Please HELP, My 2 Year Old Is So Defiant!!!!!!!

This is a very normal phase - at 2 years old they realize they finally can have some control over some things. At this age, distraction works best. Still tell her no so she's learning what's right and wrong, but it needs to be very simple. Instead of time out (since it doesn't phase her), after you tell her no if she continues to do whatever it is, remove her from the situation so she can't do it anymore. Bring her somewhere else to play with something else and get her "distracted" with something positive to do. Kids running when you try to get them dressed or when you're trying to get them in the bath, etc. is so very normal. We always play along with the chasing game "I'm gonna get you..." playfully, but we determine when it's time to stop and get in the tub or get dressed. And then you just have to physically pick her up and put her in the tub and distract her with the toys or whatever. She might cry at first (trying to control the situation) but at this age they learn by repetition so she will eventually get it. Just be consistent. I think handling it this way gives them some acknowledgment that their feelings are legitimate yet, you're still the parent. And remember this is one of many learning phases to come. It will pass. Hope this helps. Hang in there.

She sounds totally normal. Keep being consistent for another year, and then you can start expecting results. She's little, it takes a long time.

It's so hard to raise kids! It's also hard to offer advice without sounding preach-y, and you are doing so many things right! I'm mom of three, expecting again, and in my free time (haha) I teach parenting classes at an elementary school, so maybe I can offer you some of the strategies we teach there.
The first thing you want to do is make a rule. For example, no touching the .... (whatever it is). Then, you have to supervise. It sounds to me like you have rules, but when she continues to do it or runs away, that seems to be when you need to step in. If the rule is don't touch (and by the way, we never recommend using "please" or "I don't want you to touch", just the rule "Don't touch")then you have to take her hand and put it down, or go up to her and move her away from the item (active supervision!). Same with getting dressed: "get dressed" (rule) and then you have to stay right with her, possibly hold on to her, until she is dressed (supervise). If she runs, you go get her and (staying calm! hardest part!) repeat the rule until she is dressed. Same with bathing: "Get in the tub" and you physically are with her until she is bathed.
And finally, in relation to time outs, we don't recommend them (or any other kind of punishment). Better you actively supervise her and force her to succeed, and avoid all the negativity that comes with punishments in general.
Sounds easier than it is, I promise! The main concepts are: make a rule, supervise, and be consistant! Good luck...

I know it is hard. Defiance is a challenging thing when we have to get from one activity to the next as a parent. My son is just starting to throw a fit when we have to transition. He gets involved in something and has his own idea the way things are going to go. When I can I let him continue his way (if it is play or appropriate) but things like getting in his car seat when he doesn’t want to or not going in the street or washing his hair, lately I just power through these things well he fights me on it. So I know your challenge some things that might help:

Try distraction instead of always telling what not to do. Tell her once then maybe ask her show you how a kitty crawls or sing a song with her that uses her hands so she stops touching what she is touching. Your daughter is in a normal developmental stage in which she is meeting two goals. 1 Independence 2 Getting your attention and then usually two year olds pick up on a third goal which is the thrill or adrenaline rush when their parent gets flustered. The first two goals are so important so you don’t want the behavior to stop all together however the third can be a challenge that starts a path of tension between parent and child. Try distraction; develop ways to work as a team to satisfy her developmental needs. And in times that things are neutral or calm with your child give her your undivided attention through "floor play". In this time you get on the floor with your child (so they have all of your attention and eye contact) and you play with blocks, cars, legos, what ever they want and you follow their lead. For this time of play your 2 year old controls the play (in a controlled environment you set up) and you talk very little and let her direct the play. I promise if floor play becomes a part of your daily ritual with her the battles in the real world will decrease. Suddenly baths will be easier and listening will improve. I am a Therapist and would work with children and parents on floor play and I watched the most defiant children (they make the ones on supper nanny seam calm!) Decrease significantly their defiance when the caregiver gave them undivided attention and control through play at some point in their day. Now I just have to practice what I say and do this with my little almost two year old opinionated son!

Take care,
M. Carrillo, LMFT
www.supportfornewmothers.com

Oh, girlfriend! Sounds like you've got a leader on your hands!

