Sleep Training Advice/help

My ped. did the same thing. My philosophy has always been that the doctors can give great advice & I rely on them for medical issues. But, as far as parenting my children, they aren't there at midnight or 1am or 2am. If I believed that my baby needed to eat, then eat they will-especially in the middle of the night. Every child sleeps through the night at different ages. My 1st was 15 months and my second is 3 1/2 and still gets up sometimes. Everyone is different.

I didn't read the other advice you got - but just wanted to let you know - my baby boy, now 13 months was similar. His night waking continued 'til his first birthday last month and now he sleeps through the night. I didn't let him cry it out. I just wasn't "strong enough". Also, he was sharing a bedroom with his big brother, so I was getting him after he made just a little noise. I wish you luck - whether you sleep train him or not - I think he will eventually "get it" and stop waking.

We finally had to just let our baby CIO at night b/c she was up 3-4 times a night wanting to nurse. It does feel harsh but honestly, babies need their sleep just like we do. By denying the chance to learn that skill, we are actually harming them. It took my daughter 1 1/2 months (6-7 1/2 month old) to learn to sleep all night long. I quit night time feedings all together. We put her down at 8 and then a 6 AM we would get her out of her bed and I'd nurse her. Now, we didn't "shut the door and now open it until morning". If she cried continuously for 20 minutes, my husband would go comfort her the best he could (without picking her up) and then he would walk out. I didn't go in there b/c when she sees me she thinks, "MILK"! I think it wouldn't have taken so long for her to learn to sleep if he hadn't gone in there to comfort her but we just weren't comfortable leaving her like that. We might be with the next one though... I do feel your pain though. All the books say that the baby will cry a maximum of 45 minutes for 3 nights or so and then learn to go to sleep and not wake up at night. Well, it took mine 1 1/2 months with sometimes 3 hour stretches of crying in the middle of the night. =( BUT, I can say, it was worth it. She's MUCH happier now during the day... and so am I. Good luck though. Whatever you decide to do, be consistent.

Feed her if she wakes up, she is only 8 months old! The doctor has no idea if she is hungry or otherwise. My daughter did not sleep through the night until she was a year old. I nursed her on demand and eventually it just slacked off and she slept through. Neither of my kids sleeps 12 hours straight and never have. Bed at 8 - 8:30 and up at 6:00 - 6:30. Doctors "say" a child can't be hungry at night but hey, I wake up in the middle of the night ravenous after eating a full meal earlier. This is a tiny infant we are talking about. Trust your gut.

I am a supporter of CIO (*if you mean Dr. Ferber's method that is related to getting them to go to sleep on their own when you put them in bed, sleepy but still awake, and going in at short intervals to soothe without picking up). CIO, imho, does NOT mean you shut the door at 7pm and don't open it until 7 am!!

I NEVER let my kids just cry during the night if they woke up. My kids rarely woke up. I followed a loose Babywise schedule (which means they ate, had awake time, then slept, then ate, awake time, then sleep; rather than the reverse which is how it happens if you don't do anything: they eat, sleep, then are awake and crying/fussing the whole time b/c they are hungry; you feed, they go to sleep - and sleep through their contentment, then wake up again crying). My oldest was sleeping "through the night" (7 hours at a stretch) by 12 weeks. My youngest was sleeping "through the night" at 6 weeks. My only issue was GETTING them to sleep at bedtime. My son, we did nothing, and it became a 2 hour stress marathon for me EVERY night until his was almost 2 years old. Our youngest, we did Ferber at 6 months, and she went to sleep on her own in 10 minutes or less starting on night #4. Never a bedtime problem. If they woke during the night (growth spurts, gas pain, sick) I went to them. I NEVER let them just cry. Even for a few minutes. Often, with my son, it was gas. A few drops of simethicone (Mylicon) and he was right back to sleep. My daughter... really didn't wake. They both eventually went through the wee hour wakings when they were around 3 years old, when they started having the occasional bad dream, and would come stand by the side of my bed, etc. But other than that, once they were asleep, they stayed asleep.

