Unsuccessful Potty Training

Hello B.. I think you have a good idea to try to train them both at the same time. I didn't use pull-ups with my 2 yo for very long b.c she got use to the cold wet feel and didn't use the potty anymore. I would buy a toilet chair for the youngest and sit them both down every 30 min. With my now 2yo we did little songs and hand shows. The only time we did them was when she was on the potty. She would come up and ask me to do 'bumble bee song' and I would say, you have to be sitting on the potty and she would run to the bathroom. Also, she got a treat (like an M&M) every time she sat on the potty. And if she hadn't gone potty in 30 min or so, I would give her a bigger treat to eat on the potty. That way she sat there long enough to go. I would start something after work on Friday and all weekend long. Then the day care MUST follow through with what you want. You do pay their salary remember. Hope that helps.

My daughter will be 4 in August and just started going potty in "the big girl way" (her words not mine)!! We used the advice of our ped. Dr. Lavin...

Make it her responsibility:
1. give the child all of the tools needed to clean themselves ie. wipes, underpants and a plastic bag for easy disposal. Leave the child in the bathroom to clean it up by themselves.

2. keep it positive by not getting upset with the mess.

It took about 5 days of this and Abby realized it was a lost less work to go on the big potty.

Good luck to you,
L.

I highly recommend Dr. Arthur Lavin's book "Who's the Boss".

Hi there, I'm no expert, my daughter is almost 2 1/2 and potty training just comes and goes--I think she was more ready to do it than I was when we started! Anyway, a friend told me about a watch for kids to wear that reminds them about going (not sure how often), but maybe you could try that? One Step Ahead was selling them, and I was going to order one myself--just sounds like a good idea =-) Good luck!

Hi B., Hang in there it will happen. When our son was almost ready to go to Kidnergarden I got so frustratered and finally took him to the Dr. he said that some kids bladder doesn't mature as quickly as others so this may be the case with your daughter. He did go to K. and was potty trained 'just in time'. Maybe you can just ignore it to a certain point and she will surprise you. Good luck.

I have 7 girls and the first two were a breeze, but then the third one wanted nothing to do with it! She fought me every step of the way! I started trying to train her the same way I did the first two by taking her every 30 minutes and she would have nothing to do with it! It made her angerier. My husband saw the struggle and said why don't you just leave her alone and see what happens, so we went to pullups and she was 4! Finally, after a time she started going on her own! Some kids have a harder time and the harder we try the harder they fight! Just relax and she will get it! This was so hard for me as I thought they should be trained by at least 3 but it will come eventually! Now my fourth one was a breeze! My sixth one who will be 3 in August was doing great and she started on her own but now has resorted back to going in her pants, so once again I have just relaxed and let her take the course! I know she will get it just as the others have! They do not remain in diapers their whole lives! I think we try to grow them up so fast and some are not ready! I hope this helps!

Hello,
My son has over-active bladder. He was not diagnosed till he was almost 5. This may not be a matter of a bladder issue, but may be worth looking into. Hope this helps!

I don't know if part of her not wanting to go is due to being afraid of where it all goes through the pipes under the house or not, but the boy I take care of was. We showed him "Flushed Away". The rats get flushed down the toilet and it shows him in the pipes under the house. Once he saw that, he pooped on the potty. The other thing I find works is only putting big girl underwear on during the day. You go through a lot of clothes, but they eventually get the point. Have her pick out the underwear to buy. If she poops in them when you are out, they get thrown away. At night, we wear diapers until that time period is accident free. Good Luck.

I struggled quite a bit with potty training too. Altho everyone else around you makes it look easy, it isn't easy for many, any children. You are not alone.

After months and months of failed training, and progress followed by back slides, I could see it effecting my child's self esteem. Really making him feel inferior ad unsure of himself. Plus my frustration toward potty training was negatively effecting my relationship with my child. It was bad all the way around.

I hope you will consider this. It worked for us. We stopped the "training" and went the medical route. He saw a a couple of specalists who helped us evaluate him medically. And there were issues wth is body. He really can't help it. He wants to train, but his body has limitations. It helped us not only get on the right track, but diffused our parental frustration and gave us patience and grace to deal with this challenge. We also sought the assistance of a pediatric psychologist. Mostly to help us decide whether to send our child to Kindergarten, or wait a year. (There was a test he administered for us called the Vineland Study. Awesome. We waited. Great choice for us!) But he helped our son feel good about himself again.

Going the medical and psychological route was good all the way around. Hope you will consider this too.

I would start training the younger one for sure. Part of the problem could be that you missed the "window" with her and she is no longer interested. Maybe having the younger one out achieve her or get praise that she is not getting will help. You don't want to miss the window with the younger one.

My daughter was really interested at 1 1/2 so I went ahead and worked with her. She was fully potty trained during the day for a year and is now a few weeks away from turning 3. We had nights almost down, but then she changed rooms and started into preschool at daycare. She relapsed for three weeks having accidents during the day! That was exasperating knowing that she didn't have to be having this problem. I talked to her about it but did not punish her or anything. She continued to have problems.

