41 answers

Young Adult Pregnant - Can You Make an Argument for Adoption Vs. Parenting?

I'll try to keep it short. I know a very mature 20 year old girl who has been in a relationship for about 3 years and is now very unexpectedly pregnant. She's in her 2nd year of college and had planned to move on to a 4 year school in September. She works almost full time and goes to school. She is extremely responsible and a real go-getter in terms of getting the job she wants, etc. She lives at home with her mother who is in the process of a divorce (somewhat amicable). Money is not a factor, although nobody is overly rich - just comfortable.

In the girl's own words, abortion is not an option for her. Marriage at this point isn't something she necessarily wants to do, although the father is very much in the picture and is manning up to the responsibility (he works and goes to school too, although doesn't make much money at the moment. He is less ambitious than the young girl). They are leaning toward keeping the baby, although a lot has to be worked out. It will mean a 180 degree change in their lives and a different future than was hoped for for this beautiful young girl. Girl's mother works and will not be helping with child care for the most part.

Can you make an argument for adoption for me? Maybe you have an opinion about keeping the baby? I'd love everyone's thoughts.

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

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Featured Answers

Why do you have to present an argument for adoption? She is an adult who can make her own decision. A 180 degree change in life isn't always a bad thing. She doesn't have to quit school, and she can learn to adjust her life to be a parent AND do the things she set out to do.

My advice would be to stay out of it.

11 moms found this helpful

It's really not for you to argue one way or another. If they want to keep it, then you shouldn't try to talk them out of it.
I was single and working a barely-over-minimum wage job with few benefits when I got pregnant with my daughter. I had no desire to marry her father, and decided to have and raise her. One of my employers actually told me while I was still pregnant, that if I really loved that baby, I would give it up and let it be raised in a real home. I told him it would have a real home - MINE.

Momtothree, it is possible to get pregnant even while taking reaosnable precautions to avoid it.

Adansmama, motherhood is not necessarily something EVERY woman should experience. Not all women WANT to be mothers, and those who don't should not.

7 moms found this helpful

I know at the college I went to you could get very affordable childcare on campus if you didn't mind that it was run by the early education center and the people working there were all students. That's something she could look into.

Another thing to consider, if she and the father are going to the same school or nearby schools, is that they could schedule their classes around each other so that one of them could always be with the baby.

Honestly, if she wants the baby, it is not impossible for her to keep it, especially if she has the support of family and friends. There's no reason she has to get married right now, my sister recently married the father of her 4 year old and 3 month old. Commitment is the key, not a piece of paper.

6 moms found this helpful

More Answers

Why do you have to present an argument for adoption? She is an adult who can make her own decision. A 180 degree change in life isn't always a bad thing. She doesn't have to quit school, and she can learn to adjust her life to be a parent AND do the things she set out to do.

My advice would be to stay out of it.

11 moms found this helpful

I'm an adoptive parent and also a medical social worker that works with pregnant teens/young women. It is my experience that if a woman is wavering about what to do, she almost always decides to parent vs. make an adoption plan. The one thing that people considering adoption should know is that they can choose adoptive parents that want an open adoption, which can include contact with the child. We have an open adoption and have several visits a year with our child' birth mother.

This woman will know in her heart what she should do and it's doubtful that arguments by others will sway her either way in the end.

I do have to say that no one can really be "very unexpectedly" pregnant if they are sexually active!

9 moms found this helpful

If she is very mature, I would simply support her in the decision she makes. I would not make arguments, either way. She is 20, not 14. She is not a child. She should be free to make this decision, without other people pushing her in any specific direction. It seems self serving to me, to do that. This is her life. Her ADULT life. She must make these adult decisions without prodding, but with lots of support.

A change of course, does not have to be devastating. I can't tell you how many ways my life has unexpectedly changes course, throughout the years. All ways, have led to a life that I truly love. Take any of those things away, who knows where I'd be now. Her life will never be the same, no matter what she chooses. I would hate to think she was influenced into her choice.

8 moms found this helpful

It's really not for you to argue one way or another. If they want to keep it, then you shouldn't try to talk them out of it.
I was single and working a barely-over-minimum wage job with few benefits when I got pregnant with my daughter. I had no desire to marry her father, and decided to have and raise her. One of my employers actually told me while I was still pregnant, that if I really loved that baby, I would give it up and let it be raised in a real home. I told him it would have a real home - MINE.

Momtothree, it is possible to get pregnant even while taking reaosnable precautions to avoid it.

Adansmama, motherhood is not necessarily something EVERY woman should experience. Not all women WANT to be mothers, and those who don't should not.

7 moms found this helpful

I swear this is the only country that I know of that has this culture of taking babies from the young and poor and give them to rich people. There is just something about this that makes me nauseous.
I know, I know...it's the birth mothers choice, and I do not doubt that adoptive parents have the best intentions... it's just that it seems that every other civilized nation makes an effort of supporting young women so they can have a career and raise their child... Whereas here your choice is to be poor and uneducated or give your baby to some rich people...

Does no one else think that there is something wrong with that?

7 moms found this helpful

There are plenty arguments for adoption.
And plenty for keeping the baby and probably some for abortion.
The important thing is that your friend knows ALL of her options and chooses what's best for her.
I don't see what good US giving you arguments for adoption will do. ??
I wish her luck!

7 moms found this helpful

I agree with Sunshine, to be honest. She is obviously weighing the options. She will decide what she wants to do. Her mother may decide to help her for the next two years so that she can finish school. Or her mother may tell her that she isn't willing to do that, and that her daughter has to pay for daycare. By the time she delivers, she should know how much daycare for an infant costs while she's working and/or studying.

Perhaps the best thing you can do is research daycares in her area, those that have openings, and their costs. Medical insurance costs, doctor visit costs, etc, as well, and give them to her. Even if her mother saysshe will watch the baby, it would be helpful to know the cost of care in case her mother might decide she can't do it.

None of this is an argument for adoption. However, they are important things to know. It sounds like this gal is pretty mature. I know women who are 30 years old and acted like I was crazy when I asked them who would take care of the baby when it is sick. They assumed that daycare takes care of sick babies and that they would never have to stay at home from work with a sick baby. Knowing the well visit schedule with doctors is good info too. Sometimes moms-to-be have no idea how often you have to take baby to the doctor.

These are the things she needs to know so that she can think about everything together. Rather than make an argument for adoption, give her info so that she can make her own choice.

D.

6 moms found this helpful

Well, I was 18 when I got pregnant with Oliver. Justin and I had only been together for a year at that point and even though we loved each other we weren't ready for marriage. Well, Oliver turned 2 in October, 2012. Justin and I got married on July, 2012. We are a very happy family and I couldn't imagine giving him up.

I was still in high school when Oliver was born and graduated with straight A's. I took a couple of college classes, but stopped for reasons unrelated to Oliver. I turned 21 in November, 2012 and we are currently TTC for baby number 2! :)

In the end it's HER decision and SHE gets to decide what is best for HER and HER baby. You trying to make an argument for something that it sounds like she doesn't want is just going to piss her off.

Just support her with whatever decision SHE decides to make.

6 moms found this helpful

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