Potty Training Frustrations for 2 Yr Old Who Will Be 3 at the End of March

I never put my kids on the potty based on a clock. 15 minutes after meals you could ask her, "would you like to try using the potty?"... but let her lead. When she is ready, she will gladly give it a try. When she has success (or accidentally goes while she happens to be on the potty) then make a big deal out of it,... do the pee pee or poopy dance and clap and sing and really applaud her! She will want to have all that attention again, and real soon... and she will start trying to get it. She just sounds like she needs a little motivation. You can use sticker charts and such, but really, waiting until she has some initial successes and you celebrate with her for them is a better plan. Special books just for looking at while on the potty can be one way to get her to sit on it for a few minutes each day.

Try not to show any disappointment when she doesn't get to the potty, or chooses not to use it. Just be "oh well, you'll get it next time" sort of attitude. NO negativity. Always praise and positive attention when she has even the slightest success.

You are not doing anything wrong...She is just not ready ...have the potty seat out. Let her sit on it clothed, pretend with it. Give her time. There is no rush. And really having a child in diapers is easier with a newborn then newly potty trained Yes you are on double diaper duty but you are not going to be in the middle of a feeding with a child yelling they have to go potty, or that they need wiped. Give her time.

I would not push her the more u push the more she will pull back. My daughter potty trained herself at 3 1/2 in a day-when she decided to do it w/one accident since. I never pushed and one day she did it all on her own-NO STRESS AND NO FRET FOR MOM! :)

the best sign from a child who is ready to be potty trained is when she says "mommy i want to go potty"........it's not worth the stress for you or your daughter so let it go for now & relax

She might be too young. I wouldn't push it. Wait a month or two.

You aren't doing anything wrong. I really found out while potty training my son (started at 2 years... success at 3 years and 2 months) that it had NOTHING to do with me, but everything to do with him and his body. I always thought ... oh, I know it's up to him, but really, if I'm super on top of it, he'll get it. NOT TRUE. We did everything and I really think we did it right. And my son did it all right too - he knew what he was supposed to do. And when he was ready, it just came. And he's NEVER had an accident. And we even went to underwear at night time within about a month. I say keep going - she will get it. Just don't get discouraged with her or yourself. Good luck! :)

I agree with everyone here. I have a 2 year old- almost three year old boy and we started potty training and then had to stop about 4 different times because it just wasn't his time. For us, it happened in stages. He finally started to respond to the promise of an M & M if he sat on the potty and actually went. (We also watched a lot of Bear in the Big Blue house Potty Time to get him mentally ready.) Now, he pees wonderfully in the potty with no accidents and we are working on #2. Every child has their own pace. My daycare girl who is around the same age just decided it was her time. Last week diapers, this week almost trained except for nights. She was much easier than my son, so don't feel bad if you aren't seeing overnight results in your child either. Now, we give stickers instead of M &M's and when he fills his sticker sheet, he gets a little car or something. (we increase how many stickers he needs to get these things each time he earns one so he'll eventually wean off of needing an outward reward). I too wanted to potty train before my second was born, so I started, but no luck. I was forced to wait. But boy was I glad he wasn't training with that new baby around! Much less work for me and less stress all around. If she is that close to 3, I'll bet she'll catch on on her own one of these days and probably before October too. Good luck and don't worry too much about it!

J., I'm sure you're a wonderful mom who wants the best for her daughter and soon to be newborn, right? So tell yourself this: I'm not doing anything wrong! There's nothing wrong with my beautiful daughter! I am a good mom and I enjoy every minute I spend with my precious princess!

Now breathe! :-)

First. who are "all these people"? What signs is she giving them? Are THEY pushing her because she's turning 3 and the preschool standard would be "3 and potty trained"?

Secondly, don't pressure her because she may just just resent the whole process and it will take longer. If her body and mind are not ready nor interested, don't push it and I advice you share that with "the others". She'll do it when SHE'S ready, not when you or anyone else is ready. She's on her schedule. The fact is, we have a lot to learn from our little ones. Is she potty training to make life easier for you and other caregivers or for her own satisfaction. We are always on someone else's time schedule that we forget to enjoy the moments we live. Take this time to calmly talk to her while you change her. Not to sound gross or anything, but has she seen you go potty? Sometimes they need to be reassured by seeing a parent. Monkey see, monkey do! Another thing to consider is that school and home are very different environments.

I have 3 girls and each one was potty trained differently and 3 is NOT the magical number. My oldest was potty trained at 2. My second at 3 1/2 and my oldest....at 4 but had night accidents all the way up to 5 yrs old.