My daughter was the same way at that age. There is a FABULOUS book called You Can't Make Me (But I Can Be Persuaded) by Cynthia Tobias. It was a godsend. It helped me understand my strong-willed daughter and make adjustments to my parenting style so that I could get more cooperation and fewer struggles. But most importantly, the book helped me see my daughter in a whole new way - as the strong, confident, intelligent adult she will become. It really helps to keep your eyes on the end goal when you are struggling in the moment.

My daughter is almost 4 now and such a joy! She is still strong-willed but I have tools now to help us both get what we want out of any situation. Everyone wins!

Best of luck to you and your precious daughter!

Wow... you are getting some serious advise... here is mine...

Always ask your self " is this important" ? I find that most of the time it really is not.. it is just my own power game or urge to have a well behaved child that others can easily tolerate or admire.. what bull !like our kids should be trained to be little order taking commandos!

You need to involve her in making her choises,,,this is her life not yours Do you want to color or jump on a trampoline. would you like purple or pink shampoo, dont touch that try this one or that.

You may think that if she was ever in a real danger you would want her to follow your command... well then stop commanding her around in seemingly un important non dangerous situations an let her instead be allowed to make her own choices

Punishment is just an effort to squash an individuals urge to control his own life, you want her to feel bad and she seems to enjoy it? HUrrah you have not yet squashed her inner spirit... admire her for staying cheerful and when it really counts let her know that that was really important to you and ignore her pleads for your attention for a while... then explain that you need her to be a friend to you and not an enemy, that she has to show you that she is part of your team and that you can count on her like she can count on you.

Your beautiful 2 year old is right on track! She is suppose to be stretching her boundaries and exploring her world. It is nothing personal. Look at it as independence rather that defiance. There is a wonderful website www.enjoyparenting.com that will guide you effortlessly through these areas. It has helped me with my two year old! Good luck! And remember, they don't stay 2 forever! This will pass! Stay as loving and accepting as possible!

Sincerely,

Drea

You might want to spend more time giving positive reinforcement for the things she does correctly, no matter how small just for awhile. She is going through a phase, she just wants to play and right now her favorite game is chase me. Children have no concept of time and don't understand we have set aside 15 minutes for bath time. It seems strange but it shows how well she adapts that she plays with her feet when she is in time out. You have so much to be grateful for, they grow so quickly and she is on the edge of another change. She's about to speak in full sentences and reason, talk to her and teach her that her laughter is beautiful. Down play the negative unless she could hurt herself or break something.

You are doing all the right things! Just keep doing what you are doing (even though it can be super frustrating at times). I have a daughter who was like that at 18 months and it has not really gone away (she is 4). I also have a 2yo who we thought would never go through this because she is just a different personality and yet, here we are at the same stage! Just know that you have a very strong willed, big personality girl. And just think... when she gets older that will be a good personality trait to have!!

Something that works for my husband and I is toys in time-out. THEY DO NOT LIKE THAT IDEA AND THE MESSAGE GETS ACROSS. Whatever toy that causes the bad behavior goes away for the rest of the day. Or if it isn't a toy that caused the problem, it still works. I will say, "If you don't listen to Mommy right now your Panda bear will go in the closet." Usually solves the problem without having to do anything!

Good luck!

Why do you want your daughter to be "uncomfortable"?

Why "discipline" and not "parent"?

Almost every child tests their boundaries. What are yours? If you are getting frustrated with her, she knows exactly what to push your buttons. You can change that, she is two. No yelling is required, jsut patience and understanding on your part.

She is two, you are the adult. She is the child, you are the parent. Why is frustration for you even a option for you?

S., parenting is a full time, stressfull sometimes un-noticed job. It is was it is. You make the most or the worst of it.

Your daughter is ready to grow, let her, keep her safe and above all else, breathe.

B. H., B.A.:B.Ed.
Family Nutrition Coach

Dear S.,

Remind yourself, that "This too shall pass." She will grow past this stage, and life will get better, especially if you don't let the terrible twos become a pattern maker for your daughter to get attention.

My children are grown, turned out to be great kids and adults. I have two recommendations:1) Act more than you tell. After you’ve said one time, “Don’t. . . . . .”, if she continues to defy you, get up and get her, and move her to a new activity. Divert her energy to something positive. In other words, you tell her, “I’m sorry sweetheart, but you can’t do that. You can do this . . . .” Give her another option. If she will not comply with doing something she can do, then you just have to put her somewhere else in a “time out,” or just restrict her in your arms until she gets bored there, and decides to do something else. You continue doing something you want to work on, more or less ignoring her, but restricting her movement, until she moves in a different direction from the original problem. You may choose to notice and praise what she’s doing after she has moved to an appropriate activity. That will reinforce that she’s made a good choice and give her attention for good behavior.

