Neighbor Kids from Hell!

Other parents don't like it when you discipline their kids, it's true. You know what I say to that? Too bad. When the kids are on my property they follow my rules or they are gone. Period. Never in a million years would I have waited for the father to come and take care of that situation, the kids would have never made it out of the garage. I have had a mother come screaming in my face because I sent her girls away when they were being mean to my daughter. She did not like that I had scolded her mean girls. I told her to get off my property until she also learned some manners.

i wouldn't be one bit worried about being mean. i'd tell the little hooligans to get out right this minute, and i'd tell the dad that his kids are not allowed on my property without an invitation period.
there's no way i'd let them help themselves to my kids' toys.
nip this firmly in the bud. rather than be too concerned about being mean, i'd develop a really good Mean Look and tone.
khairete
S.

Privacy fence and lock the garage. If they were in my yard I would tell them to leave and they are not allowed to come over without asking. I can't believe parents would let their kids do that.

I have this same family in my neighborhood.
Short answer, if the other parents are unwilling or unable to control their kids at my expense, I will do it for them.
They would be told to put those toys back in the garage. They can ask YOU first. Not their dad. And I would physically take it away if need be. (I have.)
If my kids are not out, my garage is off limits. Period.
And if I do allow them to play with our toys, I will give them the rules as to when and how they can be used.

Again, I have zero problem correcting other people's kids when it comes to my property. I do not do it in a mean manner, but I am firm and do lay down the law.

I hate to sound litigious, but...do you realize that in many jurisdictions, if a child is hurt on your property, you can be held legally liable, even if the child was on your property without permission? That alone should be reason not only to lock the garage (don't just shut the door, lock it by using a garage door opener that you can keep in the car) AND to give very serious consideration to a fence.

I would have grave issues not just with the garage invasion but also with the thought that, as you wrote: "They freely come in our yard and play on our equipment when we are outside in the back, which is fine...."

It is not fine. If they fall off the equipment, you, not their parents, could be the ones in trouble or the ones paying medical bills. Not to mention that letting them come into the yard without stopping them gives them the impression that anything on your property is theirs -- that's why they feel free to go into the garage too. The next time you spot one of these kids stepping into the yard -- not just playing and getting in the flower beds, I mean just coming into the yard - please take that child back to the house, and tell mom and dad that you are concerned about injury and from now on the children can come over when specifically invited and the invitation will be made to the parents so they and you know who is where. Paste on a big smile and do it in your sweetest voice but be firm. "I know you wouldn't want Johnny to get hurt, and neither would we. And I can't guarantee that I'd be around to watch if he came into the yard on his own. So it really is best if the kids not come into the yard unless our kids and we invite them on a play date, and I'd be sure that you and I spoke first to set it up, so you and we all know where everyone is."

I note that you're concerned about whether it's "mean" to tell the dad to take control. It's not. But rather than telling him to take control, which will only make him defensive, tell him specifically that his children can no longer come into the YARD, not just the garage. That's not being mean. That is protecting HIS kids for him since he can't do it himself, but don't bother to tell him that. Just make it happen. They may grump at you or act cold. But why would you care?

I'm so sorry to say that nothing you say to the father will help. He means well (SO VERY NICE that he said he was sorry and tried...) but he is totally ineffectual.

(There are parents out there who simply don't care what their kids do and how they inconvenience other people. At least this guy cares.)

So, go ahead and keep your garage door closed. That will prevent them from getting into your stuff.

I do want to caution you about letting them play on your backyard equipment. If they fall and hurt themselves, you could be liable. You just have no idea how the parents would react. If you can build a fence, (a privacy fence would be ideal where the kids can't see your business and stand there and beg you when you come outside), most of your problem would be solved.

Good luck!

Your house, your property, your rules. If he's not going to parent them and tell them how to behave at someone else's place, you are well within your right to verbally discipline, and if it comes to it, forbidding them to come back for as long as you feel is appropriate. If they don't ask, they don't get to play. Period. Send them home if they can't play nice. Don't wait for the dad to do his job, it's YOUR stuff, and YOUR home. They either won't come back, or your place will be the only place they behave.

