Seeking Advice on How to Deal with a Miscarriage

I am so sorry for your loss. I'm afraid that I don't have any personal experience to share advice with you - just wanted to send you a love and a hug. When such tragedies happen in our lives, sometimes all we can do is make it each day. Every night when you are getting ready for bed, look in your mirror and encourage yourself: This was a really tough day, but we (your family) made it through somehow. I pray God's peace for you and your husband.

I had a miscarriage, 2 healthy pregnancies, and then a tubal pregnancy that ended with a full hysterectomy.

My first miscarriage was like yours, an ovum that never developed. But we had been trying for years so I cried and cried. But, in the end, it was a blessing because that ovum was not healthy enough to even develop into a baby.

Then when the tubal pregnancy occurred, we weren't even trying to get pregnant and the doctor thought I had an ovarian cyst. When I woke up I found out I had had a tubal pregnancy and a complete hysterectomy. Once again I cried and cried.

Now, I feel very lucky to have the two healthy kids I have because some people are not that fortunate. I feel for you and say to just feel the emotions and acknowledge them. You will get through this with the help of your husband and your great little boy.

Hi Paula,

I am so sorry. I know how difficult this time is for you. I had an early miscarriage between my two kids (now 4 and 1). It is an emotional roller coaster.

The only thing I can offer is just how many other women go through this. I think it is a shame that most don't discuss it, therefore we don't know just how many others have been through the experience. And, we end of up not having the benefit from their experience and support.

Feel free to write me directly if you would like to chat. ____@____.com

Thinking of you,
D.

So SO sorry to hear this Paula, the best way to deal with it is in your own way. Everyone is different on handling the emotions of miscarriage. Some people move right on, stay positive and try try again fairly quickly, and some take longer to grieve such a sad loss.

With that said, I have three healthy gorgeous girls, and had two miscarriages as well. My very first pregnancy was similar to your situation. A blighted ovum. Never really took off. Conception, then weeks later, no heartbeat. The second m/c, which happened between my second and third children, I lost a baby at around 16 weeks. Was thoroughly tested, no explanation. Discovered at a routine heartbeat check. I'm healthy as a horse, no medical issues. Plus I had had two very normal, healthy, non-eventful pregnancies prior to the second m/c.

Sometimes there's no explanation that the doctors can give. There was no explanation for either of mine. Your OB will tell you how 'normal' m/c is (normal to me is if I know several people who have experienced it, as well as myself). Sometimes pg's just are not viable, and the baby passes. It can be in the beginning, middle, or end.

I am one of those that never let it have long term effects. The second was obviously a harder, because we already knew it was a girl, but I moved forward, got myself well emotionally and physically, and tried tried again. The end result of my three girls is fabulous, but I worked hard along the way.

There are some silver linings possibly in this cloud. First, there's the issue of the embryo possibly having had serious problems. Sometimes bad things happen for good reasons. Secondly, if your body is miscarrying on it's own, that's actually a positive, as my body never showed signs or began rejecting the babies. I would just find out, with no signs, and have to have a D&C. I would have liked to have been able to avoid those surgeries.

Good luck on your next pg, you'll see that everything will be just fine, but take your own time in mourning the loss of this little one. I am sorry for your loss.

I'm very sorry for the loss of your baby. Take time to mourn the little one. All of your hopes and emotions for this baby are real, and you should take adequate time to work through them. At some point there will come a day when you're ready to try again, but for now it's okay to be sad, angry, disappointed, heartbroken, whatever. Go with it.