Need Some advice...sorry, It's a Bit Long...

As for the fruits and veggies going bad quickly - you might have to make a supermarket run more than once a week.

Let him eat what he wants - only you can control what you eat. But it does suck that he won't support you. But a brand new pair of size 12 jeans might make you feel a whole lot better!!

I don't know how to say this but simply straight forward. I'm not being rude. Pretty much all of my posts on here are short and to the point.

It sounds like you are blaming your husband for how YOU eat.

WHY???

Let him eat whatever he wants. You can eat healthier.

Problem solved. :)

Once you become aware, as you now are, he can't sabotage you anymore. From this moment forward, only you can sabotage yourself. Take back control. Unless he his holding you down and forcibly cramming a hush puppy in your mouth, eating them is entirely your choice.

I'm not saying that he isn't being a jackapple or making life harder on you. I'm saying he doesn't control you. He can't force you. I wish I could make him be supportive and helpful but I can't. I can only tell you that you need to be strong enough to do this alone.

Stop cooking foods that are not on your diet. Shop on your own for your own groceries. Fix meals just for you if he won't eat what you have planned. He can cook his own meals.

As for his behavior as a partner and husband...you might need to shed an extra 130 pounds of deadweight in another way if he won't be the man you need him to be.

Advice for weight loss:

Shop the perimeter of the store. Cook from scratch, no boxes or cans. Vegetables with every meal. Eat together with people but choose your own foods. Water all day, Protein every meal. Start walking. Use technology (websites and apps like myfitnesspal.com and C25K to keep you on track for diet and exercise).
Track everything you put in your mouth and don't waste one more minute worrying about what your husband eats.

Short answer to a loooooong post:

Only you can change you.

Good luck!

The post was too long but I get the gist of it.

My bottom line.. no one is putting this "bad" food into your mouth except you. He is not feeding you, right? YOU control what you eat.

So what if he binges and gains no weight.. It does not mean he is healthy.

You be in charge of you and your eating habits. Make something healthy for yourself and let him do whatever he is going to do but DO NOT allow him to control what you eat.

It is obvious that you both have food issues.

Stop trying to change him. Just stop! Take all that energy spent focusing on what he does or does not do and focus on what you can do. You have options. You can eat smaller portions and throw the rest away. You can buy the food you want and supplement with the food he likes or not. You can each fix your own meal. Etc.

Instead of trying to get him to eat like you want to eat find a compromise. Sounds like this may have become a power struggle. You tell him to do this and he pushes back and says no. I also suggest from your description of the way you are going about getting change that you are being passive aggressive rather than assertive. For example you asked are those the beans I buy? Of course, he knows they're not. Instead say I prefer the ones with less fat and salt. He told you they have less flavor. Two different preferences both of which are acceptable. Next step is to find a compromise. If you're cooking you could offer to add flavoring to your choice for him. Or you could eat his choice and eat less. Or you could buy both or alternate kinds each time.

I suggest that you are having this problem at least in part because you only see a solution if he changes. I suggest you first back off from needing him to agree that your understanding that your way is the only right way. Your focus is on healthy eating. His is on taste. Consider his need for taste as important as yours for health. Know that you can have both.

I suggest you read books about how to have both tasty and healthy food. Then share that information with him in a fun low key way. Start with just one issue, say fat. And above all be kind and non judgemental, as you respect his ideas. Instead of telling him he's wrong and has to do as you want make planning meals a collaborative process.

I also suggest you read and try a way of talking called non-violent communication. Google it to get an idea of what it is and why it works. There are also books available.

You are blaming your hubby for your lack of willpower. Own and be responsible for your own actions. Put a picture of a syringe on your frig to remind you about diabetes when you go for some of that ice cream.

I really don't see why you expect your hubby to deprive himself when this is YOUR problem and no one but YOU can do the work of losing the weight and keeping it off. Also, I would be so over you and that salt issue! I am very skeptical that you taste the salt in the pasta - I think you just THINK you can because you know it's there.

The bottom line is YOU are in charge of what crosses your lips. You need to say, "I need to be on this diet so I can be healthy, avoid diabetes and other long term problems, and feel better about myself. I am going to cook what I like and need." My DH is on a diet for his own weight loss. I eat almost anything I want. However, I support him in his efforts, I don't deliberately try to sabotage him and I often eat a meal that is "on plan" for him because, honestly, fish is good.

I would lay it out to him that you and he may need to eat different things or different meals, but you are not going to indulge in chips and pancakes or whatever. Take charge instead of asking what he wants to have for dinner if he's going to ask you to cook only things you cannot have.

If he refuses to eat leftovers, then let him be the one to buy (and waste) "his" foods. You buy what you need in your home. If he cannot be trusted to keep to a list and get what you need, then either you always go or you take the chore off his list. He thinks your food is expensive? Do you eat it? Do you eat leftovers? Then who is really being expensive here? IMO it is the one who consistently wastes food. Mr. Turkey dinner and two pies for two people has NO room to talk about your healthy diet. Do you have a food budget?