Don’t keep talking and trying to persuade her, and giving her all of your attention, while she smilingly defies you.

2) Never discuss her negative behaviors openly in front of her. You may talk with your husband or other family members and friends about your frustrations when she isn’t around, but you never want her to get the idea that her bad behaviors are great attention getters.

The day will come when you will look back at these days and smile, and remember that you spent the time now establishing that good behavior gets attention. Bad behavior gets ignored or restrictive.

Aloha, J.

I think she is hitting three early! This is one thing that they don't tell you about parenthood: 3 is wayyyyy worse than 2! She is normal. This is what they do. Try attending some parenting classes - if you live in Hawaii, they have a bunch of really good ones, the parent and child attend together, and the kids go to another room and play while the parents discuss parenting issues. One is called Families for REAL, run by DOE. I learned alot from the other parents and have made many friends who are going through the same things that I went through. Also, you can try reading "Raising Your Spirited Child" by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka.

This must be your first time living with a two year old. She sounds like a typical two year old to me!!! She is learning that she does have a say in her own life, and that she can make her own decisions. It is all part of her learning about her own individuality. Why are you at your wit's end? Why are you labeling her as defiant? She isn't "working" you. She is two! You need to relax, remember who the adult is, and accept your daughter for who she is as well as the stage of life she is in. Educate yourself about two year old behavior. Two year olds are very smart, You bet they are. It's not a matter of lack of understanding. Relax, don't think of her as bad or defiant or anything like that, be the adult, be consistent with your time outs, and know that this is the easy part of parenting. The real challenge starts around age 13. Think of the two's as a warm up for the REAL hard part. :0)

It will take some time and believe it or not, sometimes it is easier to play the teacher role rather than the parent role. We as parents (we all do) more personalize with our children and well, become stressed with our toddler. (Mind you only one of the age phase, there will be more, from each developmental growth spurt. ex: puberty/teens)

As a teacher, you will also prepare your child for school. Directions are given short and sweet, getting the child's attention. Be sure you have eye-eye/face-face contact.
Ex: "Mary, please don't touch that, it can break." You may have to give her an alternative. "Mary, here, why don't you color a picture for mommy" Either: Thank her for her positive behavior. "I'm so happy you did that."

Yes, timeouts are sometimes meant to diffuse the situation.
Perhaps, "Mary, your mad right now, but screaming like this is not okay. You need a time out to settle down." Place her safely in timeout area, no longer than her age. 2min. Count it out (if you have to), this is also a time to breath and diffuse for the adult. "Mary, I'm glad you've settled down, let's go and take a bath."

Getting their attention; Verbalizing clear directions; and giving positive feedback. These habits will be familiar for them as they transition into school. You are at the same time, teaching more language skills; coping skills and making them aware of feelings. Find a consitent parent/teacher role that works for all of you in the household.

I know I am part of the minority but I think that there should be consequences for behaviors that are not acceptable. We allow our children to have a say in what goes on when they are too young to know what would be any good. I am not going to tell you to punish her with a swat, that would be up to you, but I will pose a question. What will you wish you had done if she runs away from you outside into the path of a vehicle? Your children must know that what you say is law. There need to be consequences not to satisfy a parent's desire to be obeyed but to ensure that a child obeys out of safety. There is a natural struggle of wills as a child grows. Let her win and you both could pay.

Hi S., wow you have gotten some great advice on here! I'm so glad that you ask this question cause I have a 2 1/2 year old son and he does the same things! He can really drive me crazy but then I have to try and stop and remember that even though he is really smart and he knows, he is also only 2 years old. I think that what you are doing is great and that over time I know things will get better. 2 is a really hard age. I have worked at a few day cares and I remember how hard it was to work in the 2 year old room but some how it still seems as though my son is more energic then all the other kids (LOL)! Well, I just wanted to let you know that my son is the same way and to tell you to hang in there! God Bless you and your family!

Hi S.
There is a great book that helped me.
It is called 'Raising Your Spirited Child' - A guide for parents whose child is More intense, sensitive, perceptive, persistent,energetic.
by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka
Take Care.

