Potty Training Defiant 2-Year Old

I'd stop. There really is NO reason to push it. Stop until she's three and try again. You want her to be interested, so wait for that. It goes MUCH easier. :-) I've potty trained three of mine so far, starting at different ages, and by the third, I knew I was going to wait until child was interested. It was SO MUCH easier. Now I dont' understand why I ever thought of pushing it before the child was ready or interested.

I would take a break, & go back to the Pull Ups, personally. It sounds like she's not 100% ready & that's okay. Once potty training becomes stressful for both mom & child, it becomes counterproductive at that point. Taking a break will be good for both of you. Try again in a few weeks. Good luck, I know how hard it is :-)

Unfortunately, this is a battle you won't win unless she decides to cooperate. You may just have to put her back in the diapers and try again in a month or so.

You don't mention here if you have ever had her tell you that she has to go. If what you have accomplished is making her sit and then sometimes she goes while she is sitting, then that isn't potty trained at all. My son is also quite defiant and I would have never been able to potty train him by making him sit. I spent a day with him, glued to his side and then whenever he started to go I moved him to the potty and we did our best to get as much in as we could. After doing this 3 times he started telling me because he would recognize the feeling of having to go (rather than the sensation of, oh my pants are wet). At this point I think I would put her back in diapers for at least 2-3 weeks, give yourself and her a break and then try again when some of the negativity surrounding the experience has gone away. She will eventually get it, so don't stress out about it.

And with my son I started, we made good progress, but then he wouldn't tell his teachers at school, so we went back to diapers for a month and then tried again when his communication skills had improved. He picked up right where we left off. So don't feel like all of this will have been a waste of time if you go back to diapers for a bit.

If bribery doesn't work honestly I would put her back in pullups. Going potty is one of the few things they can control so it has to be their decision. And I feel your frustration, something similar happened to me with my daughter. (she was physically able to go but didn't always want to, and I was sick of the accidents). Try again in a couple months or when she expresses interest.

In my opinion, sounds like she's just not ready. I tried training my twins at 2 1/2 because they were giving me quite a few signs that they were ready, but turns out they were not and I just backed off. I tried again 3 weeks ago (today they turned 3) and my son took to it right away - it was a breeze!!! He's totally trained and I think its because he's a little older and has a better understanding of it. My daughter, well, she's another story! Still not there with her and, like I said she turned 3 today, so I've stopped stressing about it and I know it will eventually happen with her. My suggestions for you are to try backing off - still offer her opportunities to sit on the potty, wear underware on days where you are home for long periods of time, read potty books, let her see other children use the potty, etc. Eventually she will become more interested in it and you will have sucess. In my opinion, its just not worth the stress its causing you and her. You don't want to make it into a negative transition or tramatic in anyway. Best wishes!

I agree with your Mom. She is in control of this ultimately. Put the diapers on and explain that she can use her big girl panties when she is ready. She will let you know : ) Best of luck!

My son has an extremely stubborn personality (much like his dad!) and in my opinion you should just stop this battle. She will potty train when she was ready. I did this same t hing you are doing when my son was that age and even though I knew he knew how to use the potty...he would mostly refuse to except when he felt like it. Some weeks he made progress it seemed. Some weeks not at all. I did all those things you did (the bribes, the stickers, the rewards). Now I realize he just was not ready emotionally and I should have just let it go. When he was 3 and a half he suddenly potty trained himself...I didn't do much of anything. Personally if I were you I would just stop with the potty training. Try again in half a year and see how it goes.

She's not ready. Forcing the issues is only frustrating you. Putting her back in diapers is not a step back for her because- its better for her. She had to be ready for potty training to be successful and have a happy experience. When she is ready,it should take 2-3 days at most to train her. Until then, put it on the backburner, dont make her feel like a baby about wearing diapers- just tell her you will both try again when she is a little bigger. She is still young. And remember-- eventually every kits gets potty trained. Nobody goes to kindergarten in diapers.

I agree with the others. I would wait. She is not ready. Is there a reason you need her trained right now? I started my son when he turned 3 and had three months before he started nursery school. He learned in steps but was trained by then. A couple of accidents but that was it.

Unless she is really more internally motivated and wants to cooperate, it's just going to be an exercise in frustration. I went through the same thing with my daughter who was as stubborn as the day is long about it and nothing was a good enough incentive to get her to change her mind. I kept her in diapers until she was good and ready and that wasn't until she was 3.5. And you know what? It wasn't the end of the world. She potty-trained great and it doesn't matter that she was well over 3 before it happened. Nothing says they have to be trained by a certain age or time-line and it won't happen just because we think they should be. I did have to resort to going "cold-turkey" with the diapers with my daughter but I also wanted her potty-trained by 4 for preschool. Potty-trained by 4 was more important to me than by 3.

It seems like you are ready for her to be ready but she isn't. I had a girl and a boy who were both using the potty at two and I had another boy who could have gone to kindergarten in diapers. (Grandma helped with that guy so much!) If you cause her stress then you may add years to the time required. She knows what she wants and when she wants it. Keep setting her on the potty for thing in the morning so she can get the connection between mind and body. She will stand telling you and then you can go from there. Make things fun for her but don't push her. Actually, she will train you instead of you training her. It does take some kids a little longer to feel comfortable and want to go.

