Pegnant with My Second Son and Am Very Sad and Scared

Boy do I understand where you are coming from. I did the exact same thing but I will say that when the put him in my arms all the thoughts disappeared from my mind and heart and I bonded with him. We were going to try for another but alias I couldn't have anymore but am truely grateful that I have two healthy sons.

I wanted a girl with both of my boys and they were boys but I wouldnt trade them for the world but still long for a girl. you will adjust to the fact that its not a girl. but I told my other half that since he decides the sex not me I get to punch him (playfully not hard) everytime I see something I like for girls. I dont hate my boys for not being girls and still love them anyway. you will also.

First of all, take a deep breath, all the way in, and then release it, slowly. Now, I went through some of this myself when I was pregnant. I thought it was a girl and was so excited, and then I found out it was a boy and was like "Oh… really? Okay." I felt like I had actually lost a child! The thing is, I was focusing completely on the loss, and also beating myself up with guilt for feeling this way. Lucky me, my husband wouldn't let me off the hook when I said I was 'fine', and when I finally broke down and told him I was then able to cry and grieve over my inner loss, and then let it go. Once I did that I was able to leave it behind me and start focusing on the joy that was growing inside me.

Unfortunately, in my situation, everything wasn't fine with the pregnancy, and we lost our boy. I went through postpartum as well, and I was lucky enough to have a huge support network of friends and family. I changed my diet dramatically, and started taking Fish Oil supplements every day, and was able to make it through with no drugs. If my depression had been any worse, I would have gone on the drugs, without a doubt.

Luckily, I now have an amazing little boy (1.5 years, adopted) and I keep hoping that the next time I conceive, I'll have a boy! Amazing how minds change.

Now that you know you are not alone, let me say this: your grief is not crazy, strange, or unheard of. It's okay! Acknowledge your disappointment and loss, allow yourself a moment to let it out, and then start to look ahead. Talk to your baby. I sang to mine, all the time, and it helped so much. I began to wonder if he was going to look more like my husband, or more like me. I watched movies with little boys. I looked at my own younger siblings (family of seven kids, youngest were twin boys) and began to get even more excited. You can look at your first son and start to envision the two of them growing close and being best friends.

Since you know you have a tendency towards postpartum, be ready for it and nip it in the bud as soon as you feel depressed after his birth AT ALL. You are not alone, you are not crazy, and there are tons of people ready to help you. So be aware, and attack it as soon as it rears its ugly head. Hopefully it won't.

I do have a question: why do you feel this will be your last child? Health issues? Finances? Stress and work? There is nothing wrong with trying for a third child. Groups of three tend to be better than groups of two, in friendships and sibling relationships. I was great friends with the two brothers closest to me in age! It was always the three of us.

I hope this has helped, and if you need an ear to listen, please, please send a message! I will be praying for you.

God bless!
M. D

I also felt very sad when I found out that my second child was a boy. When he was born, though, I was so happy to have another healthy child! My boys are two and a half years apart and now they are really playing well together. In regards to clothes, it is easy since I saved my older son's clothes and do not need to buy more. Plus, you don't need to deal with the inappropriate clothes and accessories that are so prevalent for girls.

Boys also seem to be more stable in regards to their emotions from what I have heard from moms with girls. One thing I have learned is that all because they are both boys, don't assume one will be just like the other. My boys not only look different (brown straight hair and brown eyes, blonde curly hair and blue eyes), they also act differently (one likes to stay clean, one likes to make a mess, for example).

Since you had post-partum depression with your first, I would suggest to stay very closely connected to your doctor, doula, or mid-wife. They will help you get through this tough time in case it happens again with your second.

If you don't want to have more children, you could maybe help out at a school and work with girls or maybe babysit for friends. Or you could always adopt a girl later on (I have thought of that before). There are also moms of boys support groups online. Whatever you decide, I wish you the best of luck!

I'm sorry -I just don't understand this line of thinking. So you wanted a girl -so what? Maybe you should spend some time with some families who have special needs children or children born with horrible health problems to put it all into perspective. Why don't you give all the girl stuff you bought to a needy little girl? I have two boys, and I'm so freaking sick of people asking me when I'm going to try for a girl I can't stand it! They act like I ought to be disappointed in two beautiful healthy boys! I always thought I would have boys, and I'm very happy that I did, but if I had two girls I certainly wouldn't have felt any disappointment. HEALTHY children are what you need to focus on!

