Photo by: Mairi Stephen

Paper Cuts: Pain of the Past

by Tracey of "Just Another Mommy Blog"
Photo by: Mairi Stephen

I’ve got a bunch of scars. Physical and figurative, they made me who I am today…

The one on my chin? Bike accident at age 8. The tree got in my path and I forgot that I could stop with my brakes instead of putting my arms in front of me.

There’s the long incision across my belly where they cut out the cysts that left a numbness on both the surrounding skin and my psyche.

The silvery stretch marks that etch my stomach and thighs prove that I grew 3 human beings within a fairly small body.

Some scars are so deep and personal that no one else can see where the wound was. No one else notices the build-up of figurative scar tissue around my heart.

They say that scar tissue is stronger and more resilient. I’ve heard that it’s much more difficult to cut through thick scar tissue…

Why then is it so easy for this particular wound to be reopened? Especially since I know that I will not allow myself to be re-hurt by the same situation. I won’t. I am taking the high road and all that by disengaging before the situation is even recognized.

But the memory of the former pain still has the ability to paper cut my heart’s scar tissue, over and over and over.

In my opinion? Paper cuts are the worst as they deceive one and all. Their real power is in how tiny they appear to be and how unexpectedly they arrive.

Screw this situation and the old pain. Screw the memories that cannot be changed or fixed. They are what they are. Sometimes you need to remember that you walked away from that situation to preserve yourself and your family’s welfare.

Remember, remember, remember.

Maybe next time, the scar will be thick enough that my nerves can’t be affected, no matter how many paper cuts it receives.

Tracey lives in Illinois and writes whenever she can in between being a SAHM who homeschools her 3 children.

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33 Comments

It's easy to walk away, it's not so easy to forget why you did.

Lots of love to you and all situations that have caused you pain. Love does heal. When it's not possible to forget, it's time to forgive yourself for holding onto the pain and bring compassion to yourself so deeply that every part of your body, mind, emotion, and spirit is touched by your Loving. I sometimes have to remind myself to treat myself like I would my own children.

Pray for the ability to forgive and seek God to help you heal your heart. He will never leave you nor forsake you. Sometimes, we do for others what they can't do for themselves and in doing so, feel more pain. God sees and feels your pain and will help you through if you just ask Him. I am currently going through my own painful situation and know that it is God's love that is seeing me through. Remember, while others can hurt you, God can heal you.

its so amazing that this mamapedia message popped up when I was just feeling that old hurt resurface. And knowing what I know, that God forgives me and only he can heal me. It seems that I hold on to the bitterness and the hurt. And when I think that I have forgiven and healed, simple little things will bring on the hurt again. But I am a work in progress, so here I go. Had my cry, and now im ok...for now. God Bless you and may you find comfort knowing that you are loved and not alone.

I have journeled very similar thoughts and understand completely. I can't stop past hurts and bitterness from rising up and attempting to warn my married daughter about all the things I fear I see in her life. I believe I am right in what I observe, and she ignores what I say and this makes me nuts and insane. I think she realizes I may be right on several things but does not want to admit to any of it. If she would admit she is aware, I'd be so relieved...

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AS you reminisce about the pain that resulted in such scarring, think about the pain it causes Christ when we fail to forgive. Place it before Him and allow Him to bring you the healing that is needed so that you can experience the joy of forgiveness. True love covers a multitude of sin (hurt).

I am so sorry for those (including myself) who still hurt from our past experiences, and no...it is not a matter of "forgiving"--it is much more broad and pervasive than that and am not placing blame on anyone-just on the pattern of life. I don't even know where to begin so will not start to recite my sadness triggers. But you have touched on them, most of you. As one of you said, basically we just have to keep on going...

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As kids, esp teenagers, we all think we are invincible and nothing can touch us. Sadly, this is not the case at all. I have my share of scars and wounds that are closed but open up at the slightest trigger. I was a child of severe emotional, physical, and verbal abuse from my birth father in addition to the enabler abuse from my mother. It is sad to say and a bit scary when I think about it but the relationship between Mother and I is in reverse, that is when we have contact with each other...

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Impact of the pain is irreversible, thank you for this topic today as I need reinforcement desparately. Finally at 60 I am guarding myself as vigilantly as I would my children. As a retired prof I thought I was going to read about 'paper cuts'. LOL

The term "thick skin" (which I've been told to grow my whole life) is a bunch of bs. Skin does not grow thick; it wears thin.

Funny I should read this today, just yesterday I was talking to someone about past hurts and how it has shaped me today and made me who I am. They say the first cut is the deepest and I know that to be true.

I have a heart for metaphors! I think that I can't explain my feelings without a good metaphor and I think that is why your post especially drew me in! It was amazing and you are an amazing writer!
I "soooo relate" about the memory of a paper cut.... the hidden unseen annoyance of what on the surface looks minor but inside the stinging pain of the cut!
I think that as you go through life, it is hard not to count your scars! In the end it is just how you let them slow you down...

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I heard it said once - death by 10,000 paper cuts. They add up. For sure. And they take a real toll.

The pain from old wounds is real. It's not just a figurative aching or something we can attach a metaphor to. It's cellular. It's energetic. And lo and behold, science is now proving the real power that love and care and gratitude and appreciation really are. It's measurable...

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My paper cut (marriage) covers me like a weighted cloak..... it's so heavy that I feel as though I can't shrug it off.

I stay b/c the kids are so young, I have no job, he's working hard (w/ therapist) to make real change .... but I often think my pain will never go away. Will I ever be able to heal from the cuts that have formed over the last 10 years.... the sadness is so overbearing at times that it feels like it will (regretfully) never leave me....

I have found Alanon hugely helpful for recovery - it's anonymous and for anyone who has been affected by alcohol or drug abuse.

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