Would like Advise from Other Moms with 3 Kids Close in Age

Hi there, I have three kids ages 10, 8 and 6. I thought it would be hard to have at least two of them in diapers but it all works out. I find that my youngest (girl) is very in tuned with her two other brothers. My biggest challenge is school. I'll need to drop off one at one school and the other two and another. Set boundaries. Love each one individually and just enjoy them. They grow up so fast.

Hi M.
I have 4 kids ages are 10,4,2 1/2, & 1. 2 boys and 2 girls. I think it has been much easier having the kids all together. My oldest is so far apart because he is from a previous relationship but I have the 3 younger ones with my husband. My younger three are 19 months and 16 months apart. I usually am pregnant by the youngest childs first birthday..lol
So my advice would to be have them together close. They play together, usually share everything, and will keep the family activities all about the same age level..If I don't make any sense feel free to message me ;O}

HI,

I am a mother of 4 girls. my first 2 are 25 months apart and then it is 2yrs 4 months for the next and 2yrs 2 months for the fourth. I am 32 now and very busy with a 9, 7, 5 and 3 I found that having them close in age it was a lot more fun to have park days and library days. once they get into school you have a schedule to keep. which makes it hard to really play.

Invest in a really good double stroller so you can have 2 strapped in to walk the mall or walk to the park. this really helped me to stay active and do things with little ones. To keep my sanity.

I remember that there were days that I could have just cried but we made it through. let the little things go, get help from those around you, have a girls night out every so often. Also remember that one bad day doesn't mean that the next day will be the same.

good luck

I have 4 ages 8 (girl), 6 (boy), 4 (boy) and 20 months (boy) and I LOVE IT! I agree with the pros and cons...they're each others best and worst (at times) friends and in the beginning they'll enjoy the same things but as they get older they'll each find their own thing. I have't really reached that point since they are still fairly young, but I know its coming. And I know my weekends will never be the same, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

And be prepared for the strange looks and comments...I've heard so many that now I just smile and laugh. A few are "Oh, you poor thing!", "Don't you guys have cable?", "Are you done NOW?", "Did you plan them all?", "You're a busy lady.", "How can you afford it?" and the list goes on and on.

Financially...you'll adjust...we did, but we're also fortunate and blessed to have my grandma watch the two younger ones while the older two are in school so we don't have the child care expense. When we have family days out we usually go to the park and have a picnic. We've become creative with finding things to do that don't cost a whole lot-it's makes for a fun adventure and quality, not quantity time.

For your new 3 questions:

1. I took naps with them whenever I could. I know you may want to do housework or laundry or even play with the other two, but you have to let those things go. (They will ALWAYS be there unfortunately!) And don't be afraid to accept help.

2. My two boys slept in the same room with no problem. They have twin beds because I didn't want them jumping off a top bunk! It actually works out well. I think having each other in the room they're not afraid to be alone, but it does sometimes lead to playing around, but they're kids, you have to expect that.

3. When I had the three older ones I had 2 car seats and an infant carrier in our Tahoe. They all fit without the infant carrier base. Now its 2 boosters and a car seat since my girl is old enough to be without a booster.

Hope this helps! Good luck ;)

Hi-well I have to say I agree with your husband. My Husband and I got married when we were 28-we were both 1 or two months shy of our 29th birthdays, I told him we would have to start trying soon-I don't want kids after 35. Anyhow with that being said I am in the exact same boat as you are except a little opposite. We have 2 girls and my husband wants a boy-so do I, but I keep telling him it may be another girl. I am planning on trying again about the same time you are talking.
My mother had 7 kids-we were almost all about 2 years or less apart. I don't know how she did it. I would go crazy, but it was great we were all friends when we were young. Of course as every child there is some fighting, but now we couldn't imagine life without every single one of us. We are all best friends now. Closer with each other than with anyone else. I say the more the merrier. Not saying you should have 7 though-haha.

