Stranger Danger Online, in Person and More

This is an ongoing conversation. As your kids get older and are exposed to more outside influences (media, friends, other adults) you keep having the conversation, in an age appropriate way.
The most important thing to remember:
KIDS ARE USUALLY ABUSED/HURT/MOLESTED BY FAMILY MEMBERS OR OTHER TRUSTED ADULTS.
So do NOT focus on stranger danger, focus on personal space, boundaries, what to do if an adult or other child makes them feel unsafe or uncomfortable in any way.
Uncles, coaches, cousins, neighbors, etc, THESE kinds of people are so, so much more likely to take advantage of your kids, not the "boogyman" so PLEASE focus your efforts on that.
As far as the internet, just keep the computer out in the open, like in the kitchen or family room, and don't let them have personal smart devices with online access until you know they are mature enough to handle it.

getting kids terrified over stranger danger is far more damaging than just raising them to have common sense and giving them very basic, simple tools for dealing with strangers.
most strangers are safe, helpful, good people. you don't want to make your child afraid of people.
you can work with them on not going off with a stranger or getting into their car without big scary talks about the DANGERS.
your friend's son needs more pro-active parents who are monitoring his texts and internet activity. i'm betting the girls texting him twat pictures are neither strangers nor particularly dangerous.
parent to raise kids who are bold and adventurous and excited about the world, not fearful and cringing.
khairete
S.

Too much of a gap in age between your kids ages to have the same book or conversation with both. Neither are ready for a social media talk IMO, it'll be over their heads.

Just look online for age appropriate ideas for how and what to say. This subject, like most parenting responsibilities, is best discussed continuously as your children grow and require more knowledge.

I hope you friend is dealing with her son's problem. The trouble he could get into is astounding. Kids don't usually send that stuff to an unsuspecting acquaintance. Usually it takes two to tango and for better or worse the law looks at it like that too.

I do recommend talking to your kids age appropriately on a regular basis about safety. The tricky part is doing it without making them think the world is a scary place. I don't know of books to recommend, but I do know you have some time before you have to deal with social media. Our son is 11 and is not allowed on social media yet. But, the last year he has been playing a couple online games where I drilled into his head not to trust someone who wants to chat with you. It turns out one game is set up where they cannot chat with others...just send canned messages. The other game is Minecraft and he only plays with his good friend who lives in another state. (My husband set up his own server for him so there are no strangers on it). You may be interested to know that the schools here are on top of things. In their computer class they did a series of safety classes all about online safety with the kids. I am happy they did that and I hope they do it again in middle school and again in high school. I keep conversing with him about these kinds of topics...it's an ongoing conversation as he gets older.

I don't believe in teaching kids "stranger danger", but I do believe in teaching them to be safe. The safety rules are very simple. Online never give anyone any information about yourself, such as your name, school or where you live. In person, never go anywhere with someone without permission from your parents and always maintain personal space.

Just my opinion but 4 and 8 yr olds can't comprehend the dangers of social media and have no business getting involved in it till they are at LEAST 13 and maybe a year or two older.
Young kids are just coming to terms with being able to tell the truth - and with the internet it's vital to lie - to not give out info to those who would use it to harm you.
They are far too trusting to be thrown onto social media.

As far as stranger danger goes - our son's pre-school used Yello Dyno:

http://www.yellodyno.com/html/ydvids.html

Marda's right - I remember my brother had a Playboy that was mistakenly delivered to our house (it was meant for our neighbor but got put in our mailbox) at that age. I get that it's on the internet and odd that it is texted to him. That's the part I'd want to follow up on most - who is sending him these images?

I'm on top of my kids' internet use as much as I can be. I'm not perfect and I'm sure I miss stuff. So I do as Beaver Canoe suggests (good advice). Teach them the basics - rules to using the internet. They cover this in schools now, but basically you want to keep your kids from getting involved with people or giving out info on the internet or sharing personal information.

My little one was on a kids' site today and I just check in from time to time because nothing is preventing a pedophile from acting like one of the penguins and chatting up my daughter. So it's on our big main computer in my living room, which I monitor. I tell my kids the kids of things to look for, and let mom or dad know about. You can give examples if that makes it easier for your kids to understand.

I don't do stranger danger either. A friend of ours got in a car with a dad acquaintance and although it ended ok, it might not have. Better to just have rules - never go anywhere with anyone unless you call/text mom/dad. Things like that. Even close pals. Doesn't matter. Easier on kids if you just are consistent. I always have explained to my kids that doesn't make them rude. That makes us safe. And our friends and families will appreciate and understand that.

Big thing for us is teacher our kids to trust their guts. I had one of my kids text me from skate park to say guy was teaching kids tricks, but he didn't have any kids and he was in his 20's. My husband just jumped in car and took a spin over. Things that seem out of the ordinary. I think awareness is key.

I think that it would be smart of you to tell your friend to talk to a lawyer about those naked pictures. Her son could be in a TON of trouble with the law even though he didn't send the pictures. She needs to know what to do to keep him from being labeled a sex offender. If she calls the police without asking a lawyer what to do, her son could end up being the one in trouble.

I'll let the other ladies give ideas on books and such.

Stranger danger is a bad thing to teach kids. It's not very valid. They are actually in a LOT more danger from people they actually know than some random stranger off the street or out in the big bad world. Not a lot of people use this anymore.

Now, if you're asking about kids on the internet and using the chat options for their games and electronics then you simply need to turn off the chat options. Letting them know they are talking to people pretending to be things they aren't isn't a bad thing to teach anyone.

Our kids have been on FB since they were around 5 or 6. They love playing games and I managed their account. They didn't even know their passwords. They were only friends with people that I allowed them to accept friend requests from and each of those people were people I actually know, face to face know, not people I've friended for the sake of playing games. They could only be friends with actual people we know or are related to.

They were very happy with that and as they've entered the age where they can actually have their own accounts I only supervise occasionally they are much better at it than some kids. They all know that if I see a word we don't allow or photos that I don't allow or anything that isn't above board they are off their accounts.

One thing that a speaker shared at General Conference one time was important and we started it the next day, it was this: Everyone in your family should have their computers/electronics in the main part of the house. Where the screens are facing where anyone that walks by can see what is being looked at, with spiritual images on the walls that will inspire that person to take the higher road when they're being tempted to do things and go on the net to places they shouldn't go. To remind them of who they are and that they should choose to not do that. So all our computers are in our living room/dining room. Even when the kids are on the computers they are in the same room as the adults and we can glance over at any second and see exactly what they're doing. We also have full access to their memory/history. My husband was an I.T. guy and knows how to get in the computer to see all that stuff. He was A+ certified and was licensed to do all sorts of things on Windows computers. SO we have access even if they think they've hidden it.

As they've gotten older we still having allowed them to have phones. They don't need them. Friends can call our land line or cell phones. If they want to text/message/IM or anything it's on a device we can access.

As for the photos of the girl, I'd have been on the phone to the police and filed charges. That family should be caught allowing that sort of stuff and it be something everyone finds out about. Naked girls sending photos over the internet is illegal and punishable by all sorts of things. No leniency from me. If it was my kids they have sore butts along with the legal troubles. AND I'd be personally thanking the family that called the police on my kids because that will teach them what is not appropriate and that they'll always get caught.