" You Didn't Pick It up and Mom Had To" Box Has Anyone Used That with Success?

I did both the box, and then if I had to do something that they were supposed to do (like pick up a wet towel) then they owed me a chore. I usually tied the chore to whatever they didn't do. So when my daughter left her wet towel on the floor, I made her wash, dry, and fold a batch of towels. When she didn't put something back in the fridge and it spoiled, she had to spend her allowance to replace it. For the peanut butter, I would have them put the groceries away.

I told my daughter than if she didn't do something, that she needed more practice. So if she couldn't hang her towel up, she needed more practice with towels. If she couldn't put something back in the pantry, she needed practice putting things in the pantry (hence putting the groceries away or re-arranging the pantry so it was neater).

I kept shoes and toys that were left out and she earned them back with chores. So that she didn't start resenting chores, I told her that if she was going to make ME take time to do something that was her responsibility, she was going to pay me back with her time.

It worked. She is VERY good about stuff. It only took about 4 weeks to groove it in, and she was about 7 at the time.

Good luck!

I think it's a great idea. And with everything, calm, consistent consequences, without anger, is the best strategy.

For the peanut butter, can you substitute a less appetizing snack (say, a bruschetta with anchovies) until they learn to put the top on? For towels, can you give them only wet towels to dry off with?

Ah, the pick up stuff chores! I remember them well!

Yes, you are being reasonable. No, kids should not just drop things. But... I must admit that I never had the amount of stuff to take care of that kids do today. We had way fewer clothes and shoes, so fewer changes, fewer things to put back. We only had one box of crayons for the whole house, so we kids monitored each other, so it would last through the year. While I don't think we're going back to those simpler times, I encourage anyone who has too much to pick up, to simplify. So maybe buying less, and providing less, would be helpful.

In terms of picking up, I'm sure you'll get lots of great ideas that worked for certain families. I remember one that worked for us. When I noticed the chores not done (and frankly, as a working Mom, that included mine), I'd call everyone together, tell them I need a house pick-up time, set the timer for 10 minutes, and everyone picked up anything until the bell rang. Then, no matter what was left to be done, every family was able to stop. Often they kept going, because as the commercial says, "A body in motion tends to stay in motion!"

I wonder if it's just my kids' personalities or bc i don't ask them to do much that they are pretty willing so no one gets that grumpy. ie: my kids (7 and almost 9) also leave shoes around. I typically just throw them back in the closet bin bc it takes me 2 seconds but when I want them to help, I tell them to do it and they instantly do. If they make a peanut butter sandwich, I mainly praise them that they did it themselves (I guess bc they're younger, it's a newer and bigger deal) and remind them to put the jar away and they run to do it. So I don't know... I have to pick up their wet towels too and will sometimes get annoyed and then point it out. So I wonder if this type of stuff should be gradual. As they get older they do it themselves more and more... The crayons would bug me bc people can step on them so those I would take away. Other stuff I think i'd do part myself and then maybe their capacity to do the other part themselves would be bigger so it's not a battle?... And as they get older, it becomes more and more their responsibilitiy? I don't know. Like I said, just seems to work ok in our house.

Kids can learn good habits at any age. When my son was in preschool all those 2 yr olds automatically knew where to put their school bags, put things away, line up etc etc.

If they don't hang up wet towels, have them take the towel off and then hang it up again for 5 mins. If they don't put their shoes away, have them put them on, walk out of the house, walk back in the house and take their shoes off where they are supposed to, and then put them on again, walk out of the house, walk back in etc etc.

Go Mr. Miagi on them. Make them do it over and over again until it becomes 2nd nature.

We don't do an allowance at all.
Everyone helps because we all live here and it's just what we all do.

Here's a perhaps amusing side story.
When we were first married we lived in an apartment with a tiny kitchen but it had a dishwasher.
My husband would put dishes into the sink and leave them there - NEVER put anything into the dishwasher.
We were both working full time - there was no reason he could not help out with this.
So just for grins I let it go to see how far it would go.
The dishes piled up and up for 3 days.
Finally he wanted something and he goes to the cupboard for a dish and he's like "Where are all the dishes?" - the cupboard was bare.
I come in, gently turn him around and show him the sink "They are all RIGHT THERE, Dear!".
And then we filled the dishwasher together and had it all cleaned up fairly quickly.
From then on he has no difficulty putting dishes into the dishwasher.

