My son will soon be having his 4 year well child exam and I have a few questions as to how I should proceed regarding some issues.
When he was younger, I could talk freely about any problems, issues, or concerns because he either wasn't paying attention or did not fully understand what I was asking. I feel that now if I were to bring up a concern with the pediatrician, my son would understand what we're talking about. Here is one of my issues/concerns as an example:
-I'm worried he may have a minor sensory issue as he is very specific about clothing and other items that touch his skin. For example, he absolutely refuses to wear jeans, khakis, or corduroys. He will only wear "soft pants" as he calls them. I don't know if he is being stubborn or if this is a problem (if he has an accident at daycare, he gets put into jeans and does not throw a fit). Also, if we are any place remotely loud he will get panicky and cover his ears. We went to a parade and while he had fun and was excited, he literally held his hands over his ears for the entire two hours even when the marching bands weren't by us.
I'm not sure if I should just start talking about this openly with my son in there or if I should approach it using another technique. I thought about putting it in writing so the doctor could read it and then talk to me (or even my son) about it. I just don't want my son to think that what he is doing is 'wrong' or 'bad' or that I'm disappointed in his behavior; I'm not. I was also thinking about calling but I completely respect that doctors have very long days and also have families to go home to. Furthermore, he hasn't seen my son since his third year well child exam so even if I did call he'd probably have no idea who I am or who my son is without pulling the file and reviewing it first. Finally, this isn't a life-threatening issue so I don't think it requires immediate attention.
So...what would you do or how would you approach it? I'm not totally worried but I do want to bring it to the doctor's attention in case there is a problem.
So far so good - thank you for all the responses as they have been very helpful!
Write out your concerns and hand it to the doc when he/she comes into the room.
I would bring it up infront of the child. That's what you're there for. Your child won't think bad of what you're asking at this age. If you just say "I think he is sensitive to loud noises since he covered his ears for an entire parade" that would be fine. My 4 year old always wears soft pants because they are more comfy and don't need to be buttoned(which is hard for small children). I wouldn't write a note. I would talk to the Dr.
I like Jane's approach too. You want to teach your son that you can bring up any concerns to a doctor. We often have to discuss uncomfortable and embarrassing things in front of doctors. That's what they're there for! You might even prepare your son ahead of time. Say "We get to go see the doctor today! Mommy's going to talk to the doctor about how you tell me that your pants and loud noises bother you. Maybe doctor can help us figure out what to do so these types of things don't bother you anymore." Or something along those lines. If you include him in the conversation, he won't feel like you're talking behind his back or that is issues are something to be ashamed of.
My daughter is 4 and occasionally does the clothes freak out. She won't wear a certain brand of socks because they're too thick. There are certain shirts we have that she refuses to wear because they're too itchy. I think it's part of the age. But, it's always nice to bring these things up to his pediatrician. If nothing else, it's good to get things on record in case it escalates. :)
I like Jane's approach. But I also want to say both my sons had these and/or similar 'sensitivity' issues around that age. (OMG if the seam in the sock was not in the exact right place!)
I'm happy to report they grew out of it and did not need intervention of any kind and showed no further symptoms of SPD.
:)
I would make your son part of the conversation. Something like "when Jimmy and I went to the parade it just seemed so loud to him - remember that, Jimmy? And we've noticed that he doesn't like to wear jeans or cords, just soft pants, like the one's he's wearing today. Do you want to have Dr. Jones feel the inside of your pants? We just wanted to check in with you to make sure that everything's okay." He's also at the age where he can provide helpful feedback to the doc, so I'd enable him to do that.
As an aside, your son seems completely and totally normal. Neither of my kids will wear jeans, and if I had my druthers I'd have my hands over my ears for a whole parade too! Since I think you're going to get an answer where the doctor basically confirms your kid's normalness, I think it's fine to mention it in front of him.
Good luck.
My kids loved their pediatrician and I felt comfortable talking about things in front of them. Their doc would ask them, "How are you feeling when that happens?" Etc.
Sometimes the best way to find out what's going on is for the doc to ask the child about it. It doesn't have to mean anything's wrong.
Also, little kids can be weird.
My daughter went through a phase of insisting on wearing her clothes backwards. She would say, "Mom....why would they want the tags in the BACK where I can't see them?"
There was no point in arguing with that and she grew out of it.
I, personally, would bring these things up so the doctor can carefully check the ears. Can ask questions.
If there are any recommendations, the doctor can discuss those with you in private if you're more comfortable.
Best wishes.
My 2nd son was the same way, but is not almost 5 and I see it less and less.
Talk to your ped, but make sure your son is out of the room playing or something.