Then after three weeks of this I said to her that there must be something wrong with her body and that perhaps I needed to take her to the doctor to get a shot for that. I said I was sure that her doctor could help her body get better with a shot. She hates shots and cried for at least a half hour last year when she got a flu shot. She only stopped to eat french fries.

She has not had another accident since. She told me that day that there was nothing wrong with her body and that she did not need a shot. We are back to where we were prior to changing classrooms.

She was uncomfortable with her new situation at "school" and wanted more attention. Wetting her pants was her way of getting it. She has not had an accident since.

I am not saying mind games are the way to go, but if you have tried everything else, maybe a similar creative idea could be helpful.

Good luck. I know you will be happy to not have to deal with diapers anymore.

L.

I know this is hard to believe but it sounds normal. Stop trying, or put her in the pull up that makes her cold if she wets heself, that way it wont feel good, and if your really obsessed take her to the doctors maybe there is something else going on.

My daughter is 2 years and 8 months old and we've been working on potty training for about 7 months...the first 6 months very passively...just letting her use the potty when she wants. But the last few weeks we've been serious about it. Rewards don't work with our daughter - whether it be candy, stickers, temporary tattoo's, etc. What has been working is not allowing her to do things. For example, you can't watch Dora the Explora until you have your big girl underwears on...(we call them underwears - that's what she prefers) and she'll go put them on...or we can't go to Aunt Joan's until you put your big girl underwears on...or we can't do this or you can't do that until your big girl underwears are on. And you know what - it's actually working. We're averaging less than 1 accident per day. It's really been going well. She loves her big girl underwears and when she has accidents I think it's because she's so caught up in an activity or she's so close that she just couldn't get her underwears off in time. We're always reinforcing it and she's doing very well. No turning back now. We do use pull-ups for overnight still...we're a few more weeks away from trying overnight without them. This seems to be the only method that's working with her...not sure if it will translate to a child that's a bit older. Good luck!!!

Our 5 1/2 year old daughter was like yours. She never wanted to take the time to go potty, and used the pull-ups as a device so she could do what she wanted longer, and only "fool" with it when it became uncomfortable.

SO, it required us to be wiser than she. We quit buying the appropriate sized pull-ups for her. When she grew out of them, we kept buying the same size. One day she complained that they were uncomfortable, and wanted to wear her "big girl pants." We told her that was fine, but she'd have to go potty like a big girl then. She'd say, "I use YOUR potty." We told her we didn't care, as long as she used the potty.

Also, we had sort of 2 plans of attack. First, we used the "potty first" rule. Anytime she wanted to change activities or do something different, "Potty first." It was a "You can do anything you want, but potty first." The whole reason they want to change activities is because they have to go potty and the position they were in was getting uncomfortable. Then we'd make a mental note of the time, and if she hadn't pottied in about 20-30 minutes, we'd tell her, "Okay - time to potty."

Or you can set the timer for 30 minutes and every time it goes off, it's time to potty. Every time it would ding, my daughter would say, "I know....time to go potty...." and would trudge in there to go potty. We told her, "If you would go potty like you're supposed to, we wouldn't have to set the timer." Usually it only took one or two days of doing this to get "back on track" but then she'd relapse. So we'd start it all over again.

For what it's worth....and good luck!

B.,
I'd just like to say I feel your pain, you are not alone. My 4 1/2 year old is still not fully potty trained. I've tried everything, just as you've described. He just doesn't want to. One day he will go on the potty, but the next he's cleaning poo of the floor (I make him clean up the messes).

All I can say is stick to your guns! Good luck!

Sounds as though she gets more attention by not going to the potty!!! When you go to clean her up,, don't make eye contact, don't talk to her, don't sazy any thing to her!!Ignore the behavior!!Don't praise her if she goes, don't scold her if she doesn't, just ignore it!!!When she finds out she won't get any attention either way, she will go on her own!! Good luck!!

Try the method where nothing is worn below the waist. Since you work you need to try on a weekend or even take a week off for it if you can. Your entire focus will be on her and if she needs to go. It is normal for kids to not want to stop playing and to just go so you still need to keep an eye out. This worked with both of my kids, one a boy and one a girl.

L. Etta, mother of a 7 and 8 year old.

The first thing i would do is get rid of the pull ups. She wears regular cloth underwear. If she has an accident; she cleans it up and gets new clothes for herself. She's responsible for it. Summer is a good time to do this since she can be outside and won't have many clothes on. Even if its #2; she cleans it up hand her some wipes and off she goes.(obviously, she won't do the best job; put her in the bathtub )no water so the mess is contained.). Because she's going sometimes but not all the time leads me to believe that she can do it and is just picking when she wants to. I would go to the dollar store and buy a bunch of generic underwear; may want to purchase Princess or Dora or whatever she's into underwear as a motivator. When she stop having accidents she gets the fun underwear. You've got to play hardball...continue your schedule; but bring a bag of clothes; underwear and wipes. It may take a few days but will be worth it.

Have you tried the 1-Day or 3-Day training methods? One thing I learned is that once you switch from diapers, you can't go back, it's too confusing. We trained in just a t-shirt and training pants and asked every 10 minutes if he needed to go and made him sit down every 30 minutes.
All kids are different, it might just take her longer.