Questions About Preparing Toddler for Sibling

My son was also 20 months when my daughter was born. A couple of months before we bought him a baby doll. That was his baby and he got to carry her, kiss her, bundle her up, etc. We would talk about Sean's baby and Mommy and Daddy's baby. We did a lot of practicing with the baby--like being gentle and not hitting. Since she's been born, he's been great with his sister and will even try to give his baby his milk while his sister gets her bottle. I don't know if it was all the baby doll, but it seems to have worked for us. Good luck!!

I too have a son and daughter 20 mos apart. My son was great when his little sister came. We did get him a book, "I'm a Big Brother" I think I got it at Motherhood. It talks about all the things that big brothers can do to help with the baby and things that they can do that the baby can't and that they are special to mommy and daddy because they are the big brother. It is cute. But I really don't know how much he got it at that age. It was more important for him to still get one on one from me at some point in the day. We made a big deal out of cuddling at nap time and bed time. Doing special things when the baby was sleeping.
I tried to give him the opportunity to make as many choices as possible about things that effected him. Because there were times when he didn't have a choice about things because of the baby and then I would make it a point to find something he could have input on...puzzle to do, choice between two things for dinner or snack, little things that didn't matter to me either way, but made him feel like he had some control. And if he gave me a third idea, and it was an option I hadn't thought of I would tell him, "that's good idea" (it is one of his fav things to say now.) He and his sister get a long well for the most part. He is sometimes a little too involved with what she does (my husband used to tell him he needs to watch out for his little sister and I probly wouldn't have played that up so much looking back). We have some sharing issues, but I think that is pretty typical. I would say that the second one learns so much from the first and develops MUCH faster as a result. Because they are close, things will be most challenging for you when #2 becomes mobile and demands a different kind of attention. That is when the acting out started for us. I love that they are close and we have so much fun doing activities fun stuff all together. And the toys work for both still and they are 3 and 17 mos.

Enjoy!

My little guy was a little older when his sister was born, but we tried to prepare him by having him go through a little class that the hospital gave for older siblings on what to expect when baby comes. We thought it was very worthwhile for him.
His baby sister did have a gift for her big brother. He was really into Thomas the Tank Engine and he "received" Bertie the Helicopter from his baby sister. He still talks about his special gift from his sister to this day and it has been 3 1/2 years since her birth. Enjoy this special time with your firstborn and let him know how very special he is to you. He may not be very verbal, but he is taking in more than you can imagine. I kept telling my little guy that he was going to be very important in his new baby's life. They seem to have a special bond already. Best wishes to you.

I went through the same thing twice before. I have 2 boys 9 months apart and my last 2 are 18 mo apart. I found with both of them the older one really enjoyed the fact that they had someone younger around. It still amazes me how they picked up the "big brother" baton so quickly. It also helps when you make them feel like they are a huge help to you too. Like going to get the bottle or taking the diaper to the garbage...things like that. I don't think you need a book for that, he'll naturally come around.

A gift would be neat though. Stores carry those mini t-shirts and hats that give you the title of "I'm the big brother" or little cute stuff like that.

Hope that eases your mind a little! Good luck on your new bundle of joy!

My daughter was 2.5 when her brother was born and we had (we thought) prepared her as best we could. She was very verbal and seemed to understand......however, she apparently thought she was getting a new mother along with a new baby and she had some difficulty realizing that I was still me. She also regressed with her potty training, but we moved right after his birth and I think, in retrospect, that it was more due to that than due to the baby. Bottom line is....do your best to prepare your little guy and then, ajust to the situation, because every child is different and every situation is different. Good luck to you all and God bless.

My first two children are 13 months apart. I couldn't really do much with a 13 month old....except make a big deal that she was a big sister. She really could care less...and in essence they really just grew up together and I don't really think my oldest ever really remembered a time she was an only child.

For a 20 month old...they are probably a lot more aware...but still I don't think aware enough really ....that special gifts etc. are necessary. I wouldn't make it a big deal, other than, "look who we have brought into our family". You might want to make it seem completely normal,and to be expected, that you as the parents are adding more children to your family.