I also felt a lot of grief when I found out we where having a third boy. I actually started crying at the ultrasound. The pregnancy was 100% different then my first two, and I was sure I was having a girl. My two SIL were pregnant with their thirds as well, and they both got girls. I was really depressed. Although, I could make a list of the really positive things about have three little boys....But I was still really sad and I felt like if I never had a girl I would miss out on sharing all of those mommy/daughter moments.

My son is now two months old, and I love him beyond anything imaginable. He is so different then his brothers (my pregnancy prepared me for that). I let myself mourn the loss of not having the girl experience. For me it does not lessen my love for my boys, because it is not that I want to change them.....I just wanted to have an experience that I may never have.

We may still have another child and so we may still get a girl (although with family odd it is not likely.... ) I just allow myself to feel sad about it, if I need to. I am lucky that my husband understands and supports me.

Also PPD is really hard and it is serious. I would suggest setting up a support system now. That way you have a plan and you know who to turn to if things get tough. I had PPD following my first child really bad. I could barely get out of bed and was so depressed I stopped eating. With the right support my second and third babies have been so much better. I am able to enjoy my family and do not feel sucked in by a black hole.

I wish you all the best and send you a huge ((((HUG)))

S.

You will be okay, take a deep breath. I think what you are feeling is normal, but you can't predict the future. You may suffer from PPD this time around, you may not. But at least this time you will know the signs to look for and you can get help that much faster if you need it. It is also normal and very common to suffer from depression and anxiety while you are pregnant and I think you should speak to your doctor about your feelings. If it comes to medication, there are meds out there that are safe to take while you are still pregnant. You have to take care of yourself and that includes your emotional well-being. Especially since you already have a son to look after--I wouldn't delay speaking to your doctor and doing some early intervention with either meds, therapy, or a combo of both. I am not saying you need the help because you are sad over having another boy, it just sounds like more to me than that. The feelings about being upset over the gender are common and I think once you have the baby and see how much you love him, you won't dwell on the fact that you don't have a girl. It okay to let yourself feel disappointed for a bit, but then exchange the things you bought, talk to your doc and hubby, and try and snap out of it. You really do need to move forward with a positive attitude--you don't want to spend the next 20 weeks mourning the fact that you will have two boys. Give yourself some time for a pity party and then get some help for the way you are feeling. Congrats on the baby and I wish you the best--it will work out, you'll see =)

Maybe you'll need to have a third :)

I had the exact same thing happen with my second pregnancy (although I don't think I was quite as upset as you seem to be). I was very disappointed as I was certain it would be a girl since the pregnancy was completely different.

Something to consider - you sons will be best friends. Mine are. I love that I have two boys close in age that entertain each other.

And, we went for #3, and did get the girl.

Let yourself be sad now and you can get past it and set up support for post partum this time around. Talk to your OB/Midwife about your past PPD and make sure that you have the help you need then.

Boys are wonderful. You will be blessed.

J.

Hi R.,

Please take some time to read thru similar question/answers on mamapedia.

Please seek medical/professional help to deal with your grief, talking with a therapist will help you.
I don't know why the gender of the child is cause of such sadness to so many of us women? Most imp. fact to remember is to be a loving, kind, positive, supportive parent.

Boy or Girl, I wish that you have a healthy/ happy child.

Post partum depression is very common, many of us never talk about it or seek help. I am proud of you for asking for help.

PS: Please take care of your health, be active, take walks, eat well, enjoy nature and good music,have some fun each day. Surround yourself with happy and positive friends. Respect yourself and schedule an appointment with your doctor to discuss this matter.

You can always consider giving a happy home to a Foster female Child or adopt a girl. Become a helping individual in your community, volunteer time at a local elementary school.

Best Wishes

It is totally normal to grieve for the baby you were hoping for, and many moms grieve after delivery as well, because now all the different things you were imagining and hoping are gone. They are replaced by a flesh and blood real baby instead of the dream baby, and it takes time to make that adjustment. Don't feel bad. I was certain I was having a girl, so when I saw that boy part, I was surprised and sad. Later in the day we were out shopping and I saw the frilly bonnets and totally broke down crying at the store. My husband sat there helpless while I sobbed over a hat. And honestly I wasn't even hoping for a girl, I just felt strongly that it was. You will start to think of all the good things about having another boy, and get more excited about it. I still sometimes wish for a girl to have the special mommy daughter bond, but it passes. Especially when I am around my friend's high drama girls. Then I am SOO glad to have my low-maintenance boy.

