Your Thoughts Please (Kindergarten Romeo)...

Oh my! Tooo funny! But, really, you dont want her to "have" to put up with this.
Its making her uncomfortable and needs to stop.

If it persists, I may call a meeting with the teacher and his parents and explain although Romeo has good intentions, its making Juliet feel uncomfortable and needs to stop.

Lol. Good luck!

Email the teacher again and let her know exactly what happened yesterday (I assume it was yesterday for the 16 attempts). She needs to keep them separated and an eye on the boy because when is getting the opportunity to do this?

Keep emailing and possibly cc'ing the principal. The boy needs to learn how to respect boundaries. It's not cute or sweet behavior. It's very disresptful.

i love that your confident, assertive little girl has got this, mom!
clearly she rocks.
and i don't for a second think this little fellow is weird, or a bully, or any of the other pejorative labels being hung on him. he sounds exactly as you describe, a besotted little romeo who hasn't yet learned what good boundaries are.
that being said, he's a stubborn little romeo, and your young heroine, however competent, is still in kindergarten and can use a little backup.
teacher is handling it well, but needs to be informed that it's still an issue and that she might have to step in and say firmly to him 'no more kissing at school. period.' and yeah, it might be necessary to alert the parents, not as a huge 'get your kid in line' but so that they're aware and can work with him on accepting no for an answer.
most of all i like the idea of role-playing with her so that she can practice more and bigger NOs when needed. it sounds as if she's got a good handle on it, but it's also great that her mom and teacher are winging for her.
:) khairete
S.

Typical male - can't take "no" for an answer!! lol!!

Seriously tho, I would send the teacher another email and ask her to contact the parents of the little boy and ask him to stop. They probably have no clue what's going on! Your daughter shouldn't have to be putting up with this; at any age!! I'd be afraid it will progress and your daughter might have to resort to hitting the little boy then she'll be the one getting in trouble! Sounds like this has gone beyond being "sweet" any more!!

I had a similar circumstance with my little girl when she was in First Grade - she kept moving away from this little boy and he would follow her and touch her. She finally told the teacher to make him stop and he did. After that, they were fine. They were friends the remainder of the time we were at that school.

Good luck!!

Thank you Hazel and Suz for your great answers. I think some of the answers here are absolutely rediculous! So a little boy has a crush and tries to kiss a girl and now he is labled a bully and abuser and future rapist or something? We are taking about kindergartners people!! He simply needs some reminders/help on boundries. Sounds like you are doing the right things - talking to your daugther about it and giving her advise on how to handle, and also keeping teacher informed so she can watch for it, step in as needed and give the whole class a reminder on personal space. Its simply not a big of a deal as some are making out of it, IMO.

It is sweet, but 16 times is too much. He's also defying the teacher by continuing to try to kiss the girl.

Ask the teacher to call his mother. It's not the same as "getting him in trouble". If you don't, and he continues to push your daughter, you are sending HER the wrong signal. She has the right to say NO and a boy does not have the right to continue to ignore that. Right NOW, you have to be her advocate by bringing his mom into the picture. Otherwise, he isn't going to stop. He's already shown that by refusing to listen to his teacher AND your daughter.

By the way, she is too young to handle things alone as a kindergartner. It is good that you emailed the teacher.

Dawn

I would e-mail the teacher again, tell her it's persisting, and then see if she will notify the boys' parents. I think it's all innocent, but what would bother me is that the boy has been told to stop doing something, but still continues to do it - it doesn't matter what it is, he could be running in the halls or standing on his desk or whatever. He needs to learn that when a teacher or another kid tells you to stop doing something, you stop.

Maybe you should also teach your daughter how to talk to the boy that isn't so "nice" in order to get him to back off. As in, saying in a louder voice, "I TOLD YOU TO STOP! DON'T DO THAT ANYMORE!" Tell her to stand up to him and let him know she doesn't like what he is doing, rather than just trying to run away. Hopefully that will get him to back off, your daughter will feel more empowered, and it may get the teachers' attention. And who knows if your daughter will need to tell a boy that same thing for the same reasons 10 years from now.

