Tattle Telling in 4 and 5 Year Olds

Not to be mean but remember, you are the adult and they are the kids. When they come to you to complain tell them that they need to work it out themselves and that you do not want to hear it. It is up to them to work it out before they come to you.If they do not want to share take the toys away that they do not want to share. Another thing to tell them that it is not nice to tattle on people. It takes a lot of paitience to deal with kids. If you can not handle it then cut down on the number of children that you watch or may be you need a helper. I am not trying to sound mean like i previously stated but you have to be straightfoward with kids and firm but fair.

Hi S. i am a daycare provider as well, and I have a 4 year old, who's favorite thing to do is talk and give me an update every couple minutes on what everyone else is doing, she thinks she's being a big helper, and she is at times but what i am teaching her is only tell me things if what some one else is doing is dangerous and they can get hurt, she's the oldest i have right now, her and my 14 month old play in the back yard a good part of the day, and i'm always hearing Mia did this Mia did that, she's getting better, I still have to remind her, but she is getting better.

Of course they wont work it out among themselves they are little kids! These are things you have to teach them. Heck I know adults like that. do you take any child development classes? They should have some local and they are usually run by child care center teachers. Seriously, I'm not trying to be ignorant these classes can help you take better care of the kids in your care.

I used to stop my two youngest (little over a year appart) when they came to me to tell me something about the other one, as soon as they said the other ones name, I would ask, "are you telling me this to get her in trouble, or because something is not safe?" They could not help but still tell me for a while, and I would tell them which one it was, and send them on their way (unless it was something like, Rachel is climbing on the roof...) it started to help after a while, and it was at least gratefying to have a standard answer that irriated them as much as their constant tattleing irriated me!

Good luck dear!
M.

Hi, S.:
Teach them how to talk to each other and be cooperative. This is how they learn to get along.

Be a facilitator.
Teach them how to tell each other
How they feel
What the problem is
Why they feel its a problem
and what they need to make things better.

Allow both children the time to share their ideas on the
subject.
Thanks for asking. This is really important. Good luck. D.

Figure out the most effective discipline you're allowed to use and have a pow wow with them. Explain exactly what tattling is and that it's just as bad as the action they're complaining about. Explain what all the rules are again, like fighting, hitting, whatever. Tell them that the next time someone comes to you and tattles, everyone involved in the entire incident will have X happen and the item or activity in question will be taken away. Follow through. I'm not a fan of paying kids to be good with rewards, but you could also (in ADDITION to some discipline) offer some fun incentive at the end of the week (or day) if NO ONE has tattled or something, so they have a group project and attitude. If one person tattles and blows it for everyone, they'll be more careful next time.

Be as firm as you can, they are old enough to understand you and to control themselves. I would send a note or speak to each parent too and tell them you're having this issue and ask them to teach about tattling at home. Tell them it's a message for everyone so no one feels singled out.

In our house I lump tattling right in with "fighting" and warn them there will be a consequence if I have to resolve the issue. They're allowed a certain amount of light bickering and have their own toys-they don't always have to share, but if it escalates to the point of disruption, or someone tattles, I calmly tell them I will take the item away and they will both get a consequence if they don't resolve it. So far I've never had to do anything, because this works since they know I mean it. Now it's to the point where if someone tattles (rare) I say, "Are you sure you need my help with that?" and they say, "no" and run off. And they know they're not allowed to act that way out with other kids or at daycare.

My 4 yo came up to me the other week and said, "Mom, I don't mean to tattle, but (her youngest sister, our 10 month old) is chewing on the cords." Phew! My computer cord had fallen down into her reach and I didnt' know it. Then she got the," Good job, sometimes it's OK to tell on people" talk.

