The Arrival of #3

A. I have a son who is almost 19 in college and a daughter who is almost 15 and going to start high school. My husband and I are in the process of adopting a baby. Trust me I am very concerned to about comments but when you get right down to it it is no ones business. And I think the best come back if they asked if you planned it just say "someone did". Best of luck.

some will say things and think you trying for a girl

I have 5 and I got that with 3rd cause i had it the other way around, then when 4th pregnancy they made comments but you have both sexes.

Ignore smile and if just say we love kids and shame not all can. That should get quiet really quick.

Ironically, we didn't tell my parents yet about our third, because I wanted to avoid the excess glee before my first appointment, but we did tell my husband's family, and got the worried looks, the "oh this is terrible" underlying tones, The instistence that my second would fall through the cracks neglected...the most positive thing they could muster was "Well, I hope you get everything you want" on their way out the door.
Ya, you're right, we should have told my parents instead.

Just prepare yourself not to care about anything they say. But here's some good comebacks:
Three is the numeric artistic balance in the universe to almost all things (true). Elements come in threes in all great designs, and every masterpiece has at least three areas echoing each process to achieve balance. (then just go get a snack while they look confused)
You'd like even more and are thinking of adopting a few after this one.
You'd love it if it was a girl, but the three muskateers would be cute too.
Say anything that shows you are happy and unafraid so they feel weird being downers.
Good luck!

By the time my 3rd child arrives, March -- I will have three babies 3 and under. I love the dumb, insensitive comments. They make me laugh. If my sex life is better than theirs, my good fortune! Honestly, I tell people that this is exactly what we wanted. I smile. When they say "did you plan this?" I normally say, we always knew we wanted a 3rd we just didn't know when. For our #3, we weren't trying, it just happened. What a blessing. Some women try and try and we were blessed with another baby without trying.

If anything, I am really enjoying this pregnancy because I know it will probably be the last baby for our family because we are both getting a little older.

Best of luck!

Oh my, yes, been there and endured ALL of the "Oh my, was it planned" and "Oh my god, are you crazy", etc. I have 3 boys ages 6,5,3 and was recently pregnant with #4 and lost the baby at 10 weeks. When we told my mother in law, who has 6 children of her own, she was less than congratulatory!!! She was the worst one of all!!! She said, "Oh my God, why would you do that?". I can only imagine what she thinks of her comments now that I've lost the baby! The biggest question is "Are you trying for a girl?". My response "No. We'll take what God gives us!". Bottom line, people can be insensitive whether they intend to or not. I've just come to the conclusion, with the exception of my MIL, that people just can't imagine having 3+ children and can't imagine raising them all. My response to some of the comments....."why not make our home a little crazier/louder. What's one more?", "we were thinking we wanted another because we needed less sleep". You'll come up with responses to those who are insensitive. The best is to play dumb and say "what do you mean?" and that'll get them tongue tied every time and realize they over stepped their bounds. Good luck and CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!

I have O. child and sometimes get "Are you SURE you don't want more?" (Uh---YEEE-AAAH...I think I'm sure, or I'd have more!--Geez) A good response to nosy people, no matter the topic or question, is "Why do you ask?" Kind of a nice way of saying "Nunya" (You know, "None of YOUR business"! :)
Congratulations!

First of all, I want to say Congratulations!!- which is what any decent person should say when you tell them you're having a baby. People should definitely think before opening their mouths. What is the point in being negative? A little blessing is growing inside you! What an amazing thing that God has entrusted these children to you. I work at The Picture People and I see that having 2 or 3 children close in age is extremely common. I feel like an odd-ball because I only have 1 almost-7-year-old son. People ask me all the time if I'm gonna have any more. I just tell them I would love to. I just don't have the energy to be pregnant right now (Chronic Fatigue Syndrome). But if I did get pregnant now, I would be very happy, and I would trust God to give me the strength that I need to go through it all. My suggestion is for you to tell people that God has different plans than we do, and His plans are always better than ours! Just say it was obviously meant to be. God bless you and your family! Enjoy and savor every minute that you can of your pregnancy, and take advantage of supportive family and friends to get time for yourself to relax. Love and prayers, Tabi

I went through the same with number 3 and 4. I wish i had a nice comeback then! People really need to know when to shut their mouths...oh wow did this bring back hostility...lol! I love big families, i think they are a blast. Congrats to you on your wonderful journey!!