I've been a nanny/surrogate mother for 9 years now for 3 kids (now 14,12,and 8.) The major thing I notice is the difference between having 2 kids in the house vs 3. You basically go from having just enough time to never enough/ total chaos. Plus even if you and your husband are home at the same time, having 3 means you are out numbered. Honestly, if you have 3 kids (in my experience) you might as well have 10, because it feels the same. If you are willing to put up with having little to NO personal time for another 3 years (until your youngest goes to preschool,) then go for it.
That being said - I love kids (they keep me young) and wouldn't trade any off them - the kids I work w/ or my daughter.

Hi M.,

I had my first son at age 26,2cd son at 28, 3rd son at 30 I am 53 today and all my kids are grown. I have been around for a long time and a sibling of 6 kids. My recommendation is to have them either close together or far apart. When they are 2 years apart they seem to oplay well with each other my sister and I were 3 years apart and she was just old enough to have different interest and didn't want to be bothered with a little sister. Read the book Birthorder it may help some, it is very interesting. You should be able to get it at your local libray.

R.

Hi M., I have three kids ages 8, 7, and 5. They are close together too. My girls are 8 and 7 and fourteen months apart. I had a baby, then I had another baby. Then my first girl was 3/12, my second girl was 2 1/4 and I had a baby boy. I know what it's all about having three kids close together. I wanted them close because I started have kids at 35yrs. old. My last was at 39 yrs old. It was very hard in the beginning couple of years with my short temper and the girls never stopping the whining and it seems my son cried all the time. But now that they are older I am glad I had them close together. They are each other's best friends although they fight daily about something or 'other. My middle child is the best friend of both the oldest and youngest. She is very loving and compassionate. My boy is rambunxious and I don't spend the time with him that I did with my girls that's for sure. He suffers from not enough attention unfortunately. I worked with my girls with reading, writing and all kinds of stuff. My son plays the computer and watches TV because I'm too busy keeping the household running and the laundry kept up. I wouldn't trade having three kids for the world though. I just need to set the house work aside and spend more time with my son.
Good luck!

Hi M.,

I am the happy grandma to 4 little girls who are 8, 7 and 6 year old twins. My poor daughter in law about lost her mind for a while, but once she and my step-son learned to be consistent in discipline and routines, their family is going great. They had to get serious about routines, and deciding between them what the rules were, making sure the girls knew, and making sure nobody broke them (not Mom and Dad giving in here and there, it causes confusion). They are loving and patient parents, but they also discipline whenever necessary and they've learned not to be upset when little girls cry. The crying rarely lasts long and there is always comfort to give later.

I am amazed at how great they're doing and proud. I think their setting routines and rules and keeping them is the answer.

Bless you and best wishes,
K.

I hope you don't mind me chiming in, as I don't have experience of this myself, but my sister has 4 kids within 4 years of each other. They are now nearly 6, nearly 5, just 3 and just 2 (oldest 3 are boys and youngest is a girl, although they didn't particularly want a girl -just chance!).

The advantages seem to be that they are definitely good companions for each other. The oldest two are very close and now the 'babies' are starting to grow up a bit, you can see them all starting to become better playmates. I think it also helps in logistical ways to get through stages all together - they are almost all out of diapers, for example!

It does seem that they can sometimes be bad for each other -for example, the younger kids annoy the older because of their less mature behavior and the older kids aren't old enough to handle it, so it sometimes results in general bad behavior all around. It was hard when she had two babies who were only 12-13 months apart, but obviously this isn't going to be an issue for you! I think you need to be well organized so if you need to leave any of them for a few minutes while you tend to another, you know the other(s) are safe.

I hope that is some useful addition to the conversation. My other comment is that I think there are advantages and disadvantages any way you choose.

Hi there - I have three kids pretty close in age, two girls and one boy. The two girls are 18 months apart, and the boy came two 1/2 years after my second. Right now, they are almost 6, 4 and almost 2.

Even though there is constant chaos in my house, I wouldn't want it any other way. They are all so close and generally play very well together. Even the little guy (who can be a pest to his big sisters), plays well, and certainly makes them laugh.

I like that they still generally like the same things, toys, etc. And, the older ones love to help out. I'm not sure if that is a "girl thing", but I'm sure you would experience the same support from your little guys.

Be warned, though, your house will never be spotless. You may have difficulty keeping up with the laundry, and it some point your grocery bill will seem very high. But, it is all worth it, I think.