As for the kids - yeah, 8 and 10 yrs old are plenty old enough to put a lid back on the peanut butter.
I might be tempted to go on strike and let everything pile up around them till they 'get it', but the problem with kids this age is that their tolerance for clutter and mess is WAY over what I could stand - and I would break before they would.
So instead (and this is easier to do during the summer), what ever they leave out when ever they leave it out - shoes, peanut butter, towels, toys, etc - take it away for a week and they can have zero access to it.
They can dry off with a wash cloth (that should be small enough for them to handle to hang up).
Anytime they do not take care of something they will lose it for a long while.
If a 2nd occurrence happens, they lose it for 2 weeks.
If it happens a 3rd time, it's their last shot and they should be warned that a 4th occurrence means what ever it is will be gone for good since they can't seem to learn to take care of it.
Some kids are just way over cluttered and down sizing the sheer volume of their stuff would be a very good thing.

The box idea is great and it does work!!

Our 3 kids are 7 and 10. They have jobs that they must do everyday. It sounds like a lot but we started out with a couple and then added more over time.

1. Take their dishes after we eat, wipe them off and put them in the dishwasher. When they were younger they just had to put them on the counter.
2. Make their beds everyday.
3. Put their dirty clothes in the hampers in their rooms as soon as they take them off.
4. Pick up their room and the playroom before bedtime. (Box idea works great for teaching this!!)
5. Keep their bathroom clean. That means hanging up their towels, wiping up the water on the counter(I keep a roll of paper towels on the counter on a nice holder.), wiping the sink when there is toothpaste in it, and wipe the spots off the mirror if they splash it. I am the one who does the deep cleaning because I worry about the chemicals and because I am picky. :)
6. Hang up or put away clean clothes. I usually fold everything with some help from them.
7. During the school year, they get up when their alarms go off, get dressed, make beds, and go to the kitchen by a certain time.

New for the summer: They have to vacuum and dust their rooms, and give me their sheets every Wednesday.

The first 6 jobs have been an expectation for a long time. No allowance. However, I decided recently to start giving them an allowance so they can learn how to manage money. We sat together and wrote all the jobs on a sheet of paper and included some that are one time things like cleaning out the playroom closet and getting rid of old toys. I told them they were going to start getting $5 a week but if they didn't keep up with their jobs, they would lose some of that money. They would be "fined." I made up this contract sheet (on notebook paper) and they had to sign showing that they agreed to do their jobs. Kinda cheesy but I am a teacher and we do stuff like that at school. Whatever works!

It takes a lot of reminders and praise for jobs to become habits.

At 8 and 10 - they should be able to make their own beds!!!

if you have to put things you pick up in a box - do it. We did that for a while. If I picked it up - it was MINE. They had to EARN it back...

I actually was "nice" and gave them a warning...I'm doing x, y, z - if I step on it or touch it, it's mine...they would race around picking up...they learned to put it away so they wouldn't have to run around!!

We have hardwood floors - wet towels on a hardwood is NOT good. We showed them the costs of repairing hardwoods and told them if they were irresponsible like this - it was coming out of their savings...yes, harsh - but it worked!!

Crayons? take 'em away.
peanut butter? "Great you can make your own sandwich - I will fine you "$X" if I have to clean up after you - the "M" stands for mommy not maid"

my kids have learned the value of the dollar. They know I will take money from their savings accounts if they don't follow the rules...i will come into the kitchen, if I see a mess, I give them a chance to fix it - "who made a lunch and didn't clean up?" the rumbling of feet is great.....they don't like being called away from what they are doing - they clean up when they are done...

you can do it mommy!!!

The pick it up box didn't work very well for us. I thought it was a great idea, until I realized nobody really cared that their shoes/crayons/pet shops/cars were in it and it just sat there...a cluttered bin full of stuff. What works better for us is to have the kids clean up with the whole family for 5-10 min. pick up sessions each evening before we head up to bed. We do them during the day if necessary too. It takes a few minutes with everyone working to pick up our own things and it's super easy to motivate them, since we're all working at the same time. I mostly have them concentrate on their own things, but occasionally make them take a few things upstairs that might be mine or their siblings. I don't clean up after them anymore and mine are 7 and 10.

