Stay at Home Mom Moving Stateside Still Want to Stay Home

S.,
My family and I moved to Virginia in June 2008. We lived in Japan for 7 years. I definitely miss the extra pay. I have been a stay at home mom since 2004. My husband and I have 5 kids. The girls are ages 9 years old, 8 years old and 16 months. The boys are 5 years old and 4 years old. We have been doing o.k. even on one income. I have changed my spending habits since moving back. It has been o.k. for us so far.

S.,

the first time we moved back we went from 2 incomes no kids to one income. It took us 6 months to get adjusted but...after 3 years of living in SC we moved to ME (military) and even then it took us 6 months to adjust our spending habits.

Last time we moved from overseas to RI and that was no adjustmet at all for some reason. I felt like the prices between Europe and the US at that point were about the same.

I have to say though that we always save money and so when we have adjustment times we have the savings account to fall back on.

If you go out for dinner a lot that is one option to cut at the begining to see how you new budget is doing.

If you have not heard of www.flylady.net I suggest to check her out. She not only helps you get your house in order (which you might not need) but also helps with finance issues and all for free. One of the partners she works with offers menu mailers--so you always know what to cook and a shopping list is included in these mailers that run about $10 for 3 months but on the web site you can get a few free menus as well (see flylady for the link).

I think you are doig the right thing by staying home with the kids. Yours are very young, too so you would have to make a good amount of money with all the day care costs, gasoline price, nicer clothes. You really need to crunch the numbers if you look at the go back to work option to see if it's really really worth while having another person(s) bring up you children.

Good luck!

P.S. And you can always look at a home based business which gives you so much flexibilty because you are your own boss when it comes to what time you want to work and that can be done just fine with hubby. I did that in the states always mit minimal baby sitting costs--though I did not do it for the money but the adult interaction I got out of it.

Hello. We moved from England to Florida and just recently moved to Japan. However, I have been a SAHM the whole time. There are certain sacrifices, but for us it was a no brainer. My husband took the bus to work every morning he didn't fly (I don't know if public transportation is available where you are going)...but the military gave him 3 month bus passes. So he never paid for that. That meant he only drove to work on the days he flew. I stayed at home, but only did errands 1-2 days a week, so I wasn't running everywhere all day long. Food...I chose to go to the farmer's market and use the seasonal fruits and veggies. That decreased my produce bill (farmer's markets have a lot of dairy products as well). You will still get a housing allowance, if you live off base. We could have gotten a bigger house...bigger yard...but we chose to purchase a house that the housing allowance (BAH) covered, so our mortgage was paid for by the military. Some bases now have privatized housing...but you still get a stipend. Personally the way the market is now...I would buy a house as you will be able to get a nice sized house on the BAH provided depending on good your credit score is. My son didn't go to school while we were in Florida. However, we didn't know we were going to move so quickly and they have school buses for a reason. Since my tax dollars paid for school districts. I am not opposed to my son riding a school bus, but that is just my thought.
But to be honest, it can be done and it wasn't that hard. We still took lots or road trips and traveled all over. We just made different priorities then most. In fact, we have lived debt free for the past 7 years. Our only debt is the mortgage on the house.
Where are you going? I may be able to give you some better pointers based on where you are going. If I can be of any help, please let me know.
R.

Hi S.,
I have been at home for 6 years now but have only been here in Germany for 2 going on three years and leaving in 10 months.

I wanted to ask you have you considered starting a home business for yourself? My husband and I made the decision to start a business 5 years ago so that we would not have to depend on our Military income or someone else for support.

I am always saddened when so many don't know that there is a better way of life than worrying about gas prices or food prices. We don't have those concerns anymore. I will never have to go to work again and when my husband retires in 4 more years neither will he. Millions of people are resorting to becoming their own boss.

This is not the years of door to door salesmam, this is the years off viable entrepreneurship, especially for someone such as myself with no desire to be a business person and no degree but yet I run a very successful International Business from the comfort of my home with my husband.

If you wish to see us you can visit our site at www.H..usana.com and see a full story at www.successti.com/leaders/hillard.htm

I hope all goes well for you. Email me anytime for questions regarding living in the states. We go back often and have hundreds of contacts all around the world. Many stay at home moms and dads for you to connect with.

Do you know where you all are going next?
Take care,
E.

I had 3 children when we lived stateside and I stayed at home (though gas and food wasn't as expensive as it is now). We've lived overseas for 3 years (now have 6 children)
and are due to head back to the states in a year. I am already dreading the loss of COLA.

One thing you can do to prep yourself is to put your COLA in savings for the remainder of your time overseas and just live off your husbands normal pay. Also, if you forsee a need to make a major purchase in the future (ie. purchasing a car, house, etc.), start making those payments to yourself now. When the time comes to make the purchase, hopefully you won't have to take out a loan and if you do it won't be for as much. (That interest really adds up!)

When we lived in the states I did a ton of garage saling. I bought clothes that my daughters and son would grow into over the next 3 or 4 years. When you need something is the worst time to buy it because you can't wait for a bargain. I literally clothed my children for about $50-$75 each year and their wardrobes are huge and trendy. Used childrens clothing is a dime a dozen especially in military communities where people are looking to unload of their unwanted goods before they PCS.

You can get some great financial advice from Dave Ramsey in his book A Total Money Makeover. He also has podcasts you can listen to online. He suggests having an envelope system where you have so much money alloted each month for specific things. For example all the money that you're going to use on fun goes in the envelope at the beginning of the month and when it's gone it's gone until next month.

He also suggests paying for everything with cash. We don't do that but I used to keep a small little sticky note on my credit card and everytime I charged something on my card I'd write the new total that I was going to owe on the sticky note. It really helped me to rethink purchases and if I really needed them that badly.