Would your daughter be up to an alternative kiss. Like Peter Pan and the thimble was the "kiss". He could blow her a kiss, touch finger tips like they were kissing, pinkey promise. She could also tell him that she wants her first kiss to be on her wedding day. If it continues it needs to be handeled by an adult. She can have her chance but if he is not listening its time for the next move. Just like real life if your actions arent getting through we go to the police.

It is super cute! Congrats for your daughter being so well liked. Sorry its a little too much or agressiave for her. Go mom teaching her to "handle it herself".

If he's like my 6 year old, or any 5-6 year old, she needs to keep reminding him of her limits. My Daughter has already told me on many occasions that she's going to marry Astro Boy and Danny Phantom. Totally innocent, but for you, it may be time to limit the physical (kissing). She needs to firmly tell him "No" and that she doesn't like it when he tries to kiss her and that she will go play with someone else if he tries again, then she needs to follow through if he does try again.

It might be time for the teacher to remind the class of the "Hands to our selves" lesson. You might also want to talk to the guidance councelor, hopefully they can contact the little boy's parents and work with them to help teach him how to behave in class and around little girls (no matter how special he may think they are).

Right now, it's a little cute and innocent, but now is when the foundations for proper social behaviour are being built. He won't be sweet and innocent forever, if he isn't taught now that "No, means No." Things can go very bad very quickly when he's older.

The boy IS probably harmless. However, letting it continue and making your daughter "fend him off all year" sends her a really awful message that this is "boys will be boys." The teacher must make it stop and they must be seperated if he won't stop. His parents need to be told, and he should be disciplined accordingly if he fails to do it.

Just because we interpret kisses as good things, it is still unwarrented physical aggression. Your daughter should not get the message that this is "cute." It's aggression. The boy might not mean anything bad or hurtful, but it's HER perceptions that matter, not his.

You are right to follow thorugh, but I think you need to make a bigger fuss. This is not okay, and he should be in trouble. I mean how would you feel if she was 11 or 14 or 21 and this happened to her? Teach her that the people/men need to respect physical boundaries, and show her that the adults in her life will defend her when she is struggling with doing it herself.

PS - This falls in the category for me of never making my kids hug or kiss or be tickeled by ANYONE even me or Dad. EVERY interaction teaches them safe physical boundaries and good/bad touch. Undesired touch is A:WAYS bad touch.

The boy needs to learn to respect others space and keep his hands (and lips - all body parts) to himself.
He's been told to stop and it's not stopping.
Continue working with the teacher.
At some point his parents should be in the loop - now would be good.
I'd certainly want to know if my son was acting like this.
With grown ups - repeated advances after being told 'No' is called sexual harassment.
He needs to learn some boundaries now because he's going to have problems later on if he doesn't.
If he wants to show he likes her - he can draw her pictures - there's no need for hot lips to keep puckering up.
I think this stopped 'being sweet' yesterday.

I tell my son this:
If someone bothers you - tell him/her to stop loudly.
If it happens again - tell them to stop again - louder.
Third time - tell the teacher and let the teacher know if THEY won't stop it he will.
(Anything that happens after this is partially the teachers fault if they don't step in.)
If it happens again - take him out - and we'll sort it out in the principals office.
The school doesn't like it, but I feel my son does not have to be someone else s punching bag and he has a right to defend himself if he is assaulted.
My son's a taekwondo 2nd Don black belt.
He's never had to do this (so far - he's in 8th grade).
The closest he's come is warning #2 when he told a kid "Look - you need to stop. Because if I have to stop you, you are NOT going to like it.".
My son is a head taller than every kid in his class and he's a gentle giant - but he knows how to stand up for himself and does not put up with nonsense.