I would change my own behavior since I can't change anyone else's.
•Close your garage.
•Tell each of these kids that they are not to use any of your things inless they ask you or your husband first.
•Explain that if they do use things without permission, they will be sent home.
•Then, when they enter the yard, it's perfectly OK to say "guys, we are playing on the swings/monkey bars/whatever right now--want to play? Gone. No toys are allowed out of he garage today."
The father obviously is clueless. I'd speak up!

I'm not one for scolding other children. However, it becomes a different issue to me when someone is disrespecting my property. I draw a line there and I do say something.

We've not had issues like you're having. It's been a while since I had a bunch of kids tuning around. One girl purposely broke a scooter of my daughter's in front of me. Hubby loaded the scooter and took it to her front door and told her dad.... She broke it she, can have it.

My driveway goes downhill and especially boys like to see how fast they can come down on bikes, scooters, skates.

Numerous times I have stopped them and told them I won't clean their bloody body out of the glass when they come through to my formal living area. I've said their parents will have to come clean them up and you know as well as I do that they are not allowed to engage in coming down my drive.

One kid was less than 6 and his mom watched him come speeding down the drive on his bike right at my Mercedes that was not yet in the garage. I stopped him. She was upset because in her words " he loves your driveway". I said " then I guess you are ok with replacing any type of damage to my car or other property when he crashes"!

Lastly... one little snot talked back to me when I said I'd let his mom know he was here again when I told him to stop. He said " you can't prove that". I pointed to a hidden camera and said " yes I can... You might smile in that direction everytime you are here because you're on camera"".

I hate to be mean but you have to be firm. My next door neighbor is a POS and has no boundaries. My dog treed an opossum and was barking one night about 730. I was trying to get my dog inside. I heard my gate close which meant someone came into my yard. I had a magnum flashlight and as I had it up to swing at the intruder, my neighbor said whoa!! I told him, you don't come on someone's property unannounced or you could get killed.

There is a line when boundaries and property are not respected. This dad needs to grow some and be a dad.

I would stop stepping back and watching to see what Dad does. Stop them BEFORE they go inside your garage! Tell them no, they do not have permission to use your things. YOU know how to use a firm voice, so do so. And then shut the garage. They'll get the message and go home fairly quickly, I'd wager. And if Dad gets offended, too bad. Somebody needs to stop them before they get hurt and YOU get sued b/c they were on your equipment and your property.

How about just keeping your garage closed?

Your house. Your things. Your insurance. Your rules. You get to discipline if dad won't. And don't forget that clean-up is also part of playtime (speaking from experience).

Kids at my house get treated like my kids, parents around or not. I say this because we don't just allow anyone to come over, so the kids and the parents know we will treat them like our own. This means the kids ASK before they get anything (snacks, bikes, toys, etc) they clean up ANY mess they make - even if that means M. and daddy need to wait at the door for 5 minutes.

I would absolutely tell the children the rules and not feel bad if the dad is right there. The kids just might listen to you more than dad and they may learn to respect your things and property.

You have authority over what happens in your own house/yard. Your place, your boundaries. It's time to set some.

I once had some neighbors with 5 special needs kids (varying degrees of autism). So even though their parents were doing their best to raise them well, these kids needed a little extra help to understand boundaries. A couple of these children were close in age to my kids and they did spend time at my house. I welcomed them, but with firm ground rules. They could only be at our house if I had time to supervise directly. (They were still young - preschool to early grade school.) Our things were not their things - they were required to ask to play with our things. Everyone was to be kind and play well with others. No destructive behavior was allowed. Any child who could not manage that (mine or theirs) would have to sit out from playing for awhile. Any child who continued to have trouble (mine or theirs) would need to leave - mine for their own rooms, theirs for their own house. It required a bit of work on my part at the beginning, but I found that clear expectations and consistency went a long way toward allowing everybody, including me, to enjoy the interactions.

Build a fence?
And learn how to say, no, you may not come over here and play right now, you need to go home.
If they don't leave willingly take their hand and walk them back home. Knock on the door and tell the parents you found their children trespassing on your property.
You don't need to be mean about it or anything but coming over uninvited IS trespassing.
Not sure why you have a hard time standing up to a child (?) that's really strange, I would have no problem with this.

Lock the doors.
If they come over uninvited, tell them 'Go home' and call their parents to come get them if they won't leave.
Do it every time - if you let it go even once, they'll walk all over you just like they are doing right now.
Manners smanners - if these kids hurt themselves on your property their parents will sue you faster than you can blink.

