Toy Removal Tantrums

Updated on December 18, 2009
A.E. asks from Castle Rock, CO
10 answers

My just-turned-2-year-old son has become obsessed with Thomas after his birthday party a couple of weeks ago. Thomas was not new to the house, but for whatever reason, Thomas is now, in some form or another, permanently attached to the child. Has to have him with him at all times. He does say night-night and puts the trains on the bookcase in his room when he goes to bed, but that is the only time he is willing to relinquish the little blue engine. Today he had a massive meltdown that lasted for over 40 minutes when I took Thomas away so we could go to daycare. I finally to force him into the carseat and he screamed and kicked all the way and even after we got there. I finally just left -- poor teachers! I know this is normal 2-year-old behavior, but I'm at my wit's end. Not the first tantrum, but definitely escalating on a daily basis. Can't eat, change a diaper, anything without Thomas (and Thomas is not just one toy -- it is any of the multiple train cars that we have (too many!). Do I pack up all the trains for awhile, knowing he will whine and cry for days when he can't find them?

On a rather funny/amazing note, there is a home in a subdivision a few blocks over that has a big blow-up Thomas in their front yard. We drove by ONE time 2 weeks ago while driving through many neighborhoods for over 20 minutes looking at Christmas lights. To this day my son yells "Thomas!" and points at the street, day or night and from any direction, to turn on to find that Thomas. Built in Thomas GPS.

Appreciate any advice!
Thanks

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So What Happened?

Thanks for all the good advice. I think after over a week of throwing fits and constant whining about Thomas, I had lost perspective. My son has never "attached" to an item until now and I simply didn't see it for what it was: a comfort thing. I think I interpreted it more as a control issue, as those fun and games have been going on as well. I realize it is a little of both, but I'll let him have this one. He has always been allowed to have the engine and a car or two, except for when it is impractical (eating, daycare, etc.). We're both doing much better at those times now with a little more patience from Mommy (and a Thomas sticker when we go to daycare). We still have some moments, like when Thomas fell out of sight in the car today, but I think the intensity will lessen over time. Again, thank you for your sharing your wisdom!

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J.P.

answers from Boise on

My son isn't yet 2 but still has those things that he doesn't want to go without. They alter all the time, though (sometimes it is a cat toy). I am fine with him carrying it all over the house, but it will wait for him while he is eating, and he can get it afterwards. We also don't take those things to daycare. I usually ask him to put it down on a table, and let him know that it will be there when we get back (I never move it or put it away). I also get him to say bye-bye to it. The bye-bye works too when he likes something in a store or that isn't his. I do sometimes let him take it in the car, depending what it is, but never into daycare. I ask him to place it in his carseat.
He does much better with him placing it somewhere, but as he gets into his "No" phase, the taking it away is becoming more necessary. I try to tell him that if he takes it to daycare, it could get lost. If he puts it down in a spot at home, it will there. There are still tears and upset, but not much you can do about that.

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K.M.

answers from Denver on

Sigh. . . I hate these kind of problems in my house. . . I always feel like an ogre. I think I would reduce "Thomas" to one toy - period. I would also let my son know that there are places that Thomas is not allowed to go. He can't go in the car, on the changing table, on the dining room table, or whatever. Stick to your guns and don't let Thomas go there. Otherwise, I would just let your son have free rein and hold him all he wants. Good luck! I have an almost 3-year old son and we go through this kind of thing as well.

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K.L.

answers from Salt Lake City on

If he has a pocket I would recommend making Thomas go night-night in his pocket once in while, or during mealtimes or whenever you choose. Make sure at night you praise him for putting Thomas to bed. And is there one of the videos where the moral is getting rest?!? Maybe you could let him watch one a few hundred times and use that to help. I love the GPS part! Youve got one smart kid!

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M.S.

answers from Boise on

Your son needs to have some sort of comfort and he has chosen the Thomas engine for that. My son had his kitty, my daughter has her barbie, my other son has a matchbox car. If the engine is to big then go get him one of those small Thomas engines or go to a fabric store and get a small amount of fleece with Thomas on it and make him a no-sew blanket. He will give it up when he is ready. My son doesn't take his kitty with him anymore and he did take it to school with him. This is a battle that you don't have to fight.

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A.P.

answers from Pocatello on

My 2nd child loved Thomas, too. We actually rode on the real Thomas the Tank Engine. Quite fun. I'd suggest getting a Thomas "bag," and definitely let him take his trains in the car! They can ride in his hands, or in his bag. Make sure he knows they must stay in the car, safely in their bag, and they'll wait for him until after. If he needs help, remind him kindly, help him if needed, and know that the crying is temporary. Hmmm. You could also let him put the bag into your purse if that would help get out of the car. Good luck!
A.
www.breastandbottlefeeding.com

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A.

answers from Denver on

he sounds like my son, into thomas, sure, but especially the gps part. my son was identified as having aspergers syndrome when he was 12. I think he loved thomas because the faces were easy to decipher.

now before you get scared by it, I have to admit we had 12 years of my delightful son before his quirks had a name. he was still the same boy I loved the day after as he was the day before!

autism is what causes my child to be a science and tech guru. I never deprived my son of his obsessions. I only introduced other related subjects along the way. he's been through many loves. indulge them all. one of them may turn into his lief's work, where he will be the top of his field!

A.

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J.N.

answers from Salt Lake City on

I would take away all but a few of the cars. The let him carry the engine with one or two cars.

Since he is okay to say "good-night", he should be able to say "good-bye" too. For daycare, let him bring the toy in the car, then say "bye-bye Thomas" when it's time to go inside (the toy stays in the car).

As long as his attachment to the toy isn't seriously affecting his development or socializing in any way, I would just wait for him to grow out of it. Kids this age fixate on something for a while, and then a few months later we can suddenly realize that they aren't any more (as long as we don't make a big issue out of it). My daughter went through Mary Poppins (watching it every day!) and several other phases in her twos and threes. Now (at 11) it's just "remember when ..." and she always get's the embarrased attitude :)
Hang in there, you'll someday be able to look back and say "remember when..."

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N.P.

answers from Salt Lake City on

I had to smile because my 2 yr old is completely obsessed with Thomas and Toby. He has to have one in each hand at all times. Even when he sleeps, so maybe you are one step ahead? :) The advice that I have been given is that you have to get into their zone. You have to play with them when you need to take the toys away. So you start playing with the trains, talk about how the trains are tired and need to rest in his room, or whatever you can think. Maybe they need a drink? Maybe they are scared to go outside and need to stay home. It might not work but it works a lot with my son. We do silly things too, like wiggling or bouncing or making funny noises when we have to go on to the next thing in life and leave the trains behind...

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K.W.

answers from Boise on

This too shall pass. Choose your battles. We're not out of Thomas (finally), and into other things. Just let him hold one all the time and you'll both be saner. :)

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A.S.

answers from Denver on

Pick your battles. He likes the train, what's the problem with letting him have it and carry it around with him? Is there a health or safety issue I've missed that makes it a dire need to remove it?

When he goes to daycare, put the toy in his backpack so he knows it's there. When he's at home, let him have it. This is not something you want to engage him on. Let him him have his ounce of control.

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