Hi S.! Sounds like you're doing a great job! We were having the same problem with our 2 year old. What's great is that she will be a wonderful leader - someone who makes things happen. Right now it's a pain in the butt. This may sound unrelated but it is not - she may need more jobs around the house. Whatever you can get her to do - sweep, wipe up spills, take things to the garbage - I mean A LOT. She's probably doing stuff now, but what MORE can you give her to do? I think we have daughters that want to grow up fast, so the more they can contribute, the more they are grown up. My daughter now does things that I ask her to more readily. That being said, when she does do something that requires a time out - how long is it? I had to increase time out times. Time outs now are between 10 and 15 minutes. Hope this helps!!! Good luck S.!

Have you ever heard of the terrible two's . The age from two to four sometimes longer is the testing time for kids, she is only two & 1/2 yrs old how much do you think she is going to mind you , plus her cognitive hasn't even disected the concept of exactly what does punishment mean. Best thing you can do is be consistant, she will get it as she grows. Best thing also is learning how to change your voice, when its play time its ok to be fun & sweet, when its business time and she isnt listening, its ok to change your voice so she knows the difference, right now she still is learning the word No, and by the tone of your voice when you really mean it.

i have a 3 1/2 year old by the same description. she told me she did these things because she was bored.the more uncomfortable we tried to make the time outs, the more defiant she got. screeching, screaming fits, throwing things, pounding on the walls/doors, jumping around, and being incredibly rude in general. we even stood her in a corner, nothing to look at nothing to touch. and she laughed hysterically the whole time. this probably sounds very strange, but we bought her a toy stationary bike, and she had her time outs there. she stayed on until she is ready to come off and act appropriately. it works great for us. after about 8 months of the bike, she goes there when she feels shes starting to get wound up, and comes off when she is calm. she no longer has time outs at all, she doesnt need them, and she has learned to control her actions. she can identify inappropraite behaviour. if we are not at home, we run a lap or 2 around the buliding were in, and go back when shes ready to stop being disruptive. i actually prefer this to time outs, and she can do this into adulthood, whereas i wont be able to give her a time out forever.

I have the feeling you won't like my answer but she needs a swat on her bottom. We always had a special "paddle" that we used on our kids so they never became afraid of our hands. It doesn't need to be hard but it needs to be consistant and right away kids at two can't link punishment minutes later it is hard at this age for them to understand why you are taking things away. Plus a quick swat is instant No don't do that then its move on not continual punishment. Good luck

Dear S.,

Your daughter sounds like a perfectly normal 2 year-old :-)

At this age they do not yet have impulse control. (So it does not really make sense punishing her for something she can not help). She needs guidance :-) And it sounds like you are helping her a lot, by letting her do things by herself (getting dressed, tossing the toys in the tub).

Her natural curiosity makes her investigate her world. Right now she is learning about cause and effect, both with things and with emotions.

I highly recommend "Unconditional Parenting" by Alfie Kohn, as well as "Parenting your Spirited Child" by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka.

"Parenting your Spirited Child" gives you tools to understand your daughter's temperament and your own. Understanding your temperamental matches--and mismatches--helps you understand, and enjoy the spirit in your daugther. By reframing challenging temperamental qualities in a positive way, and by giving you specific tools to work with these qualities, Kurcinka helps you understand and better parent your children.

"Unconditional Parenting" challenges much of today's parenting wisdom (time-outs, bribes and threats) and explains why it makes matters worse. Kohn suggests parents help kids solve problems; provide them with choices; and use reason, humor and, as a last resort, a restorative time away (not a punitive time-out). As he says, "the way kids learn to make good decisions is by making decisions, not by following directions" rings true.
The book was a hard read for me, because he makes it glaringly obvious that I had forgotten how it feels when you are a child......

I wish you the best of luck, -and don't forget to breathe ;-)

Lots of love from E.. Mother of Spirited 11 year-old son and not-as-spirited 2 yo daugher :-D

I agree whole heartedly with Michelle S.and Heidi..Girl...Your response was right on the money. I Couldn't have said it better. S....Pick your battles,or you'll drive yourself, and your child nuts,before shes five.

My middle son was that way...but won't look and me and smile, he would purposely give me an angry look and then do what he was doing. One time he started to ride his little trike into the street and when I told him not to, he got off the bike, crossed his arms and purposely stepped into the street as if to say, I can do what I please. He was what Dr. James Dobson calls and strong-willed child...and yes they are very smart...know what they want. I suggest getting a copy of Dr. Dobson's book called "The Strong-willed Child" and see if there is help there. He wrote it after my son was older and I sure could have used it earlier.
H.