Kids in my yard and/or house are subject to my rules and authority. Take charge and be the boss of the situation, making it to your liking.

Nevermind about the neighbor dad at this point, you must take control when the kids are on your property. I know kids with ineffective parents, but those same kids are very well behaved for me.

Lecturing other parents is almost never going to work and usually backfires in a major way, so it isn't worth bothering with.

Well, it's your house, your belongings, your garage, your yard. What you say goes.

Why would that be mean?

I would tell the kids "No" any time they did something you didn't like them doing. At your house.

Talking to the dad .. If he's that laid back and not helpful in these situations, not sure what talking to him will do.

You can take control of the situation, so I would.

Since you haven't much to this point, then he may not think you are as bothered as you are. So he may only half heartedly chase his kids.

I'm sure if he was aware you were annoyed, he'd try harder. So you can talk to him, but all it would take is one "No - put that back please" and he'd get the hint REALLY quick!

Good luck :)

We have neighbors like this right across the street. The bad part is in our situation, the parents have never even been outside to watch their kids. One of them even went so far as to while I was upstairs in the bathtub (husband and kids were gone) he came into my house, pulled out one of my kitchen chairs into the garage, and climbed up in our freezer to get out an ice cream. Finally after about 6 years of this, his mom and I came to blows when I sent one of them home for throwing my sons toy and breaking it. She came out to yell at me for hurting her sons feeling........that was it. I blew!
Nip it now!!!!!!! It will only get worse. Your house, your stuff, your rules. Period!!

So apparently I am old school. If my kids got in someone elses garage and got toys out without the parent in that house saying come over to play and then ran away from me when I was saying no... my kid would get his behind cracked after the first time. I would put a fence up between your house and theirs. And then I would let the dad know that you do not want them in your garage at all. What if they knocked into something and got hurt. Thats a lawsuit waiting to happen. Put up a fence. If you don't want a 6 foot just do a picket but put up a fence so they can't get in. And maybe talk to your other neighbors. Maybe a whole wall of fences. Good fences make good neighbors. And hell no kids from other house do not get to get in my garage and play on toys that cost me in the hundreds of dollars. So just no.

I would tell the kids myself.

If you don't tell them they aren't allowed to do it then they may assume they are allowed to do it. The next time the child comes into your yard lay down the rules, such as you can only come when invited, you have to ask to use toys and equipment, you don't play in the flower beds etc. The dad may be wondering why you're not telling his son to stop. It is the same when my kids have their friends over, I tell them the rules of our house (I actually have them posted on the back of the front door). I can't assume that they know the rules as many families have different rules. I mean, it's common sense to me that you only eat and drink at the table, but you will see lots of people who let their kids walk around with food and drinks all over the house.

I agree about your house/your rules. It's fine to shut the garage door or take the battery out of the motorize bike, but it doesn't solve the problem. They'll think the stuff is broken, not that they have to ask permission. So it's also absolutely okay (and probably required) for you to say "no". I realize that's not a word they hear very often. Don't go to the dad - he's ineffective anyway, but it doesn't solve your problem.

So what I would do is sit the neighbor kids down - line them up on your porch or the edge of your driveway, and get down to their level and look them in the eye. Tell them, "The rules of our house are that you have to ask first. You can only play here when we are outside, and you still have to ask and you have to wait for me to say 'yes'. You can't take things from the garage unless I say it's okay. Now, IF I say you can ride the bikes, you cannot ride on the grass or in the gardens. Not at all. If you don't follow the rules, you will have to go right home."

Then as soon as someone rides over the grass, you get in front of the bike and physically block it. Take the child by the hand and remove him from the bike, and put the bike aside. Walk the child to the property line and say "You have to go home now. We can try tomorrow when you are ready to behave. Bye." If they whine or argue, be firm. "Maybe tomorrow if you can follow the rules then."

We had rules about the types of toys that could be brought onto our property too. We did not allow toy guns at all, so those were confiscated by me and left for them to take home. And no bikes were ridden without helmets. House rule.

This behavior will only stop if you insist on it. And that's another way that your kids will learn not to do this at anyone else's house. They'll see an adult taking charge. You can show them how to explain rules and set boundaries while still being polite yourself. "Polite" doesn't mean "spineless" so go ahead and set standards. Kids do better when there is structure.