So Jeanell, don't worry and don't push! Love her for where she's at developmentally, emotionally and socially.... because they grow up so fast! :-)

Good luck!
C.

a) regardless of what "people" say, she's not ready
b) she can definitely sense any stress, urgency, etc. from you & dad, which could be a factor as to why she's fearful, nervous, stubborn about the whole thing (if she even "gets it" yet)
c) there is no "perfect" age as to when every single child can / should be potty trained, so try not to let what others say & do with their kids cause you to think you're doing something wrong or negative with her
d) EASE UP - seriously. Back off all potty "training" together. Leave the potty out & have fun with it.

During the summer, put it out in the backyard & let be naked. Let her explore it, investigate it - on her own time & without anyone coercing her into doing it. Get several potty-themed books from the library & just leave them in her assortment of books - if she wants to learn about it, she'll let you know. When she starts to take notice of the potty, be there to answer questions or get excited about it with her.

Trust me, every mother KNOWS how frustrating this is & every mother has their own story to tell. Decide NOW what you want your story to look like when she does finally succeed with it (which she WILL) - do you want it to look like a year or more of tears, frustration, anger, bribery, etc. or a year of watching cues from your kid & letting her take the lead? Obviously you'd love for her to be fully functional when baby #2 comes, but there is regression to consider, most especially if she's been rushed into it from the beginning. And she may be sitting on the potty & going when you want her to at that point, but really that's only part of the whole process. There's a lot more phases to get through beyond just that.

You'll get to a point when you trust that she understands the concept & is maybe just being lazy about it, but it certainly doesn't sound like she's had a chance to get there yet. It might take a year, or only a few months - no one can promise you a miracle "method" that doesn't include a lot of practice - and that's what every kid needs - PRACTICE. I know, she's not even sitting on the potty so how can she practice...but she'll get there.

Before bathtimes once or twice a week ask her if she wants to sit on her potty so she can "tinkle" before she gets into the water. If she's watching you go potty ask her if she wants to be like mommy on her potty. Easy, no-pressure things like that indicate to the child that she has the control over her body, NOT YOU. Don't just plop her on the potty & demand something from her - give her respect, ask her if she wants to sit, & if she doesn't, move on.

As for pull-ups, the only time we used them were during travel of longer than 2 hours. We never called them pull-ups or diapers - we called them "travel underpants." After a handful of times using them on roadtrips, we chucked them altogether because he was able to hold it. But I started "training" my kid at 2.5 to get him into preschool at 3. He made it (by 2 weeks) but it was very stressful & he's now 3.5 & we're still not 100% there yet. I plan to have a much more laid-back approach with my 2nd son, including "introducing" the potty at a much younger age, just so he is familiar with it rather than rushed into it.

Take a deep breath, try not to freak out about the whole thing & enjoy your daughter for who she is & where she's at right now. When it's all said & done, you'll be thankful you did & you'll realize how unecessary & unhelpful stressing over this type of thing is.

Good luck!

Pull-ups were the biggest mistake we made during potty training -- well, that and letting our son know that his using the potty was important to us. My advice would be to stop for a couple of months to head off/end any power struggle and then restart with your daughter either wearing big girl undies that will actually feel wet and uncomfortable or going around without pants and undies for a couple of days. Just be sure to have the potty in whatever room she is in. Have her sit on it about every 40 minutes just to try. Each time she sits on it, have her sit for three minutes (we used an egg timer that our son happened to love watching) because kids can get confused about whether they have to go if nothing happens right away when they sit on the potty. You might want to use a sticker chart or similar motivational device, but the most important things are to stop using pull-ups and not to let a power struggle develop. We had to tell our son that he couldn't go to some of his favorite places until he could make it through a day without any pee accidents. After one missed trip to the bagel store, he used the potty like a champ. He had one or two accidents in the first couple of months, and we were supportive when these occurred and helped him learn to take breaks from fun activities by modeling the behavior ourselves and instituting "team potty" (he would sit on his potty while one of us went on the toilet. It seemed to work. I know how frustrating this process can be, and we had to take a break from potty training because pull-ups threw our son off and then we ended up in a power struggle because, for the first time in his life, our son realized he had control over something his mom and dad really wanted. Please learn from our mistakes! Potty training will happen -- I promise. Then you can take a deep breathe until she's 16 and is ready to drive :-)

My 3yo son treated the pull-ups like a diaper, so pull-ups for us were counter-productive. A month or so before we ran out of diapers, I started preparing him by telling him that I wasn't buying anymore diapers. Every time he peed or pooped in his diaper, I would remind him that we only had xx amount of diapers left, and he was going to have to go on the potty when they ran out. I'm sure I just got really lucky, but he's been potty trained since the morning we ran out! I guess he was more than ready; we just needed to find that impetus, and found it through eliminating diapers completely.

I did everything that you did with the potty, the dvd's, talking, etc, but nothing worked until I just ran out of diapers.....

Hi there,

I wonder what the signs are that are making you think she is ready?

Have you talked to her about it? Asked her if she likes to use the potty?

