Potty Training - Fitchburg,MA

I am so with you, my son is going to be 4 on Monday and he just won't go potty. He totally gets that he's suppose to and has the control he just won't go. He will usually pee when we have him sit on the potty but he hides whenever he poops. If you catch him he tells you to go away or look at something so you don't see him. we have tried taking toys away adn TV away and we also have rewarded him when he does poop on the potty. He just won't stick to it.
I try not to stress about it because i know it makes it worse but i'm so tired of changing him. I tried the underwear thing too and tht just go me more aggrevated because then i needed to clean him, the clothes, and whatever else that he got soiled.
I'm sorry that I'm not offering advice but I wanted you to know that you aren't alone. My friend tells me that noone walked down the weddign aisle still wearing diapers..LOL

First of all, I want to say -HANG IN THERE, your child WILL be potty trained and this will be over. This is one of those pieces of parenting that can be very frustrating when you are in it, but then you look back and find it is behind you and you may even be able to laugh about it someday. :-) Now, a few ideas... Have you heard about children that have a fear of pooping on the potty? I know several children who had this fear. One of them would hold his poop for lengths of time rather than going on the potty. My understanding is that kids are afraid that there is a part of themselves being flushed down the toilet (or variations of this belief). It's also important to keep in mind that every kid is very different in how they potty train. My oldest trained quickly when I gave him unlimited access to TV viewing of potty videos (TV is usually pretty limited in our home). We had 3 videos, and he sat on the potty in front of the TV watching them over and over and over. He did his business on the potty and within a few days he was trained. I think this was a pretty unusual way to do it, but I say, if it works, it works. With my 2nd child, we made the pull ups go bye bye (except for the night time ones which were different) and we struggled until I realized that she really didn't want me reminding her... once I stopped reminding her to go every 15 minutes, she pretty much potty trained herself (seriously strong willed child who wants to do everything herself). Overall, I think it is important to try make the move to undies in a whole hog kind of way... vacillating between pull ups and undies can be confusing for kids an prolong the process. In my opinion, it is helpful to plan a chunk of time where you can keep your kid home (a week or so) and deal with messes a bit. Talk through it with your child... what are his ideas of how he can make this transition (when I finally LISTENED to my daughter and just let her be, she was fine). Draw a line in the sand together and put away the pull ups. Extrinsic reinforcement can be very useful for shaping behavior, as well. Some of my friends felt guilty about using such rewards and called it "bribing", but I think it is a legitimate short term method for getting a good behavior on track. One friend of mine used chocolate chips. Her son would get one chip for pee and 2 chips for poo. I hope this is helpful for you. My overall point is that, with this bit of parenting, don't be afraid to think outside the box and find the unique tactic that works for your unique kid. GOOD LUCK!

My son too, will not consistently go on the potty. He has yet to poop on it and I can maybe get him to pee on it 2-3 times per day. He is just about to turn 3 1/2 and I am so sick of changing him! We have tried everything in the book, sticker charts to bribery. He has peed in his underwear but not pooped yet. So most of the time, he is wearing pull ups.I also have a 1 1/2 year old boy too. So you are not the only one! It is so hard not to get frustrated, because I honestly am and so is my husband. Hopefully we will hear some good advice on this one! Sorry I don't have the answers you are looking for but I just wanted to let you know you aren't alone!!

My advice- get rid of the pullups! They are a waste of money and just make it wasy for your son to avoid using the toilet. Pick a time when you can stay home for a few days and just put him in underwear. Yes, you will have to do a little more laundry for a few days, but it will be so worth it! My stubborn son, who is now 4, was trained at 2.9 in a week by putting him in underwear.

Hi S.,
Hang in there! Everything that you mention is so typical, especially with boys. I always felt that going straight to undies and dealing with a few days of accidents was what did the trick. When I did this with my boys they had a few accidents the first day and by the second day were sick of having to change clothes and they would ask for a diaper when they had to go. I would tell them that we didn't have anymore and that they could use the potty.
Also, I don't know if your son likes Nick Jr. but they have a magazine. What if you were to subscribe and make this his special bathroom magazine. Only allow him to look at it when he is on the potty.
Before you switch to underwear just make sure you are willing to do it without looking back. If you keep going back and forth I think it will just delay things even more.
Once he has mastered the day time, keep him in his underwear even at night. Once he falls asleep just slip a diaper on over his underwear. I found that if you put a diaper on at bedtime they end up peeing in it even before they go to sleep.
He will be trained before you know it! Don't stress about it! I have three boys so I know how they can be.
One more thing...don't let him pee standing up. This can really delay pooping, especially if they are a little afraid to poop. If they are peeing standing up they won't have a reason to sit. Good luck!!!!

