Dear Most Fathers of the World
Dear Most Fathers of the World,
If you can’t change your babies’ diapers because they are too poopy or change their clothes because they are too tiny…
If you can’t swaddle them because that’s too complicated or bathe them because you’re afraid you’ll drop them…
If you can’t braid your daughter’s hair because that’s a girly thing or play with her and her dolls because you don’t feel manly like that…
If you can’t rock your children in your arms because then they’ll be spoiled or pick them up because you’re too tired working all day long…
If you can’t answer all their questions because you have work to do or play their favorite game because you don’t know how…
If you can’t soothe them because you didn’t carry them in your womb for nine months or groom them because you’ve never done that…
If you can’t put them to sleep because you can’t produce milk or sleep with them because your sleep is too deep…
If you can’t feed them food because they only listen to their mothers or deal with their nightmares because the mother is all they need…
Then you should know that children need their father as much.
A father isn’t just an ATM. He makes money, but money doesn’t make him. He’s a human being with all the emotions a mother can feel. And even though money is a big asset, you know what’s your biggest asset? Your time and energy and even more so, Your emotions! Your feelings. Children can’t see feelings in money. No matter how hard you work outside home, they don’t see that, and hence, never really realize your sacrifices.
Children undestand feelings in your actions; the day to day things that you do for them. By being there for them. Bringing money home makes motherhood easier but we want kids to love you as much as they love us. For all the right reasons.
These day to day activities can be downright intimidating – just like they were for your wife, at first – but they are the tiny ways to build the road to emotions with your child.
Your children should not only come to you when they need money or a toy from the store, they should come to you addressing their dreams/their concerns. They don’t need just one crutch to walk. They’ll keep stumbling that way. They need you ALSO to help them walk through life. And those intimidating things that you’ve never done before are what that makes you that strong crutch.
Sincerely,
Most Mothers of the World
(I say “most” because there are men out there who are deep into parenthood. I am thankful for a husband who’s not only an active father, but also makes motherhood easy for me. But I still see so many men who are ashamed of doing so-called “motherly” duties and they don’t feel manly being such a parent. To those I say, becoming a father is manly but delivering fatherhood is true manliness.)
Samina Farooq is a Co-founder of Ayeina – an engineer by qualification, an Arabic-language student by occupation, a photographer by eye, a writer by heart and an artist by soul.