I know there are quick methods to potty train, but the way we did it was to introduce the potty and ask her to sit on it at times we knew she had to pee (when she woke up, before her bath, etc.) so she could easily have some "success" of peeing in the potty. Also, she has/had issues with constipation so we always knew when she had to do #2 so would try to get her on the potty for that (it was also more comfortable for her to sit, I think).

But after that we just let her decide if she wanted to use the potty. We encouraged her when she did, but never were disappointed when she didn't. Eventually we took off the diaper in the afternoon when we were at home. When she was still having accidents we put the diaper back on. But she loved wearing pretty panties, so she made an effort to make it to the potty.

This all went on for MONTHS, like 6 months. Which is fine with me, by the way. Not pressure. So when we finally did put the diapers away she only had a few small accidents and no one was upset.

Anyway, that's how we did it. She was about 21 months when we started and about 27 when we stopped wearing diapers. That was only 2 months ago, but she's had very few accidents so far!

Good luck! Obviously, I'd suggest taking it slowly and letting her decide when to use the potty. Don't worry. She will eventually!

H.

It sounds like your daughter just hasn't got the idea just yet. It can be confusing, no? We taught my daughter by letting her have a pants free at home weekend. Of course there were accidents, but she eventually got the idea that if she didn't want to be wet, she had to go into the potty. We then transitioned to pull-ups during the day, and when she seemed to be able to go a week without peeing in the pull-up, we just went with panties. Letting her choose some really cute panties was also an incentive to not wear the pull-ups. She still would run and get a pull-up when she wanted to poop, so I just hid the pull-ups. It took a little longer to stop the night time pull-ups, but she told us when she wanted to stop them at 3-1/2.

The books we had were fine, but I don't think they're what taught her, it was just experiencing wet pants and not liking the feeling. Hope this helps, good luck.

I wasn't an aggressive potty-trainer. We had the kid's potty, the kids seat for the big toilet, a potty book and DVD. We talked about it and one day our daughter's just started using the toilet. However, they were older. One was 3 1/2 and the younger began using the toilet at age 3. But there were few accidents, night or day, and once it began it was quick.

We just tackled this without daughter who was showing very few signs...so if yours is showing more than I know it can be done!!!

First...take her out of the pull-ups. They are really no better than diapers. Yes, they stop messes...but that makes them better for the parents, not the kids. Get some Gerber trainers (the non-waterproof kind). She WILL make messes...but the extra padding does help a bit. Also put knit pants on her...it will mean more laundry but less of an overall mess.

Set a timer for every 45 minutes. stick to it like glue. Find a motivator...for my daughter it was stickers. Everytime she sat on the potty (whether she went or not...) she got to choose a sticker. For the first week...yes, week...she would sit down, not go, and then go in her pants about 10 minutes later.

I would also highly reccommend going straight to the "big" potty. Think of how much easier things are when you don't have to transition them to a normal potty!!! I am so glad that my daycare provider started her out right away! She doesn't even use a seat-insert!

Within two weeks something has clicked and she is doing great. Yesterday she even went poo on the potty...something that we hadn't even addressed yet.

Your child will get there. Two things...one, YOU have to be consistent. and two, SHE needs to know what it feels like to be wet and have accidents...that is motivation to use the potty!!!

Stay positive. When she has an accident do NOT show any anger. Give her hugs and talk to her "oops! you had an accident and now you are wet! It's no fun to be wet, is it? Next time let's try to go in the potty and that way you stay dry!!" Channel your inner-cheerleader and you'll be just fine!!!

hugs, mama. don't worry...it'll happen!

I used the three day potty training method for my son when he was three. It worked like a charm. You can find it at www.3daypottytraining.com. Since your child is a little older, it may take 4 or 5 days. It did for us, but it was worth it. When you start with this method, do not get upset or frustrated. Your child can sense your emotions and your child will play off of your emotions.

Good luck!

The trouble with pull ups and diapers is that the child might feel warm after they pee, but not necessarily uncomfortably. Having wet cold pantie and socks is not pleasant and is noticeable. It is easier to toilet train in summer when fewer and lighter clothes are worn. Little ones are not used to feelings of concern when they feel like their bladders are full. But they might be more apt to notice when the wetness gets cold against their skin.

Sitting low at her level and reading might help her to relax and get in the habit of using her new potty. It should be a special , preferably enjoyable time, not like time out.

She will gradually learn to be a big girl and use the toilet and wear pretty panties , but it won't necessarily be on your schedule. It will be ok either way. It will work better when the weather gets warmer and she will just need to be reminded and work it into her busy schedule.

She just might regress when the new baby comes and want to be a baby too and want diapers. but if that happens it too will pass.

this isn't a terrible phase, it just takes longer than we hope it will.

Best of luck

Great grandma N.