And, yes, if you think he's trying to torpedo your health goals and cannot respect your efforts at minimum and trash talks in the grocery store, there may be more going on than who eats carrots and you should consider a counselor. Respect is a basic need of a marriage.

One more thought - he may be 130 pounds but that doesn't mean his junk food diet is healthy. I have a friend who has had a cholesterol problem since he was a kid. Maybe you and DH can go to the nutritionist together.

Lots of good advice already, I just want to point out that you are doing yourself no favors buying low fat items. Fat adds flavor, so when they take out the fat they take out the flavor. What do they add to it to put the flavor back in? Sugar!!! Shop around the perimeter of the store, limit processed foods, and eat real food not fat free/low fat/sugar free chemical junk. You will feel better :)

Mymission nailed it! You BOTH have unhealthy relationships with food. The vast detail you list about every single dish he buys and eats and what's in the house indicates you are paying extremely intense attention to food in your life and in his. His insistence on ignoring your health issues -- and openly undermining you by ignoring your direct pleas not to bring certain foods under your roof -- also indicates possibly some control issues on his part. He may feel you're trying to control him and what he eats, so he's going wildly overboard asserting that he's his own man and will eat as he likes.

Would he go with you to see a nutritionist or your doctor? Some men listen to a professional when they won't hear a word their wives say. But I have a feeling that your husband would see your desire to go to a doctor or nutritionist with him along as an attempt by you to control his eating. If by lucky chance he would be open to seeing a dietitian, doctor or nutritionist with you to work out an eating plan for you both, do try it.

But I suspect from your post that both you and he could use some counseling about your relationships with food -- and with each other. He sounds scared that you might try to make him eat "your food." I've also read about spouses who unconsciously undermined their spouses' attempts to be healthier out of fear (again, unconscious fear) that "If my spouse gets thin again, I might lose her, or she'll change and won't want me" and so on. But you have no way at all know if that's the case and he does not sound self-aware enough to figure it out himself, frankly.

Meanwhile, as you look for a counselor for both of you or just for yourself -- please consider joining Overeaters Anonymous (a good friend had excellent help from them) AND go ahead and buy, cook and eat entirely for yourself. I know it is very, very hard to resist good-tasting but unhealthy food if it's in the house -- that need for willpower is where Overeaters Anonymous and a therapist or counselor can help you individually. But HIS need to reject your pleas for help -- that's an issue for a counselor or couples counselor. This may be about more than his-and-hers eating styles.

A couple of suggestions for you:

1. Regarding salt: don't use Lite Salt. Use an unrefined salt, which has minerals in proper proportions. The thing you want to look for in salt is unrefined vs. refined. Redmond's RealSalt is a great choice and their website is very informative. Also, Celtic Sea Salt and Himalayan salt are good choices. You sound as though you need a salt and mineral balance in your system. I think you should mention to your thyroid doctor how extremely sensitive you are to the taste and even the smell of salt. I think that could be medically significant. You may actually be salt-deficient. Your aversion to salt really stands out in your post and you seem to be extremely angry about salt. That doesn't seem normal. Some people who have unresolved thyroid problems can be extremely sensitive to a taste. I'd call your doctor.

2. Regarding the low fat and diet dairy items: They're actually less healthy than the simple regular fat items. Look at the labels. The thickeners, the sugars, and all the additives in the fat-free dairy products are so deceptive. Choose foods with just very simple ingredients on their labels and just use less. Using a good quality product (real Parmigiano cheese and real sour cream and real butter for example) means the taste is much better, you can use much less and you won't be taking in extra sugars and chemicals. Learn to read all the labels of whatever you buy. Don't buy things with sugar or additives. If your husband insists on eating them, that's his decision.

3. I would encourage you to see a nutritional counselor or dietician. Maybe your husband would go with you a time or two, just to see what you should be eating.

4. His dietary habits, with the glutamates and sugars and food colorings and chemicals and fats and processed foods are actually the worst food choices in your house. Don't think of them as delicious, but as dangerous. You don't need to make a point of that to him, since it sounds like he's determined to feed himself full of them, but simply change your viewpoint. No more glutamates and chemicals for you. Simple real food with simple real ingredients.

You can do this! I admire your desire to get healthy. It sounds like you might have to just make the decision within yourself to do it no matter what.

It's so hard to resist temptation when it's staring you in the face, isn't it? I completely get why this is making it hard for you.

My husband is the same way in regards to what he eats vs. what is healthy/ condusive to me losing the 10 lbs I'm after. Luckily, I am usually he one who is in charge of grocery shopping. My personality is such that I don't care what he does, so long as he lets me do my thing.