Oh and I forgot that I do have them put things away that I notice are out during the day too. "Put your shoes in the bin, before you sit down for your snack", "hang up your towel before we read your book together". If I make them do the pick-up before the food or fun, it's easy.

I love this idea, and I use it now with my 5 yr old.
So I think it's perfectly fitting for 8 and 10 yr olds.

It works on mine. Not sure about older kids.
Peanut butter...they can't have it again until they do X. Towels...make them air dry until they remember to hang them up!

You can make a list of chores that need to be done, and place a value on each. They can pick what they want to do to earn things back.

seriously, I expect better behavior with my daycare kids....& they're preschoolers!

Stand firm & tighten up on your reprisals. Don't just stop their activity, take it away for the rest of the day! A few rounds of this & they'll pay better attention to detail.

& on the flip side, this is normal for kids. & some adults!

Oh, & to answer the box question. Nope, I used a trashbag & it was placed in the basement for a week or longer. There were times when the entire room was bagged! (or at least it felt like it to me)

My mom did the box when I was a kid and we were supposed to pay to get an item back. She ended up with a couple boxes of junk stashed away that we would pick a few things out of when she wasn't around. What has worked for me as much as anything else is to make them fulfill your expectations (aka nagging?). I expect towels to be hung after showers, I expect clothes to be put away before bed, I expect dirty dishes to be put in the dishwasher after meals. It's not perfect but I have noticed improvement over time. I have become fed up with messy bedrooms a couple times. I loaded the mess into garbage bags and told them that anything left in the bags after a reasonable amount of time (less than a day) was going to Goodwill. That was extremely motivating!

Without reading through the entire comments from everyone I will say that if my little ones can do it then so can your big kids cause we have created a routine the involves ensuring everything is put away after use.
When we come in the door shoes come off and are put at the front entrance. We have hooks for backpacks/ Coats & keys too! We have a hamper in the bathroom for clothes, towels are hung up on the back of the door (one of those $10 hook things from wal-mart) you get the picture. Help create a routine that makes these things a habit and I think you’d be surprised at the results.

Without reading others answers:

I would tie this to chores. As in, every.stinking.time your kids leave something out that you have to put away, keep track of it on a piece of paper-- just put a tick mark under their name or write down the item. Maybe each tick mark means 2-5 minutes worth of chores? Five tick marks could be 10-15 minutes worth of chores on the weekend. I like this idea by the way because it's simple: If I have to do your work for you, you can do some work for me.

I think you do have to have a family meeting on this before going forward. Let them know that from now on, (whatever plan you choose), this is how it's going to be. So, if you decide to do chores on the weekend as a consequence, let them know at the beginning of the week "I'm done reminding you and asking you to come back and so this is what we are now doing." First, this will eliminate the "do they really care about it or not" issue, and second, you should also document when you had to do more than merely pick something up. If it's a big mess (like peanut butter smeared outside the jar) write down what it was and how long it took you, so you remember to have the kids do the 'full' time on that weekend.

My guess is that if you set them down at the end of the week, read each child the list of things you had to put away (so they are aware) and assign a timed chore/task to be done, this may very well make them become aware of the *problem it is for them* to leave their stuff everywhere. If they complain? "Well, I guess you need to remember to pick up your things if you don't want so much time doing chores on the weekend." Instead of having multiple unpleasant "come back and get that sock" sort of moments, you have ONE and it is definitely inconvenient for them.

They are kids.
My teenagers still can't get a dish into the dishwasher. I'm thrilled if it makes it to the sink...
I used to clean up and remove the offending toys or items from circulation. If they noticed, I'd make them do a chore to get it back. If they didn't notice, it went in the goodwill pile...
YMMV

we had the "Saturday box" things got put in that and they didn't get them back til the next saturday. so somtimes they stayed in for one week and sometimes 10 days. as far as the clean up. take them back to the scene of the crime and make them clean up the other option is to lock the cabinets and tell them they are not allowed to help themselves since they act like 2 year olds. the little stuff like crayons etc throw them away.