I have a five year old who loves to tattle so much that sometimes she tattles on herself!! What I have resorted to now seems to be helping out.
Of course I hear everything that goes on in the house, so as she is running down the hall in a race against time to tell me, I am already thinking of how I am going to respond. What I do now is stop her as soon as she comes running around the corner. I meet her with a finger to my lips as if to say "shhhhh". Then I ask her, "is anyone bleeding? are there arms or legs that are falling off? is there an emergency? etc...." After she responds with "no", then I tell her that I want her and her sister to find a solution or they both will have to sit in time out.
Now if I know there is something like bullying or deliberate hurt of ones feelings, than I will interfere to help them resolve the issue and hand out punishment if it deserves it.
You need to create a "NO TATTLE ZONE". Tell the kids that unless someone is hurt they need to try to resolve it.
At this age tattling is a favorite thing. All they know is that something is not going their way. You can't very well ignore it all because someone might not be treating others kindly, but if you are aware of what is going on and you hear the conversations, just stop the person from tatlling before they start. Sometimes my 5 year old will continue and I have to place my hands over my ears for her to realize that she needs to stop talking. NOw if she is really upset over a situation, I will sit her down and ask her why she is upset. Help her identify what is wrong and help her to convey those feelings to whomever upset her.
Are you an sahm who just happens to watch kids in your home or do you run a professional daycare? Either way you don't want to relay frustration to the children. It won't be healthy. I like the suggestion about classes concerning child behavior. If that doesn't help you, you may want to limit the ages of the children you watch.

I have not read the other responses, but, my mother had an effective technique that I intend to use (even though we HATED it). She would say, "L., your brother says that you hit him." I would say, "He took my toy." She would say, "Nathan, L. says you took his toy." "But, I had it first." "L., Nathan says he had it first." On and on until there was nowhere to go. It annoyed us so much we would just give up and move on with whatever we were doing. Good luck!

Enforce the fact that they have to work it out among themselves (unless there is physical violence you've witnessed going on). Tell them if they come to tattle to you about anything, they're going into time out. Tell them if they start fighting or you see anyone hitting, kicking, etc. -time out (or whatever you use as a punishment there). If time outs don't work, start taking away some privileges whenever they tattle. Explain that they can tell on someone if someone actually takes a belonging of theirs (NOT a preschool toy) or their lunch or snack. IF someone is bleeding, truly hurt, etc. they can tell. Make sure they understand that pushing, shoving, etc. do not count! Maybe you could take a few days to go over the way to handle certain situations when you don't like what a person is doing to you -that way they'll be armed with some tools to help them figure out things on their own.

Here's what I do:

Teach them the difference between a tattle and a report. A report is given when something is dangerous to a person or property. Give them some examples and ask them to differentiate between a tattle and a report. Then do some role playing.

When they come to you, you ask them is this a tattle or a report? Have them remind you of the difference.

You can also teach them to ask for help with the situation. This is when they don't know how to deal with the situation that is not dangerous. If this happens then they can ask you for help. I usually turn it around and ask them what they think the right thing to do is or how they could handle it. They choose one of their options and implement it.

This has worked for me.

Honestly, if my child was disciplined with a time out for tattling, I would pull her from that daycare SO fast, you wouldn't know what happened.

My daughter is in a pre-school/daycare setting full time and I expect my providers to be teachers, not babysitters, as I pay a lot of money.

As teachers I expect them to deal with age appropriate behavior in an age appropriate way. My daughter has just entered the VERY talkative stage and has started to tattle every now and then. I feel that it is appropriate to listen and then give her advice on how to handle the situation herself. For example when she complains over a toy being taken, I might say: well tell XX that it's your turn now. Or tell YY that hitting is not nice (though in our pre-school hitting is not acceptable and is expected to be reported, so that the offender can be disciplined). This is what I have observed her teachers do as well.

Now I can see how that is stressful when you're taking care of 5 kids the same age, but honestly, that's why I couldn't be a pre-school teacher and have the utmost respect for people who can.
If you don't have a formal education in early childhood education you may want to consider taking some classes focusing on your age group and classroom management.
Good luck!