Ugh.. I Suck

Hey C.-

I am a smoker too...and will be moving soon.

I have set a quit date...a few weeks after the move...

BUT...I have vowed to keep the new home 'smoke free'

I will smoke outside THRU the winter if I have to. But...I remain hopeful that I will keep my 'smoke free date', and not have to do that.

Just like ANY addiction, EACH day can be a 're start'...a do over if you will.

Because you bought a pack today, does NOT mean you cannot still quit.

*or at least that is what I am telling myself*

I wish you success in quitting...I did for years when I was preggers and breastfeeding.

I plan to keep it OUT of the new house...and go from there!

HIGH FIVES to you for making an effort.

Throw them away!!!!! You CAN do this! Just be a warrior and fight thru these first few days! Don't feel guilty, feel proud and smash those things up!!!!!

Yeah, I suck, too. Sigh, sorry.

Could be worse, you could live in NYS where they're $12 a pack.

:(

ETA: You do NOT suck. Smoking is an addiction that is hard to quit. It's also a habit too...you don't suck. You are doing something NEW and TRYING!!
_____________

C.:

Welcome to my world!! :) I mean - welcome to mamapedia!

Quitting smoking is not easy. You can do it. You just HAVE to WANT to do it. If you want to quit, ask your doctor for Chantix. It helped my girlfriend quit. It might help you too!

Have you thought about hypnosis? I hear that for SOME smokers, it works.

Next time you pick up a pack to smoke - think of how you hate how it smells...think of being able to run with your kids and so much more...

YOU CAN DO IT!!

I applaud you for even wanting to quit!!! But just like any addiction, it's nearly impossible to quit cold turkey. I was lucky enough to walk away from a drug addiction and never looked back. But not everyone can do it. Have you thought about doing Nicorette or something like that? Even chewing gum? My aunt did that and she chewed gum for something like 20 years! But she never picked up another cigarette.
Good luck, be strong! Get help if you need it!

Can you try switching to the electronic cigarette first? This way the effect on others is negated, and you have time to come up with a plan for quitting. Cold turkey rarely works. The fact that you have the added stress of a move doesn't help. Don't be so h*** o* yourself, set yourself up for success instead.

Give the pack, hopefully unopened, to your husband when he gets home. That way you are not throwing them out but if you want them you have to admit to your husband you can't do it.

I don't smoke but if I had to give something up that would be enough guilt for me to do it.

C.:
My suggestion would be this: Go pick up an e-cigarette from the gas station and chuck the pack of real cigarettes. If I have cigarettes in my possession, I WILL smoke them. If I don't buy them, I can go months without even thinking about smoking. The problem is when I get stressed out (like during a move!) then my brain immediately thinks of smoking as a stress reliever. That's just how my brain is wired, after 15 years of on and off smoking. Having an e-cig was a great option for me because I knew that if I got stressed out, I could turn to the e-cig. I could take a "time out", lock myself in the laundry room or go for a drive, take a few puffs, and come back ready to deal. (You could try the same with Nicorette). I liked that I never smelled from using it, I could "smoke" in my bathroom without stinking it up. After a few weeks, I felt much stronger and put the ecig away and have only pulled it out a few times since then.
I officially "quit" on Jan 1. I have given in 3 times since then and had a real cigarette. What I remind myself is...when you fall down, the important part is to pick yourself up and try again. We all make mistakes. I have "fallen off the wagon" 3 times this year but the good news is it was just 1 cig each time and not a whole pack. When you fall down, make a new game plan. Progress is always 2 steps forward, 1 step back.

I think smoking addiction needs to be treated like any other... by that I mean, it's very tough to do it alone and without behavior modifications.. but before you can do that, you can to learn what modifications need be made.. what are your triggers and so forth.. I think it's rare anyone ever quit anything cold turkey... and in a way, you may be setting yourself up for failure if you are depending upon strictly willpower... I would seek out a support group and see if the group has some good tools that you can use in order to help you overcome this habit..
like a 12 step or something..

I wish you all the best

Don't be so h*** o* yourself!

Really, that will just make it harder to quit, since you'll beat yourself up to the point where you won't feel confident & capable enough to quit, or where you'll feel like you don't deserve to be healthy.