Potty training readiness depends on more than just the physical ability to recognize the urge or hold the pee. It is also strongly emotional, and your child really doesn't sound ready yet. You're training her because you think she should be ready, but many, many kids just aren't for quite a few months yet, so you could simply be complicating the issue for both of you – making you feel frustrated and her feel stubborn.

She isn't really "forward" yet, so putting her back into diapers isn't actually going backwards. When littles are truly ready for training, it can be remarkably fast and stress-free, sometimes just a day or a week of diminishing accidents. When kids are physically, neurologically, verbally and emotionally ready, they will want to train with as much persistence and eagerness as when they learned to walk or talk.

Here's a wonderful, informative website you might find helpful. It gives a few variations on"readiness" checklists, plus tips on various training strategies, the best ages to start them, and the advantages and disadvantages of each approach: http://www.parentingscience.com/potty-training-tips.html

It sounds like you're locked in a power struggle with a small person who's just discovered how to say "no." I, honestly, would walk away from the struggle right now and return to it in a few month's time -- long enough for your daughter to forget the whole drama. This really goes so much more easily when it's not a battle.

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It sounds like YOU'VE done a lot but what has she done, as in, what signs of readiness has she shown? You did not mention that, and I don't want to assume that you simply decided that you were ready for her to be trained. It's been a long time since I've done this - my kids are 12 and 16, but I remember being excited when they were 1 1/2 and told me after they pooped. I thought they were almost ready. They weren't. Bribes aren't going to work if she is not ready and I don't believe in them - they make using the toilet seem like something she can choose rather than expected behavior. She is not even 2 1/2, so she may not be ready for toileting and is too young to understand that if she stops peeing herself, she can go to Chuck E Cheese. Just because she wakes up dry does not mean she is ready for daytime training. She is not staying dry at night on purpose, her bladder has matured enough not to need emptying then. Keep her in diapers. Do not use pullups if all she is going to do is use them as a diaper. When she is ready for training, take her to the toilet every hour and a half or so. Keep her in cloth diapers or multilayer cloth training pants with waterproof outer layer. This helps her understand what happens when you pee - you get really wet, and she'll start to recognize what it feels like before that happens. I don't believe that your child is being defiant, please don't make her out to be a bad girl, she is not even 2 1/2. If she was a year older, I'd say she was being defiant but not all kids fully understand the process at less than 2 1/2 and if you're confusing her with bribes, candy, trips to Chuck E Cheese and not making it about learning to use the toilet, this process will take longer. I was one of those parents who preferred having kids in diapers longer and a very short training process to starting young and having a long process with lots of accidents, occasional potty use, etc so my kids trained right to the big toilet around their third birthday. There's worse things than changing diapers. Good luck!

I had always heard that it isn't something that can be forced--a child is ready when he's ready. Ask her to tell you when she's ready or conversely, ask her each day if she would like to try again. If she says yes, try. If she says no, then that's her answer.

I was where you are a few months ago. We started training the bare-bottom method, he went pee on the potty quite well for almost a week, pooped a couple of times, then refused. So we stopped a couple of weeks, he was doing pretty good about a week and a half then flat-out refused. He knows how to go, he knows how to hold it. As with your daughter, incentives are futile. So we have been on hiatus, no pressure, no reminders a couple of months. He will be 2.5 next weekend. he uses the potty to pee occasionally, all on his own. No more rewards like Dum Dum pops or stickers, it's on him to get trained, I'm here to help wipe, help wash hands and encourage.

You've talked it out and when they get like him and your daughter, unless you relish frustrating yourself and her, possibly causing her medical problems by her "holding it," and have her not trained for another year or two, you need to go back to diapers, not say a word, and wait until she wants to use the potty on her own. Their bladders and bowels are something they can control, and face it, who wants to give up control, particularly newly-independent toddlers? And the fact that she knows but doesn't always carry through shows she's not ready yet. Don't feel bad putting her back in diapers, unless you like doing extra laundry.

Leave the potty out, back off completely on potty training, and wait for her to start using it on her own. She knows the basics and will, when she's ready psychologically. Meanwhile find out what her power incentive is, buy it, and when she starts to go potty allow her access to the incentive for 30-60 minutes after going potty on her own, (without you initiating it, taking her or reminding her) but you keep possession of it, otherwise it loses it's value as an incentive. She'll be earning a privilege, rather than a possession, and that will be her incentive to keep using the potty. I wish I had known this concept before, we might have been successful in training!

When she starts using the potty again you make it her responsibility, you don't remind her, it's her thing. When she has an "accident," you have her help clean it up, put the dirty laundry in the hamper, change her sheets, etc.

