Women Friends

Hi S.,

I am going through the same thing. I moved here a little more than 2 years ago and am having a difficult time making friends. My kids are 18, 12 and 8. I do not work outside the home. I have found that people are very busy here. I am busy, too, but I try to make time. I want a few girl friends just to talk to! When stuff happens, I have no one to share it with. I miss my network back in Michigan. I do have to say that I think it takes time to build that network.

Would you like to write to each other? Maybe we could be a support to one another? My email is ____@____.com

A.

I have been there, done that. Six years ago when my oldest was born, my husband at the time (we are now divorced) was in the Marines. He was gone all the time between trainings and deployments. We moved a few times during our marriage due to his career. I was almost always alone and felt that just when I had made some friends, we'd move. When my oldest was 18 monthes old, a neighbor of mine introduced me to Stampin' Up! (rubber stamping and scrapbooking) I began attending stamp camps at my neighbor's home. Since she was a stay-at-home mom of two at the time her camps were held during the day. She allowed kids to come and play while their mom's got to do some crafting and socializing. I loved it so much that I became a Stampin' Up! demonstrator. It gave me a wonderful opportunity to do something for me, yet still have the flexibility to deal with balancing caring for a toddler with a husband that was always gone. It also gave me some of my own spending money and a way to pay for my new "addiction". That was 5 years ago. Since I've had another child (currently they are 6 yrs and 4 yrs old), become a full-time single mother, work full-time, and moved to a new state yet again. I have met so many wonderful women as a result of being a Stampin' Up! demonstrator. A lot of these women have become some of my closest friends. These are women that I probably would have never known had it not been for my love of crafting.

Feel free to contact me if you are interested in maybe starting a crafting group. You are always more than welcome to attend my events and meet some of the ladies I've gotten to know. Kids are always welcome to come play while their moms are at my events.

http://www.alisonbair.stampinup.net

Hi S.,
I can relate. I moved here about a year ago and haven't been able to make any friends either. I have a 15 month old who keeps me on my feet and my husband doesn't really help much with anything. So it feels like everything is on me which makes it hard to go out and meet people or even to go and hang out with anyone. Maybe one day....

I'm sorry - where's your husband? My husband takes care of our kids so I can have an evening out with my friends now and then. And I agree that your relatives can watch the kids as well. Your needs are important and that includes time on your own. Our local gymnastics school has Parent's Night Out classes once a month so you can sign up your kids, and if your husband is out of town, you'll have time for yourself as well. You need to make taking care of yourself a priority or you will not have the emotional energy you need to take care of your family!
take care!

I sympathize with you! I had/have lots of girlfriends about 45-60 min away and then became an active stepmom to 3 this year and moved a bit away. With the high cost of gas as soon as I moved and getting so busy with the kids, I don't get to see them as often and I'm dying to have a few local girlfriends. One way to find friends might be going to yahoo.com and clicking the "groups" link on the left. You can search on your city to see if there are any social groups near you. I know a friend found a thriving group for new mommies in Stapleton that way. Good luck!!!

Hi there. One option might be to join a local stay at home MOM's club. I am the VP of the NW Littleton chapter, and have been a member for 4 years, and love it. Our dues are only about $20 per year per family, and there are often two or three activities a week to participate in. i am not sure where you live, but you can look MOM's club up at www.momsclub.org (I think thats it...if not let me know and I will double check) to find a chapter near you! Good luck!

Most of my friends are from work (similar to musical theatre) or church. I use the rehearsal time as some of my time for myself and friends. I was always able to get small group stuff out side of performances, and that was really where the friendships were able to work. Just regular rehearsals were always great for me. If musical theatre is something you can spend more time doing, you might find some great friends there. Then you at least have the time before and after rehearsal. GL!

Thank God I'm not the only one. I actually have friends, wonderful ones, but I don't see them much or even talk to them much. And it isn't like I'm supermom or anything, or even that my house is beyond passable (which it isn't). I only have 2, but my baby is still up a lot and I am just not back in the game yet.
I'll tell you one silly thing I've been doing to feel more connected--do you have a page on Facebook? I'll warn you, it's addictive, but I only spent a few days checking it obsessively before I mellowed into passive checking. But I've gotten in touch with college and high school friends, especially ones who don't live close, and it is a great way to know that other people are out there. Once you find your "friends," someone is online or has updated status or has sent an email pretty much all of the time--there's always something to do that makes me feel like I've been talking to someone. And you can do it whenever you want, obviously, so there isn't any scheduling or babysitting, and you don't need to be showered. :)
If nothing else, I can sure remind you that you aren't alone. We're all just trying to enjoy the days as they pass by, messy and exhausting as they may be.
Take care. :)

If you don't want to invite people to your house, maybe you could still invite another mom and kids out for an activity of some sort? To the park for a picnic in the summer, to go sleding, swimming, or to the Children's Museum, or something like that? Obviously, these events would work best with a family with kids of a similar age as your kids so that they can go play and keep each other occupied while you get a chance to talk and socialize with mom. My two best friends both have 7 year-olds, but my son is only 18 months. We often get together, but I have to follow my kid around to keep him from destroying things, while they can let their kids go. I still enjoy getting out of the house to see people, but it would be even better if I made friends with a family who has kids the same age. Maybe you are like me in that it is hard to be pro-active about this sort of thing. I'm lazy about calling people and keeping in touch, but I know that you have to make an effort to reap the benefits. So I'll tell you what I'm always telling myself, just do it! If you wait until you have enough time, you'll still be waiting 10 years from now. Make a date and you will find a way to get there.

Hi S., I feel your pain! First of all, I think that making friends is harder when you are older. Everyone is busy and especially when you have kids. . . well,itjust doesn't happen. Two things have helped me: Going back to work. I know you may not want to, but if you did, I'll bet you would make some great friends. My co-worker and I are quite close - she even babysat for me and spent the night with my 18 mo. old when I was giving birth to my now 4-mo-old son. What a great friend! Also, church. Our church has lots of opportunities for women-only time including providing child care. I don't know if you are interested in church, but it is a great way to meet people IF you get involved in some of the things they have to offer. I see that you "Occassionally work in musical theatre." How but upping that to "frequently works in musical theatre"? I'm sure there are some really fun people there. Also, my friend worked a part-time job at Denver Center Theatre Company in the phone bank - he made some great friends there! Good luck!

Hi S.,

It sounds like you not only need a friend, but you also need some mommy-on-her-own time. I don't know you or your husband, but you all have one great advantage: family in state! While I enjoy spending time entertaining my family, they also enjoy watching our boys without mom and dad around. Recruit the family on occasion so that you can enjoy what love to do without child-in-tow. Good luck.

It is difficult. I've actually found that not worrying about the state of my house but having people over anyway works well. The women I've gotten to know in the last year seem to be totally fine with talking while I clean the kitchen or living room. Even if the time is periodically interrupted by kids, it's still time well spent.