Hello, I am having a lot of trouble with my 10 year old son. He is very smart, but is failing two classes and may have to repeat the grade. Getting him to do his homework is like pulling teeth, and his chores are even harder. He gets exrtemely angry very quickly and will start throwing things and calling names. He also will purposely torment his little brothers by grabbing and hitting and stealing their toys. He gets distracted by everything when we ever ask him to do anything. We can't keep him on one thing longer than maybe a couple minutes at a time. He is constantly bouncing from one thing or another. Even if we can get him to sit, he wants to talk nonstop about anything other than his homework. He says that he is having trouble consentrating because his mind is always wandering. He has had it pretty rough. His father, my EX-husband, has always been very emotionally abusive with him. Ever since he was a baby, he would tell him horrible things about me, tell him that he never has to do what I say, punishing him by sitting him alone in a chair in a dark room because he didn't want to answer questions about me and our house, the list goes on. I even taped him on the phone trying to make my son tell people that my new husband was beating him even though he told him that he never touches him.(and yes, I did take him to court over it, but he managed to weasel his way out of trouble) Also, a couple of years ago, we suffered the death of his baby sister and two months later, his uncle committed suicide. All of these events were over two years ago now and he has had counseling, so I don't know if that is still a problem or if it is something else. Does this sound like ADD or something? Should I get him evaluated or does this seem like it may be more emotional? Please help, I am so worried about him!
He definitely needs to be evaluated!! But don't let them jump to ADHD!! If he drinks or eats anything with aspartame (equal) in it, get him off of it immediately and after some more counseling you may want to consider having his brain chemistry tested.
what you have desciribed sounds a lot like ADD or ADHD, but it may not acually be. try limiting the amount of cafiene and sugar he consumes for a while and he may calm down...and be careful because a lot of foods contain small amounts that you would not even think about. and small amounts for adults are huge for kids. if that doesn't work, then see about having him evaluated. keep him counseling, even if you don't think it's working. as far as being bored with school work, maybe it's not chalenging enough and he needs to be moved into an excellerated class or maybe it's too challenging and being held back might be a good thing. has he had his checked? if he can't see well and is getting head aches, then he won't be able to concentrate. hope you get everything staightened out.
It very well could be ADD or ADHD. You're doing the right thing having him in counseling...the poor little guy seems to have been through hell and back. It could be just the build up of all the emotional stress of everything...or it could be ADD, ADHD, bi-polar, any number of things. But not to worry. Discuss it with a child psychiatrist and have him tested. Best case senario is it's nothing more than he needs to keep up his counseling and eventually everything will work out. Worst case senario is that they'll find something when they test him and he'll be on ritalin for the rest of his life. Either way, things have a funny way of working out. I say no harm in having him tested and see where it leads you.
It sounds to me like a combination of things. Counseling definately wouldn't hurt. My daughter was diagnosed with ADHD a couple of years ago and your son seems to be showing the same kind of signs my daughter did - but not with the hitting, throwing, and tormenting. Those things could be the emotional part. But I would definately look into getting him tested. I live in Louisville, and my daughter's pediatrician just wrote an order for the school to do the testing so that it would be free of charge. I don't know if that is offered, but I would definately look into it. But counseling may be needed as well.
Hi D., I wish I could offer you some advice. However I am going through similar situations with my son who just turned 9. His behavior is now extending to school. I am taking him to his Dr. this week to see if he has ADD. If you find out anything let me know and I will do the same. My son has been through some tough times in the past 2 years with mine and my ex's divorce remarriage new children etc... the list goes on. If you ever want to talk I am here. S.
After reading what you said, Yes i would take him to your pediatrician and have him evaluated. There are several agencies availabe to you. Try a church if you refer. He if is not add or adhd, there may be more emotional problems. Take him anywhere you can for help. you need to stop this behavior before it gets to out of hand. Good luck and I will be praying for you.
k
I have the same problems with my 10 year old. He has already been tested for ADHD and he has it. But he also has ODD. I read thru the responses and nobody mentioned it. It's called Oppositional Defiant Disorder. Is he a hyper child? I read an article that children who are hyper are often misdiagnosed as ADHD when in fact they have Sleep Apnea. When a child doesn't sleep like they should they get hyper instead of tired and therefore the dr's assume ADHD. I've had my son tested for this too and come to find out he has SEVERE sleep apnea. Quits breathing 8 times an hour. If you ever need someone to talk to I'm here for ya! My son is 10 yrs old and has ADHD/ODD, Severe Sleep Apnea, Aggression Problems and Asthma so I'm kinda dealing with a lot too. Just get him tested and be patient. It's not going to work itself out overnight. Been almost 6 years we've been working on this with my son and yes therapy does work! Tommy's been in therapy for quite a while now and no end in sight.
C.
10 is a rough age for boys, I have noticed. My son, too, has some trouble concentrating, plus it is getting to be spring & they are getting burnt out with the school year. When it comes to the school work, seek help at his school. Maybe he should miss some recess or get some tutoring so he won't have to repeat this grade.
Also, my son seemed to act out a bit when his little sis was around a year old. I think they miss some of the attention of being "cute" because they are older & the little ones get more of the attention. Try to have him talk to you about things, but I know sometimes they won't. Getting him back into counseling couldn't hurt.
Keep you head up -- I feel for you. Me & my son had a rough year last year with him not wanting to listen or just disagreeing with EVERYTHING I said! But this year, things are much better!
I have never been in your situation, but I am a teacher so I decided to give my advice. I would get him tested for ADHD and maybe also a visit to a counselor. With all that has happened in his young life talking to someone outside of the family may give him a little bit of help in dealing with everything. It would be wiser to get help earlier on rather than wait til the problem gets worse.
D.,
Your issue sounds much like my own. My son is 11 and whew! I know how you feel. It dries you mad to some extent. I am left with the feeling like what did I do wrong? The answer is nothing. Sounds as if your son does need to be evaluated for ADHD or ADD. It is very simple just a form for you and the teacher to fill out and return to your family doctor.
I would recommend doing this for your sanity...lol and to assist your son with slowing down and his behavior. Kids will be kids and although I REALLY do not like the idea of putting my son on this medication. It will help with his grades and focus more than you know.
HtH :)
Good Luck!
M. Hayes
When you say he has been to counseling, it sounds to me like he still has alot of anger and some emotional baggage that will take time to heal. It also sounds like he should still be seeing a child psychologist to work with you through some of the anger and some suggestions to improve his self esteem.
Making kids feel safe and secure is a very big part of them succeeding in school, at home and in life. I would take this very seriously and get him to a professional who can work with you on getting him back on his best foot.
Good luck. Keep us posted
My boys have been in counseling since ages 5 & 7. It has helped alot! It gives you techniques of handling all types of behaviors and allows them another way to express their feelings! I highly recommend both your 10 and 5 year old be evaluated, counseling never hurts, it shows that you care about them and that you seek to ensure that they have as many positive outlets of expression as possible.
Yes, this does sound like ADD and it could help him settle down if you get him some help. Not only medication but, certain training techniques that will help with concentration habits. If you start young enough, adulthood could be normal. Then again it could be that his emotional state is like bipolar people, they can't stay fixed on one thing very long and have severe emotional outbursts. This is definitely something that you may want to look into. Hope all goes well.