Please feel free to email me if you want to hear any more about the chaos that is my wonderful life.

-K.

I have three children, one will be two on Sunday, one will be 4 in June and I have a 5 month old and its great. they are great. 22 months apart and 18 months apart. You are so not old...I am 39 so I am way too old and we will be raising kids in our 60's. I think you have to do what makes you feel right. when my children got older I just felt I needed another one, some woman have that feeling and others know they are done immediately. I had two girls first and then a little boy. My children play well together for the most part since they are close in age and also same sex. I have time for the baby but of course the house doesnt always get clean and the usual stuff with having kids. :-0 I think having kids close together is good because its all done and hopefully one day they will all be out of diapers!!

My kids are really close together. My oldest are 2 years and 2 months apart and the younger are only 14 months apart. They are now 5,3 and 2. I think the pros of having them so close is that they enjoy doing a lot of the same things. We can plan trips that are age appropriate to all of them without someone being bored or just dragged along. They play really well together but there is sibling rivalry, especially between the smaller two for my time. A con would be that none of them are in school yet so having them close they are all home together for 2.5 years, which is good and bad depending on the day. I love having three children and I really don't think that it is any more challenging then having two. My third is the mellowest though so that could be why too. Hope this helps a bit.

Hi there! Well, we have three...all little boys, bless them and it's great. My oldest just turned 5, the middle is 3yrs. 5 mos and the "baby" is 22 mos. The first two are 19 mos apart and the next two are 18 mos apart. So, the pros are that they all play together, use the same toys, wear hand-me-downs and generally get along pretty good for the most part. I think the biggest con is just the feeling that you don't have enough hands sometimes to tend to all of them at once! I'm on my own with them most of the time and it's just those "moments" when two need me at once. On the flip side of that, it's teaching them to wait their turn, be patient and know that the world doesn't revolve around them. So, I'm definetly FOR having three and having them close together. It truly is a blessing! I hope this helps!
J.

So here's the math on the "try for a girl/boy" thing: every pregnancy has a 50% chance of being the "desired" sex. Your chances for a girl won't improve just because you already have 2 boys. It's basic high school statistics and probability. Statistically speaking, research proves the most commomn make up of four child families is 3 of one sex and one of the opposite sex.

In other words, you're just as likely to get a boy as a girl, so be ready for the boy as well as the girl.

Also, the old dad thing is strange, unless your like 50 when your kid is born. My husband is an old dad, by your definition. He was 34 when our oldest (now 16) was born. His age doesn't keep him from doing anything with our boys. In fact, he's got more perspective, more experience and more patience as a result of his age. His only age requirement was that our kids be out of college by the time he's ready to retire at 60.Strictly financial.

Lastly, I have 3 siblings and we're all 18 months apart. It was a bit of an assembly -line life when we were young, but we all share common timelines for major events in our lives and we all knew our sibs friends pretty well becausse we were all more or les the same age.

No comments here on exactly when you should have your third child but I just wanted to let you know that your husband is not an old dad by any means! My hubby was 38 when our first was born and 40 when our second was born. By our math, he will be 58 when our son is off to college and hopefully close to retirement by the time he is out of college (hopefully!) Compared to my brother who got married at 21 and had his first at 22, I guess my hubby is old but he had the advantage of enjoying life sans kids for a long time. Also, I have found that we are both much more patient parents than a lot of the the parents I see of kids at the daycare my kids got to. There are pros and cons to waiting and going for it now but PLEASE tell your hubby that age is a state of mind!

Hi M.!

Well, sitting in my position, I say GO FOR IT!

I am a mom who found "Mr. Right" late in life. We have 2 boys together, plus his kids from his first marriage. I just turned 42 this week, and we would LOVE to have 1 or 2 more babies to complete a larger family. We are really struggling with this decision this past month. Our hesitation is everything to do with the "reality"....my age, his age, how long it will take to conceive, amnio and birth defects, we'll be 62/68 when he/she leaves the house....etc....

If I were younger, there would be no thoughts and questions, I would just have "my family".

I would hate for you to be "ME" when you're older wishing and second-guessing. If a third child is something you truly desire, then have one and don't look back. Everything else will fall in to place.