She is not ready.
Potty "training" goes a lot easier and faster.... if the child is ready first. At THEIR pace and comfort level. Not a stringent "schedule."
Sure, she may have "signs" or potty awareness but that does not mean she is "ready." Being ready is an internal thing and a biological thing which also involves the myelin nerve sheath development.

Just keep in mind.. that potty training takes time... even months, to FULLY master. It takes patience and the more pushed they are the more they will NOT and it will give them hang-ups and it will turn into a battle.
AND a child WILL still have lapses or regressions or strikes or pee/poop accidents. ALL normal. It is not an either/or type of thing.

I have found, that potty training because of another baby on the way... will not make it happen.

Save all the buying of potty accessories, and wait until she is ready. All you need is a potty chair. And perhaps later when she reaches that point, underwear, which this is a good one: http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3...
UNTIL the child can go or be in an actual "underwear." The Gerber "training" underwear is slightly padded inside... to help with the process. Both my kids used these, and my friend's preschool recommends it. It is great.

Again, when a child is ready, then it will be less of a battle. I never used pull-ups. To me they are useless. I just had my kids in diapers, or naked... and when they needed to pee, I or they simply took off their diaper. And pull-ups are more expensive.

Potty training is a process, in 3 or 4 stages:
1) peeing in toilet and mastering that.
2) pooping in toilet and mastering that
3) being able to tell you when THEY need to pee or poop, then being able to hold it long enough to go to the toilet on their own... with you assisting. AND then learning how to "wipe" all on their own. Which a child wiping poop themselves, their own bum.. can take even until 4 years old to do... due to motor skills and coordination ability.
4) Night-time "dryness" which is a whole other SEPARATE process in and of itself. Remember: that night-time dryness takes UNTIL even 7 years old. And this is NORMAL and per our Pediatrician. AND... a child will still have pee accidents at night and/or get wet. So accidents does NOT mean the child has "failed" at potty training. It is just normal biological ability and development.
**Note: all of these "stages" will NOT occur at the same time nor should it be expected to.... they occur separately from each other... as one step is fully attained, then the next.

My son, who is now 3.5 years old, was not ready for potty "training" although he DID know and have all the signs. Then one day, on his own, he said he had to pee then took himself to the potty chair AND pee'd. On his own. Without our forcing it... but we always left the potty chair out and around... just in case. He has had no battles about it... and is comfortable about it without pressure. AND we did NOT have to resort to treats/rewards/bribes or anything. Just our praise and a high-five makes him happy.
And you know what? My son's "potty training" only took 1 week... because HE was ready and comfortable about it... by his timeline. NOW... is when I use the Gerber padded "underwear" with him, AND he is happy to wear it. Now. I went by "his" cues.

All the best,
Susan

The way I potty trained my youngest 2 was the every 15 minute method. A month before my daughter turned 2 she was showing all the signs, I started on a Thursday (planned to be home pretty much for the next week). On day 1 and 2 I took her every 15 minutes to the bathroom- we used underwear instead of pullups I didn't want her to think the pullup was a diaper. On day 3 and 4 I took her every 3 minutes day 5 and 6 I took her every 45 minutes and then from there she pretty much was potty trained. I did remind her for several months to go to the bathroom. Only because she would start playing and not want to go. With my youngest I started right after his 2nd birthday and did the same thing only he was stuck at the every 30 minutes for awhile and then at the every 45 minutes. I don't think he was quite ready to be trained when I started. He is now 2 years 9 months and is potty trained. He goes in and goes by himself.

There is so much for them to learn, so you have to be patient and give them the supportive and loving environment they need to learn it.

She isn't going because she is working out "Control." This takes time. It took my daughter a good month to learn control (she was only 18 months at the time). Once they learn control, then they need to learn timing. Again, they need time and practice to get this, unless they are older.

If I was you, I'd just keep pushing forward. To not stress yourself out too much with it, just spend time every morning working on it. Then, once she has control down, then you put her on a time schedule dependent on her habits. My daughter's schedule goes something like this: first thing in the morning, about an hour after breakfast, before lunch, after nap, after dinner, tiny pee before bed. When I was just starting training her, I took her every 45-1.5 hours. Also, you need to limit fluid intake and keep track of the time when they are drinking fluids. Until they learn the timing, you are going to have to help them keep time. And then, even when they learn the timing, you still have to help sometimes if they get too distracted. There is a habit of going to the potty that we have all mastered, so you need to help them learn it (you go before leaving the house, before the start of a movie, etc.)

Take the pull-ups off and throw them in the trash! Children are not stupid - they know that the pull-up is a diaper and the only difference is the way it's put on. That doesn't mean squat to a child - a diaper is a diaper and they are to potty in. Put her in underwear. You can try to find some plastic pants (like they used to use back in my day with cloth diapers) and let her experience what it really means to potty in your pants. if she's ready to be potty trained, she'll pick up real fast. Pull-ups are just confusing for them!