I personally never wanted the "second" or "third" child to be "unwanted" by the other children...so I always just made it seem like this is what us as the parents' wanted and we are adding to our family. I didn't even say things like, "I'm sorry I won't have as much time with you" or things of that nature. I DID feel guilty during the first month of my second daughters life, because I felt that I couldn't give enough time to my first daughter. I questioned weither I could love another child the same as my first. BUT, I learned quickly, that you can love all your children the same. I HAVE NO FAVORITES among my 3...it's amazing how you can spred your love evenly over your children. I don't use the word "split" your love...because I honestly feel the same amount for each of them.

I would tell myself that, this is the way it has to be, in families with more than one child. Just make sure you make time for your son when the baby is napping...and if he starts to question time away from him given to the baby, your answer should be "I did the same thing for you when you were a baby", now it's this baby's turn. I still love you, but the new baby has certain needs that I have to take care of right now.

For some reason, the "I did the same for you, when you were a baby"...really calmed and reassured my older two when my third child was born. They understood, and I think deep down inside felt that .." Well, I got the same treatement when I was that age, now it's her turn". They would ask me all the time, like "did I do that when I was a baby??" ...and they enjoyed knowing that they were very similar and got the same attention.

I think I went a little overboard with my advice. But I basically just think, that there isn't that much preparation that needs to be done with a 20 month old before the baby is born. Just his understanding that another baby will be added to the family. (not a new baby- that could replace his "newness", just another one)Get him the tshirt and make him feel like the big brother.( but I wouldn't give him gifts, that is just kinda like a bribe and validates whatever feelings he may have about a new sibling..like you guys are sorry or something - it shouldn't be an issue and a new baby being born should be treated like something completely normal needing no apology or bribe)

I don't think he will completely understand what it means to have a younger child at home....so in that way I think this situation is perfect. He, like my oldest daughter, probably won't remember much about the time before he had a sibling. All three of mine are awsome together (oh, trust me, they have their moments NOW), but when they were younger, it was never a question of a new kid being born, just another person to add to our happy family. Kids pretty much follow your reactions to things, especially at this young age. If you promote, big happy family, and adding another sibling to your family, and be excited for the baby and let him be a part like maybe picking some toys out for the baby, he will feel like it is completely normal and be excited for the prospect of a playmate.

Hope it helps...Hang in there....your first couple years will be a little difficult with two...but it pays off in the end. My oldest two are the closest, because of their age. They are sometimes just like twins.

If you are planning hospital delivery of your new baby, see if your hospital offers a short tour so that your firstborn can see where you will be staying as you deliver your second child. I had my 2nd and 3rd children at Edward and loved how they coached the siblings.

I was coached to buy a small toy ahead of time that is a gift from new baby to older sibling (wrap it up and save it for future...something simple that your firstborn would like to have as a future gift...because guests will fuss over the new baby and it is huge deal for the firstborn to also have a present).

Congratulations on expecting and preparing for your second baby!

C. - ____@____.com
mom of 3, prenatal/postnatal yoga teacher in Naperville and Aurora

My two are 18 months apart, and I didnt really read stories about siblings. My son kissed my belly and called it a baby, though he called everyone's tummy a baby for a while, so he really didnt get it. When we brought him to the hospital, my hubby went to the lobby to bring him up to the room so it was only the four of us at first. He had a present to give to the baby, and we had one from her for him. When he walked in, she was in the bassinet so I could love him up a bit first, and I didnt want him to see her right away. When he was ready, we brought him to the bassinet to check her out before I picked her up to really introduce them. When their grandparents came in, they loved him up also before meeting the new baby. This way he didn't feel displaced. In the hospital he wasnt really interested, though once we got home he loved helping with her. I also have made sure that whenever she slept, she was in her swing and he and I were playing together. He still needs alone time with both mommy and daddy, but he adores his sister. Their carseats are right next to eachother and he talks to her in the car. Congratulations on #2.