I think you are correct that your son will listen to and understand what you are asking the doctor. I like your idea of putting it in writing with some examples and also stating in writing your concern about having your son hear your concerns. Another option is to bring someone else with you to watch your son while you have a private conversation with the doctor.
I would enlist the help of Hubby, grandma, friend... someone. then they can take your son out of the room and keep an eye on him while you talk to the doctor. :) I used to do this for my cousin all the time, whether it was just taking care of one kid while the other was seen, or giving her some time to talk to the doctor about her kid without worrying about how he would interpret his questions.
I would discuss these concerns with the doctor while your son is not in the room. Call ahead and let them know you want to speak without your son in the room with the doctor.. OR if you would be allowed to email your concerns ahead of time for the doctor to read and then discuss what he thinks without son.. Can you have your husband go and keep your son busy in the waiting room? Or a friend?
My husband says he remembers this exact situation.. He is ADHD and remembers hearing his mother ask a doctor "Is he retarded? What is wrong with him?" She still has no idea he ever heard this, but I will assure you it has had a terrible affect on him even now..
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If you write up your concerns it can be a part of his records, and there is a lot of benefit to that... especially if there really are some sensory issues (or something else) going on. I do want to share though, that my 4 year old was just like this (still is at 5, but seems to be growing out of it). If you think about it... jeans, like coffee, is an "aquired" taste/feel. And things in this world are really tooooo loud... it's no wonder why their 4 year old ears are sensitive!! I do think much of what you are saying is pretty typical for a 4 year old, however sharing it with the doctor, and giving her a written summary of your concerns may prove helpful in the years to come.
Personally, I would call the doctor's office ahead of time and give them a head's up about the issues you want to discuss. Or send an e-mail in advance of your appointment. There are many things I've discussed over the years in front of my children at the doctor's office, but I think this is a slightly more sensitive subject so you need to be hyper-aware of how your son may feel to have this discussed in front of him. Giving the doc a heads up will also give him a chance to more closely observe your son for the behaviors you mentioned, and hopefully will give him ideas of things to ask your son or look for ahead of time. Especially when you said your doc would probably have no idea who you or your son are without pulling your file (are you comfortable with that, by the way? I certainly wouldn't be). In the meantime, do your homework so YOU know what questions you want answered, and be prepared to provide the doc with specific examples and frequencies of your son's behavior, so you can get the most out of your appointment. Good Luck!
I bring up concerns in front of my child. It teaches them that it is ok to discuss concerns w/ their doctor and not hide them.
I think you should bring the concerns you mentioned up in front of you child but if what you have to discuss truly requires your child not to be in the room, have someone go with you and you can have them watch your child for a few minutes leaving you alone with the doctor.
BTW...my son went through a period of not liking jeans either. He didn't like how they felt when he had to sit in school all day.
1) My Daughter is like your son. Both with noise and clothing.
Many kids are this way. Per my Daughter, she was that way too. And she has very sensitive ears. Sure, she is a tad "sensory sensitive" and is very cognitive of things. But, she has grown-out of it a lot, as she has gotten older. I knew she would.
Her "sensitivities" are not to me, to the degree that she is dysfunctional. I just handle her, per how I do know how she is.
My Daughter HATES loud things. Parades. Movies. Shows. She reacts like Your son.
No biggie.
Its too loud for me too. I too, have sensitive ears.
But for my daughter, it has NEVER caused a "problem" in life or impeded her, nor at school. We just taught her how to handle herself. And she is MORE sensitive to 'noises' when she is tired. We know that about her. She knows that about herself.
2) For me, I HAVE talked with my kids' Doctor, in front of them. It was not a problem. They didn't get hang-ups about anything. If they asked questions about it, I just said honestly, that Mommy is wondering about something because you have sensitive ears. So I asked the Doctor.
My Kids, understand.
It has never been a problem.
I don't act or talk about 'them' to the Doctor, as though something is 'wrong' with them. It is just conversation. My Doctor WILL ask, if it is okay they are in the room while we talk. And I say yes.
My Kids are now 4 & 8 years old.
all the best,
Susan
Part of a doctor's responsibility is consultation. You have every right to speak to the doctor about this. One way is to call and speak to a nurse - it bothers me a little that you don't think your doctor knows who you are without pulling your file! You could also write a letter. This would be good background especially if you sort of journal these things as they come along - that's very helpful to a physician. You could set up a consultation (in person or by phone) while your child is in preschool. You could also take someone with you to play with your child in the waiting room while you have some private time with the doctor. Call the office and ask how they usually deal with these things - every pediatrician confronts this sort of problem.
