Raising an Adult - What Does That Mean?

My job as a parent, while I'd love to see my babies stay little forever. Is to raise them to be self sufficient, reaaonably happy, law abiding, caring, reaponsible people. My children as they finish schooling should be able to cook for themselves, do laundry, clean up after themselves,.be employed, be financially independent. All of this before embarking on a marriage. They should be able to no matter what be okay on their own.

Well, my mother "raised adults" and I am "raising an adult" as well. The basics of the philosophy is that you are raising your chilren to become adults. As it is appropriate they are given adult responsibilities, expected to act as adults would in the given situation. This does not mean they have no childhood, can not play and are not expected to be perfect by any means.

Growing up I recall filling out my own doctor's forms with my Mother's supervision. At the doctor's office answering the doctor's questions vs. having my Mother. We had a question about what is or is not covered on my health insurance, I made the phone call - it was on speaker and my Mother was there if I needed help.

My sister got into a car accident at 16, she called the insurance company (Mom was there) to file the claim.

We were required to get jobs, have our own bank accounts and manage our money.

Raising an adult vs. a child prepares them for adulthood and life, at least from my perspective. There were a ton of things that I knew how to do when I moved out of my Mom's that I had to teach my friends.

I hope that my examples helped - if I continued on it would take far too long.

It means giving your children age appropriate freedom and responsibility so that they can learn to make adult choices in a safe environment. It means not treating them as children until they are 18 and suddenly expecting them to behave as adults without any practice or training. It is the ultimate goal of child rearing, to end up with a fully developed, competent adult. Helicopter parents, on the other hand, end up with children who are unprepared to live in the adult world and live at home until they are in their 30's...

we're not raising our children to become children. they already do that perfectly. we're raising them with the goal in mind of them becoming confident, competent, interesting, interested adults.
we can baby our babies from time to time without raising them in an atmosphere of infantilization .
khairete
S.

The other mom's have answered you perfectly. Raising an adult means we are doing our job as parents which is to raise a fully functioning adult...we don't want our grown children to still be a child.

To show the difference, an example would be someone I know who at age 50 has their 27 year old son, his girlfriend, and her son, and their baby living at home (which is another story completely) but the son at the age of 20 or so, relied on her to put a frozen pizza in the oven....could he have done it? absolutely. But, she had to rush home and fix his pizza before he went out for the evening (yes, she actually told me she had to rush home to cook it...when I asked if she had it with her or if it was home it was at home so it's not like it wasn't there for him to fix). Meanwhile, my son who was 14/15 would fix his own breakfast when home along (scrambled eggs, bacon or sausage, and fried potatoes) or whatever meal it was. His mother has raised him to rely on her for too much. Could he do it if he had to? probably but he's content being lazy as long as it is being done for him.

When my son left for college, during his sophmore and junior years, he had his own kitchen and was the cook for himself and his roommates because some dishes are easier when fixed for multiples. They cleaned up (since he cooked and hated to clean). When their parents met my son they were all like "oh, you're the chef huh?" Are there some things I handle that my son could? Yes...I am not perfect. But, I have taught him to do things and given him opportunities to learn and do them. He is a fulltime student still so not yet fully self-reliant but definately working that direction.

Raising a child to be a person who accepts responsibility for their own actions, instead of blaming it on others, to add to what the others have said.....

I am assuming it means, we raise our children to be adults. not to stay as children.

You have to give them responsibilities. You have to teach them to admit mistakes, to take chances, to try their best. To work honestly and to work hard.

It is difficult because they will always be our children and we do not want them to be hurt, disappointed or to fail.. but.. adults all have to know what these feel like and that as long as they do their best... We will always love them..

It means you prepare a child to take his/her rightful place in society. You teach the child through the years how to become the adult by showing and guiding and letting them make mistakes while at home and experiencing the consequences. You teach them how to cook/clean, wash/sew/iron, work, and be responsible for their actions.

Yes there are times that you have to repeat, wash, lather and repeat again until it sinks in. You teach them how to think for theirself and to know right from wrong and to find that gut feeling that it is wrong to do this. Know when to leave and when to call home to get picked up to leave the party. To know thyself and not to be bullied and pushed into situations until they are ready.