Be sure that you have a good bedtime routine. At 8 months, she is old enough to have a good routine: PJs, a bottle, teeth brushing (or swiping gums with a cloth), a story, prayers, lights out. (or whatever suits you). It sets the stage for them as to what to expect to happen next. Just don't get TOO elaborate with it. Something between 15-20 minutes is about the right amount of time. They will become very dependent on the routine, so don't go overboard... my kids still expected a story EVERY night until my oldest was in about 4th grade! (That's 10 yrs old, btw). So you might be doing the routine you choose for a LOooooooong time. You can adjust it over time... but it is easiest to keep it simple right from the start. You can always add, but taking away is harder.
Hang in there.

Oh, change pediatricians! Do not let your baby cry it out! Yikes! Your baby needs you in the day and at nightime. She is hungry. Babies this young should not go 12 hours without food. I take it that she is on the bottle and not nursing. I would take the opposite approach than what your doctor recommends. Bring her to bed with you. Co-sleeping is an awesome way to be a wonderful nightime parent. When she stirs you will awaken gently and you can get her some milk and help her go quietly back to sleep. A crying baby is jarring to everyone and is a much more traumatic way to awaken. I have taken this approach with both our girls and they never cry at night. We all get awesome sleep and when my 10-month old awakens and wants to nurse, I nurse her and she falls right back to sleep.

Oh my goodness, please change doctors.. That is so crazy to me and as I see the majority of others. Humans are the ONLY mammals that think it is acceptable to sleep away from their young, innocent, helpless children. Please read this:
A recent Harvard study shows that children who are left to cry themselves to sleep suffer long-lasting damage to their nervous system. As a result, they are more susceptible to post traumatic stress and anxiety disorders, including panic attacks. Responding to your baby’s cues when he cries does not spoil a child and it does not mean he will never sleep soundly on his own. In fact, a child who is comforted and nurtured will become more independent and healthy sleepers later because they know they have a dependable support system waiting for them when they wake up. Dr. Sears, world-renowned pediatrician, has done many studies on this. I would highly recommend reading about Dr. Sears and Attachment Parenting philosophy. Mothers will find it is much closer to what their natural instincts tell them.
I found this on an AOL search.

I have to say that your MD's advice makes me livid. What they recommended is neglect! Please remember that MD's have years of training in the mechanics of how the body works, but most often NONE in parenting and child development.

I am not an MD, but I have a master's degree in human development and a master's degree in social work. I can assure you that never during all of my training in working with children was it EVER suggested that leaving an infant alone for 12 hours is okay. The fact that you can come in and feed or comfort her and then have her go back to sleep, can even lay her in bed awake, tells me that you're meeting her needs by going in to her. Crying until she gets diarrhea is a sign of how traumatized she is by not being able to get to you. Please remember that crying is her only way to communicate with you right now.

I think your instincts are right about how to deal with your daughter! I agree with the other posters that night waking is often related to your daughter reaching new milestones. And this won't last forever, my 3 year old sleeps well and has for years, but we never made her cry it out. Fuss, yes, screaming, no. We're working with my 6 month old now on sleeping longer stretches. Progress is often 2 steps forward, one step back. Hang in there and congrats on #2!!

i dont know but for a doctor to assume that EVERY single child can go 12 hours without eating is a little over generalizing for me...what if you kid is growing? what if your child is teething and needs some comfort? Id be thrilled that you have some nights where she sleeps through. mine never did that...in my opinion if it feels wrong then it is. its your kid, do what you think is the best

We went through the same thing when our daughter was a baby. We would try to let her cry it out. After several nights in a row of all 3 of us being up with her crying for anywhere between 2-3 hours, I would feed her and we would be back to sleep in 10 minutes. The nurses at the pediatrician's office were not happy with me at all! But my husband and I were both working and could not function on so little sleep. Our daughter seemed happier too. I talked with the actual pediatrician about it once, rather than his nurses. He told me that he knows "what my nurses are telling you" but assured me that if I fed her so we could all sleep, she would not need to get up and eat every night for the rest of her life. Turns out he was right! She has slept through the night for 5 years now without needing to eat. She is your baby, you know what works for you and your household. I say go with your "mommy instinct". Good Luck with the sleeping issue & the new baby!!