Her resisting him is part of the game to him, possibly. Not that she should let him kiss her - you are right to have her handle it but give her more tools to use rather than letting her just say "I'll handle it." She needs to know what is appropriate for handling this.

Roleplay with her exactly what she will say and do next time he leans in for a kiss and repeat that roleplay. Ensure that she knows to be firm but not touch him in any way (push, shove, etc. or she will be the one in trouble) Turning away from him quickly and stepping away while putting her hands up in front of her are great. Raising her voice enough to really get his attention is OK too -- far too often we teach kids to be "good" by using those "indoor voices" and they then feel reluctant to speak loudly when something really warrants it, such as if someone is in their personal space repeatedly. You might let the teacher know you've done roleplays with your child and they include her walking away and speaking firmly and possibly loudly. "O, do NOT try to kiss me. You are not allowed. I do not like it and you are not allowed to do it. I am telling the teacher." And then she should do just that, as calmly as she can. If she can get the idea of "I have space around me that is MINE and you are in that space, so you need to move away right now," even better and she should say that. Very important idea for kids to start to learn.

Talk to her about how it's important that she remember the roleplay and use it. It seems you're concerned that she might react somehow that's not good -- you mention "That scares me a bit because with her, that [handliing it herself] could mean anything!" That is why it's especially important that you establish with her exactly what "handling it herself" means here, so that she does not swat at him or tease him or melt into tears or otherwise make things worse for both of them. You also mention that she "does not want to tell me what she is going to do." Not a great sign; you need to establish with her that she must tell you exactly what she's going to do, and she has to stick to the plan you both come up with here.

She will not have to fend him off all year. It is still very early. He will tire of the game soon if not by the time you read these posts. If one good step away/hands up/loud, firm voice doesn't get his attention, tel the teacher again that he's persisting but I can't see that going on for long. If she's just been shrinking away and shrieking, he's seeing that as playing around with him,, and it might give him a little shock the one time she acts more like an adult would -- being firm and turning but not running away, with "NO, you are not ALLOWED to do that" etc.

Added: Interesting to see the posts leaping straight to "he's a bully, inform the principal and parents." Of course this behavior has to stop and the parents need to get involved if it does not stop, but kids this age have a LOT less impulse control than even slightly older ones and it is normal for kids to do something annoying over and over. That is not an excuse for this boy persisting, but it does give a little perspective: Should he really be branded a sexual harasser in the first weeks of kindergarten? I like Dana's answer about how kids need firm reminders of limits and especially I like the idea of having an all-class talk (no names!) about keeping hands and lips to ourselves. If the school has a counselor, he or she should already be in the classroom monthly doing counseling lessons. You should ask the counselor to do one this week and focus on just that topic -- personal space and not touching etc. If the counselor doesn't already do such lessons in all classes as part of her job -- she should. It's standard here.

First of all, make sure your daughter is being specific when she tells him no. My son (also 5 and in kinder) has a tendency to just say "stop" or "don't do that" when he doesn't like what someone else is doing, then gets mad when they keep doing it. I always remind him he needs to tell them WHAT to stop or they might not understand. So make sure your daughter is specifically saying "Don't kiss me," rather than just saying "stop that."

I would definitely tell the teacher if the problem persists. If you know the little boy's mom, I would talk to her too. Make sure she knows that you realize he's just being a sweet little Romeo and you know he's not trying to be mean or upset your daughter, but that she doesn't like the kissing and he needs to stop. Say she does want to be his friend though, so the mom knows you are ok with her son in general.

Sadly... I think MY son might be a little Romeo too! He has a little girl in his kinder class that he keeps saying is his new best friend and that, if she's still his best friend when he grows up, he will marry her. The mom of a different child said her daughter told her that my son gave the best friend girl a kiss goodbye when they left school on Friday. I tried having a talk with him about it yesterday but he refused to tell me what had happened! I told him it's ok to give a hug goodbye if she wanted one, but no kissing. Ugh... hoping it doesn't escalate! In any case, as the mom of the Romeo, I would certainly want to be told if my son was truly bothering a little girl (or anyone for that matter).