Your reward is to know when your adult child does leave home he/she is ready to do what is needed for theirself and mom does not have to do it for them. When they are married of live alone they can keep a home and eat.
Many children don't get to do this and that is why they are still at home after college is over.

You have to look at momma bird who knows when it is time to push the babies out of the nest to fly on their own. These birds never come home again once they leave the nest not even to visit.

My two are on their own and have been for over 15 years and have their own homes. I visit but I don't have to clean. I cook if they want me to make a special favorite but that is it. We are all adults and friends. It is nice to have that type of relationship. So my job is now done with sucess.

the other S.

It means that you make a conscious choice to raise a child so that he or she can become a functional and contributing member of the community. You allow the independence while giving them guidance and boundaries. You teach them "how to" do things rather than doing things for them. You teach them and model for them how to be respectful, kind and giving without becoming a door mat.

Basically... don't lose sight of the fact that your adorable toddler will be 35 with a spouse and children some day! Many 20 somethings today were not raised to be adults. "Old fashioned" parenting (tempered by modern understanding and culture) is coming back into vogue because we have a whole generation of kids (20+) still living with their parents and relying on their mothers do to their laundry and pay their bills. Not good.

Depends on the context. If one is an adult but immature their spouse may say that they're raising an adult. LOL

What I mean when I say raising an adult is that when we raise a child we're raising them into adulthood. Raising an adult is just a shortened way of saying it.

I'm not sure why you're asking the question and have a sense I've missed the mark on this one. Could you give us a context?

Allowing kids the choices and allowing them to make mistakes while they are still young and they are in a safe environment. One where they are not at risk of losing their lives.

This teaches them to make decisions. A skill many kids turn 18 and don't have. They are told when to come home, what to wear to school, when to get a job, when to eat, when to do laundry, all fixing it so they don't know when or how to do anything without a verbal prompt.

Ditto Sherri G.

We are trying to give our children age appropriate experiences that will help them be prepared for adulthood. We don't hover...we let them make mistakes without constant punishment from us so that they learn from their failures ..and triumphs.

Natural consequences are the best way for children to learn.

It doesn't mean you child is born as an adult and so you're raising an adult. It means you're guiding your child toward adulthood whcih is where we all end up.

To me the most important element of it is NOT to follow the natural desire to make the child the center of the universe and spoil them. Because teaching a child that no matter what they do, you'll never give a firm consequence, and that your entire schedule revolves around them at all times, is setting them up to be ill-prepared for lessons that start as early as kindergarten and evolve through adulthood.

They are NOT the center of the world. And there ARE very harsh consequences for wrong actions in the real world. Ones that can endanger your future (Stuebenville "kids"). If this is taught in appropriate measures from infancy to teens, the transition to adulthood is much easier than if a person babies their child until they're suddenly booted out into the real world as selfish people with no concept that their wrong actions have negative consequences.

Don't forget that in many ancient societies, and even some modern ones, boys left home for good to be trained as soldiers as early as age 7, and even now, many boys that age take on leadership roles (we live in a heavy Amish and Mennonite area and five-year-old boys WORK every day, often unsupervised with their mandatory list of tasks) so it's not unrealistic to think of children as approaching adulthood. Yes, they need to play and have a fun childhood, but parents are raising kids to be independent adults in the end.

I personally think this "kids aren't adults until 18 and then they should still be taken care of beyond that" mentality is not giving humans enough credit. In my experience, maturity and sense of self are pretty fully developed at around 15 if a parent has done their job, and the last three years are sort of academic filler and adulthood prep time until the child leaves to start their own lives.

Loved all the Mama's replies, it's good to know that whatever our "stripes", we are doing our darnest to create "good people"! A good web site for information on how to raise your child into responsible adulthood is www.loveandlogic.com. They have tips & advice for handling all sorts of issues & at every age, too. For me personally, I will read or listen to some of their stories & it reduces my "parenting stress" just to know that a) I'm not alone & b) there are ways to teach my children life skills without ME losing my cool!