I leave my 11 month old son with a babysitter 3 days a week so I can work. Two days the babysitter comes to our house and 1 day he goes to the sitters house. He started to show signs of separation anxiety about a month ago. It's evolved into screaming/crying fits the second my husband and I walk out of a room. Does anyone have suggestions on how we can help our son understand that we love him but we have to leave him?
L., his age has something to do with this development. You don't say it, but there is some doubt about the sitter and there is in my mind too. I have been doing day care for 20 years and this does not happen to me. He should be bonded to her so that separation from you is not traumatic. look around for someone else, pay a little more for a licensed provider with a good reputation.
Hi L.. I've had this issue with all 3 of my older kids, who are now 6, 4, and 2. I've found that the best thing to do is be as honest as possible when you're leaving the house AND to be ready to make a quick exit. Have the sitter completely prepped as to all the instructions by phone so that you don't have to sit and talk with her once she arrives. Have all your things ready to go, and go through a list of things you might have to go back into the house for (phone, purse, keys). When she arrives, tell your son you love him more than anything in the world and hope he has a very happy day and that (MOST IMPORTANT) you will see him very soon, right after dinner/nap/whatever he can associate timing with. Then exit QUICKLY!
Most importantly, do not coddle him through this. Do not give him reason to believe it really is an awful experience by snuggling and going back to him when he's crying. Give him your happiest face and voice, and GET OUT! In my experience, the crying might last 10 minutes the first day or two, but after that it literally lasts seconds. I've heard my 2-year-old stop crying as I shut the front door. My understanding is that's mostly a show about making sure you know that he's going to miss you so that he can be assured you'll come back.
Do not feel guilty about leaving him when he is crying. You know that he is with someone safe and that he is not in any danger. The only way you can make sure he knows this, too, is for him to feel your security by having you leave him with happiness and no stress.
And also it's important for you to remember that this is a phase and that someday he will actually look forward to his sitter coming to play. My older three get very excited when I tell them that their sitter is coming because she can actually play with them instead of playing while folding laundry, cooking, doing dishes, cleaning the house, etc!
Good luck to you!
It could be the babysitter... my child would cry until I found a babysitter who LOVES her and PLAYS with her and now she looks forward to their time together :)
My daughter just went through this but is much better now. It's really sad cause they don't really understand. We mainly had issues leaving her with a babysitter or in the church nursery. The best advice I can give is be consistent and just keep trying. My daughter is fine now but it took about a month of her going through that phase. Everything is usually a phase and should pass quickly if you're consistent.
I had and at times still have the same issue with my 20 month old son. Are you sneaking out when he is not looking? I literally have to have his favorite snack ready to give to the sitter and when I am ready to leave I put them in his playroom and give her his snack. He ends up being all about the snack and playing. I had to switch my sitter situation at one time because I found that the first sitter was not giving him attention. When mom and dad are gone the kids should have fun. It's hard to hear and see your baby cry, but these are two things you may want to check into. First is the sitter giving him the fun open arm attention for reassurance? And second have something he likes that the sitter would be able to give him. Sneaking out I found is the best way for a parent and sitter. Good luck and hope this helps!
HI L.,
I have to agree with Mom C. I also do daycare in my home and have never experienced this. I had a child who had this experience with a prior sitter and as soon as I began to watch him, it stopped. I don't think the sitter is doing anything wrong but maybe your child just isn't getting a good feel for the place or person. I mean, we don't immediatly get along with everyone we meet. Sometimes, we just don't click with certain personalities. I would search around for a different sitter. Maybe someone who is more spontaneous with games or making stuff up. An experienced care provider would know how to deal with a situation like this. I would offer my services but I see you are not located near me. :) Best of luck!!
He'll get use to being dropped off and the sitter coming. Make sure she is someone that entertains him and not just let him watch t.v. all day. He looks for cues from you when you depart. If you're sad, so is he. I'm sure he only cries momentarily. He'll be fine. Don't show him your worry or guild for having to leave him. That's the way life is nowadays. Merry XMAS mommy and family.
It takes time.
It took my son a month to adjust to me leaving him at the sitter's when he was year old.
Peek a boo is a good game. When he was sitting in his high chair, I'd hide around the corner and play it with him.
I know that my response is very late (no computer for a little while) but, I wanted to respond. Like others, I am also a daycare provider (17.5 yrs). All kids are different in their abilities to cope with various situations. Although you are consistant with the provider, having her come to your house/her house is possibly contributing to his anxiety. I recently took a course on Early Childhood Stress and it stated that routine; daily, hourly helps children know what is going to happen when. For generations parents put their kids on schedules and for the most part only in this generation has this changed (2 working parents, or like me with my first, took my cues from him because this would surely make him happy,secure and feel loved and I scheduled my life around his mood and whim...he had colic for six full months and cried ALL the time. He is now in college and doing very well) If your sons days are constantly changing from your care at home, the sitters care at your house, the sitter's care at her house, that is an awful lot of things for him to remember. Some children at this age have a memory slightly longer than a goldfish and cannot remember that all will be well when things are changing daily. Be forewarned; that when they become teenagers, the memory issue returns only it usually revolves around homework and chores. I'm sure you have figured out by now what works for your son and your family!
I'm sure this isn't the case, but have to pose the question - Are you confident in your sitter? The last response was great, but I'd also be sure that the sitter is taking appropriate care of him. Perhaps this isn't separation anxiety but him trying to tell you something is not right. Go with your gut on this one, you will know in your heart if he is being well cared for or not. Sorry, I really don't mean to be all negative!
he doesnt think that you dont love him! it is so hard but, it is just a stage. this too shall pass. does the sitter say that he continues to cry throughout the day? or is it over shortly after you leave? just reassure him that you will be back, you love him and you have to go to work. keep it short but, dont sneak out. after he realizes that this is the way it has to be and you will come back or when he grows out of this stae and into a new one, the tough stuff will stop. good luck.
