To Quit or Stay?

Believe me, I know how you feel. I have 5 children ages 6 monthhs to 12 years. I have a lot of friends that ask me how I maintain my sanity and it's because I have a part-time job. I've tried staying home full time but I just can't do it. I feel all boxed up inside. If money really isn't the issue, maybe go to part time there or somewhere else. That way you get the time with the family that you need, but you still have time with other adults where you get a different kind of appreciation.

A little about me: Happily married to a soldier deployed twice in 3 years with a 4 and 3 yr old and no family support.

I am a stay at home mom...I used to work prior to our move 3 1/2 yrs ago and loved it...however, the stress got to me with the second pregnancy and I was resentful of day care providers telling me when my child started walking and saying words I wasn't getting at home. You're children will only be this age once and at this age they WANT to spend time with you!!! Nothing is more precious...they will eventually be in school full time but the grin my son gives me when he gets off the bus from preschool is worth every dollar I have sacrificed to stay home....we have cookies and conversation and he tells me about his day and we work on his "learning labs" together...he's even gotten into trying to teach his younger sister...

As for things to do, you can be as busy as you want to be...with a soldier deployed you are entitled to a certain amount of day care hours on base FREE every month...you can also enroll the kids SKIES programs FREE...maybe a play group for the youngest and Judo for the eldest or soccer...Get in touch with other moms and trade out times to watch eachothers kids for a day off so you can do something for you...As for me...I don't know how I would get everything done if I had to work too...people think I'm a supermom...but you must top me! I can't imagine working, cooking, cleaning, AND taking care of kids by myself....I'd never have any ME time!

Let me emphasize you will NEVER get this time back from your kids...in todays day and age where they really want nothing to do with you once they are teenagers...enjoy every moment you have that they run into your arms and give you that big wet MOMMY kiss! If you are really married to your job, ask if you can go part time, take a leave of absence or if they will hold your job until hubby comes back...I would give it a try...my hubby wants me to go back to work when he comes home and I'm fighting it tooth and nail...Good luck to you and your decision! L. B

N.,
It's a big decision to make to stay home or keep working. I also had a great job with the postal service and had to make the decision whether to work or stay at home two years ago. I had a had a 5 month old baby girl, a just turned 3 year old, a 6 year old and a 7 year old at the time that my husband and I were juggling shifts around to care for them even using babysitters. We decided that it was beneficial for me to stay at home and care for the kids. I was overly stressed at my job. I felt a sense of relief at first when I quit. I was ready to be done with the stresses of work and finding childcare and juggling shifts with my husband. But to be honest, I began to feel out of whack for the first 6-8 months. I did not prepare myself for the change in lifestyle that I had chosen. I became unorganized because with the kids home everyday all day, the house was not as clean and organized as before when all we did was basically sleep in the house. I lost a few friends over the decision to stay at home because I was told it was not fair to them that I quit to stay at home and they could not. And the friends that I did keep, were so busy working that it was hard to keep in contact with them. Also with me staying at home full time, the husband decided that if he was working overtime at work then he stopped helping out at home with the house work and with the kids. So it began feeling like I was a single mom all over again with no life and with an extra kid, my husband. I started to get very depressed at times and that first year throughout the winter, everyone in my family was not able to get a flu shot due to shortages and we were all sick alot that winter. So I have to say that my experience at first was NOT what I had expected or hoped for. And even thought it was nice to save all that money for not paying a babysitter, sometimes it felt easier just to have someone else put up with all of the hassles with the kids and then you get to pick them up at night and enjoy them. With staying home it is 24 hours a day and 7 days a week.