Dear S.,

First of all, your daughter may understand a lot, but you are probably using too many words. "Honey, please don't touch" is nice, but means nothing to a two year-old. You need to shorten your phrases, "No Touch!" and have a mean tone and facial expression.

Second, time-out is not meant to be a time of discomfort, its supposed to give each of you a chance to cool off. Its also a time that she is not getting your attention. Its okay if she's content playing with her toes.

Third, Your house is not a democracy, its a dictatorship. She must do what you say, however, use your diplomacy and let her think she is getting a choice. Let her pick out the toys for the bath or her clothes. Give her some power over the small stuff.

Last of all, you are smarter than her. A little manipulation, distraction, or even bribery is okay. I often bribe my kids to try new foods with the promise of an M&M. It works every time.

N.

Gifted children are certainly a challenge. Their choices can lead them to be the ones who create computer viruses/worms or those who create things for the good of society.

They need choices that appeal to their intelligences (http://homeworktips.about.com/od/learningstyles/ss/multip...,
http://skyview.vansd.org/lschmidt/Projects/The%20Nine%20T...)

Consequences should be swift and appropriate:
http://www.theparentreport.com/resources/ages/toddler/lim...

http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&i...

Always show you love your gifted child (not just hugs, but quality time)10 fold.

My daughter is not even 2 yet but displays this behavior already. I want to see the responses.

If she is like many other children, she will only try harder when you instill harsh punishments. and then you will be in a cycle of definace-punishment-more defiance-more punishment. The best you will achive which such methods is a submissive yet aninternally boiling child. It sounds like even though she is defiant, your realtionship with her is a warm one. I think that is your biggest asset. I would think that she woudl grow many things out. also one thing that i did -have been doing-wiht my son is trying to seprate wheat fram chaf: i try to to find what is really important to me, and what is a just a nuisance that i would not liek to follow thorugh. Then i try to respond only to the really important things and let the nusance go. That way i save some energy, and in time those nuisances do not bother me.
also I think if the chilkd is defiant, phasing your responses may help: First the very swaet request vioce, then sweat but a command vioce, if that does not work, telling that you are almost about to use your "bad" voice. She may respond instantly the moment she hears that you'll be uising your harsh voice. If not, then the harsh voice. But i usally follow up the harsh vioce with an explanation for it "i asked you to do/stop doing that several times, and you didnot bother. Then I had to use my harsh vioce which makes both you and me sad. why don't we try to listen to what each other says next time?" somthing liek that. It takes a long while to sink in but in time she will get it I think and you will continue to have a warm realtionship with her while she is being more managebale.
but above all i think her definace is part of being a young child. People do not eran to control their impulses until they are 18 or so really.
Good luck!

Time out doesn't much work for my girls sometimes. I started by telling them what they are going to loose, then count to 3. For my 4 1/2 year old who always has to wear dresses & nightgowns, she will have to wear shorts or pjs that day or night. For my little almost 3 year old who adores her butterfly blankie, she may have it put away for an hour. You just need to find the thing that matters to her, let her know what she is going to be giving up by being defiant and follow through. Eventually, she will get that you mean business. Other times are for play and games. Good luck & stay consistent, even though it's hard now - you'll be glad in the long run that you put up with those tantrums.

Hi I think that you should find other moms with children close to her age and have play dates then she's with other children and see how they listen and obey. Maybe you should deny her a treat instead of time out. To me time out is like getting suspended from school sit home and watch tv or play video games. Do you go to church? If so send her to the bible study classroom with children her age. And since she's only two join her in the bath with all your good stuff and teach her that a bath is a relaxing and tension going away time a calgon moment is what you both need. Sincerely,M.

Take something she cherishes away from her for an amount of time. Have her face the wall when she is in time out. Do not give her any attention. Remember, YOU are the adult, not her, so you need to be FIRM...and the Bible says if you spare the rod, you spoil the child and I believe God tells the truth.

I didn't read the other posts. So forgive me if this is redundant. It sounds like she is either strong willed or testing the boundaries. My suggestion is to make it a choice. "You know you can't touch that, if you continue to touch it you will need to go to time out."