Take your time and grieve if you need to. It doesn't mean you wont love this baby or that you are selfish. Just focus on the things you are going to love about it. I am all about thriftyness, but make sure you buy some things that are special, just for this baby. And I'm sure your doctor is already aware, but just keep them very informed on your moods and feelings, before and after pregnancy. I didn't have ppd, but have had anxiety and depression issues forever, and was really scared about the possibility. My husband is gone most of the time for work, so I knew I would be all alone with this helpless little thing, and I was terrified. Don't be afraid to reach out for help and tell your doctor now how you feel so they make sure to ask you all the right questions later.

One last thing I am going to add in case you get any negative comments. This has been a controversial topic here on the board the last couple of weeks. If you get some people who are less than supportive of you or seem upset at your question, just ignore it. I hope people will be kind to you. Another poster has a lot of mommas on this site really upset. When I saw your question I thought "Oh no, here we go again, and she is gonna get slammed". Her attitude and your attitude are not at all the same, and I just hope none of the negativity she has created carries over to you. It is normal to feel this way and recognizing that you might need help is wonderful. I wish you all the best.

My husband and I may be the only people we know who chose not to learn the gender of our kids. He wanted to, I didn't, and he didn't think he could keep the secret from me. In the end, I wanted us to focus our energies on a healthy baby. We couldn't change the gender, and honestly, babies can't see colors, so they didn't know what color their room, their clothes or their bedding was going to be. So we chose not to find out.

Both of our pregnancies were different, and we did have a son with one and a daughter with another. But, I think that was for completely different reasons.

If you're afraid of PPD, start being proactive in helping manage it now. Your 22 month old needs you, and you need to be there for both of them when this other baby comes.

I never had PPD, but I've had depression/anxiety most of my adult life. I used to do a lot of "Why do I feel this way?" "Why me?". Then I was diagnosed with cancer right after my second child's birth. Never once did I ask that question. My whole focus for the past 21 months has been on getting healthy, being the best mother/wife possible, and staying healthy.

Remember, as bad as you feel (and PPD is completely legit), there is always someone whose situation is dramatically worse. If you can, focus on having a healthy child and an uncomplicated delivery. Cherish every moment that you have with both of your boys - they will be completely different people with different personalities, and both will need you every bit as much as if you'd had a little girl instead.

Good luck! I hope you get to feeling better soon.

I have read a lot of the answers I think they are all good for the most part but I wanted to add that I went through a mourning time for my expectations. In my case I love little boys and my second ended up being a girl. I felt like a lot of my dreams died when I found that out. I was devastated. She was an unplanned pregnancy and way too close in age to her brother for my liking. I was certain that it was just going to be awful. On top of all of that I am certain that my son is the most wonderful creation on the planet and know that no other child will ever be as perfect as him. I was sure that I wouldn't be able to love my daughter as much as I love my son. And the GUILT from all of these feeling... It almost sent me into a downward spiral.

So here is what has happened. She is very different from my son. I did not have the immediate connection with her that I did the first time around. I sometimes felt that she was robbing me of time with our first born and he was getting cheated. I did feel a lot of the negative emotions that I thought I would, I also didn't feel some others. My daughter is now 6 mo. And have grown to love her just as much as my son. It took time, it didn't happen over night. My son LOVES his sister. They are becoming fast friends. I just wanted to give you the inside scoop of someone who has walked through this. Everyone else was saying, "Oh it will be okay, get a support system." I wanted to give you an honest snapshot of what it might look like post-partum. It was tough... but it got better. The past 6 months have gone by in a blur and so fast. Everyday, I was surprised that it got a little easier than the last. I made it through with a lot of prayer, I figured I could be honest with God since he knew what I was feeling anyway.

I hope this helps - I don't want to add to your anxiety, but it would have helped me to know what someone else experienced.

I'm sorry that you are disappointed. I know how much fun buying girl things is vs. boys. Boys just don't have cute stuff!! The bright side of it is that you found out now. When I was pregnant with my second they said it was a girl, but given the family history of 20y of all boys, I wasn't going to believe it.

