Third Child Just born..spreading Attention

Bending the truth is age appropriate and so just let it float off. the book "Smart Love" is great and will definitely help. We often expect children to be like miniadults and this is unrealistic. We also think that if we don't get them to stop doing x, that they will do it as an adult. In reality, this doesn't happen. You can tell her that what she says isn't true but don't get upset about it, she is bend the reality to meet her needs.

Hi R.,
First congrats on the new baby! Wow it sounds like there is alot going on for everyone with new location ,new sib, more sharing of space is a bit overwhelming for everyone! I would try to catch her in the act of being good. Praise goes so much further as you may know. Try also setting her up for success which is easier said then done.

Maybe you could pack a specical lunch to bring to dad while he is at work/working on the house and while driving have a chat with her and acknowledge that it is a little tough right now. Sometimes even the most mature 6 old girl needs to know she is still loved like the new baby. Good luck!

J. O

Hi R.,
You need to get some child care help. If your mother could watch your son's then you could spend some alone time with your daughter. If she can't, then get a sitter to watch the young ones while you spend some fun quality time with her. Remember your life is not the only one being affected by all of these changes. I also think it would do you some good to have some time to yourself as well. Get a massage or just see a movie or have lunch. Some alone time where you can decompress will make you a happier & better mommy.

My 2 are the same way. I usually say that I'm about to check to make sure that they cleaned their room and they know that there will be a consequence (losing computer time or taking away their favorite toy away or a time out)if it is not done. They usually have that look and run to their rooms to complete the job. We have a rule in our house no computer after 7 pm. I agree with the other moms that it would be difficult to do enforce the rules alone, ask your parents for help. You will have to discipline consistently. Maybe while the baby naps, plan time for your daughter (do her nails, play a game) it doesn't have to be every day. The 2 year old can have a 30 second time out after hitting. Let him know why he is in time out. Show him how to be gentle by rubbing his arm gently and ask him to be gentle to you. Maybe he can learn by example. Good luck.

I would try just sitting down with her and explain what's going on , Mommy and Daddy are so busy right now with the baby house etc. You miss spending time with her but it will get easier soon. Ask her if she can help you do things so you will have more free time together after you do chores etc.
Also, try to get someone to help out with the baby so you can spend time outside with the other kids.Lots of hugs and kisses too. Maybe read to her while feeding baby.Try to have special nights of the week for her to look forward to Movie night, Spaghetti night , Ice cream night , Painting night . Just some simple things to keep you connected. Get her input. She is growing up and can understand ,just needs some reasurance that she is special:)Hang in there!You can do it!

First of all, congratulations on the new addition to your family. With all of the changes that are going on in their lives, it's normal for children to act out. Children crave routine and unfortunately, yours has been temporarily disrupted. I would try to enlist the help of you mom. If she is willing to give an hour a day of her time, you would be surprised how much of a difference it would make. You can break that hour down into 30 minutes of quality time with your daughter and 30 minutes of quality time with your son. Just read books to them or do puzzles tell stories, do crafts, etc...If you can do it while the baby is sleeping, your mother only has to keep one entertained.

And as always, praise your children when they're acting appropriately that way they don't feel just negative attention.

Good luck!

wow, that's a really hard situation! how much longer until the house is finished? :)
i think that first thing i would do is find a time to talk to your 6 year old alone (or with just the newborn in tow) - when 2-year-old is sleeping or being entertained by dad/grandparents. if she is mature, etc, then treat her like it! ask her what is going on, why she is lying and disobeying the twice around the block, staying up late on the computer, etc. try to keep yourself totally calm, even when her answers are infuriating so that she will really talk to you. save any admonitions or upset until afterwards - remember that you are trying to get to the bottom of the issue, not ferret more info out of her to punish her for.

once you find out exactly what she's going through mentally/emotionally, THEN you can work on ways to help it. a few examples, if she's really feeling neglected, then you can talk to her about how everwhelmed YOU are, and then find ways to spend time together that don't drain you -- like getting her to help with dinner (which could be just you and her...and baby if need be), or having her pick a special book to read with you while you feed the baby, or getting that laundry put away so that you have a few extra minutes togeter once the chores are done, or allowing her to stay up later to spend time with you after the 2-year-old is in bed. if she's feeling over-whelmed with all the people around, maybe she can ride her bike longer, but needs to check in with you after every 2 rounds around the block.
it might also help if you guys can count down the time until moving back into your own home, and spending some time planning how her room will be back home, etc. it really sounds like she wants/needs some space of her own, but like she also wants/needs some ways to see that her involvement make a difference to the household and that she matters.

I have 9 yr olds and a 3 month old. I know how hard it can be to split the attn. Is it possible to walk the younger ones hile the 6 yr old rides her bike? This way you all get fresh air. Maybe if the 6 yr old helps you take care of the other 2, she will go back to her responsibilities you have set up.

Boy do I hear you. I have a 4, 2, and 6 months old. We are hardly keeping our heads above water. I just spent an hour putting the baby down and just let the kids watch tv. I shouldn't even be on the computer now, but sesame street was started when I got down, and I just need a break. My house is also torn up a bit from water damage, and we may be spending a few days at my inlaws.

There are a few things we have turned to in desperation. One I hired a mother helper. She is a dear 11 year old, who thanks me for letting her come. My 2 & 4 years old love her. I only pay her 2.50 and hour. She'll come 2 hours twice a week.

I tried Simply Homemade, one of those meal assembly places. For new moms some of them will assemble your meals for free.

Another thing I will do when the house gets back together is get a house keeper to do a once over.

We are generally pretty frugal, so this is different for me. but sayig yes to doing thise things is saying no to the time I could have for other things.

Also think through the projects your hubby is doing at home. Make sure they are really necessary. You need his help right now and if there is anything you can wait on it might be worth it.

As far as disipline, I'm dealing with the same thing. When my oldest girl feels neglected she is so hard to deal with. Disipline almost makes her harder. if I can focus on building our relationship that helps. But life happens, and I can't always do it. We are trying.

brandon has learned to be more gentle, but I still can't trust him. Have you tried a play pen to keep the baby safe when you need to put him/her down.

I better fun, but feel free to write me if you'd like to chat more.

You need to reconnect with your daughter. She is obviously doing things to get your attention, as you said this is all new behavior for her. She may be more stressed out from this situation then you realize. Also, she's six years old so how "mature" can she really be? Are you sure your expectations of her are age appropriate? And as other Moms said you are over extended and need some help. What about Grandma, etc. Can she watch two year old while you take baby for a walk and have some one on one time with six year old? Maybe doing something she likes to do or whatever? Get your husband involved on weekends or whenever he is around. An hour away isn't that far in my book. It's a lot to negotiate. Get support.