Oppositional Defiance

Updated on February 23, 2015
M.L. asks from Conneaut, OH
7 answers

I'm just curious about it and what it must be like to live with a child who is diagnosed with it. I realize it's probably different in each case and extremely personal, but if there was anyone here willing to talk about it I am interested.

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So What Happened?

I apologize..I did a search and see there is in for here on this topic..I'll leave my question up if u feel like sharing and want to update from prior questions. It just looks so exhausting and I also wonder if it is diagnosed with out other things like bipolar or add.

Wow shannon...thank you that makes so much sense..I see this mom on a fairly regular basis and she just goes through hell with her boy. And I watched last week and I knew she was trying to praise him but it made it worse...what u said about them having control completely nails it!

Mama Pedia is great..I learn so much...I never could have asked this mom what was going on but I have learned a lot from everyone's answers.

More Answers

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G.D.

answers from Detroit on

I haven't read other questions pertaining to ODD. My sons dr did say it is one of the most common diagnosis along with ADD. I have two diagnosed with ADD/ODD. I agree it's exhausting! Even for my other two kids!
One does much better with medicine and the other does much better without. I have to be very proactive about almost everything (a fight over who is sitting in which seat in the car can delay us for quite a while). I find structure, rules, and responsibilities are very important too. Honestly it all boils down to knowing your kid, advocating for your kid, and keeping yourself healthy. It's certainly never easy-but you learn to celebrate small milestones.
In 2nd grade my son refused to go to school most of the time, would hit kick, punch, throw things. He was very defiant/borderline physical with an inhome therepist (took everything I had not to step in). But, slowly-now that he's in 4th he is rarely defiant and finally having more good days than bad. Just had to keep on keeping on!

6 moms found this helpful

A.J.

answers from Williamsport on

If a child truly cannot behave within a loving, peaceful, structured household with very firm discipline, then the child has other mental disorders preventing the self control. Healthy kids are very often massively oppositional and defiant. I'm not saying opposition and defiance aren't often stacked in on top of other conditions certainly. But to single out "opposition" and "defiance" and label them mental conditions that can be medicated smacks of American big pharma. You don't hear of it in other countries.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/suffer-the-children/...

4 moms found this helpful

T.S.

answers from San Francisco on

I haven't lived with one, but I spent a year in a first grade classroom working with a boy with ODD. I'll be honest, it was hard, and most of the time I didn't like him, but he had a very sweet side (which always made me feel guilty for not being more understanding/patient!) It's a frustrating condition for all, especially the child and mom. I hope you have LOTS of support at school, you will need it. It's also hard socially, as other kids and moms may avoid you...depending on how "difficult" your child is to get along with.

4 moms found this helpful
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S.R.

answers from Los Angeles on

One of the important things I learned about kids with ODD is that the typical strategies for modifying behavior do not work for them. Particularly, overt praise and rewards. If you praise a kid with ODD for correcting a behavior, or you go out of your way to thank them for making a good choice, you will probably cause more discontent- because what they hear in that praise is "thank you for doing what *I* wanted you to do" and that is the whole construct their disorder rails against.
Everything has to be through the back door with them.

1 mom found this helpful

S.T.

answers from Washington DC on

one of my friend's has a son who's been diagnosed with ADD and ODD. he is such a sweetheart. i adore him, and almost never see that side of him, but it wears my girl out. they resisted meds for a long time, but came to realize that he has an underlying anxiety disorder from which the rest springs, and if he's not given some relief from the constant debilitating anxiety he CAN'T cope well with the other stuff, no matter how understanding, consistent, patient and firm they are.
in his case meds were the key, but that too led to a long and frustrating search for the right one at the right dose. the side effects were as real and discomfiting as the problem.
i agree with amy. i think there's a rush to over-diagnose ordinary childhood pushbacks as 'conditions' and 'disorders', and of course the schools love it because they get more federal money it. in many cases firm and consistent parenting, with like back-up from the schools, is simply what the kids are craving.
but that's not to dismiss cases where it's real and overwhelming. my heart goes out to parents who are coping. it seems as if it's exhausting.
khairete
S.

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S.B.

answers from Dallas on

I think that it must be terribly difficult to deal with a child that has ODD and that the family must have a lot of support from professionals in order to help the child and maintain some sort of sanity for the family. There was a 2nd grade girl who joined an extra curricular activity that my daughter was involved with and I was a leader. She was finally diagnosed with oppositional defiance and was hospitalized for a few weeks in order to get her on the right medications. She had a very unstable home life and the mother was unwilling to medicate her. I required her mother come to activities if the daughter was there, because I could not keep her or the other children safe. It was very disruptive and she tried to physically harm herself, other children and me. I did not have the skills to deal with a child that had that many problems. After a major outbreak/incident at school, the school called CPS and they took control of the child and placed her in an inpatient facility. She did not return to school, so I don't know if her mother ever regained custody. But we did find out that she did have ODD (as a result of a lawsuit that was filed about the incident at school)

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K.G.

answers from San Diego on

My daughter was diagnosed when she was around 6 years old. She will be 15 this year. Last year she was also diagnosed with Severe Depression and High Anxiety. To be honest with you, she is smart, funny, has a big heart, is compassionate for other people (usually one's outside the home) and is very often a BIG Pain in the A**. Especially since the teen years have come about. A year ago she started more therapy and meds for the first time. The meds started with Zoloft and has now been changed to Lexapro. The meds do help but, we have really been through hell. I think a big part of our problems are due to the fact that we did not learn the correct way to parent a child with ODD when she was younger. I think we would have had it much easier if my husband and I went to therapy to learn how to parent her. We do attend family therapy now but, it's still a daily struggle. My advise is to go to therapy as a family now and also without the child to learn how to deal with it. I wish you and your family luck, it's hard, VERY hard.

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