MIL wanted to go nuts buying girl stuff, I kept saying no. Neutrals only. We were at Babies R Us, and the clerks became part of the discussion. They started laughing and told us that that day, they had had 5 dads in there to return girl stuff - including 2 pink cribs - because their wives had gone crazy when the sonogram said they were having a girl, only to have delivery day come and out popped a BOY!!! With that said, it could be that the sonogram is wrong, so I'm not suggesting returning all of the girl stuff, but don't take the tags off of the big stuff. Its possible that you could still have a girl.

Since you had an experience of post-partum in the past, you should work with your doctor and hospital to get a support system in place from the beginning. Whatever your baby does end up being, please remember that there is a reason why ... there is a plan.

Hugs.
M.

Hi R.,
I know moms have already told you it's normal to be disappointed. I would have felt the same way, but I'm sure you'll love your new baby just as much as your first, and in a lot of ways, having two boys will be easier than one of each...they'll play together, share toys and clothes etc. But it is ok to mourn the idea of having a girl. As far as PPD, make sure you're taking Omega-3's during pregnancy and after delivering...it's supposed to help with postpartum depression, and it's really good for the baby too. Just be careful with what you take. A lot of lower quality fish oils are contaminated, and flaxseed is high in phytoestrogens. Carlson's is a good brand of fish or salmon oils (vitacost is a great place to buy--much cheaper than the stores). Talk to your doc about omega-3's and good luck with the rest of your pregnancy.

I know, somewhat, of how you feel. I have 3 sons and thought that I wanted my 3rd child to be a girl....key word "thought". My sons are now 16, 14, and 11 and over the course of 11years, I have thanked God repeatedly for giving me another boy, for many reasons. I was able to save a lot of money over the years because he was able to inherit clothes, toys, and other things from his brothers. My older sons take him places with them, when I need a little while to gather myself. Trust me, you will be thankful in the future....and know this, There is nothing like the love for a mother, like that of her sons'. They make me feel AWESOME! Just be thankful that you have a healthy baby and you will be fine. Good luck!

Oh, I know how you feel! My second daughter was suprise (well, not completely if you know what I mean!) and I felt the same way!! I was so scared I wouldn't love her as much as I loved the first. I cried for months and was in denial until...she was born (you're right, very hard to admit!) But everything changed then. Once I saw her beautiful little face... I remember the nurses would take her back to the nursery and tell me to get some sleep while I had the chance-my other daughter was only 22 months as well, but I just couldn't stop staring at her! The first few months were an adjustment, I was learning how to breast feed and it was so hard, but things got better. The first smiles, giggles, oh it was awesome! What I've learned is that the second one is so much different than the first-and you'll love them both like crazy! He's a whole different little guy! It's just a different feeling. I love my older one because she was my first, she's got a completely different personality than the younger one, she's thoughtful and sincere. My younger one is tougher, more independant and very loving. I can't imagine not having the both of them. My girls are best friends. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have a son, but when I look at the two of them, I truely feel like my life is complete. So hang in there. Let yourself be excited, and enjoy your pregnancy. Think of all the cool things your little guys are going to do together! Think of all the money you'll save by being able to pass down clothes! :) And don't worry momma, you'll love this new baby just as much!

I had the same situation with my 2nd pregnancy! I had a beautiful 7 month old son when I found out I was pregnant again. I was so sure it was a girl..however I did not buy anything yet but was convinced it was a girl. At the ultrasound appt we did not want to find out the sex but then decided to anyway. I remember feeling VERY disappointed to find out we were having another boy! I was sooo sad..almost like I had lost my girl. I would not want to find out in advanced again because did not like to feel that way about our future child. It turned out a PERFECT blessing as we always wanted 3 or 4 children so had some time to get our girl. My boys are 16 months apart and BEST friends! They play together all the time and will have each other forever. Two brothers are a blessing! We went on to have our third child and we were blessed with our baby girl with a total surprise at birth! There was NEVER a greater moment when they announced "It's a Girl":) Now I am expecting number 4 and it is another girl. I have two older boys (very close) and two younger girls! Perfect balanced family. I wanted you to know that your feelings are valid but they will go away once your beautiful baby boy arrives! He will be everything you wanted and more!

Oh how I feel your pain!! I'm pregnant with No. 3 that wasn't exactly planned and I had horrible depression and anxiety after my second. I'm due May 25th and I'm soooo worried about "crashing" with depression! I can't wait to read the responses you get, I guess I'm just writing this to you so that you are NOT alone in worry!! Best wishes!!