My son is 3.5yrs and also spotty (at best) about the toilet. We've tried everything short of staying home for a week and keeping him naked. I've heard that that works, but honestly we just get too stir crazy with 3 little ones cooped up.

My son is seriously NOT INTERESTED in the process. He doesn't want to even try to poop on the potty most of the time. It's not fear, I just think that he can't be bothered, and no amount of potty charts/positive reinforcement/reward/cajoling etc has made a difference.

I've talked to MANY moms who've been through this, especially with boys, so you're not alone. But as for tricks that work: I can't help you. My daughter was a breeze to train compared with this--just your run-of-the-mill accidents.

Oh, and we did the 'just big boys' thing and he simply peed and pooped in them like they were pull ups. Blech. We also tried old-style prefold cloth diapers and pins. Still no dice.

good luck! You're not alone!

Hi! I feel for you! My oldest was the exact same way...extremely frustrating. My first piece of advice is to get him out of pull ups. I personally think it makes kids lazy (not at night...just during the day.) I had my son in underwear and yes I had to clean them on most days. I would always carry an extra pair of underwear and pants with me as a rule. All the sticker charts, incentives, etc. did not work for my son. I think it comes down to control.

Your son does have the ability (because you said he has gone a few days without accidents.) So you just need to stick with it. And believe me it is sooo hard! It is hard not to get frustrated or mad. But in the end this will help him.

My second son was potty trained pretty much overnight, at the same time my older son finally got. Just remember this too will pass!!

Good luck!

H. Z. (SAHM 5, 4, and 16 month old boys)

I agree withthe posts....I struggled but did the big boy pants during the day and had a potty seat in our truck to pull over and use or to use where ever we could not get to a potty.
The poop thing....so their own control. I was on the phone with our pedi because our son had gone three days with out pull ups and only big boy pants and now had not pooped in three days....they told me to put them back on him. It was too long to go with out pooping.

So I would have them on hand. My son has started to go on the potty now but we tried all the bribes, rewards, and even tried to get him the train he wanted and posted high up in the bath room to see....no luck and then we went back to stickers and he started to go. We stopped talking about it and stopped making him try each night and it can about for him.

We just started over nights with out pull ups and it is a bit more work but invest in some plastic backed pads and we put a blanket or beach towel over them...whichever my son picks because he was quite particular. We toilet before bed, before we go to bed and maybe one other time in the beginning between 10-4am.

Good Luck

Hi S.,
I could have written your post word for word. My son would go poop on the potty for a while and then start pooping his pants again. It was so frustrating. We tried EVERYTHING, rewards, sticker charts, etc. Things would work for a while and then it was back to pooping in his pants, sometimes 5 times a day. Finally in frustration I told him that everytime he pooped on the potty he would get a reward (Hershey kiss) and that every time he pooped in his pants Mommy and Ally (his sister) would get a reward. Knowing that he would do just about anything to keep his sister from getting a treat. It only took a few days and that was it, no more pooping in his pants. Also when he did go, in addition to his treat I would praise, praise, praise. Good luck.

I have a very similar situation at home. I am eager to see some of the responses.

I would give him a warning and then switch him into underpants. With my daughter we did her 3rd birthday, you could do 4th. And then don't switch back. Yes, it's a lot of laundry, but really, I never found it that much grosser than changing dirty diapers. And invest in enough underwear that you are willing to toss a few really gross pairs. My daughter would pee on the potty, but not poop, and we were at our wits end. Finally, I said to her " you know how to do this, you are in charge of your own body. I am not going to ask you if you have to go to the bathroom anymore." And then I didn't. It was so hard to train myself! Especially when she was hopping up and down and clearly had to go. But within a week she was going on the potty and has had very few poop accidents since then. She's been potty trained for 6 months at this point, and still resists when I tell her she has to "try" but is very good about going on her own. It really is a control thing. Once they have the control, the "thrill" of going in their pants quickly goes out the window. I thought I was going to pull my hair out during the process, and I never thought this would work. But it did. Good luck!