If you have any credit card debt, really work to pay that off ASAP. Once you're behind it's so hard to catch up. It's much easier to just stay on top of it. Never charge more than you will be able to pay off. Also, try to have an emergency fund set aside. If you have to rush home for a funeral or you have a major car repair you won't have to go in debt over it.

I hope something I've said is able to help. Good luck to you!

Edited to add a few more thoughts I had on staying home vs. working.

-If you stay at home would it work to be a 1 car family and if you worked would you need a second car?

-Would you need to pay for childcare? How much would you be bringing home after taking out that expense?

-Would you need to purchase and maintain a work wardrobe?

-If you really do need the extra money, is it possible to work from home writing articles for websites, selling on e-bay, doing some sort of transcribing etc?

Hi there. I can tell you that we were stationed in Germany at the beginning of our marraige and had no children till about six months before we left so the overseas didn't affect me then. But we moved to the States and I had another baby and decided to stay home since they were only 14 mos apart. We didn't have much extra but this was about 6 years ago. As inflation went up and the children were about 3&4 I did have to go back to work to make ends meet. We had to buy a new vehicle and they were getting involved in more and eating more. We lived in Georgia where cost of living was reasonable and yet we were still just making ends meet toward the end. Luckily, we got assigned to England a year ago and now I can stay home with them and I love it. The stress level is much much lower in our home.

Good luck and if you would like to speak more feel free to contact me on my personal email. It is possible to stay home with kids but the drop in pay will be a shock to the system (been there done that) and you will find you won't have quite as much discretionary funds.

Nikki

We recently moved back to the States after being in Europe for 8 years. My husband's first pay-check was quite a shock. Some people can make it on one income, but they have to be creative and stick to a budget. At this point it does look like I will have to go back to work, but I have to find something that will let me work the same hours that my daughter is in school because on some days I have to take her right from school to her dance classes. My friend has managed to continue staying at home since moving back to the States, but her family did have to change a lot of things and not live the same life-style they were in Europe. She said it's hard but doable. Good luck to you, hopefully you can continue staying at home with your boys.

S.,

It is a shock my husband and I just moved from Germany to Louisiana. We thought we would have it hard with not having the COLA but we just tightened the purse strings at first and we realized that it didnt make a difference. We just shopped on post for 90% of our items and what we couldnt get there, we went to WALMART for. What we did cut down on was making numerous trips to the PX or WALMART or the commissary. In the end, we found that we had more money. We also bought our house here instead of giving the money back to housing. This was a personal choice. If you do look at doing this, I would say really check out the area before you commit and really do a budget and have a the closing costs and living expenses in savings because that will also be a major adjustment going from not paying living expenses while overseas to now having gas, electric, phone, cable etc coming out each month. I would put money away now to help make the adjustment easier. It can be done just plan a little and it will be a smooth transition. Take care and best of luck.

We just got here from the states. I've been a stay at home mom for 4 years and a college student. I can say that our pay with Cola (we live on base) is the exact same as it was for us in the states when we lived off base. In the states we were able to buy our own home and live about 30 min from base so hubby was driving in every day and we did fine. When he deployed I worked for a company called work at home agent. It was fun and I made an extra $1000 a month just working from home.

I stay at home, but I don't really. I know that sounds strange. I can be at home with my kids but I have another small business that I go out to do a few times a month to make a little extra cash. I try to schedule about two or three days a month to work, usually evenings and weekends when my husband is home with the kids. It's also my version of an 'outlet' for myself too. I get to go out, socialize, have grown-up time, still make a little money and get to stay at home where the kids need me too!!

If you really want to, there are things you can do to make yourself and your husband happy! You could certainly make enough to offset the price of the COLA as well as make enough for minimal childcare during the times that you need it. It can be done, just be creative!!

Ive been a sahm since my son was born and hes 5 we just got overseas and I think we got paid more in the states. I live in the Netherlands so idk if its dif from where u are. But it wasnt hard at all for us and my hubby is only a E4

Hi S.,
I am in the same situation. We just moved to WV after being in Germany for 6 years. It is definitely hard but I am still doing it. I guess you just have to budget and stop buying some of the things you use to. I feel like we are struggling a lot of times ad it is frustrating but it is possible. I also started up a Mary Kay business to help out with some of the bills. I am not making a lot yet but it has potential for some good money. If you would be interested in looking into the Mary Kay business just drop me a note and I can give you some more info.
Good Luck, G.

Hi S.,

We just moved from a NATO base and our cola was awesome ( i think the highest in Germany). Now that we don't have it, there has been somewhat of an adjustment. My husband gets bonuses for his job position. I guess it would depend on your budget and if you're renting or buying a house, how many times a week you eat out and the type of food you eat (organic versus storebought). If I were you, I'd come up with a budget and break it down to include the gas (which just went down to $3.68/gallon), grocery bill and utilities. Also, will you be staying on base/post or off? Lots of things to think about and plan ahead on. I think you're smart in starting to ask about all of this stuff ahead of time. Better to be ahead of the game instead of trying to play catch up!

Good luck!
A.

Hi, We just moved to Seymour Johnson AFB.I understand you worries. I am a stay home mom of 4 years and we just moved stateside. What I can tell you is food prices are outrages off base but, we have found out it is much cheaper to buy them on base. there is nothing we can do about the gas lol. The houseing here off base is outrages also. So we bought a house it was cheaper to do that than rent but, the house on base are really nice if you wanted to stay on base. It has been hard but, it just takes a lot more planing on were the money gose. Don't worry you guys will be fine. I hope the best for you guys. take care.