Just one more...while I am quite happy to have all boys, one of my good friends was positive her family was going to start with a boy...and was dismayed, frustrated, and upset to find she was carrying a girl. She had some baggage from her growing-up that she didn't want to see in her daughter, and it took her a couple months to be ok with it. I think we often get expectations for our children, and when they don't live up to our expectations--even prenatally--it's very stressful. I was lucky and didn't have to deal with that while pregnant, but I've definitely dealt with it as my kids have grown.

As far as loving them...you know, I'll be totally candid here...I love my first. He is my first born, my heart child. He takes after me, and I feel for him in a way I can't even describe. He is loving and sensitive, but very rough and tumble. My second is more reserved. I have been home with him the entirety of his life (not the case with my first; he was in daycare). I was away from him for a few hours one day last week--a few HOURS--and I missed him terribly. I was so glad to come home to him. I know him better than I know my first. He's only 2, but he's funny, and engaging, and very sweet. He is very much like my husband. It's hard to be mad at him...but he's not as much like me, so it's harder to "get" him. Don't get me wrong--I would jump in front of a truck for either of them. Perhaps, I would jump faster for my second; in some ways, I'm harder on my first, because I feel for him so much. BUT--I love them both. An awful lot. And, when all is said and done, I feel like it balances at the end of the day. My parents tried very hard to be "fair" between my sister and I, but the more I am with my kids, the more I see how impossible that is. My 2 year old needs my supervision--constantly. My 5 year old doesn't--but he DOES need snuggle time and some distinct quality one on one time. We plan more events for my 5 year old; we spend more time managing our 2 year old. It's the age. It's not fair, to either of them. But we love them both. It balances, as well as it can! And, for you, it likely will as well.

You will love having 2 boys so close in age. Once the 2nd one turns about 2, they will be able to start playing together alot more. My 2 boys love all the same things (2 1/2 and 3 1/2) and at this age, it has made things actually very easy.

Looks like a lot of mamas have addressed your current feelings of grief. I wanted to repeat what a couple of others have said about post partum depression. I was worried I'd suffer from ppd because it was in my family, so I established a relationship with a professional counselor prior to the birth of my daughter, just in case. I also talked to others about my concerns, and several of my friends checked in with me after I had my baby, specifically to make sure I was ok. Turns out, I didn't have any problems. But I can't emphasize enough that it's a good idea to have a good support system lined up, particularly since you know it was a problem for you last time...

We have 2 boys, 23 months apart...they are 3 and 5 now. Boys are crazy, but I would not trade them for 2 girls. We are preg with our 3rd and even though this preg is very different I am not holding my breath, since there is only 20% chance of getting a girl after 2 boys. I am ok with it. As a Christ follower I feel like we're given who we're supposed to have. I think it's a natural desire for a woman to have a girl. Do not feel bad for feeling like that.

i know (in a way) how you feel. i want a girl next time around, and im sure i will feel the same way as you if it isnt. its very hard to be let down when you are so excited and thrilled about having one or the other... and its not.

what i encourage you to do is talk about it!!! especially with your husband. he already knows something is wrong, if you havent mention it, tell him. you should be able to trust your husband with anything; any feeling, and emotion, any reservations, any fears.... he HAS to be informed. dont shut him out - of anyone in the whole wide world who can be there for you, he can!!

and dont feel bad for feeling this way. one thing we have to do is accept our feelings as what they are. we shouldnt feel guilty because we think we shouldnt feel a certain way. thats just hurtful. you feel a certain way? ok, accept it, and find a way to work with it, instead of hating it. it really is ok.

you will love your son. its not about being able to love #2, you will. your love isnt split between your 2 sons, it grows to DOUBLE the amount of love you have now.

just keep in touch with your husband, and your doctor. if you dont feel comfortable talking to your doctor about this, you should find a different doctor. your husband first, your doctor second, should both know how you feel, and should respond in a way that helps you feel confident and brave in the face of this time.

you will be ok, i promise. just keep swimming, you know?