In terms of the short-term problem of this one pack, that's easy. Go to somewhere with a big dumpster (your local grocery store or somewhere). It can't be a regular garbage can that you can reach into. And, throw that pack in. There. It's gone. You didn't smoke all of it, and now you're starting fresh.

Longer term, though, it sounds like you need two things. First, you need some kind of support group -- Smoke-Enders or whatever it's called. It's very hard to lose weight without something like Weight Watchers (just ask me!). It's flat out impossible, from what I know, to recover from alcohol addiction without something like AA. So, why do you suck for not being able to do something no one else can do either???

And, it sounds like you could really benefit from a transitional source of nicotine, while your body shakes the addiction. I don't know whether nicotine patches are better than Nicorette gum or vice versa, but look into it and start on something like that.

Just do both NOW, while you've got this strong sense of resolve. You CAN do it. But just like everyone else, you probably can't do it alone.

Try nic patches. They helped me

Here is something a friend did. She also bought a pack just in case. Well that pack was like a monkey on her back. Every time she felt the urge, she opened the pack, took one out....and smashed it. Totally ripped it up and destroyed it. She said she told herself each time why she was doing it. I thin kit made her feel stronger. She quit. Maybe this will work for you.

You are making two major life changes in the same week. Geez! Cut yourself some slack. Now is not the time to stop smoking. Pick a date in the future, after you've settled in to your new home, to quit.

You do NOT suck! You made a promise without considering the ramifications of that decision. Without realizing how difficult it would be to move and to also quit smoking at the same time. That agreement isn't working so negotiate a new agreement. This is life. You are not perfect but then neither do you suck. Start telling yourself how wonderful you are. You're moving to a different house. Wow! That's great! You're doing a difficult thing well! Let go of the need to stop smoking right now. Doing so is unrealistic.

Perhaps modify the smoking. Say, not in the new house, for example.

Don't beat yourself down, that's not going to help any. Call your husband right now, tell him what you did and asked for his support. (Not saying he's going to give it to without cussing you out, but he's your husband that loves you!) It's a VERY hard addiction. My husband has tried to stop many of times and never succeed past a month. My dad is in end-stage 4 of COPD, the last stage. He can no longer walk without a walker, he is 62 years old. (and I don't mean walking a block, just a few steps) Last year at this time he was still working. He is still smoking, only 2-3 cigarettes a day but still doing it. My mom, who has watched her mom die of this and watching her husband of 42 years die of this, is still smoking herself. To see so many people I LOVE keep on when they know what will happen and see how the other one is suffering, all I can say, it's a HUGE addiction.

I'm not a smoker, but I heard a preacher lady say, who was one, she put up note cards all over the place, bathroom mirror, kitchen, car, every where she would go and smoke, saying "I'm not a smoker", "I hate the smell of cigarettes" all kinds of sayings, everything time she saw one she said it, then one more she woke up, and didn't want one anymore. -- It can't hurt right?
Good luck, be honest with your husband and yourself. Feeling guilty will not help. It'll add more pressure that you don't need. You can do it, I believe in you!!!

Talk to your doctor, there are actually medications that can help with the withdrawal symptoms.

Oh hon, addictions are so hard, whether it's smoking, drugs, food, etc. I feel for you so much!

One pack of cigarettes does not mean you have failed. You recognize that you want to make a change, & that it is hard. That is the first step!!

If you've already opened the pack & had some, it's still not too late. Make adjustments going forward.

Try to identify with WHY you smoke. Is it to relax? To de-stress? Do you feel self-conscious -without- one in your hand when you are around people?

You have reasons NOT to smoke. You listed some in your post, & I'm sure there are more. Try to find ways to motivate yourself... a calendar where you mark off with a big smiley face the days you didn't smoke. A whiteboard that lists "XX # of days without a cigarette" like an OSHA safety board.

Do you use social media, like FB? Post that you are looking to quit! Get people's support. Ask your best friends to check in with you every day to keep you on track. TELL your husband about your struggle today, & elicit his support.

You also mention wanting to be in better health. Start by scheduling yourself time each day to be active (10-15 min to start, something you can stick with). And keep a journal about how you are feeling, how hard it is, & how easy it becomes. Give yourself these tangibles to keep yourself on track with your success!!