Hi C., this is like deja vu for me!!!! My daughter was 20 months when my son was born (and he was born in september, and i'm assuming your son was born in January just like my daughter, what are the odds?!!!) I think you're doing a great job by trying to make sure he understands that there is a baby coming. I say keep up the good work! My mom bought us a book titled "God gave us 2" I haven't read it in a while, but if i remember correctly, it was about having twins (which doesnt apply to you or me at the time either) but it was still a great tool to use in preparing her for a new baby's arrival. I wouldnt worry so much about preparing him for it. Just make sure that he still gets a enough attention from you all and quality time with each of you after the new baby comes so he doesnt feel left out. Congratulations on your new addition!!!

there are a ton of books out there! if you go to any book store you'll be amazed at how many there are. if you get one that is written at his level and read it often i think you'll be surprised at how much he understands. just because he's not verbal he's taking a lot in.
i would get him a little something and you can say it is from the new baby. i am not sure how you feel about little boys having dolls but, him having his own baby to hold when you are spending all that time holding your new bundle may help ease the jealousy. best of luck.

My daughter was a bit older when her sister was born. I read her books and took her on a tour of the hospital. We also spent some time around families who had babies. I think the biggest obstacle to overcome was the concept of "gentle". I would suggest using a doll or stuffed animal and demonstrating that concept beforehan. Since you will need to spend a great deal of time with the baby when it comes home, a lacatation consultant gave me a very helpful suggestion to help combat the jealousy. She told me to have a basket of new toys that the older child can only play with when you are feeding the baby. Wish you all the best.

Hi and congrats on # 2...There are lots of cute picture books out there. Since he is soo young he may get lost in all the words. Just keep doing what your doing.
I did want to share a great Idea I was given....
from time to time if you hear the baby cry, tell the baby, "just a minute, I will be right there i am with your brother right now." Obviously the baby does not understand a word you said but your older child will appreciate the attention you are giving to him and this way he does not always hear you tell only him to wait on you because the baby needs you....
The birth toy, just get him anything He is interested in. It could be anything Barney, but by september he may have moved on to Dora or Blues clues. Anything that HE like is great. We gave our boys trucks and star wars figures. they are just sooo happy to get some attention during this special time. Do not limit yourself to any particular thing.
Good Luck and Best wishes

Our older daughter got lots of baby books when I was expecting #2. "The New Baby" by Mercer Mayer, "A Baby Sister for Frances" by Russell Hoban, and "I'm Going to be a Big Sister" by Brenda Bercun. I'm sure the last one comes in big brother version, and it comes with a music CD that our daughter loves!
I would definitely get him a gift when the baby comes. It doesn't have to be something he will 'care for' like a stuffed animal or doll, but something special only for big brothers. We also had our older daughter pick out a present for baby sister, which she liked doing.
Good luck and congrats!

Hi, when I had my 2nd child, we got my 1st (daughter) a book that says "I'm the BIG Sister" and we also gave her something else, but can't remember! We also gave her something to give to her new brother! I am sure they have "I'm the BIG Brother" book too. Again, I would have him give his new sister alitle softie or little stuffed animal, or whatever!

Keep doing what you are doing - they are soo smart at that age! I also went to a Siblings class that they offered at the hospital. It was really neat, even for an almost 2 year old. My daughter was older so really "got it", but a couple Mom's brought their younger ones... I thought it was neat!

All the best & Congrats!!!!

My son was 21 months when my daughter was born. He kissed my tummy and we talked about sister being in there, etc. We didn't read any books to him about becoming a sibling; it never really occurred to me. He did have a babydoll that he attached himself to when I was about 5 months pregnant. We did not buy it for him, it was left at the school office where I taught and he loved it so the secretaries said "take it."

My DD was born early, tiny, and sick. She was in the NICU for 4 weeks and came home on a feeding tube and lots of meds. In the first 6 months of her life we weighed her before and after every feeding (to see how much breastmilk she took) and then I pumped and put the amount she needed in a feeding pump that she was hooked to all night long. She went on oxygen at 2 months old. So not only did my son have a sibling, he had a sick sibling.

Throughout all of this, he was a champ. He loved his sister (even though it took him 26 trips to the NICU waiting area before he got to see her) and to this day they are enviously close. He clearly lost his "all about me" status; we did the best we could with it...he was more than fine and is seriously an incredibly loving big brother. (They're now almost 6 and 7.5) They do fight a bit more now, but that's to be expected. LOL!