Annoying for sure!!!

Keep the garage down and the gates closed.

Once kids step on MY property then I enforce MY rules...I don't wait for other parents to parent their kids if they are at MY home breaking MY rules.

It's YOUR house. When they come into YOUR yard and start taking YOUR kids' toys, YOU tell them "No, you cannot play with that - put it back."

lock my garage... if those parents can't control their children and you don't want them using your stuff tell them like you plan on doing or lock it up. let your children ahve the things they want and if they want they can share it.
as for those neighbors of yours, it is very rude. we dealt with neighbors like this for a while (but they were adults and would borrow whatever they pleased whenever they wanted and dh finally told the guy that he was going to call the police to report it as theft)
hope your neighbors can get controll of their kids. if not they will turn out like my old neighbors.

Dad may feel funny yelling at his kids in your yard, or out in public and may not know how else to deal. Open your mouth and SHOW him how you talk to a child and have them listen.

A locked garage door will send a clear message. Or at least lock/secure your kids' toys. If the kids want to play on your yard equipment, lay down some ground rules, starting with manners. I would say either they need to wait for an invitation to come and play when your children want them to play outside WITH them, OR one of their parents must be there to DIRECTLY supervise them. You are not a babysitter, and certainly these kids need watching. I once had a neighbor send a 2 year old across the street to play in my front yard when she saw me on the front steps for a minute with my child. I brought her back and said I was cooking and she could not be here without an adult watching. Sorry my 5 year old did not qualify to "watch" a toddler, and I did not want to be responsible at that moment as I was busy. I could tell our level of "supervision" comfort was not the same. But my property, my rules. If their parents can't control them, and they don't listen to your rules, simply tell them no more. You should have a fence/gate to lock when you aren't home. You can always unlatch swings, etc from a swing set and store them when you are not home, but that's a huge pain. Good luck!

Since dad is not you need to be firm with them. I understand you can not discipline them, but you can tell them they are not allowed in your garage and enforce it. Our garage is always open, but the neighborhood kids know that only our kids are allowed inside, ever. I have had to remind a few kids about it here and there, but I am always firm and consistent and they figure it out.

Build a fence. Stop waiting for this parent to parent his kids and make your own boundaries. "Oh, we aren't getting those out right now, maybe later."

When I worked with youngsters who felt entitled to get into things, I'd take out the items I felt comfortable letting them use and then closed the garage door. You could do that too.

What I'm wondering is why you are hanging back and waiting for the dad to do something? Don't send mixed messages. Be firm, be clear with the kids. I have to do this sometimes with other people's children in my home ("Oh, no, please close the cupboard. If you need a snack, you may ask me.") and I just do it as though it's just a matter of fact: everyone in the world expects that you would ask first before taking anything.

If a child were to continue riding in my yard, I would calmly explain that they might ride on the sidewalk or the toy would need to go away. "If you want to use our toys, you need to keep them where they belong." Once again, firm and matter of fact.

It's not your problem they go nowhere and are homebodies. I am a homebody. I certainly don't expect it to be my neighbor's problem.

And get a 6' fence built around your backyard. It's worth it!

At the point that they come over and start playing with stuff that you don't want them on, you should correct them. I would do so by telling them we are not playing on that piece of equipment right now. I have no problem with telling someone else's child to put our stuff back.

If you hesitate to say something because you are waiting for the parents reaction, you are leaving the neighbor kids the opportunity to tear things up worse. Nip it as soon as you see them hop on.

I think the only concern you have with these children, are your own belongings. If the dad wants to run like crazy trying to wrangle his kids, let him. I wouldn't tell him anything about control. He must know he lacks it.

Most kids find anything they don't have to be new and differnt. It is just the, "I want what I don't have". My daughter wants to ride a school bus. It makes us laugh every time she asks. I rode the school bus all through my school years, all I ever wanted was a ride to school.

You cannot teach manners to children that are not yours, however, you can insist on respect in your presence or toward you.

I certainly wouldn't have waited for the dad to come over and correct them. I would have made them get off right then and there and had them sit on the porch while I gave them a little firm talking to. Apparently, they have no understanding of boundaries, so while in your yard, they need to know the rules. Maybe it's the former school teacher in me, but I have zero tolerance for this kind of behavior.