Teenager "Trying Out Bisexual"?????

Is it really the parents' business what the daughter is feeling emotionally and sexually? They violated her trust by reading her personal letters. Seriously, teens need space to discover who they are. I think this issue should NOT be brought up; it will just alienate her.

Check out Focus on the Family online...it's loaded with information and advice of how to handle difficult family situations. After you get to the site, search on teenage sexuality or bisexuality. You'll find compassionate, Bible-based suggestions. Please check it out.

I would be very supportive. She probably should not have read her private letters. That is a breach in trust. So either stay quiet about it or be supportive and not judge her.

She's not trying out bisexual, she is bisexual.

Let me give you some perspective from another point of view:

I'm bi-sexual. I was a normal little girl (well, as normal as a kid is, anyhow. I was hyperactive and silly too.) I loved the outdoors and playing outside. I wasn't in to fashion, or any of that, but not every girl is. I had friends and was just a kid. When I was in Jr.High, I had a crush on a couple of boys, but found myself wanting to be closer to girls. I thought nothing of it. By high school, I started finding girls attractive. I developed a crush on a female teacher, and a friend of mine. I was mortified. I knew my parents would never accept such a thing, as they thought of homosexuality as an abomination. This is when I realized that I could never be accepted nor loved by them for who I really was. So, I had to hide it and keep it a secret. Everybody I knew made fun of homosexuals, and nobody would ever accept it. I had NOBODY to turn to for true acceptance and understanding. I was alone in the world, as many teens find themselves. I developed a severe hate for who I was, but I could not stop myself from wanting to be in a girl's arms. I could not stop myself from having a crush on a few girls. Honestly, I couldn't understand how other girls couldn't feel the same way. At some point, because I felt so alone and unaccepted, I started attempting suicide.

At some point, I dated guys and girls, and eventually dated and fell in love with a girl. The relationship was broken off at some point, when she did a few very mean things.

When I was 22, I met a guy who I fell in love with. 2 years later, I married him. We've been married for 14 years now and have two kids.

I still find girls attractive, just like a heterosexual woman still finds guys attractive. I'm not gay, I'm bisexual. This means that I had more to choose from.

The reason I am sharing this story is because of the confusion that teens face when they are not heterosexual. They are not accepted and feel like outcasts. If they are not accepted by their parents, they feel completely alone and unloved. This leads to depression, which is already a huge problem among teens. It leads to self hate. It hurts more than anything. If your own parents can't accept who you are, there is nothing to live for.

It's not the end of the world. If her parents had all kinds of dreams of her growing up and marrying a man, they might have to re-think their dreams. She could end up marrying a woman - or a man. Let her find her happiness, and if you do nothing else, give her love and acceptance. She might open up eventually and have some great stories to tell. She might grow up to have a strong relationship with her parents and family. You cannot control a person's sexual preferences. You cannot change them.

Many high schools have a chapter of PFLAG, Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays. Their website has resources for parents and you can also search for local chapters on the website http://community.pflag.org/Page.aspx?pid=194&srcid=-2 I would start there for education and support. Your neice may or may not be bisexual or lesbian; she may be experimenting or may be struggling with coming out. I don't think any good has ever been done by family having a huge negative reaction and much good can be done by you and your brother & family letting her know that you love and support her regardless of her sexual identity. You can do some web research to find a therapist who deals with coming out and sexual identity; they are not hard to come by, and if you are religious some are specifically Christian (and Christian does not have to mean anti-gay). I teach college and my students sometimes write in their assignments about their sexual identity, coming out, and their family support, or lack thereof. One of my favorite students was recently thrown out of the house over it. It really makes a huge difference to a teen to have supportive family, and consider your words well because this is an experience (her family finding out) that your neice will remember forever, for good or bad. You and your brother & family may want to talk to a therapist before confronting her, if this is something that is uncomfortable for you. Good luck!

I'm confused on the posts so far. If I was reading this correctly, the mom was in her daughters room AT THE PARENTS HOUSE? As long as the kid lives at home, the parents have a right to read anything that comes into he house. That being said, I think your brother and his wife talk with the daughter, explain what they read and try to understand what she is feeling. Do they think being bisexual is wrong? Do they want to provide support to her to sort through her feelings? Maybe it's one sided on the 'friends' side. They start by talking. Oh, and she is goig to be pissed, but as the parents they have to get past her initial feelings of invasion of privacy and get to the heart of the matter. If she were to run away or take her own life b/c she didn't have anyone to talk to or was scared, they would never forgive themselves.

I think this is a touchy subject and would recommend that the parents talk to a professional about how to handle this situation. I definately think that it is great that they parents go through their child's stuff to see what is going on. Any good parent that cares about their child would because we all know that teens are the last to talk to their parents about anything. I think that talking calmly and not trying to condemn her for what she is feeling is a great start, but a professional would have more insight on how to handle this. If they are religous maybe you could talk to someone that shares their views but doesn't bible beat the child down. Hope this was helpful.

I disagree with most of your responses as far as the parents invaded her privacy. It is their home, their daughter and they love her and I do think they had every right to read her notes. She may have left them out hoping they would care enough to read them and approach the topic with her because maybe she doesn't feel comfortable approaching them. They need to open that line of communication up with her and ask her whats going on, are her feelings the same as the other girl and just talk with her before they make any decisions or form opinions. The reality could be different than what they are thinking it is. Before, during, and after they talk to her have them reassure her they love her, they aren't judging, they are wanting to walk this with her. Praying for all of them!