Regarding New Grand Daughter

Hi D.,

First, I am so sorry this is happening, not many young fathers(or any age for that matter) step up and want to see and care for their child. I also agree that he needs to document everything(I went through this with my now husband and my step-son) If he can pay child support, he really shouldn't need a lawyer, just go through Friend of the Court. There may be a small fee for the motion to be filed, but nothing like hiring an attorney. Also, if she is getting any kind of assistance(insurance, food stamps, ect.) he should also cal DHS, they will want child support paid, and will be more inclined to help him. If he goes for the "Basic Parenting Visit Schedule" which is every other weekend, shared holidays, ect. which he should easily be able to get, if she denies him access to his daughter all he needs to do is have the police go with him, and they will enforce his visitation, and she will have no choice but to abide by the order, and let him take his daughter for his scheduled visitation. So he should file a motion(doesn't need a lawyer) with friend of the court as soon as possible for visitation of his daughter. He should also contact DHS to see if his ex is on any kind of assistance, if so, they will ask for his information and help to get his visitation(of course he will have to pay support) but they will want this if she is on any assistance. I was also wondering if she lives with her parents or what the situation is there, and if you or he has tried speaking with her parents about what is going on? My thoughts andprayers are with all three of you, as that baby girl should be able to have her dad(and his family) in her life. Things will work out, and please keep us posted, as this just a horrible thing that is happening. Best wishes.

Hi D.,
I am an Aunt to a beautiful 18 month old little girl. I know that my mother would be devistated if she could not see Ashley. We are in the process of going through a very difficult situation with the court system and custody (Ashley's dad is an abusive dead beat).
I know that court can be very expensive, but not in all cases, alot of the time friend of the court does not cost much, I know this because we have been there many times. There are also attornies that specialize in helping men and alot of the time they will help or at least give advise for very little money. It sounds like your grand daughtors mother is very inmature and not looking at what is best for the baby. From the sound of it your son wants to be a dad to his little girl.
Good luck to both of you, you and your situation will be in my prayers.

D.,
I totally feel for you and I know, in part how your son is feeling. My ex walked out on me, pretty much as soon as I told him we were pregnant, granted we are older than your son, but in comes from the same place. It went and go ugly in court, as he never responded fought and ignored orders.... only now to want to be involved, and is being a jerk about it. There is nothing more important than a parent who wants to be invovled. He needs to contact Friend of the Court now, and see what his options are. I know you mentioned he does not have a lot of money to spend to fight her in court... but there are options. Even just to consult an attorney, alot of initial consultations are free.... to get a good legal picture of what he can do. It sounds like the mother is going to use your granddaughter as a pawn, and has no want to have your son involved. He needs to spend time with his daughter, and needs to get started on it now. The more time he waits, the harder it gets. I wish you both the best of luck and will be sending good thoughts your way. The best thing for your grand daughter is to know that a lot of people love her and that rules above all else.
Good Luck

I agree, write down EVERY interaction that happens between them! Call Friend of the Court and see if there is anything they can do to help. Also, they may be able to recommend someone who does Pro Bono Work with Custody cases.

Good luck :-)

I agree with most of the posts here. You need to have your son take action and do so now. He needs to find out if he is on the birth certificate first of all. If he is then he has his foot in the door. If not he's going to have to petition the courts for a paternity test to verify he is the father. Call your local Department of Human Services (formerly FIA). They have a program that follows up with child support and works with Friend of the Court. If he financially qualifies it will be free assistance. Also I saw mentioned you can call the Michigan Bar Association for a list of free attorneys. They should be in the government section of your phone book. If you are in Oakland County you can also call Common Ground at 1-800-231-7412. They will have a list of places you can get assistance from. Also if you are in Oakland County you can try the United Way First Call For Help Line, their number is a straight 211. Tell him to get a notebook and keep a record of every time he contacts her. Even if he just leaves a message he needs to record it to show how often he is trying to get in touch with his daughter. Every conversation, every comment, every excuse needs to be recorded. Using a tape recorder to record the phone conversations will help, too. Remember he needs to start the conversation stating "I am recording this" but it will go a long way with Friend of the Court to hear her tone of voice, her reactions and everything the encounters entail. Keep persuing this, it will be worth it in the end. Say a prayer and all will work out. Good luck - God bless you for doing the right thing and trying to be a part of your granddaughters life. She needs all the family she can get.

If paternity has been established, and is legal I would suggest going to friend of the court, and filing a conplaint if she continues with this.

I am truly sorry to hear this. What your son needs to do is, write down every time he calls her and what he calls her about. If he can even do it, have him try and record all the conversations with her. He does have to warn her that she is being recorded, but this all leads up to something in his favor. If she ever decided to take him to court for child support or not being their for his child, he will have proof. It is important that he does this so the judge can't get after him. Instead the judge will get after her. There are free lawyers you can talk to. I don't know of any but you could probable find out through the state. I really hope that things will get better and all of you can see her. As for his ex-girlfriend, she needs to straighten up and check herself. Every child needs a father and a mother. I saw what my best friends son went through without a father. Let's just say he is a whole different child now. I wish you and your family the best, and I really hope that things get sraighten out soon!! Take care and please keep us informed!

Two thoughts: you as the grandmother can go to friend of the court to be granted visitation (assuming the paternity has been established).

Your son can contact a father's rights group for help. They may be able to advise him how to file in court without the help of a laywer.
http://www.frcmi.org/
http://dadsofmichigan.org/

I am a lawyer - have your son call the Michigan Bar Association in Lansing for a list of pro bono (free)lawyer associations - most counties have one. This seems to be a pretty straightforward issue of one parent denying the other visitation/shared custody (as long as he is certain he is the father). Your son needs to figure out exactly how involved he will be in this little child's life - whether he wants shared custody, visitation rights, etc. You need to resolve this now before it spins out of control and the child is used as a pawn. It is better to figure this out without legal maneuvering, but given the information provided it sounds like it will be a difficult situation. Remember that it is first and foremost the health, safety, happiness and stability for the child that are most important. Good luck with this.

I am a mother of a child with a dead beat dad. Your son sounds like an awesome man that will make a great father. My daughter's father never fought to see her and really never tried. My daughter (Now 19) could care less if she ever met him. I tried to get him to see her after she was born, but he was just too selfish to care about her well-being. She has told me before that if he at least fought to see her, she knew he really loved and cared for her. Your son really needs to go to friend of the court and demand "parenting time" with his daughter. Mediators are FREE If he doesn't fight to see her, the mother of the child has all the say in the matter. He will have to put his time and money into fighting to see her. Are you able to help him? Grandparents have rights too!

Your son really needs to contact friend of the court or an attorny to insist on visitation. I would recommend putting his requests in writing to his ex-girlfriend. He will have to pay child support-- but the longer he waits to do so, the easier it will be for the courts to deny/restrict him access. There are groups out there that helps dads-- he should contact them and see if they can work out a fee arrangment. This is really sad-- dad's are always getting such a bum rap.

So sorry you are going thru this! I agree that he needs to write down everytime he speaks to her, what it is about, her response. Make sure he does not get loud/yell at her. He also needs to do every thing he can to try to get visitation with her, legally, and even patition the court to pay child support. If she decides in a year to start coming after him for it, it will not look good, and I am not sure if he would have back payments from the day she was born. Oh...and for every item he buys, diapers, formula, clothing, have reciepts, and do not give mom cash, cert check or regular check, so there is proof he is not financially neglecting mom or baby, if it should ever go to court.
Good luck...and if you have the money to help him, maybe you should. It will help keep the baby in your life too!