NewFollow Up from Redshirting and Think I Made a Mistake with Going to 1St Grade

Why are you making yourself crazy when the next school year does not begin for seven months. Do you know what can happen in seven months?
Sounds like she just needs a bit of extra help which you could take care of yourself. She is in the correct grade for her age. Enter K at five. Enter first grade at 6. All of your worries are going to rub off on her. Then you will have a big problem. So my advice is sit back, relax, put all this on the back burner and revisit it the beginning of June. The way things are going, soon we will have 7 year olds entering K. Crazy.

B.,

DO YOURSELF AND YOUR CHILD A FAVOR AND HOLD YOUR CHILD BACK A YEAR, SHE NEEDS IT. What is wrong with letting her mature? What is wrong with not making her struggle to ALWAYS play catch up to her peers? She should not be struggling this much in 1st grade, these are suppose to be the fun years.

You have written SOO many posts regarding this topic, nothing has really changed with peoples answers; some are for letting her move on and some are for holding her back. ONLY YOU can make this very difficult decision. We have all given you our heartfelt advice. HAVE YOU ASKED YOUR DAUGHTER WHAT SHE WANTS TO DO? Where is your husband in all of this? What does your SIL say, since she has experienced the same situation as you?

What I would do differently, would be to consider putting her back in kindergarten starting Monday morning or maybe even homeschooling her the rest of the school year. If those are not options, then repeat 1st grade.

My daughter has an end of Aug bday. I didn't put her in when I could have. I had a hard time with my decision too, but in the end new that maturity would help with the peer pressure in high school cause lets face it there is no mercy for the weak.

Hope your next post on this subject is that you have made a final decision.

hmm. i think you could be doing another mistake if you let her go into second grade. reason: concepts, especially math and reading comprehension will be much harder, and while she may catch up this year, you don't want to spend another year playing catch up during second semester. i personally would have her repeat first grade, even if she manages ok this year, but to give her time to mature, feel confident, and not struggle as much. also, you don't know what the future holds. it's better to have her repeat now while she is young than later when that could affect her confidence.

i think the immense amount of stress you're having over this situation has GOT to be having an adverse effect on your little girl. even if you think you're doing an admirable job of not letting her see it.
i think you need to do whatever is necessary for YOU to let go of obsessing over this. if you can relax, she'll do better no matter what grade she's in.
khairete
S.

Hold her back a year. Not "if she ends up staying back a year." Let her stay back a year. She's so young, so little. You think she's not applying herself and not putting in enough effort? You put her in advanced classes a full year, maybe more, too early. But she's the one not putting in effort. And you still think there's a chance of sending her on to second grade.

I'm sorry, but I completely disagree with your decision. My original advice still stands. I think your "new perspective" is exactly the same as the one that got your daughter way in too deep, drowning in water that's about two feet above her head.

She needs to be with her peers. These students in her current class are not her peers in age nor in intelligence nor in abilities. She is far behind, and it's not her fault. You can still fix your mistake.

This summer I would do math and reading everyday but not a stressful way. I would work on math facts especially I would also contact the local colleges and see if they have kids camps during the day. The learn from certified teachers and every class is a blast. It sparks a passion for learning in my girl each time.

I think it's good that you're considering so many different angles of the situation. I worry a bit that you're overthinking it now, since the decision doesn't have to be made for several months, but I imagine if I was in your situation I wouldn't be able to think about much else either! I guess my point is don't let your stress about the situation affect your daughter and her ability to learn.

Anyway, I am opposed in general to redshirting because people think their children aren't "ready," even when they make the cutoff age-wise. Since your daughter didn't actually make the cutoff and should be a kindergartener right now, I don't think retaining her would be a bad thing. Add to that the fact that she missed out on a lot of important math concepts from kinder and it makes a very strong case for not moving her forward. She would benefit from another year of first grade to review the concepts that confused her this year. See if the school will give you a copy of the kindergarten math book so you can go through it with her and determine what she does and doesn't know.

I don't think it will be a big deal socially since she will be in the correct grade based on her birthday. None of her new classmates will know she's repeating and her current classmates probably won't say much about it either.

You don't want your daughter to end up hating school and you certainly don't want another year of struggles. If she is still struggling in a few months, I think retention is definitely better than moving on to second grade.

It sounds like you and the teacher are coming to the appropriate decision.

Just make sure you keep the learning fun.

B., I see your concerns and totally agree with your decisions. The only thing I would do differently is put her in a after school program. I think it will make a world of difference, as it did for my daughter.

It will cost you of course, but the programs are usually cheaper than a tutor and they are meant for a portion of work daily as opposed to a concept once or twice a week.

I have posted on here several times that my daughter was struggling and is now ahead in reading. We put her in Kumon. I suggest that you research the programs in your area look at the reviews. I have read in some cases, Kumon does not work for their children, but many of the kids I see go in the door without hesitation. Many of them walk our as proud as can be.

They likely will not teach common core, but we all know that there 6 addition factors to get to 10 and it can be argues that there are 11. The way I see it, if she has the basics down, her brain has the ability to focus on the new concepts. My daughter does reading, but one 2nd grade friend in the math program is multiplying and the 3rd grade friend is dividing, both with ease.

Do your research and then schedule a consultation with them.

Best wishes.

Have you thought about working with her at home? Most of what she's missing could be handled by a parent with about an hour per night. You could also work with her over the summer. I don't know that she would have to repeat the grade if you get tutor her.

I think you are doing just great in your thinking in considering holding her back a year. I appreciate that you aren't just letting this go and ignoring what is going on with your daughter. There are so many parents who just assume that all will be well. She needs the benefit of another year of maturity. Sometimes, kids understand math concepts as they mature and grow. You could teach this stuff she missed in the coming months, but she still might not "get it" until she gets a little older.

I have a friend who put her child into school a year earlier than she should have because she really couldn't afford daycare. It was a way of saving money for her, and she honestly didn't even seem to care if her daughter was ready. She moved her to another school and had her repeat at the other school. She told her daughter that at the new school, they didn't take her age group in the older class. (Yeah, she lied to her daughter.) Well, I thought at least her daughter didn't feel bad or stupid... little white lie, as they say?

She did do a lot better after that. I think that if she hadn't been retained in first grade, she would have struggled much more.

My sister had to be tutored through some reading material when she was in first grade, due to changing schools and the schools having different curriculums. I think that you did the right thing by talking to her teacher and finding out where the holes are. I recently went to a magnet meeting and one of the things the principal said very firmly was that private school students had to be evaluated carefully. They did not want a child to enter their program and be in your child's boat of not having the same background skills. OR being too young. There are many good private schools (I attended one) but sometimes it doesn't connect up when you change schools. So...now you know what you need to work on/with.