HOWEVER, once I got a hold on with my situation, I began to schedule my days better. A friend told me that if you get behind, just place ONE HOUR in each day to REALLY work and get something done that needs to be done and soon all will be caught up. That is what I have done! And it works! I also started to put myself in the category of needing to be taken care of. I would do everything else for my kids and my husband and always leave myself out. And now, I do something for myself in each day and take time out of each week to do something for myself away from the husband and the kids. And when he is not available to watch the kids, I get a babysitter. My dad is usually there to help me out for those times. I usually go shopping for a couple hours or meet with friends for margaritas or ice cream or even just to sit and chat over ice water. Because remember, staying at home to be a homemom is a 24/7 job. It never ends. You cannot just leave your work at work and go home and vegetate. There is always something to be done at home and somewhere to go....especially as your kids get older and into school activities. On the upside of all of this, I ABSOLUTELY LOVE BEING HOME WITH MY KIDS!!!!!! It was the first time with my last kid that I was able to be a homemom. I had worked with all other three. And I loved being able to see my kids grow and do new things. My kids are closer to me now and I LOVE it! I get to read with them, play games, and just watch them be them everyday. It's a terrific feeling to be needed and much more rewarding than any job I have had in my life! Now, I get to go to school for their literacy groups, school parties, and have free time during the mornings when my preschooler is in school to play on the computer and do the work that I never seem to be able to do when the younger kids are around. I do miss the interaction with adults on a daily basis - even when all you did was say hello to people. But I've made some friends circles and keep in touch with those people. They are just as busy with their lives as well so it's understood that if we don't get together for a few weeks, it's ok! On a last note, the decision to stay at home and quit my high paying job was one of the very best decisions I have made in my life outside of having all of my children! It's up to you, look into your heart and see what you desire. Just remember that staying at home takes committment and desire and it's some days not all it's cracked up to be, but in the long run a great successful life changing decision. Good luck! ~T.

I worked full time with my second child and went part-time when he was 9 months. I quit all together when I had my third. While I miss working somedays, I love being at school with my child. I've since have a fourth. I do work sometimes, when I want out of my house. That makes it nice. I work when I want.

Well of course it is more stressful! Wow, you have a full plate. Not only are you dealing with the stresses of single parenting right now, there is the whole "hubby is in Iraq" right now. Probably he wants you to quit, because he can hear in your voice that you are stressed out and doesn't want that for you. What are you doing for you right now? Things may seem different for him right now, because he is so far from his family and country. Is going down to part time or job sharing a possibility? If not, you need to find a way to ease your stress. Maybe you can seek out a support group from other Military spouses. When my husband was in Desert Storm we were lacking that in our community so I started one. We did a lot of activities to support each other with the kids and really, it helped us to put the focus on the return and not him being gone. Even if you could do an exercise class or walk with a buddy it may help ease the stress level. He will need time to re-adjust when he gets back. Maybe you could take a few weeks off now, to really think about what you would like to do. If vacation time is an issue and money is not, offer to do it without pay. Just some ideas. God bless you and your family. Thank you for your sacrifice.

Can you go part-time? I think that would give you the best of both worlds. I recently quit (in July) before the birth of my second child. Some days I go absolutely stir crazy, even though I take my two children (21 months and 4 months) everywhere: errands, Magic House, playground, etc. While I don't miss my job, I do miss the adult interaction, the feeling that I was accomplishing something useful, a professional atmosphere, and the lunch time to get personal errands done!!! It's a hard decision to make, but I'm sure you'll do what's best for you and your family.

You can have the best of both worlds! I stay at home with my son and Teach Skin Care with Mary Kay! This lets me work my own hours, make money and have some time away from the kids! You already have sales experience so you would have no problem with Mary Kay! There is also so much support and training as well as friendships and jewelry and cars you can earn. You just pay $100 to start which gives you a kit that has $400 worth of products in it. Mary Kay is the #1 direct selling business and Cosmetics are one of the 3 things that sell during a recession. (tobacco and alcohol being the other two) Let me know if this would be for you!

Thanks and Good Luck,

G.

www.marykay.com/ginabrady

N.,

This is certainly a big decision. I quit my job to stay home when my first son was 10 mo old. I have 2 sons (almost 5 & 16 mo)and they & my husband are my life. It does have its challenges but I would not trade it for any job in the world. For me there is just something comforting in knowing that everything that goes in their minds & bodies goes through me first. I am the one they will remember reading stories to them & playing with them & taking care of their boo boos, not someone who is getting paid to take care of only the necessary needs. I don't get stir crazy as there is always something that needs to be done or something we want to do. I do need time away from them occasionally but not all but 3 hours of their awake time a day, everyday. That is just me, make a list of priorities & see what is the most important to you. Organize by that. Good luck!

How about a compromise. Have you considered working Part-time? Then you could be with the kids and have a break by working a couple of days a week. This would also give you a little extra income to set aside.