I put my money where my mouth is. I'm confident, and hoping he will be soon, too. If not, being trained at almost three or three and a half isn't the end of the world ; )

I would stick with it. She can do it. My oldest was 2 1/2 when I trained her and it was sooooooooo hard. I admit, she showed signs of readiness much earlier, which I ignored, thinking I should "wait" until 2 1/2. By then, she was loving the status quo, set in her ways, and had NO interest in potty training. I was patient, patient, patient, patient, spent weeks in the bathroom, cleaned up countless messes and accidents, never raised my voice or got "unsupportive". It was the WORST, because with everything else she was very advanced, and we are firm with all rules, so it was really hard to just NOT be firm with the potty training for fear of all the warnings that you should never be negative...whatever. I could tell she was just refusing because she could.

Then my husband came home from tour, fully knowing what I had already been through. He witnessed her just REFUSING to cooperate for a few days, even though she knew perfectly what to do. Well. One day, he just YELLED at her (very rare for him). Like lost his patience, and yelled at her for peeing on the couch. :-0 Something like, "You KNOW where to use the potty, you're a BIG GIRL!" like really loud and disappointed-every parenting expert's nightmare basically. I felt so bad after trying so hard for so long to be Mrs Nicey Nice, like it was my fault she got her head bit off..

Know what? She started going in the potty perfectly and never looked back. I "get it" that you're supposed to have endless patience and positivity for the potty training, but after a certain amount of time, it can become a power play. I would stick with it, and firm up a bit.

I was more no nonsense with my second, and he caught on extremely quickly. My most spirited daughter just turned 2 and we're digging in soon. This time, I'm just going for it. TAKE NO PRISONERS!

To quote my grandma: "Parents to today are so horrible, we had all of of our kids trained before 2" :-0 I know the sky is the limit on potty training age now, but I just don't know if putting her back in diapers will make it easier later. Kids really resist, it, but they feel SO proud to get it learned, it's worth the push.

Look at it this way. YOU are going to make the decision to put her back in diapers. SHE is not taking a step backwards. YOU are making the decision that she needs more time, and it truly isn't worth making in to a battle. You don't need to jump through hoops to find just the right bribery. And stress yourself and your daughter out over it. Just because she can hold it and go sometimes does not mean she's going to have it down 100% at 2 1/2. I'd just tell her that YOU have decided to put her back in diapers until SHE decides she is ready for underwear and for using the toilet. No pressure. There is a BIG difference between 2 1/2 and 3 for a lot kids when it comes to toilet learning.

i assume you have asked her why she doesn't want to use the potty? it sounds like she has it all down EXCEPT where to put it...but she knows where, just doesn't want to. it might help if you can get to the bottom of why. maybe she'd like to try a potty ring, or just the regular potty, or whatever you're NOT using. might be worth a conversation.

another conversation i might consider having with her is that she is a big girl now and knows how to go on the potty, so that is her job now. don't know if she does any other chores, but often times this is a kiddo's first "responsibility", to get to the potty and go in it every time. i started my son on "chores" around this age, and we did go through a tough time when he fought it (it was simple things like getting dressed in the mornings, feeding his fish, etc. nothing too hard, all age-appropriate). the good thing about his chores was that it was okay to time out for not doing them. it's a little harder to time out for not using the potty, unless you are VERY SURE she's doing it deliberately. if you're sure then i would consider it if i was you. it's just another form of control and trying to rule the roost as they say...she needs to be taught that this is really something that is important for her to do.

but of course...it's not a battle you can really win by force. so you have to know your child and go by her cues. some kids get to the point where they need a firmer hand. if you'd left it up to my son he would have used diapers forever. but he was fully aware where the potty went, and just decided sometimes to play instead. he needed a bit of a firmer reminder that this was serious, not really something he could just do if he "felt" like it. it only took once or twice of timing out when he had accidents, when he got it.

on the other hand when we first started, i gave m&ms when he went, and he ended up going every thirty minutes, so i had to nip that in the bud as well. it's really just figuring out what makes her tick. they are sometimes smarter than we think :)

last, it's possible she's just not ready. only you will know if she's putting two and two together and deciding not to, or if she's really just not getting it. there's also something to be said for waiting until she's more ready - she's only 2 1/2...

sorry. i now this is all over the place. every kid is truly different. there are lots of ways of approaching it, so maybe some of these ideas will help. good luck!

You haven't been potty training for very long. Watching you pee and seeing other kids go really helps a lot. I don't think bribing her with candy, etc. would work, but you can get her a cute potty seat or chair. If you watch her closely, you can see when she is getting ready to do something and then bring the potty chair to her if you can't get her in the bathroom on time. Have fun!

Physically ready is not the same as emotionally ready. It is easier to wait it out that fight it out. My daughter is 2 and 9 months and isn't trained either. She sometimes pees on the potty if I have her sit but not reliably. I'd wait a little longer (it might be only a few months).

BTW, I did have a struggle with my older one who would refuse to go to the bathroom when I told him to go try--he was more like 4 then. I did give consequences for refusing to follow directions (if he went and tried and nothing was there no consequences but that almost never happened. Usually he was fighting because he didn't want to stop playing and use the bathroom until the last moment.). That part was a power struggle (he could hold it and was in underwear for months by then).