Since the time out chair is not working as well, I started having my kids stand with their nose facing the wall. Standing was such a horrible chore for them, that it works wonders.
The wall is so that they cannot play with toes, count their fingers or anything else, they have to think why they are there. (this worked at 2). Mine are older now and when they get off the wall have to answer why they chose to do what they did.

L.

I like the advice about "nose to the wall" when doing time-out. with my daughter,she has to sit with her legs crossed and arms folded facing the wall. Your little girl will most likely fight the position you place her in but be consistent about having her "put her nose to the wall" or "arms folded" whatever it is that you decide to do to not have her play while in time-out). For example, when my daughter gets angry and doesn't want to fold her arms, I don't rough handle or "fight her". I wait a bit, and then I come go over and gently fold her arms together without saying anything. If she still struggles with me, I tell her, "you will stay here longer" if you don't obey mommy. Then I leave for a bit again. Then return to fold her arms together. The point is for her to know that punishment is on my terms not hers. She doesn't get to choose her punishment; she only gets to choose not to disobey.

If in the midst of you telling her not to do something and she does it defiantly anyway, you can IGNORE her by saying, "i can not be with you right now when you don't listen to me." And immediately (almost exaggerating) stand up and turn your back on her, and walk away (but make sure that whatever that she is defiantly doing is not dangerous..and it is safe for you to "leave" her). Then tell her "when you are ready to listen/ready to behave, I am ready to be with you". Or you can move to another side of the room (not leave her sight), and sit and read a magazine or something...and be VERY OBVIOUS about not giving attention to her defiance (which I believe is really her way of getting attention). After a good while, ask her, "are you ready to listen to mommy?" or "are you ready to.. (whatever that you had previously asked her to do that she was being defiant about)?"

However, I think that when it comes to something that is a danger to her safety, TIME-OUT has to be an immediate consequence. No delay, no exceptions.

Parenthood is really difficult. What works for one child may not work for another. There is really no perfect answer. These are the techniques that I use with my 2.5 year-old girl that works. I hope you'll find techniques that'll help with yours. best of luck.

How long is her time out? If it is only 2 minutes (her age), then make it reallt long. like 5 minutes. If that doesn't work, then do it for more time. She REALLY needs to be bored, Make sure she knows why she is in there. If you give her a time out for 5 minutes or longer, I would remind her why she is there half way through.
Just a suggestion. I have already given my 16 1/2 month old 3 time outs so far. My daughter will do the same thing sometimes. If I ask her not to do something, she will look at me a keep doing it. That pisses me off!! LOL
I tell her "don't climb on the table or you will have a time out". She just walks over to the time out chair and sits down on it.... go figure.
Good luck!

I have the same problem, and the problem is they are too smart for thier own good. My daughter could say her ABC's and talk sentences way before any of her friends. She also just threw out the spelling of her name shortly after she turned two and we hadn't even taught it to her. Sounds good for education but not so much for them outsmarting us!
My mother-in-law recently ordered me two books from Amazon. I thought, yea right I have been trying to read my own fun book for over six months and haven't even gotten half way through. Well the first one I read, got me so inspired I actually zoomed through it. I even read it in the car while my husband was driving, etc. It is actually an easy read and has helped us so much, it is amazing. This one is called "Setting Limits with your Strong willed Child", by Robert J. MacKenzie, EdD. Seriously I stress that you get this and read it, we are even going to find (hopefully) it in audio for my husband to listen to on his commutes. We started doing exactly what it says and we get what we want now. He explains it very simply and it may take a while for some kids to catch on but it really works. I normally wouldn't push a book on anyone, I too work PT like you but I am telling you....READ IT! ;-)
The other book she sent me was The New Strong Willed Child, by Dr. James Dobson, I haven't read this one yet.
I was even in Childish Couture the other day and started chating with the owner and these books came up and she said she read them both.

Good Luck

Go buy on line THE TOTAL TRANSFORMATIONAL CHILD! No parent, these days in this culture, should ever be without it.
Also, don't give milk, cheese, sugar or junk food or artificial sugars or dyes. Remember: Healthy Body, Healthy Mind!

