in empathy are natural, fathers can take specific actions to sustain and nurture emotional connection throughout their parenting journey:
- Spend quality time with your child: Engaging in one-on-one time helps fathers attune to their child’s emotional world.
- Be present and observant: Pay attention to your child’s facial expressions, tone of voice, and behaviors to better recognize their emotions.
- Respond with compassion: Verbalize your understanding of their emotions. For example, “I see that you’re upset about losing your toy. That must feel really frustrating.”
- Practice active listening: Listen without judgment and reflect what your child shares to show you understand.
- Self-reflect and pause: During stressful moments, take a breath before responding. Empathy often requires slowing down and being intentional.
How Can the Other Parent Support?
For families with two parents, teamwork is essential in fostering empathy. Here’s how the other parent can support a father’s efforts:
- Encourage involvement: Create opportunities for fathers to engage in daily caregiving activities, such as bedtime routines, meal preparation, or playtime.
- Share observations: Communicate with your partner about your child’s emotional signals. For example, “I think she’s feeling overwhelmed after her playdate. Maybe we can sit with her for a quiet activity.”
- Normalize learning: Acknowledge that recognizing emotions takes time and practice. Be supportive of the father’s efforts, even when empathy doesn’t come naturally.
- Offer reassurance: Remind fathers that showing vulnerability and compassion is a strength, not a weakness.
Case Study: Empathy in Action
Father Demonstrating Affective and Cognitive Empathy
Jeff is a first-time father of a 3-year-old, Emma. One afternoon, Emma starts crying after her block tower collapses.
- Cognitive Empathy: Jeff quickly notices Emma’s frustration and recognizes that she’s upset because she put effort into building the tower.
- Affective Empathy: Jeff kneels down to her level, hugs her gently, and says, “I can see you’re really sad that your blocks fell down. You worked so hard on that!”
Jeff’s response combines recognition of Emma’s emotions (cognitive empathy) with compassionate support (affective empathy). His understanding helps Emma feel seen and supported, and it opens the door to comfort and problem-solving.
Father Struggling with Empathy
Tom, another father, has a similar experience with his son, Lucas. Lucas cries when his puzzle pieces don’t fit together. Tom, feeling frustrated after a long day, says, “Stop crying over something so small. You’ll figure it out.”
Here, Tom’s lack of cognitive empathy prevents him from recognizing Lucas’s frustration. His dismissive response also lacks affective empathy, missing an opportunity to connect emotionally. Over time, consistent responses like this can hinder a child’s emotional development and trust.
Why These Efforts Matter
Fathers, especially in the early years, have a unique opportunity to deepen their connection with their children through empathy. Demonstrating both cognitive and affective empathy helps children feel secure, validated, and loved—key ingredients for healthy emotional development.
The research by Veistola et al. (2024) also suggests that while empathy may decline as fathers gain more experience, intentional efforts can counteract this trend. Remaining emotionally attuned to children as they grow fosters stronger bonds and helps fathers stay engaged in their child’s evolving emotional world.
Final Thoughts
Empathy is not static; it changes as fathers adapt to the challenges and joys of parenthood. By being present, observant, and compassionate, fathers can nurture both affective and cognitive empathy toward their children. For families with two parents, supporting each other’s efforts to engage empathetically creates a stronger, more emotionally connected household.
As Veistola et al. (2024) remind us, empathy is essential for understanding children’s needs and fostering healthy relationships. Fathers who remain intentional about nurturing empathy—at all stages of parenthood—set the foundation for a lifetime of trust and connection.
Reference:
Veistola, S., Bos, P. A., Pahnke, R., Lischke, A., & Peltola, M. J. (2024). Men’s empathy toward children’s emotions across the transition to fatherhood. Developmental Psychology. Advance online publication. https://dx.doi.org/10.1037/dev0001838
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