Thinking About Maybe Going Back to Work .....

I was in the EXACT same spot as you earlier this summer. I had an offer to return to my old job a couple of years ago, but I turned it down because it was way too time consuming (I'm a school social worker). Even with one child (like you, but I have a 3 yr. old) it would have been too much for me to tackle. So, i decided to wait.

However, this summer a part time job opportunity came up and I grabbed it. I knew the hours were good and I could do both--be at home with my daughter on some days, and work the others. It has proved to be great choice!!! I love it...it's just enough to keep me engaged in my field, and let me have "my time" with my growing daughter.

Economically, I did not need to go back to work, but I felt this was a good time to go back because my daughter is in preschool two days per week (I'm home those days, my mother is with her on the two days I work). So, if school calls, I can be right there in a moments notice. I felt good about that set-up.

To answer your question: "How do you know if you are ready to go back to work?", I just felt it was time. I was looking for something to keep my mind fresh and utilize my professional skills. I could have returned to work a few years ago, but wanted to wait until I knew for certain that I could handle it. It's likely that we will only have one child so I wanted to spend as much time as I could with her when she was small.

There is growing debate (as there is with everything!!!) regarding staying-at-home and going to work. All I can say, is that what's right for you, may not be right for another. We have to meet our individual needs. Being a working parent is not right for all moms. Some thrive, others don't. You need to make a list of all the pros and cons to help you through.

The other thing that my husband and i decided was this: Taking my job did not mean that it was set in stone forever! I went into this with an open mind. Meaning, I knew that if if it didn't "feel right" I knew that I could quit. The only thing in life I am truly invested in is my family. My career really does come second--as much as I love it! So, there's really no harm done in trying it out. It could work out or it couldn't. My philosophy is you won't know until you try!

Good luck.

I'll give a slightly different perspective. I continued to work with both of my kids, although I worked part-time for a while with my first son, worked freelance/part-time for about a year, and then took a long maternity leave with my second son (my husband also took an additional 2 months off with him.) I now have a full-time job but one where I can work at home more than half the time.

I didn't want to work, I wanted to stay at home for a few years (we needed the money), but now I feel like I've had the best of both worlds in some ways. (with one exception - my maternity leave with my oldest son was too short and I do regret that.) There's no way I could have taken a few years off and then walked back into the job I have now, where I have so much flexibility and decide when I go into the office, and I'm paid well. My older son is now in school and I have the ability to be there for him when I'm needed. I have friends who left the job market for 5-10 years and are now having a hard time finding jobs at their previous level. If you can find something that will allow you to stay current in your field, maybe even something part-time or temporary, that will help you to stay marketable.

The way I look at it is, in a perfect world, we could give our kids security, a great neighborhood, good schools, college someday, and parents that will be able to retire instead of living off their kids ;-) - but for us, giving them all of that (especially saving for the future) requires two incomes. (we don't live extravagently at all - we have a small house, one car, etc.)

To me, those are the key factors - can you really afford it (including things like your retirement and their college), and can your career afford it. It sounds like you have lots of opportunities and people who want to hire you, which is a great sign. So if the answer to both questions is yes, I don't see any harm in taking your time going back to work.

If you don't need the money (sure the money would be nice)enjoy what little time you have with your little one. No amount of money will bring back these special years. Everyone tells us how quickly they pass, so why not enjoy them. Soon enough he'll be in school full time and then you can return to work. I think that my staying home is the absolute best gift I can give to my child and I consider it a privledge to be at home to take care of my girls. It's not always easy, and there are always more "wants" than "needs" when we have kids. I've often heard experienced working mothers, whose children have grown, say they wish they would have stayed home when their children were small. That's my two cents worth.

If you're not strapped for cash, STAY HOME! You'll have the chance to go back when your darling does not need you anymore. Right now your first and foremost obligation is being an awesome mommy to your son. We need to appreciate this huge role we play by being there 24/7 for our babies. Keep busy with activities, groups, book clubs, volunteering with your child, you name it. But time flies by too quickly and you'll regret you weren't home with him/her when they were so little. Your child needs YOU!

Diana,
Since you don't know if you want to return to work, I think you want to be a stay-at-home mom! Living simply and frugally is very admirable. Besides, some things cannot be bought. I say, stay home with your son if you can afford not to work outside of the home.
Blessings,
Amy

Diana,

It certainly isn's stange. I went through the same thing in the beginning with my kids. I went back to work with my first 3 months after birth. It made me sad but, I am a hyper person enjoy working and couldn't see staying home. I felt Terrible!!!! What kind of mom wouldn't want to stay home! Then I had my second and ended up on bedrest and couldn't keep him in daycare because of the cost. He was so mad because he wanted to be in daycare with his friends. I then stayed home after my 2nd and I still was torn about going to work or staying home. I really enjoyed what I did but, I loved my kids and wanted to be home too. It was taking a toll on me emotiononally. Then one day a friend said to me-someday down the road you are going to look back on the situation and be glad that you were home with your children! You are able to raise them with you morals and your love NOT someone else's. She also said, you are not going to wish you worked more you're gonna wish you were home with them! That really helped me out. I still wish I could have a part time job but, with my husbands schedule I cannot and it would just cost too much with 3 kids for any type of daycare. So, I have learned to enjoy my time home there will ALWAYS be jobs out there but, babies are only small for a short time!

Good luck with your choice.
God Bless!

Diana,
You are not ready to go back, at least not full-time. If you have to ask, you already know. However, if the job is a dream job and you hate to pass it up, you may want to try it out. I also stayed home and am now working full-time, a job that I knew I would love and wonderful retirement benefits. I wasn't sure it would be there next year. Although, I do have all the same days off as my Kindergartener and I can take off a lot of days. I also have my entire summer off, so the hours worked for me and my family.

It is an adjustment, but I have a wonderful caregiver that comes to our home, and my children are exposed to so much more love and care, then just mom and dad. They are also very easy going children who have some wonderful experiences because of the extra people who care for them. Is it's MOM's love? No, but they get all of mine and others. What a wonderful life experience for them. I also chose a person who shares our family's morals and values, so that is not a concern either. It's worked out. Ideally, staying at home and working part-time, would of been the best, but we don't always get those options.
Good Luck and follow your instincts (I mean it!).

P.S. Be careful about accepting a job from a friend's company and then quitting later and with your son's allergies, consider childcare in your home. You will keep control of his environment.

In a perfect world, we'd be able to stay home with our kids for a while and then jump right back into our careers when we wanted to (a few months, a few years, maybe longer). Unfortunately, it doesn't always work that way. There are many fields that if you leave, you may never get back in. It may not be fair, but right now, it is life. If you know going back to work is definitely in your future, you need to weigh the likelihood that an offer like this will come around again. I know if I insisted on taking off more time than I did, instead of taking my lab's offer to work part-time for 9 months, I would never have found another job in my field in this area of the country. They are so hard to come by in the first place and they would rather hire someone newer and cheaper.

You love your child, but going back to work does not mean you love him any less. Every family has their own answer to this dilemma. You are not a bad mom if you go to work, nor are you one if you stay home. Don't let ANYONE tell you ANYTHING different. You've already given your son a fantastic gift by staying home with him for as long as you have. It is not selfish to have a life outside of your child .

Good luck - I know it is a tough choice.