Sorry this is late. But when you tell her no, you mean NO.
Then you walk over to her and slap her on the back of her hand, hard enough that it stings but not hard enough that you leave it red for hours. Timeouts should not be sitting on a chair, if someone told you to sit on a chair for 2 minutes would that be punishment? No. Have her stand facing the wall, toes and nose touching the wall. And depending on the amount of disipline she deserves 2 to 4 or 5 minutes. You will hear the I'm tiered of standing my legs are going to fall off, and more. But we are all cappable of standing for hours. So don't give in. This works everywhere you go. If she acts up anywhere simply say would you like to stand on the wall, they simply obey because standing on a wall in church, or the grocery store, post office or doctors office is quite humiliating. So you only need the threat. When she gets older she will try you again, when she is 4 or 5 she is old enough to start the working for punishment, Pulling weeds, cleaning the toilet anything that really sucks, I say sucks because this is punishment, and you don't want her to have a job she likes doing or is easy. So that she remembers that if she is bad she has to work it off. They think twice before doing things. And that is the whole point of punishment. Plus you get something done you need to have done. This cleaning job usually takes them longer then the 5 minutes on the time out chair or the toes and nose on a wall. So therefore it cuts into their time which they find really stinks too. Good luck! whip it in the bud the minute she shows the defiant side. The longer you allow it the more she thinks she has won and she will push you harder on other things. Every child does this every couple years, some kids are just stronger willed then others. So now you know be prepared for the next time. Best wishes to you, J.

Well mommy; you're beautiful 2 yr. old is in TERRIBLE TWO'S aka; TT's Continue being consistant AND likewise consistant in praise and I LOVE YOU. any opportunity she is not defiant calls for praise. Don't forget to have her tell you she is sorry when she is through. She may need a few more minutes to get there. So; when you are ready to say sorry, you are done with T.O. Try also taking away from her her favorite what ever she is doing for a very short time. Another idea, keep a HAPPY FACE chart for when she follows through. Alot of work, but take it from a gramma who is helping to raise her 3 1/2 yr old grand. These are helpful. I learned 1 huge thing from my kids. We were consistently inconsistant. Too much yelling, not enough positives.
Hang in there. Look for all the positives and praise and lot's of I love you's and take a deep breath.
Hope this helps. Dr. Dobson from FOCUS ON THE FAMILY has good insight. Pampered diapers offers Parent Pages on the web. 1 more thing. If you're married or the father is present, another adult, talk and work together with your strategies as much as possible! Blessings, 2nd time around!

Hi,
I totally feel for you as I have my own amazing 2 1/2 year old who really has turned into something else! I don't have any real advice, since it sounds like you're doing good things letting her feel in control of things that are OK, like getting herself dressed and playing in the tub with whatever toys she likes, etc. But I like that you say you're consistent; that is so important. Now you just have to be patient and remember that this stage will pass (easier said than done, I know). Maybe try to not say "no" as much. By that I mean, still try to redirect, or just remove her from the situation and explain why you did that. I find that redirection can still help at this age. They are testing their limits and seeing what's OK with you vs. what'd be OK with Daddy, grandma, etc. They don't just "know" that if it's not OK today then it's not gonna be OK tomorrow, you know? And they've already picked up that everyone does things differently, so maybe what's not OK with Mama and/or Daddy is actually OK with Aunts/Uncles, Grandparents, etc. They have a lot to learn from the testing of everyone. They test it to see if it'd ever be OK to do what they want, even if you've said no once. It's super frustrating, but I think pretty important to development. I really think it sounds like you do a great job with putting her on a time-out chair, but are you being clear why she is there? If so, then she just wants to sit there and not pay attention, that's OK, it's a time out-- to remove her from what she was doing and start fresh, i.e. redirection after a break. But I really think you should not look at it as punishment (has she done anything terribly BAD that she needs to be punished, or just is she testing her boandaries and needs to be reprimanded and corrected?). I think it should not be punishment so much as a time to stop what she was doing that you told her not to continue and then it's cause and effect: if she keeps doing what you tell her not to do, she will not be able to play/be where she was, whatever, and instead she will have to go to the time-out chair and think about what happened. Then be sure to explain why she was there and find something fun for her to do after that sos he sees that she would have more fun listening than not. Eventually she'll see how things work and cooperate more, but in the meantime, stay patient, loving and firm. Good luck to you! :)
J.

Hi- Aren't they cute, ha, ha.When time outs don't work try putting her favorite toys in time out and then she gets them back for good behavior. Be very specific about the good behavior, e.g. Good getting in the bath,your toy can come out of time out.
Hope that helps a little bit!!