Life is so uncertain, and having a career is a great thing to fall back on, is there any way you could ask for a trial time off? Some way to see if this will work for you without completely giving up your job? Maybe work part-time or something? You know what your husband wants but you have to do what is right for you. I tried working full time and have went down to three days a week because my situation just kept getting worse. I couldn't keep up with the housework, the kids the full time job and the side business that I run at home. I saw myself getting allot less likeable real fast. I was very unhappy and had started to cry allot more from the stress of it all. I have a MR son so everyday is a battle anyways...You just have to make sure that whatever descision you make is something you can be happy with. And remember that trying something new doesn't mean you can't ever go back to the way things were before. You can always get another job, but those babies grow up so fast you never get that time back. My Youngest is six and I stayed home with her for almost her first five years, I think we are closer because of it.

Anyway that you might be able to go part time?

Well I somewhat know how you feel. After I had my son and returned to work all I really wanted to do was be at home. My fiancee supports me and told me whatever I want to do. I have 2 jobs now and one I'm having problems with so I was talking to my fiancee about it and he told me whatever I wanted to do. So maybe talk to your husband about how you feel and see what he says. Ultimately it's your choice no matter what but at least you get a feel for how he feels about it and he might be able to give you insight or point of view you didn't think of before. As for another child what do you want to do? It's your body so you have the control over that one. Maybe if you do want to quit your job start to volunteer somewhere so you can at least get out of the house.

Oh honey, don't quit your job! Its great to stay home with the kids but you will go nuts! You deserve to have something of a life for yourself. Maybe you could ask to go part time instead of full time?

Good Luck!

N.,
I guess it depends on what you would do with your time. There's no need to be stir crazy ever. In my home I always have something going on. I'm always trying something new. I do daycare so the kids always had/have their friends and I was there for my family in a much more direct way. I have one daughter at home now (3 have moved out) and she's still getting most of my time and attention. We home school so my many project provide much learning and excitement for the kids. Also many of my hobbies and interest are at least partially tax deductible because I'm always using it for the education and entertainment of my daycare children.

On top of this I have time to pursue my own interests. I have taken classes, put in gardens, raised animals, explored side careers and businesses, and truly could go on and on. My latest interest is coral reef keeping/growing. I am just getting started with that and just set up a fresh water aquarium yesterday. I took up playing the saxophone recently after 29 years. I played 3 years as a grade school student.

I have a goal of someday having a fully functional hydroponic fresh herb and veggie business in my basement that will someday take the place of my daycare which I've been doing for over 20 years now. I even have bananas growing in my basement. I'm anything but bored and I'm hardly broke.

Suzi

Hi N.,

Well first a little about me, I have 4 children ages 16 yrs, 7 yrs, 3 1/2 yrs and 14 months. First of all I'm gonna list the benefits of you being at home....your oldest is 5 yrs old so he will be going to Kindergarten or already is. This allows you to be at home with your youngest but also allows you to get your youngest on the bus ar even take him to school. It allows you to also have quality time with your youngest during the day. With you being at home you will be busy just as if you were at work. I don't believe you would be stir crazy if you joined some groups, maybe a church of some kind, maybe a book club whatever your interests are.

For my I have an Im-Home daycare, I believe I have the best of both words. I am able to stay home with my kids, get them on and off the bus, I teach my daughter and one of the other little girls their ABC's, numbers and colors, ect. Which I love doing. I love doing crafts and making things and finding more things we can do and make. For me also I love kids, I have one mother who is getting ready to have a baby in 4 weeks, I will be watching him when she goes back to work. I'm so excited.

I have been home with my kids now for 4 years in May, and I

I say you do what makes you happy. If you do give the SAHM thing a try, the best thing to do is join a mom group to get around other moms so you wont go stir crazy. I worked all my life and now I am a SAHM but I also work from home so it helps,I dont make much money but every little bit helps. If you feel you need to work after giving the SAHM thing a try, get a parttime job somewhere doing something you like, or do parttime at your job you have now. Many options to make everyone happy.

Good Luck

I wanted to stay home with my kids, but after a year, I realized that was not for me. I started working part time 2-3 nights per week and for me, it's the perfect situation. I get to be the stay at home mommy I wanted to be, but get a break in the evenings. Not to mention, the extra money sure is nice to do extra fun classes and activities with my kids. You're making a very big decision and need to make sure it's the right decision for YOU.