People are infinitely more successful when they change their surroundings to meet their needs. Below is a link to a blog response for a question about overcoming addictions. (It's a great blog about all sorts of life issues, but this particular response is specific to your situation)
http://now.eloqua.com/es.asp?s=567&e=199938&elq=d...

We know you can do it, YOU know you can do it. It will take time, determination & a little help from your friends (sounds like a Bob Dylan song, eh?).

Now, if you haven't yet, go throw away that pack!! How on earth will you regret making such an important first step towards something YOU want?

We are all pulling for you!! T.

Congratulations! You are quitting! It's a process. For me, I had to quit and then quit again and then.... you get the idea. That was decades ago and I remember feeling defeated when I bought a pack or bummed one. But then I quit again and again......

One thing I might add to all the other positive ideas. Make a list of all those things you deny yourself, because they are too pricey. Let's say you were a pack a day smoker. Each day take the price of a pack and put it on the top of your table or counter, where you can see it. If you don't buy a pack that day, put it in a lovely glass container, where you can see the bills pile up. Then spend that money whenever you want on any treat you want. You are so worth this fight! All my best!

It sounds like you are on the (often long) road to quitting. You've listed so many reasons that quitting would be for you. Yay for you, C.!

My mom and Granny, who lived with us, were both heavy smokers, and both had similar lists of reasons for wanting to quit (even before tobacco companies had to admit the health hazards). They both tried to quit several times, and found it too hard… until they succeeded anyway. This was after several tries, during which they learned where their weak moments were and gradually developed strategies to prepare for those moments. This has been the story for all the ex-smokers I've asked about their process. They all had to try several times, and they all devised strategies that helped them during the next attempt. A couple of these nice people have even told me that the disgust at their repeated failures was the thing that finally gave them enough push.

Try not to be too h*** o* yourself. I'll bet you'll succeed, FOR YOURSELF, against this very seductive addiction. Maybe by the time you are settled in your new house. Congratulations in advance!

You can do it!!!!!! You can do it!!!!!!! Think of a new smoke free house!!!
Think of your son. Go for it! Like The Little Engine That Could: I think I can, I think I can! You can!!! Go one day at a time! Good luck. Let us know how you are doing. We will all support you here.

Have you tried that vapor pipe thing? I have seen a lot of people clinging to those things lately. I have heard great success. Of course, it still takes will power.

C.,

You are not a bad person. Smoking is a physical addiction as well as a habitual one. It's hard to quit!!! Even when you want to quit, it's hard to do.

I quit and started back up many times before I finally was able to quit. In my case I quit cold turkey, but for most that's not a great way to do it. I got a bad chest cold and couldn't breathe and that was the end of cigarettes for me.

You'll notice the longer that you are not smoking how much you no longer like the taste or the smell. If you can hold out, you'll lose the urge want to smoke but the habit may be still there. Try chewing gum or using some of the nicotine patches to get through the initial stages, and it will become easier.

As far as buying a pack... I did that too. For some reason it was of comfort to know that I had a pack in my glove compartment, and it made me want to smoke less.... for a while. Eventually I would cave though, and smoke again. So I would recommend that you just pitch them and get rid of the temptation.

You can do it, C.. Don't be too h*** o* yourself in the process.

You can do it! It is very possible. Toss the pack and don't buy another one. Cold turkey was the only way to go for me..."weaning" and "cutting back" never did the job. I was a pack a day smoker for about 8 years. I quit the day I found out I was pregnant with my oldest son. I haven't touched one since then and he is 7.5.

Hi C.,

It is so hard because your brain is physically addicted to the nicotine. It is almost impossible for a person to quit cold turkey, especially because when they try and fail it causes all these feelings of guilt.

Quitting smoking was the hardest and best decision I ever made. It took me 2 full years and I used the nicotine gum to help me wean my brain cells off the nicotine. That was 12 years ago. I know there are other means for such a process as well. A trip to your doctor might help you find a good treatment plan to help retrain those nicotinic receptors. :-)

thoughts and prayers to you in your effort. don't give up it is so worth it and it is more than possible. S.