Hi A., Wow, do I remember those days! When we decided to have our third people thought (including my mother) that we were NUTS! When ever anyone made any unkind or thoughtless comments to me I just smiled and walked away...I didn't feel it was worth my time or effort to respond to those comments. I have a friend that has 12..so to those who think 3 is a crowd...!!! Congrats!

I have 3. The first 2 are 17 months apart and the 3rd is 27 months from the second. It's crazy but wonderful. They play wonderfully together (most of the time). Initially our families teased about the lack of sleep, but they knew we wanted a bigger family dispite us both just having 1 sibling and not nearly so close in age. They were excited though. What I found quickly though was that it seems like 3 or more is a returning trend. I've been surprised with how many families closely match ours with 3 close together at my kids' preschool. There are even a couple families with 5 not too spread out! 3 does increase the insanity level, but it's even more fun!

stand tall and say yes we did..went thru it by number 4 i didnt want to tell anyone..figured i ruined the joy for myself..who cares what they think unless are getting up with u at 3 am..lol..

Congratulations on your pregnancy! I have 3 kids, the first 2 are almost 18 months apart, and there are 25 months between 2 & 3. People thought I was crazy every time for different reasons...and guess what I would really like to have 1 more so that response should be interesting! lol I fielded questions with honesty... "No it was a surprise, but I am very excited" no one dared to go any further than that! lol Good luck and enjoy your growing family!

Those kind of questions don't deserved to be answered, unless they are asked by very close friends/family who are really concerned for your mental/physical health. I would either ask back "Why do you ask?" or just give them a puzzled look. What you do with your husband and your body is really not anyone else's business.

Congratulations!

We hadn't planned on #3 really either, so my response when I told people was, "We hadn't planned on it, but God did and thank heavens his plans are so much better than ours!" They didn't say anything "smart" after that! *lol*

Dear A.,
My favorite response was always, "Why do you ask?" I loved this one, b/c then THEY have to answer you before you're expected to answer them. This usually stops them in their tracks. As for the planning/trying, I read one of the comments about having a better sex life and LOVED IT! While it's probably not necessarily appropriate to divulge details, depending upon the person asking the question, I might be inclined to say something about "just practicing" ;) Congratulations on your pregnancy! This is your body, your family & your baby! Try not to get too upset. For some reason people seem to think that a woman's pregnancy allows them all kinds of rights they'd NEVER consider for anyone else. (I'm sure you've had at least one person touch your "baby belly" without permission.) Initially, I was appalled, but it only happened once or twice before I learned to ask them if they'll be expecting me to allow them to touch anywhere else simply because I'm pregnant, or if they'll also expect to be permitted to touch me after the baby's born! ;) Having a sense of humor and smart-alecky comment always seemed to keep me from saying something hateful! :) Good luck with your pregnancy. I hope your hubby & boys will be WONDERFUL helpers to you! :)

Congratulations! Good advice here already. My two cents, none of their business. It's your choice to have as many kids as you want. God bless for being able to have children at all! Good for you. Hopefully your anticipated remarks will be few and far between. Enjoy the pregnancy. Best of luck.

J.

I think your response should depend on who's asking. When I found I was pregnant with #3 (our "hat trick" as my husband calls him), my friends who knew that I was on birth control were very surprised and asked those and similar questions. Very close friends that I knew could take a joke I responded with things like "Either I'm pregnant or looking at your face is making me nauseous!" and "Yes I'm pregnant, and when the father of my baby finds out, you'll be pissed!" Others that were friends, but not super close I usually gave polite, friendly responses: "No, it wasn't planned, but we're ecstatic." And acquaintences or strangers who made comments such as the "Are you crazy?" recieved very little or no response at all. Don't feel obligated to explain anything or make excuses or give financial details. Above all, congratulations and good luck!! My Matty was the best and happiest "accident" I could have ever had!

When they ask questions...with a smile, say," Isnt it wonderful....!? I cant wait. If they asked if it was planned, say,"Is life"? You just take what god has given you, and run......