Hello :0)
First of all, you're NOT the only one that has ever felt this way, this happens I think with every pregnancy to some extent, but like you, my first preg. was COMPLETELY opposite of my second, so I too was sure it would be (boy in my case, first was a girl) and when I found out it was another girl, I cried at the "loss" of my "son" it took me a while to get over, and I still wasn't completely convinced it even WAS a girl, but when she was born, and they confirmed to me she indeed was a girl, as soon as I held her in my arms, all that was forgotten. :-)
With my third, I was sure it was a boy, really felt it this time, and so happy about it,when I finally got my ultrasound, it was definitely a boy, and what do I feel???? SAD!! How dumb hormones are I tell you... :-) But when he was born the only thing I felt besides love was a little fear, what do I do with a BOY??? lol! But that quickly went away as I got comfortable with him.
Baby #4, sure it was a girl, when confirmed I was only relieved this time, as my son is SUCH a handful, SOOO different from my girls, and I really don't know if I could handle another one like my son. LOL!
Anyway, there is NOTHING wrong with how you feel, and it will resolve itself, and if you're meant to have a girl someday, you will.
As for the PPD, at least you know about it, and can be diligent about watching out for it, don't be afraid to get help and take meds if necessary, ask your husband/partner to please watch for it too and to make sure that you get help if needed. I know for me, especially this last pregnancy, a week PP I crashed BIG time, I was barely able to get out of bed, and the thought of being alone with the two little ones (my first two girls are 8 & 11 so are in school all day) brought me to sobbing tears, I was frozen in fear. It only lasted about a week if that, the really bad part, and later when my nursing failed I went back on the meds I had been on a couple years ago, although even if you're nursing there are meds that are ok with nursing, so STILL seek help regardless, I was on meds the whole time, preg and PP while nursing with my first two girls, and they are SO wonderful, straight A's, nothing wrong with those two. :-)
Most of all, cut yourself some slack, it is really hard taking care of a toddler while pregnant, especially if he's even HALF as naughty as my little boy, he was 21 mo. when this last one was born, and I feel for you, it's really hard. My first two were 3 years apart, VERY nice, (we've had fertility issues, the last two babies were a SHOCK- lol!)
Of course now my sadness is because we chose to have my tubes tied with my last one, as I'm 40 now and 4 is way plenty! (I've had 4 c-sections, so it was easiest just to tie my tubes while they were in there anyway) I can't even imagine how hard it would be with another one, no way do I want one, but again with the hormones... we just can't win! :-)
I really hope this helps, just stop beating yourself up about things, you're entitled to your feelings, even though they aren't always rational, don't worry too much and it will all work out, especially once you hold that little angel boy in your arms and feel and smell his sweetness. :-)
Best of luck to you, wishing you a wonderful pregnancy and delivery.
HUGS!!!
K.

Well, I think you should be just grateful it's a healthy baby. I understand wanting a girl but I tend to get a little upset when I hear people cry over not getting the sex they wanted. I've gone through TONS of fertility treatments just to get my little boy & we are most likely never going to be able to have another child so please, just be happy you can have another child and it is healthy, no matter what gender it is. I'm sure you will love him just as much as your first :0)

I totally understand where you are at.....I am now pregnant with my 5th child...I was convinced that it was a girl too because this wasn't planned and I thought maybe god finally gave me my girl.....But to find out it is another boy...I was extremely disappointed. I even cried. I love all of my children completely! It took me a couple of days, but I am now excited and happy that my son looks healthy and will be here soon! This is definitely my last child! Feel Like you need to talk feel free to email ____@____.com

I also have two boys. I have had many friends who have felt the same way as you have. I never did and I will try to give you a different perspective on the situation and why. It took me 2 years to get pregnant....I thought that I may not be able to have children. I think it is natural for every woman to want a little girl....however, when you are faced with the thought of never having children you have a reality check. My reality check was ...I felt blessed to just have a healthy child...and when I was blessed with my second healthy little boy....I was ecstatic. There are so many people who either can't have children or whose children are sick or have lifelong problems. We are now trying for a 3rd and to tell you the truth...I want another little boy....it is what I know and boys love there mom's sooooo much...it is a unique bond. I also had postpartum with my first and didn't with my second little boy. My second pregnancy and birth was a much calmer and better experience. So I wouldn't worry about the second birth and post partum.....my doctor said it is common with first pregnancies and not as much with second pregnancies.

I guess what I am trying to say is looking at the big picture helps. You are not selfish...it is just the way you feel. But if you can look at it from a different perspective..that sometimes helps...I wouldn't change my two boys for anything.....I love how much they love there mommy and see how blessed I am to have both of them!

Congratulations!!!!