My kids are now 13 and 10 years old. I love my sleep and was shocked and thrilled when my first slept through the night at 3 weeks. My second didn't consistently sleep through the night till he was over a year. He was simply hungry, it wasn't just a habit as some might say. He would eat and go back to sleep. He had a great bedtime routine, was put to bed awake and fell asleep in his crib on his own, and self soothed. He woke up about 2 times per night to eat when he was around 8 months, then once per night, then stopped needing to eat. As he was weaning himself off those night feeding he would sometimes wake up and not seem hungry so I wouldn't feed him and he would go back to sleep. Flash forward - neither of my kids have sleep issues. They both sleep soundly through the night and we have never had issues with bedtime or staying in their own beds. Well until recently when the teenager thinks she can stay up past her bedtime on weekends. LOL. My point is each kid is different and you know your child. If you believe your daughter needs to eat during the night, feed her. If you believe she is waking up out of habit, teach her to go back to sleep. Good luck! With love, patience, consistency, and time, your daughter will sleep through the night.

Personally, I wouldn't let an 8 mo cry for an hour.
Do you think she might be teething? Teething tablets or Tylenol at bathtime might help.
Also, I disagree with the advice about cutting out/cutting down naps during the day. Sleep begets sleep. A well rested child will sleep better at night, all night. Can you see a pattern to that maybe that is going on with her?

The reason why they sleep great one night and not another has more to do with development than anything else. When they are learning new things, etc. it really messes with their sleep. So, when they sleep really well, it's because they just made a leap, and then things go crazy again while they are developing. Some kids, I believe, are just really sensitive to these things, and they have no real sleep pattern.

I have a 6 month old that is like this, so I feel your pain.

I don't believe in CIO, but from a good understand about behavioral psychology, it seems to me that the reason your daughter is all over the map with crying is because you aren't being consistent. You have to be consistent, or they won't learn. So you either have to close the door, do Ferber, or nurse. You can't go back and forth.

I don't believe in CIO, but I will only nurse twice a night. So, if my son wakes at other times, I will hold him until he goes back to sleep. Or rather, I use to hold him until he was sleepy, but now I just give him a hug and put him back into the bed --he then rolls over and goes back to sleep. Telling him "it's bed time, go back to sleep," seems to work, but it must have taken us a good month to get to this point. So if you want to try something different, then, have your hubby go to her and hold her when it isn't time to eat. Yes, she will keep you all up, but it will be only for a few nights, or a week; Yes, it will take longer than hardcore CIOing, but she will should stop waking at that time if you aren't feeding her. The problem with nursing her to sleep is that it then establishes that time as an eating time, so I wouldn't encourage it. Yes, it's the easiest solution right now, but it means she will continue to wake at that time until you eventually wean her.

Best thing to do is to pick ONE system and stick with it.

Hi A.,

My doctor also told me to let my son cry it out at night, I never listened to her. It's just something that I can't do as a parent. If he's crying, I go to him. If she is getting so worked up that she is having diarrhea, this is truly traumatic for her. She must need something from you!

I asked my doctor when they should go through the night without eating and she told me by 6 months. Now, that just means medically they can go all night and no harm will come of it. It's possible she could still be hungry. I nursed my son until he was 14 months old even at night when he woke, sometimes several times. My son has never been a good sleeper and I wanted to get back to sleep as soon as possible. It was comforting to him and quick and easy for me.

The reason why they sleep all night some nights and up a few times another night totally stumps me! I figure with my son right now, it's most likely teething. He is 20 months old and we just moved him to a toddler bed too.