Isn't this a form of bullying? Persistent attempts to manipulate?

At this point there is no "I'm going to let her decide how to handle the situation so she can establish her independence". You need to step in and intervene b/c obviously whatever she is doing isn't working. If he is this persistent and bullyish when he wants her affection, do you really think he's going to just smile and walk away when he finally gets the picture his love is unrequited? You know the saying "Hell hath no fury as a woman scorned"? Well, boys can be just as bad if not worse.

Cute is when he tries it once or twice. This isn't cute. Its weird.

There is no telling what kind of home life this child has. He might try other things too.

I would make sure the teacher is aware it is still going on and she is very uncomfortable with this.

If you have a student directory you might invite this boy and his family to McDonalds for a play date. No need to invite them into your home. You might find he's a precocious little one or you might find he's a problem child. Either way once you've made friends with the family you will feel more comfortable visiting with them about his actions.

You need to get the kid's parents involved now. This behavior needs to stop immediately. I am not saying that this is what you go for because I do find it ludicrous, but I have heard examples on the news where young children were cited for sexual harassment. I am sure that your school has policies in place and I would review them. You should also pull the guidance counselor in.

FWIW- I bet you any money that this little boy watches shows meant for tweens on Disney Channel (I carly, Suite Life, etc.) When young children watch these shows they are witnessing a 'norm' for older children that they start to envision as their own. When my son was in K there was a lot of talk about girlfriends/boyfriends, "crushing" and even "relationships". One kid was even trying to kiss girls like your son does. I full attributed all of this to the shows because how the heck else do 6 year olds know about that kind of thing. I found that it stops by second grade though.

I think it is sweet, but one thing does bother me. This boy has been told "no" many times and he's not listening or hearing it. That worries me for when he gets older. He needs to understand starting RIGHT NOW that when a girl/woman says no, then it's no! If he does not come to that understanding when he's young, he may be in for some VERY serious problems later. That's the only thing that bothers me about this. Other than that, it is sweet!

Ask her when the attempts and successes happen. -- eating snack, at lunch, doing work. If it happens doing work, do they sit next to each other? If yes, ask that your daughter be moved to another desk group.

If it happens at lunch, ask for assigned seats at opposite ends of the table. Girls on one end, boys on the other.

Hi, L.:

Sounds like the boy is seeing things at home that are inappropriate or
he is being sexually abused.

This situation needs to be handled gently.
Is there some way you could get the two together and
have a circle dialogue?

Ask the boy:

1) What happened?
2) What were you thiinking of at the time?
3) What have you thought about since?
4) Who has been affected by what you have done? In what way?
5) What do you think you need to do to make things right?

Ask your daughter these questions:

1) What did you think when you realized what had happened?
2) What impact has this incident had on you and others?
3) What has been the hardest thing for you?
4) What do you think needs to happen to make things right?

Good luck.
D.

So over-the-top inappropriate -what 5 yr old (baby) even thinks like this? Creepy and nauseating. Would not , not , not allow my child to attend that school-ever-not even an 18 yr old-sick.

doesnt anybody teach their daughter how to say the word NO, anymore..geesh, all this handholding on "teach the child about personal boundaries" and whatnot is giving me a headache. this little girl has ALREADY told this boy she is not interested in him, and yet he is ALLOWED to put his hands on her, but yet its been left up to her, a small child, to discourage HIM, why is someone not bothering to tell HIM "keep your hands OFF her. she has asked you to leave her alone and you are not listening, why ?? do i have to call your parents to come and get you ??"you need to talk to the boys parents and find why he cant seem to keep his hands off your daughter, the teacher is not handling the problem, i guarantee you she will wait until your daughter has to push him off of her, then the teacher will haul YOUR daughter to the principals office, claiming SHE is the problem..dont be fooled, it will happen this way if you "wait and let the teacher handle the problem"been there, done that
K. h.