I was a horrible pregnant woman! I was down right nasty. Some of my friends even worried what kind of mother I'd be because they thought I didn't want my babies. And - truth be told - I was dreading being a mother. How horrible is that?! Anyway - long story short, when I actually gave birth to my 2, I fell instantly in love with them. During the second pregnancy - I thought the same as you - that I couldn't possibly love my 2nd one as much - not true. It's truly amazing, that you CAN love them both and probably more - but I wouldn't know, I have 2. You can do this. If the postpartum depression gets bad, talk to your doctor. That too will pass and you will enjoy the gift of life from your 2 beautiful sons.

You are so not alone. I too had a boy first, then found out I was having a girl, unlike you however a girl for me was unchartered territory. I had this little boy that I love emmensly and thought there is no way I will love the second like I love my son and I don't know what to do with a little girl. These thoughts were in my had especially through the last trimester. After I delivered my daughter it was even worse, there was all this pressure in my head to bond with her right away. I ended up in the bathroom at the hospital sobbing to my husband that I didn't think I could love her (this was first time I said those words out loud). Once I was able to get her home and spend time with her, I realized how amazing she was. So, please let me reassure you. I have since had a third and none of those feelings were present the last time around. Also, I am continually amazed by my babies. They are all so different and unique. To compare them doens't even make sense. If you think you love your first a lot, wait until the second or third. There is no limit to what our heart can give. You WILL be ok. Just be patient and wait for that little one to latch on. Life will never be the same.

I too know exactly how you feel. I had three sons and lost one too during pregnancy. I had my first (now 18) with my xhusband. When I got preg again at 34, I wanted that girl so bad, when I had the u/s and it showed boy, I was very disappointed but didn't let my husband know. When I got preg two years later, I prayed that I was having a girl, again, another disappointemnt. Then the one I lost, I was beginning to think it was impossible for me to concieve a girl. We tried one last time, and the tech said girl, I cried and cried. The tears didn't stop. Don't know how old you are, but I got preg with my girl at 39 so there is still time for you.

I completely understand. I had high risk pregnancies and was advised not to try for #2. But, my heart was longing for a girl, so we took the risk. When the ultrasound showed #2 was a boy, I was devestated. When my second baby boy was born I loved him, but had this lingering feeling of 'you should have been a girl'. That feeling actually hung around until he was about 6 months old. Then, when his little personality started emerging was when I fell in love my baby boy. Please don't feel shamed by your feelings. I've known a lot of women who have felt that way. I think it's good that you found out the gender via ultrasound because this allows you time to process your emotions. Go buy some cute matching outfits for your boys and pick out a cute boy name. This helped me to be more excited about having another boy. As for me, I still felt like God had planted this feeling of wanting a girl in my heart for a reason, so when boy #2 was one....we started our adoption journey. So, I now have 2 bio boys and 1 Guatemalan princess. You never know what the future holds....
~F.

I too was convinced my second would be a girl. I was grateful that we found out we were having another boy at my 20 week ultrasound because it gave me time to grieve and adjust to having another boy, so by the time he was born I was ready - imagine going through that process after he was born - horriable. I was terrified that I would never love him as much as my first, but I bonded with him quickly - I'm still amazed how much I love both of them, not one more than the other, but both in different ways for different things.

What helped me the most was talking with some of my girlfriends who were Moms - they were helpful, letting me share all of those horrid thoughts and feelings without ever judging me or telling me what I should feel. I hope you have someone in your life who will let you talk about your thoughts and feelings - that's really the best way to move through the grief process and start accepting, then loving, the fact that you are having another boy.

Thinking of you!
K.

I too was disappointed when I was pregnant with my third. I wanted another boy so bad. I already had one of each but there is a special bond between mother and son. When the technician told me it was a girl I almost cried and was so disappointed. That being said I had time to adjust, just like you and by the time she was born I was happy. She is now four and I wouldn't trade her for anything. You'll have plenty of love to go around. I always say not to worry about things you have no control over. Take them as they come and deal with it as best you can. It really doesn't pay to worry so much. Good luck and best wishes!