I rocked my son to sleep each night when he was in the crib. Now that he is in the toddler bed, I sit by his side and rub his back until he falls asleep. It takes a little bit of time to do, but we both enjoy it. I know you have another one on the way so it might not be realistic for you.

I hope you find the right solution! Good luck with baby #2!

honestly the doctor in my opinnion is an idiot! she is 8 months old not 2 yrs old. I never let my daughter cry for more than an hour. also my daughter was teething big time at that age so for her it was her mouth hurting. She also was to the point that she hit a growth spurt and actually was hungry more often. try getting a few more solids into her it maybe that she truly is hungry because she has digested her food.

also cutting back on daytime naps tends to help along with having a bedtime routine. bath, massage whatever works for you. also is she constipated? that can lead to sleep issues. sorry this is so long but I feel for you because I'm due next month with baby 2 and a 2 yr old who all of a sudden decided to go from being a daddy's girl to a mama's girl.

Have you tried cutting down the amount of milk you give her each time? I know it's not a consistent every night thing, but if you want to cut out the feedings you might give that a try. Just nurse a few mins less or if you bottle feed cut back a 1/2 oz or ounce at a time. Good luck!!!

Hi A..
I firmly believe in sleep training, but I disagree with your ped about closing the door at 7 and not going back in until 7. I would look for a different ped immediately!

We sleep trained our son at 5 months. I read Dr. Weisbluth's healthy sleep, happy baby book and absolutely love his methods. Just because you sleep train your baby does NOT mean your child will have brain disorders later! My son is 14 months and sleeps from 6:30-6:30, and 2, 2 hour naps. He is happy and healthy. We only let him cry for 15 minutes max, and it only took about 5 nights to "sleep train". The way my husband and i look at it is this.....
our child cried alot less being sleep trained than some other babies who wake up and cry every 3 hours to be fed over the first year of their life. Send me a private message if you need more info, but I would get the weisbluth book right away! good luck!

Oh boy! you better let her be. Her ped is right. She is already 8 months old and at her stage, she should be fine without the middle of the night meal. Do yourself a favor, if she succeeded at least one night without waking up, that is enough to let her be the rest of the night and further. My second one was sleeping through the night when he was almost 2 months old. Guess what the ped. told me. Do not dare to wake him up thinking he has to be fed. My first one began sleeping through the night when he was three months old. My point is that your daughter is not really hungry at 8 months old. She wants your attention.

You haven't mentioned anything about your baby's napping schedule. What is that like? Because naps have a lot to do with how/if your baby will sleep through the night. At 8 mos, your baby should be taking a morning nap and an afternoon nap, so that the total amount of sleep she's getting is about 14 hours. If she isn't napping long enough or consistently enough every day, this could be the root of your problem. Without adequate naps during the day, babies tend to get overtired, which makes them feel the same way we do as adults when we get super stressed out - you're exhausted but you can't sleep. Make sure your baby is on a good nap schedule and hopefully the rest will fall into place for you.

The first thing I would do is find a different MD. That is rotten advice.

My daughter is now 7 and therefore, I have hindsight helping me...I say this, "If it makes you uncomfortable, don't do it". Even Dr. Farber - the cry it out doctor - has renigged on his original advice and no longer thinks it is a good idea to let a child cry it out.

Babies need to eat. I just am floored that your MD told you to shut the door for 12 hours. If that person has kids, I pitty the poor things.

It is important that babies and children get enough sleep and their naps combined with their nighttime sleep work together. I always found my daughter to sleep a bit better when we had the nap routine down as well. At that age, she slept 2 day time naps for about 2 hours each and the rest at night. She did wake up at night and for a while I was frustrated. Then one day I thought - what does this matter in the scope of her life and mine? She wakes up, she wants comfort - whether she needed to nurse, to have a diaper changed, just be held or all of the above - it's what she needed. I think 10-2 is a good stretch. When I was extra tired, I went to bed at 7 or 8 when she did - that way I got more sleep too.

Best of luck to you, I know it's all going to be ok. I would ditch that MD and find one with better knowledge and some compassion. - K.