Good luck with this wonderful time in your life! I think that he'll be fine. As another poster said, he will never really remember a time that she wasn't there.

Check your local library for books about new siblings. I used one by Dr. Sears called "What Baby Needs" that my daughter really liked. We also used one that someone gave us called "My New Baby". This one had pictures only - no words - so we could make up whatever words we wanted. Congrats!

I have 2 sons 23 months apart. I did the same thing you did as far a talking about the new baby and our older boy patted my belly and kissed and talked to his brother in there. In the weeks leading up to the arrival of #2 we told him his baby's name. Once our little guy was here, Our older son was very excited, immediately started calling him "UH-Oh Goodness Baby Noah". He had a baby doll always and "nursed" his babies or even his favorite blanket using my stuffed travel pillow for a boppy. This was all invented by him and I would say that the transition was essentially seamless. I think this is a good age to add to your family as they are easier to adjust when they are younger. There will always be some vie for attention and minor rivalry, but 13 1/2 months later our boys are buddies and playmates. I would not obsess or give him anything to make him think he should be alarmed. I'm sure he will be a great brother. Good Luck

Congratulations on the anticipation of baby number 2! Very exciting. When my son was born, my (then) three-year old daughter, received a gift from her new brother - a sing-along Disney dvd and a new book "I'm a big sister". I told my daughter that I had to write the card, for her brother and it read something like "I can't wait to hear these songs with my new big sister!" (and we heard them....over and over and over again!)Barney sing-alongs work too. A gift of music worked for us - and it helped that it was a dvd, too. She was given it at the hospital when she met her brother. There are also quite a few web-sites that offer so many cute books that can be personalized for your child. All the best!

ok, my kids are 21 months apart, both girls. I had involved the older one from the beginning, letting her hold my belly, feel the baby move, watching me take medicine for the baby (prenatals) and all that jazz. I did buy her a gift to give the baby, just a rattle or something small, and i also did get a gift for her from the little one. it was a mr potato head and veggie friends in a lunch box thing. she loved it, and was absolutely great the whole time int he hospital. as long as she had her mr potato head box with stuff in it! she is great. i must say i am lucky. she has done great with the little one and is a great help at times. i did get her a baby, from walmart, that came witha bottle, rattle, and pacifier. it makes noise na dcoos and cries and closes it its eyes, when there is stuff in the mouth. i love it, she loves it. i showed her the things that our baby is going to need, bottle, diaper, rocking, all that jazz, and she is doing wonderful. i also just talked to her as if she were an adult, with sentences and rocked her and told her all about babies. it seemed to help. sorry for the long response, but i hope it helps!
Good luck.

My oldest daughter was just about 20 months old when our 2nd was born. It's really hard to explain it at that age but we read lots of books about babies and had her sister bring home a stuffed bear from the hospital for her. Just make sure to spend some extra special quality time with your son after the baby is born. He'll probably be feeling a bit confused and jealous over the newest member of your family. Also, let him help out when possible so he feels like he's a part of the process. Congratulations and best wishes!

My son was 17 months old when our 2nd was born last fall. My MIL bought us several 'big brother' books that were wonderful. The one we like the most is called I'm a Big Brother, by Joanna Cole. He understood it, and in the end was even quoting things from the book, like Jacob is a baby, he can't eat pizza or apples or ice cream. I a big boy, I eat pizza and apples and ice cream. We also bought him a present from the baby, which we gave to him when we got home from the hospital. He loved it, and for the most part they get along really well and he adores his brother.

I am 7 months pregs now. My son just turned 2 in May. I purchased a boy doll at Walmart for $3. We rock the baby, and I pulled out a receiving blanket to wrap the baby. Also I pulled out the excersaucer and the baby swing a little early. We explained that these are now for the baby. He puts the doll in the swing a pushes it. I am not sure if he truly gets that he will have a brother soon, but it's cute and he seems to have fun with it. I am hoping that when the baby does come, he will figure it out.