Blessing to you...

:o) N.

I had three kids, the first two are, two years 8 months apart, and the last one was two years 3 months apart.

My first child was the hardest. The second and third were a breeze. Going from one to two is a bit hard. But, from two to three it didn't seem much different.

Good luck and God Bless, B.

Every situation is different, but to summarize mine; I had my first at 30, when he was 2 years and 9 months, had my daughter, and 19 months later had my son. At first I wondered what I had done to myself, but as time went on, I liked that they could play together and support each other when needed. The oldest is now 29. They don't always agree or get along, but I don't regret it at all. Sometimes, my youngest was the best one and most appreciative. You never know. The only thing you should think about is do you have the energy and the finances to have another? You may get tired of diapers and seek more adult contact, like I did and start your own business from home perhaps. I still have mine and love the freedom it gives me. You're welcome to visit my website: www.marykay.com/ecuffy and/or contact me.
E. C.

I have 3 boys that are really close in age. My oldest two are 17 months, 2 weeks and some odd days. From my 2nd child to my youngest they are around 1 year and a half apart. My middle son was jealous of his younger brother since I brought him home from the hospital. They do fight, most of the time they get along.
My oldest son is adhd, 2nd child is learning disabled, and my youngest gives them a hard time. I dont think its a bad idea, some get along better than other siblings. The funny thing about my oldest and youngest, they are 3 years and 2 months apart. Your never too old to be a mom, I know some ladies a year younger than me and she's a grandma. Some people are in their 40's and having babies. I say go for it!

Hi!
Even though your husband doesn't want to be an "old dad" (he is 32! that's nothing) I think you could wait a while. You are both so young, let the youngest one be at least 3 before you start with a 3rd. That will make it a bit easier I think.

I am also thinking about a third one, but I am 38, so I can't wait too long.

M.,
I have three teenagers all close in age. All 3 are not more than 4 years apart. The first two are 3yrs,3mos apart,
and middle to last are 18months apart. The oldest seems really immature(now 18), the second is an overachiever and
perfectionist(now151/2), and the last one is in special ed,
(now 13,almost14) When they were small it was crazy and very noisy at times. They would stand up for eachother, and still do, and they protect eachother. They all have the ability to pick on eachother as well.

My husband was born 9-11 years after his brother and sister. It is like he was raised as an only child. He got things his brother and sister never had, and he was spoiled. His brother and sister moved out when he was 9, they both got married, and moved on. It is also like they were raised in two different era's. MY in-laws are the same age as my grandparents, and my brother in law is the same age as my mom. It is a strange combination.

SO, I would have them closer together, that way, they can all be friends, and be close. My brother and I are close,
and we are 22mos apart. All of my kids are close, and they
have their moments when they want nothing to do with eachother, but I know when they get older that is going to change. And I don't allow them to make derogitory remarks about eachothers bodies, or personalities, Everyone is different, and there is no reason to pick on eachother in that way.

W.

We have 4 kids who are close in age. 4 year old who is almost 5 in May, a 3 year old, 22 month old and a 3 month old. When they are so young they seem to argue and fight alot about every little thing and then some days they absolutely love each other, they share, read books to each other and have an absolute blast. We definitely wouldn't change anything about having them 15, 21, and 18 months apart.

Hi there. I have a 6 yr old boy, 5, 3 (4 next month), and 1 yr old girls. My second was a surprise that I am truely grateful for. I had a hard time deciding on my third as well, but I knew that I wanted another. My fourth I was hesitant, but I am glad that we had her as well. We are a busy family and my kids are pretty active. We have a great time with each other. Each has there moments, but we have a fun. It can be difficult and tiring having them close together, but mine are all pretty good friends and help out because we teach them too. The older ones love teaching my baby things, and she adores all of them. They are old enough to help with the dishes and put their laundry away. The older 2 can even help with the vacuuming and wiping down the bathroom. The older 2 go to school and that helps me to be able to spend time with the younger 2 and during naps I can catch up on computer time or chores that haven't been done yet. It's a ballancing act, but you've started that already. :) Good luck with your decision.

Hi M.!

