Typical 4-Year Old Behavior or Spoiled Rotten?

If you live anywhere near cartersville, Ga please call Solutions Therapeutic Services and ask for Amy Robbins. She specializes in play therapy and has worked wonders with my 6 year old daughter. She was not exibiting the same behavior but i was having some very real problems with her after her father and I spilt. She is wonderful i have to tell you. Please email me through this site if you want any other information. I can tell you more about her sessions with my daughter if you want. Amy Robbins number is ###-###-####. mAybe she can give you some insight as to why he does some of these things. Good luck to you.
L.

Not typical or at least in my world of typical. i know my son was showing signs of being spoiled but my husband and i realized that it was more from my mom than us. we realized that when thought we would nice and give him a treat (toy) he wasn't even appreciative, he really just expected it or didn't act like it was special that we had given him something. he did / does play with the things he got, but we too thought it was so much. we just laid the law down with her and told her to stop. his attitude quickly came back into check without the spoiling. you laid the law down with you, i think you have just forgotten everyone else. get everyone on board with the new rules and ways of making him be appreciative and hopefully things will change. Also to make sure and teach him manners....Thank you for everything he gets even a drink cup will quickly teach him to be more appreciative. just be firm and don't give things unless he says please and thank you. also sometimes intentionally say no so that he know even a please doesn't get you what you want.

Check out a book called "Transforming the difficult child, the nurtured heart approach", I think one of the authors last name is easley/easly. Work wonders in our household.

hello L. i understand your ponit i have a granddaughter thats just like that she talks back crys when u say something to her throws stuff gets an attuidde wont listen not sure wat to do i have whip her puishedher and evertything all i can tell u is dont give into him when he mess with your plant whip him and when he hits the dog the will let him know it tried of it and u pop him and tell him thats not good to do and he wil get tried of gettin whip and soon will stop it

My son just turned 5 and he is nothing like this. We have tried hard not to spoil him and give him firm and loving discipline since turning 2. Above all he is respectful and if he ever talks rudely to me or my husband he is put in time out or loses a toy or privilege. It sounds to me like your son is spoiled and it's more than likely the result of what you said in the first paragraph. You divorced when he was 1 and he's been the center of both your universe. Divorce is always h*** o* kids at any age. Going between 2 different households with 2 different sets of rules can be confusing. I think maybe you and your ex should get him some counseling and you both need to have the same approach and rules. If one is trying to discipline and then he goes to the other home and does whatever he wants, then it's not going to work. If spanking or time outs don't work, take things away. If he ends up in a room with nothing in it, that's his choice but you need to be consistent. Whatever you do I would say do it now before he's totally out of control. Good luck.

WHEW! I'm tired listening. I think that he is acting out because of confusion from the break up with his father. I had a daughter doing the same kinds of things after the break up of my marriage to her father. Now, Emily is 8 and still nothing phases her. Spankings give me the "I won't cry" face and time outs and going w/o priviledges don't really sink in. Since I have settled with a new guy, the emphasis has been taken off her and she seems to be better. Oh, she's been diagnosed with ADHD and now uses meds for school. You really should check into that. Worst comes to worst, the therapy sessions would really help.

First of all, you are a loving mother. Please carefully read the comments that you receive knowing that!

I strongly suggest you go to the library and read John Rosemond's Making the Terrible Twos Teriffic!

It sounds like your son believes he is the center of the Universe. That is appropriate for infants but around 2 years old, it is the natural progression of growing up when we learn that we aren't! This is why people call it the Terrible Twos. Unfortunately, even some grown-ups think they are and I'm sure you've met one or two in your lifetime.

John Rosemond's book has a solution to your problem. If you and your husband commit to following his prescription and are firm and consistent, you will be amazed at the results. You may feel you are being harsh...who would you rather deliver the bad news that he's no longer the Center of the Universe; you who loves him unconditionally or someone else?

Remember; we aren't raising children, we're raising adults!

Good luck and don't give up. Your son is worth the hard work!

S.

L.,

The first thing you should do is stop and see when you first noticed this behavior, and what happened around that time. There could have been an incident that triggered his reactions, and he doesn't know how to explain it. It could have been the divorce/separation. He may be used to one parent or the other over compensatiing for lack of time witih him by buying presents, so now he thinks that that is how to behave for attention (demanding things). Or maybe someone (another relative) buys him something everytime they see him, and he doesn't know that that's not what EVERYBODY is supposed to do.
Some children are just naturally "spoiled". Please don't take offense, but I do know children whose parents DON't give them everything st the drop of a dime, and they are still demanding and whiney.
It takes a long time to break a habit. AS long as they've put into it can be as long as it takes to get out of it.

As for the being wild, and hurting himself.... If he's not intentionally hurting himself - throwing himself down in a tempertantrum so hard that it injurs him - he will grow out of that (Sort of - my son got stuck in the washing machine once, and had to be "rescued" by the fire dapartment out of a tree once). You might be able to channel that through a pohysical activity like Marshal Arts, or YMCA Pee Wee Basketball. It will teach him how to use his energy constructively.

Sorry to ramble. The best to you.

I think that you enrolling him in a program is very smart. I am the mom of a 3 year old bou. Only child. He too has started becoming "ungrateful" and asking for spiderman as soon as you hand him batman...you know what I mean. His b-day he got a tent from his grandparents, chairs, fishing poles the whole 9 yards...he said thankyou and then asked for what he thought he wanted. I firmly corrected him and my mom-in-law said it was just because he was 3.
My sons dad is bi-polar and ADD. I am constantly watching for any signs that he may be also.
The only reason I bring that up is because he sounds like he is a bit spoiled...and maybe a bit ADD or ADHA.
My girlfriend has 2 sons that are ADHD, they are 5 and 9. Your little boy sounds a bit like how they act. She is brought to tears by the things the boys see.
Get in touch with the DR about your boy. Love him, don't spoil him. Pray for God guidence and I'll pray for you guys too.

L.,

I know it sounds drastic but I think a good therapist can probably get him feeling more secure. How is he with other kids? My guess is he is probably a bit demanding and needs to have control of the situation. The treatment of the dog shows me that he needs to feel in control, especially in light of your new discipline techniques (which I'm all in agreement about). Please don't look at therapy as a being a bad parent...think of it as a help to a single-parent. A therapist can recommend behavior modification tactics and reassure you that you are on the right track. Good luck!

I really think the break up might have taken its toll on him. Not to say it's your fault, because it is probably a GOOD reason that you two are no longer together. He may just be taking the attention to his advantage, or he just doesn't know how to verbalize how he feels about mommy and daddy. Children sense dissension or strain , so when mom is feeling uneasy they get it too. I thought I could fool my son when I had a problem thinking I could hide it, but he still sensed it as hard as I tried to hide it from him. But again, don't blame yourself or make yourself feel guilty about breaking up. It is something you both are going to have to get through. Stay firm and don't give in to him. He will eventually get better if you stick to your guns, even if the process takes some time. My daughter is more head strong than my son, so I have to stay firm on her, even when she doesn't like it. She understands mommy isn't changing, and she is much better. Some kids are just head strong and we as parents have to love them enough sometimes to resist them. Also, if it is possible, talk to your ex about it, if he is the type you can talk to. I know its hard but be patient. If you stand your ground he will come around. It is better to do it now than trying it when he is 10. Some wait to address that problem until they are too old. Then the behavior turns into something worse. You are doing right by addressing it now. I know where you are coming from, and my prayers are with you and your family. :)