I too suffered SEVERE ppd AND THE SPECIALISTS i SAW THAT IS WAS ONE OF THE WORST CASES THEY HAD SEEN IN A VERY LONG TIME. . I felt a little comfort in just them saying that because I THOUGHT THESE DOCTORS DON'T EVEN KNOW THE PARALYZING EFFECT OF IT IF YOU'VE NEVER EXPERIENCED IT. I WAS GOING INSANE AND I COULDN'T POSSIBLY PUT INTO WORDS THE CRAZY RACING THOUGHTS AND INSANITY I WAS GOING THROUGH--NONSTOP FOR 14DAYS OF MANIA BEFORE MY CLUELESS FAMILY TOOK ME TO THE HOSPITAL TO BE ADMITTED. THEY SEDATED ME IMMEDIATELY AND SAID I WAS HAVING A MANIA EPISODE BECAUSE THE PPD HAD GOTTEN SO BAD.THE 3RD DAY AFTER GIVING BIRTH BY C-SECTION, IT HIT ME... I WAS SCREAMING FOR GOD TO HELP ME, BEATING MY HEAD AGAINST THE WALL TO MAKE THE CRAZINESS IN MY HEAD STOP.THE EXTREME FEAR, ISOLATION, LONLINESS, CONFUSION, DOOM, ANXIETY, AND INSANITY WAS INDESCRIBABLE. i WOULD RE;ATE IT TO WHAT A VISION OF HELL IS LIKE! WE WILL NOT EVER HAVE ANOTHER CHILD BECAUSE OF THE PPD. MAKE SURE YOU GET WITH YOUR OBGYN AND EXPLAIN YOUR DEPRESSION WITH YOUR FIRST CHILD AND THE DEPRESSION YOU ARE ALREADY EXPERIENCING NOW. THEN THEY CAN HAVE A HEAD START ON GETTING YOU ON THE APPROPRIATE ANTIDEPRESSENT OR PPD MED BEFORE THE BABY ARRIVES. JUST REMEMBER.....BE PREPARED....THAT IS THE KEY TO EITHER REDUCING OR ELIMINATING THE PPD ALL TOGETHER BEFORE YOUR SON IS BORN. START PREPARING NOW! YOU MAY NOT EVEN GET IT THIS TIME AROUND BUT PLEASE BE PREPARED AND ALREADY ON MEDICATION BEFORE YOUR BIRTH DATE. THAT IS THE KEY I WAS TOLD TO PREVENTING IT IF WE WANTED TO HAVE ANOTHER CHILD. BUT I CAN'T HANDLE THE INSANITY AGAIN SO WE ARE HAPPY WITH JUST ONE. GOOD LUCK AND "I KNOW EXACTLY HOW YOU FELT...EXACTLY". YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Email me at ____@____.com if you need to talk, because unless you've been there one can not possibly understand how devistating it is. please get prepared now and get on the right med and right dosage that is safe for your baby but that will reduce the ppd from occuring again or at least not make it as bad as it was the first time. i can't believe I actually met someone finally who understands what it is like to go through it. It is debilitating to your mind and body and affects everyone around you and especially the time you are to be spending bonding and loving on your baby. It's virtually impossible. I still see a therapist and take med and it has been 17 months but it's getting better just way slower then i anticipated. remeber, the cure to PPD is medicine AND therapy. You can't have one without the other. This is a key point. Believe me I've never learned more about anything in my life until PPD.

You sound exactly like I did before my first and when I was pregnant with my second that I aslo swore was a girl. The difference is that you know now and I didn't know it until he came out that he was a boy and not a girl that I knew I was having and couldn't have been more thrilled. Don't worry. You will be just fine and you will love your second son just as much as your first but maybe not right away. It took me about a month or two to wrap my head around that fact that I had a boy and not a girl. I was very sad for a bit and didn't attach to my new son b/c of it. Eventually though, I grew to love him and I got attached to him, just as much as the first. Now I wouldn't have it any other way. Your two sons with be best buddies and they will love each other so much. You will love that they have each other and your next son may be even more of a Momma's boy than your first and be so loving and sweet with you. Mine is.
No worries. It was in God's plan for you to have two boys and maybe someday you can have another and it will be a girl but if not you will love your two boys like crazy and you get to be the only girl in the house. Think of how spoiled you should be as the only girl. You are blessed with two healthy boys. Good luck, be happy and enjoy your pregnancy

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Enjoy,

K. :)

I felt the exact same way about my first. did you feel this way about your first? I remember once upon a time pre-babies,,, when my sister said, you will love your kids a thousand times more than you love my kids....i said, there is no way I would love them more than my twin nieces and nephew. sure enough, when my first son (who is 12 now) was born, wow, the love I felt for him, wow! and then the fear I wouldn't have the love for my 2nd. hmm, now, 7 yrs later...how could I think that way?? I love him just as much!!!
If you ever want to talk some more, I love babies and baby talk since my focus in college is early childhood ed and presently a childbirth educator and working with young children :-)
take care!
~L.