I am a Mom of 3 little princesses... 3, 5 & 7 years old! We planned to have all three. I can't imagine it any other way. I will tell you to only have another one if you want a boy. The chances of having a girl is slim. So, plan for a boy and be happily surprised to have a girl.
I can also tell you, when it's great... it's really wonderful! I remember the day they all started crying at the same time... I had to sit down and laugh!
The bummer parts are...
I have only two hands to hold theirs so someone is always left out.
You won't have that little sports car you have been wanting... it's hard to get 3 car seats into most back seats.
You will outgrow your double stroller soon... but will take it with you to any amusement park and stuff it with kids and stuff! The visual is enough... hahahahha!
Your kids can't share a room unless its a bonus room and you line it with twin beds.
The bathroom has only two sinks... so the baby will always have to share with an older brother. You should hear the fights about this one!
Really nothing BAD about having three kids!

The wonderful parts are...
You will never have to feel like someone is missing in your life.
You will always have just enough love, money and bandaids for all three of your beautiful children.
If you are going to have three... might as well have four! Hahahaha!! Ok, I might be pushing it. You are young... I'm 39!!

So M.... go ahead and have a third and welcome to the club!! Look at it this way. you will have your own outfield!!

Good Luck! M.

My husband is 61, I am 29 and our children at home are 7, 4 and 10 mos. It doesn't really matter how close your children are in age what matters is how you raise them. I suppose it is easier because the children are close enough to play with each other and they want to help you take care of the younger siblings. When I was growing up my brother and I were 8 and 10 when our little brother was born and as we grew it seemed my brothers always played together I didn't get involved much with their rough housing. But the oldest brother didn't always want to play with our little brother because he was sooo young to him. But he still had a good time and now that they are grown they still pick on and kid each other. Just keep your family in good order and ages will not matter. (Personally: I want to have as many children as God Blesses me with and that would be the reason I would want them close in age. :0) Plus your husband shouldn't be worried about being a dad in his fifties unless he plans to get old quickly. Like I said my hubby is 61 and he is an awesome father with our children we are looking forward to our future children, God willing. Take care!
K. R

Hi M.-
I have three girls that are 4, 2 and newborn. I also grew up in between two brothers and we were all close in age. Our newborn is just 2 months old, so I only have two months experience. It is busier with three, but on the other hand you are already engrossed in being a SAHM and so you are already quite busy. At times I feel like I don't get enough time to spend individually with each child, but they all seem to be fine. I don't get to get out as much as I used to, but I also am enjoying spending more time at home. I feel like having a third child has brought us even closer together as a family because we see how precious time is and maybe because we are working even harder for our family. My older daughters have been great with the baby. One thing I am looking forward to is when my daughter starts Kindergarten next year, so that I can spend more one on one time with the two younger ones and my older daughter will be able to learn more (she loves to learn, but unfortunately I can't teach her as much as I would like to due to lack of time). Growing up in a family of three close together was wonderful. I loved having siblings in school with me. We looked out for each other and also had tons of fun together. And during those teen years, knowing that my brothers would hear of any misdeeds that I would sometimes be tempted to do helped me to stay out of trouble. I am excited that our three girls will grow up together too. My husband is the same as yours, not wanting to raise kids into his fifties, he is 30 now and I am 29. It is an amazing to look at all three kids and think, "wow! these are all ours". And then usually followed by, "how did that happen?" Hope any of this helps.

To answer your three other questions-
1- I have all three nap at the same time in the afternoon and I try to nap with them. If I have had a long night and I am feeling irritable, then I will let the kids watch a video or PBS Kids while I try to take a little rest on the couch. I don't like my kids to watch tv, but in those cases I realize that it is better to have a more rested and therefore cheerful mom.
2-My two older girls share a room and they love it and have only had problems with naptimes. They would keep each other up. So, now I have one in my bedroom and one in their bedroom for naps. At night they go to sleep and have trouble falling asleep without the other one in there.
3-We switched over to a minivan from a station wagon. It is nice to have the space and also to be able to take any friends that want to go along. I had fit three carseats in my station wagon before and so I am sure your SUV will be doable, but if you are already going to switch vehicles, I would suggest the minivan.