If I thought the people around me would be less than happy for me, I would postpone telling them. I'd want to savor the joy without having to listen to all their negativity. Unfortunately, that's a lesson I learned the hard way after telling people that my 2nd child would arrive 14 months afte my first. When you do decide to share the news, keep a smile on your face, say that you are confident you can handle it and you are very excited about this pregnancy. (On a side note my MIL had 9 kids in 13 years - no multiples. Imagine all the comments she endured. You're in good company. ;) ) Congratulations and best wishes to you!

Hi A.,

Think of something humorous to respond to the questions.

For example: Q. "What were you thinking?" A. "At the time, I wasn't"! Ha, Ha, Ha!

Q. "Did you plan this?" A. "Yes, Isn't it great!"

Remember: When the Angel told Sarah that she was going to have a baby, she laughed because she was old! She had a son and called him Isaac.

Just think of something humorous in response. It is your family and it is a welcomed joy to add another one to the family. Children are gifts from God. We are to procreate in love and respect for all living things. It is a blessing, count them.

God Bless you and your family. D.

HAH!! I feel your pain...similiar but a little different.

We have a 8yo boy and a 3yo girl. Both conceived with fertility intervention. Well guess what? I am 10 weeks preggo with #3! SURPRISE!! On our own. No planning. No trying. We thought we were done. Apparently not.

And I am getting all of the comments. "You have one of each." "Oh you are starting all over again." "You guys are so old" LOVE THAT ONE! I just turned 39 and my DH will be 44 when this one is born.

Babies are always a good thing. I don't care what any one else says. We are financially secure. No one helps us..not even to babysit! So shut up and leave us alone! lol

Oh and BTW. This baby is a Phillies won the World Series baby! I bet there are a lot of "unexpected" bundles of joy which will be born at the end of July 2009!

Dear A.,
None of my eight children were "planned". I nursed them, so sometimes I didn't even have a period between babies. In fact I have two sets that are 14 month apart. I had lots of people prying into what is none of their business, and I didn't ever prepare a comeback, although I can see why you would want to. I always felt that my children are all miracles. Perhaps it's foolish to trust in a divine plan, but I hear that God looks after fools and children. God bless you -- indeed he has. Congrats! Best of luck! Where is your blueberry patch?
:)N

A.,

My first 2 are 20 months apart and #2 and #3 will be 21 months apart. EVERYONE has something to say, from "God Bless You" to "you're crazy" to "how many kids are you going to have?!" It get's obnoxious. I just say, what can I say, when you only have sex 3 times, I guess your body gets confused on what to do. Just enjoy your 3rd and don't worry about what others say.

K.

A.,

Congratulations! Obviously reading the comments so far, you know you aren't alone in this. I had 3 in 4 years and had to endure some of those comments as well. Even after when I would take all 3 to the supermarket, I would get remarks like "Gee, are they all yours?" Depending on my mood, sometimes I'd answer, "No, just thought I'd take them out for a test drive." If people are going to be that insensitive, they deserve to get sarcasm thrown back at them - LOL! Enjoy your growing family!

Just ask them if it really matters? Just tell them that your thrilled and can't wait for this one to come and if they cannot share in your joy then you shouldn't really be bothered with them. It doesn't matter what anyone else has to say to you or your hubby just that the two of you are happy. For the most part my family was excited about my second pregnancy but I heard later from my sister in law that my MIL was none all to thrilled that we were having another child. I am not sure how true that is but my SIL has never lied to me before so I don't think I can doubt her. I know my inlaws love both my children and I don't hold the comments against anyone because I was happy and I didn't care if anyone else really was. My son came earlier than we had initially planned but it was one of the two best gifts I ever recieved (the first being able to get pregnant with my daughter when me and my hubby began to try). Good luck with your pregancy and congratulations! God Bless!

Tell everyone "I'm pregnant!!!! WE always wanted a big family" That'll stop any questions!!!! Congrats!!!

I've heard all kinds of things, being 'advanced maternal age' and all, with an 8mo baby, so I can somewhat relate :D!

The following seemed to be the best reply for me: "There's what I/We planned, and there's what happened!"

None of my 3 kids were planned. I had 3 kids in 3 years. My first 2 are 23 months apart and my last 2 are 14 months apart. I wouldn't worry what other people are saying as long as you and your husband are happy. I did get comments once in a while asking if they were triplets or if they were all mine. Just enjoy them while they are small and don't worry what other people think.