When you feel the urge to have a cigarette drink ice cold water through a straw, brush your teeth, eat carrot sticks, or clean something. The urge will pass, you will be very well hydrated, have clean teeth, be full of anti-oxidants and have a really clean house. After three weeks the urge will be gone and you will feel so much better.

Quitting is HARD!

You should look into speaking with your doctorvabout gettingna Rx for Wellbutrin or Chantix. I used Wellbutrin and it worked great...while I used it. Then I stopped and time passes and I started up again.

Quitting wasn't actually THE hardest part for me, STAYING quit was! Aargh!

Good Luck! And give yourself a lil' break, this is a REAL addiction and it is REALLY hard to quit!

I hate to say but cold turkey is really the best.

Also, have you considered Chantix? It really works.

The problem with the e cigarettes is that they are still addicting. Yes, better for your throat, etc. in terms of cancer but the addiiction is still there.

I quit cold turkey after having a tooth pulled in March 2000. I still miss smoking. But I have not ever taken even a puff of a cigarette in 13+ years. You too can do it.

At least 15 people where I work have gotten the "FOOS" big e-cigarette in the last 3 weeks. And nearly all of them LOVE it and have stopped smoking regular cigarettes. Including my bestie, who was smoking a pack a day. She hasn't smoked for 14 days.

They have TONS of flavors, and levels of nicotine, so you can taper off and still curb your cravings. The strawberry, peach, and coffee flavors are yummy (yes, I've tried them out of curiosity).

They sell them at smoke shops. You can read about them online. My bestie says this is different from regular e-cigs because it's easier to drag on. She hated the other e-cigs because they were so much work, and you had to buy cartridges...with the FOOS you buy the liquid in a bottle and pour it in.

Hope that helps!

Throw away the new pack. You'll regret keeping it far more than you'll regret throwing it away. Do you really want your new house to stink of smoke? The curtains and carpets will be disgusting from the start.

You also need to set a good example for your son, not to mention provide him with a healthy living environment.

You don't even sound like you enjoy smoking very much, if the side effects and the smell bother you so much.

Go get rid of that pack RIGHT NOW and do it in a way that you can't retrieve them from the trash in an hour when you change your mind. Make a fresh start.

You will regret keeping the cigarettes much more than you will regret throwing them away.

Hang in there! I've heard it said that nicotine is the most addictive drug ... I can;t speak for myself but my girlfriend has issues. Have you spoken to your doctor. I think there is a new medication (last couple of years or so) that really helps out in the form of a pill. Sorry but it's not weak to get some assistance. Especially when you are fighting the urge and beating yourself down for something that is really hard physically. You keep your chin up and try to get some support. You will do this because you want it.

You have a lot of good suggestions. One question, are there other smokers in your life? Are you around smokers often? I have found that not being around others who smoke will help you tremendously. If you must be around people who smoke often, be prepared with your e-cigarette, anything that you can hold in your hand while they're smoking, something you can eat (like carrots, etc.) that will keep you busy. As much as possible, take yourself out of situations where smoking is common. Looks like you live in North Hollywood, so most places should be banning smoking, but if that's not where you live, definitely try to stay away from places or situations where there will be people smoking and you will feel like a 'social smoke'.

I also found that while quitting, one of the more difficult areas to not smoke was the car. I held a pencil in my hand for the first part so that my fingers had something else to hold other than a cigarette. If possible, remove your ashtrays so you don't have a place to put the butts.

Basically, remove (as much as possible) the triggers from your life that make you want to smoke. Imagine your day, how does it start? Do you usually start with a cigarette - immediately replace that with a new routine. Do you have one while talking on the phone with someone? Text them instead. Or, make a cup of tea or coffee, and grab a doodle pad and pencil while you're on the phone. It's as much a distraction as it is a coping mechanism and has become a routine and an addiction.

Finally, don't say you're a bad person or that you lied to your husband. I'm sure when you agreed to this new thing, you weren't lying to him. I'm sure you meant it. It's just difficult. But, it's not impossible. And, your health matters most, so keep that in the forefront of your mind. Imagine every time you want to smoke having to tell your son that you have cancer and only a year to live because you smoked. Imagine his life without you. This may give you the strength to not buy them.

Best of luck!