Photo by: DougWW

The (Not So) Silent Type

Photo by: DougWW

I enjoy quiet time just as much as the next person, but lately I feel like we’ve been shushing our kids a little too much. Mostly, I’m talking about when we’re out in public. While I agree, we need to teach our kids the so-called rules of engagement when out and about, constantly asking them to quiet down just gets plain old. Yes, I want to teach my children to use their “indoor voices” and use their manners when we’re in restaurants and the like. It just seems to me we have become a bit intolerant when it comes to the everyday sounds of our children.

Honestly, unless a child is having a flat out screaming tantrum, I enjoy the many sounds of children. I realize though, this is not true for everyone. I vividly recall an instance when I was faced with the rude awakening that not everyone thinks my child is as cute as I think he is (the nerve).

Anyway, there we were, my 3 year old son and I doing the grocery shopping. I was just happy to have only one child to wrangle into the shopping cart. Armed with my list and a toy train to keep him occupied, I felt well prepared that we’d get through this shopping in a breeze. My son was happily making train sounds while I was focused on my list and the task at hand.

Was he being loud, yes, a little. Was he disturbing the peace? No, I don’t think so. Was he happy? YES…so… I was too. We even passed a few smiling faces down the aisles, picking up our goods. One woman even cooed…oh, he’s so cute. Yes he is, thank you (I thought).

Almost done and no tears, no whining, no complaining…just train sounds (woo..woo..all aboard!). We stopped to pick up some yogurt and apparently startled a woman contemplating between dannon and yoplait. “Oh my”, she exclaimed and seeing as we had startled her, I asked my son to lower his voice…see I’m sensitive to that.

But the train sounds continued, much to this woman’s dismay who then turned to her friend and loudly said, “that is so annoying”. Okay, I turned to walk away because as anyone who knows me will attest to, I do not like confrontations. But, I stopped, blood boiling, trying to remain calm and felt compelled to reply, “I’m sorry, please do no not talk to my son that way”. I don’t know what I expected her to say but she remained firm and replied “well, it’s loud and annoying”. I retorted with “he’s three years old and making train sounds for goodness sake!”

We both turned our separate ways, I wasn’t sure I had conveyed the right message to my son. I was still a little shaky from having had that confrontation. But it got me thinking…who was in the right? Here I was a mother with two young children just trying to get the grocery shopping done and to me, it seemed to be going smoothly. To her, we were a nuisance…“loud and annoying”.

So you see, can’t kids just be kids anymore? I try to respect other people’s need for quiet and privacy, however, we were not at the library, church, fancy restaurant, or some other place they frown upon when kids walk in. We were in a grocery store for heavens sake and all I really wanted to say was this: " geez lady, do you really need quiet while picking out your yogurt?" Apparently, she did.

So tell me, what do you think? Has our society become more intolerant to the “sounds” of children? Have you ever had a confrontation when someone thought your child was being too loud, if so, what did you do?

Melissa is a pediatrician turned stay at home Mom who is realizing that parenting rarely plays out like in the text books. She is enjoying this journey through parenthood and all the unexpected surprises that come along with it.

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140 Comments

I think people with no kids are a lot more likely to complain and shush or be rude like yogurt lady was. I have two toddlers who i do ALL my shopping with. Mostly as long as they aren't screaming I let them make whatever noise they want to keep them happy. Happy Mommy means happier kiddos and happier Daddy. One day they even had a happy squeally "convo" across the store with several other unknown children doing the same thing...

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She either had no children, or she was suffering from parenting amnesia. I've heard a lot of people say, "When my kids were young I never allowed them to act like that." I chalk it up to amnesia.

I think we've all had encounters like that! Some people are just hateful (why are they always at the grocery store?).

The ironic thing is that people who loudly proclaim that something is annoying is being...well, annoying--not just to you, but to the other people within ear shot!

I always like to point that out! ;P

You are a nicer person than I am. I would have told her that while the train sounds coming from a 3 year old might be annoying to her, that her rude and socially unacceptable response to it was very annoying to me. Does she feel silly being as annoying as a three year old?

Then I would have started making train sounds with my son all the way through the check out.

But as I said, I'm not always a very nice person to rude people. Good for you for standing up to her...

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Sheesh! Take a Zanex, lady! Nothing makes me happier than the sounds of happy kids. Ok, let me put a disclaimer on that. Nothing makes me happier than the sounds of happy kids who are constrained. I've been in the store where kids were playing tag, running up and down the aisles, shrieking. Sure they were happy, but they were also disruptive. And they were old enough to know better - 8-10 years or so...

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Before I had a baby I admit, I did find loud children noises, well, noisy! But in a supermarket - seriously - that lady needs to get a life! Children are noisy, delightfully so (unless in full meltdown mode)! Good on you!

I have had the same thoughts about many aspects of children. I have six kids 4 grown and six yr old twins. I can remember letting my older kids climb through the clothes, run up the aisles and make noise with each other. I also remember letting the run outside screaming and laughing and not worrying what the neighbors think and also repremending them in public. Until recently I was always telling the twins to be quiet, don't run up and down and behave...

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Relationships are as easy or as difficult as you make them. Sure, they all have their ups and downs and that's the point. Staying open, committed, forgiving, accepting as you hold onto your sense of humor helps the relationship grow and ripen, like a fine wine, over time. My husband and I have been married for 42 years. We've raised two children who know who they are...

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Honestly, I don't think it's a question of societal expectations as much as it was just a problem with that woman on that particular day. Who knows. Maybe she's perfectly nice when she's on her meds.

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I always err a bit towards the old fashioned when out in public. While I see nothing wrong with the train noises in theory, if I'd asked my child to be quiet, as you did, and they ignored me I would expect someone being annoyed as a natural consequence. I was blessed with children who were highly verbal-so at age three we would have been chatting while shopping and largely avoided such a situation. I just think being interactive with your child avoids a lot of misbehavior in public...

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They were "highly verbal" so at age three you would have been chatting while shopping? That's certainly great. I applaud you and your children for managing this, but not everyone's children can or will do this, possibly at any age. I get the more traditional, old fashioned view of being quiet in public and I'm sure I was one of those people annoyed with crying and loud kids at a restaurant, shopping etc. before I had children...

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Excellent points, Courtney! A child making train noises IS being vocal---just not the way an older child or an adult might be. As you pointed out, it would be intolerable for someone to complain about an adult talking or laughing "too loudly". And at least an adult has better control over the volumes of their voices than children do, and a better understanding. Yes, I know they can (and will) learn this. Too bad some adults don't have much control over their frustration levels!

I'm totally vexing on Myrah's comments. Not sure if I should laugh or scold! How about that yogurt lady's tone/attitude/interruption/rudeness? Luckily for most of our children on here, our loyalties are to our children and REALITY and not to pander to the "feelings" of the yogurt lady offended that a three year old was making train noises.

I don't care how verbal my kids are. And for the record...they are all VERY VERBAL. We had great conversation...

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Children certainly have different voice levels in playing, and I had a happy toddler with a quiet, low voice. She never acted out or played or talked loudly while I was shopping, never except one time when I accidentlally got caught out with her at nap time and she melted down in uncontrollabloe tears...

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Did this lady forget she was in a grocery store? Obviously she has no kids of her own, or if she does, God help them. While I understand the notion of the child being expected to "hush" when asked to do so, parents have to pick their battles and this was probably not the time or place for a severe lesson on listening...

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