Usually, when I prepare meals that aren't the healthiest, I try to make sure I fix at least one good side for myself. If he wants to eat some, great. If not, no skin off my nose. I also make sure I DONT make enough of the unhealthy junk for two shares-just enough for him and maybe some for our dd. Like with breakfast... He loves to have French toast, fried eggs, hash browns, and some kind of meat. So when I make it, I will use the Texas toast bread he likes for his, and a whole-wheat slice for mine. I will scramble an egg for myself, and call that good; even though his plate is loaded mine is relatively healthy. If there is no avoiding something I really shouldn't eat, or I just really want it, I just take a half-size portion and fill up on healthier sides.

I also make sure to keep salad stuff in the house. When all else fails, I can skip on eating a "bad" meal altogether and just eat that. :)

If he is the one who does the shopping, maybe make up a specific list of hinge you want, and ask him to get them in addition to whatever he picks out. (If he refuses on this point, then he is just being a contrary d*** and you probably could really use the counseling.)

It almost sounds like you are in a power struggle... Maybe if you stop battling him on this he will stop fighting back. Let him eat what he wants, just make sure you eat healthy too.

I get where you are coming from. My hubby's weight and cholesterol are perfect and he eats a pound of butter a week and a ton of meat. Meanwhile I'm struggling to get my numbers down so I don't have to use medication. Totally unfair.

But it's up to me what I want to put in my mouth so while he's eating steak I'm eating homemade black beans with rice and salsa. While he's eating ice cream I'm snacking on an apple. Is it fun? Nope but that's the way it is. My hubby isn't supportive and has negative things to say about my way of eating however he's not in charge of what goes into my mouth. I AM.

Stop looking to change your husband's behavior and focus on your own. Keep a glass of water at arm's length. When you wander into the kitchen after dinner take your glass with you, fill it up, and then walk out of the kitchen. I find myself in the kitchen all the time so filling my glass makes me feel like 'yes I went in to get water and not check out what's in the fridge.'

He sounds so selfish. He is lucky...he can eat what he wants and he really wants to enjoy the foods he likes. But he doesn't even try to see things from your point of view. I think a lot of men can be very self centered about things. My husband certainly can...but about totally different things. It pisses me off, yet in other ways he is a great husband. I don't think you can change your husband which makes your efforts to eat healthy very hard. I also would have a hard time ignoring pie, cookies, pancakes, and other things if they were around me all the time. If it were me I would do my own shopping and cooking for myself and ignore the fattening foods he buys and makes. I would stop with the arguing and power plays over food and ignore him. I'd just buy my own fat free beans as well as his fatty beans and not say a word. Keep yourself motivated to be healthy. An exercise class tends to motivate me to eat healthier also. Keep super healthy snacks around for you...everything fresh...nuts, fruits, tuna/cannelini bean salad, roasted beet salad, veggies and hummus, greek yogurt, etc. When you are tempted by your husband's foods go take a long walk! I wish you all the luck in the world.

You need to shop and cook for yourself. From now on, his food is off-limits! You need to to completely ignore it. He prepares his food and you prepare yours. Perhaps even eat at different times. If you can manage to do this for a week you will be well on the way to establishing a good habit.

I'm with you on the salt issue-- I like salt and my husband doesn't. He can definitely taste if I have salted something. In my family each person individually salts their food (or doesn't) on their own plate at the table!

He doesn't what to change his way of eating. You need to. Personally, you have a couple of choices, 1. you just cook the healthy food and if he doesn't like it too bad, he can fix a pb and j sandwich. 2. You cook your own dinner and he cooks his.

I would tell him those are his choices. If he doesn't like them, make the choice for him. You have to take control of your health. You cannot depend on him to help, your health is in YOUR control only. Would it be nice if he did, sure but obviously, he isn't going to do that.

As for large portions, don't cook that much or freeze it before he comes home. If it goes to waste, then so be it. Is that a shame you bet but its more of a shame to stuff yourself.

I have started a little trick when I go out to dinner. I ask for a to go box before I start eating and split it in half before I even start eating.

Personally, his attitude would piss me off tremendously. I have thyroid disease so I understand how difficult this.

Long and short, you have to take control of you. You can't control how he behaves. Let him be a jerk, but you get healthy.

Sounds like you are going to have to work around him. A dietician/ nutritionist might help you address your diet/ re-set your expectations about portion size, and help you navigate your relationship with food.

His excessive eating, his waste of food, his refusal to eat leftovers is on him, not on you. Just because he brings sweets, and cooks way too much, doesn't mean that you are compelled to eat poorly or excessively.

Best,
F. B.

Why on earth do you think it is his responsibility to be your will power?

More so using ground turkey with your taco box, using low fat cheese isn't cooking healthy! There is nothing healthy about a taco box. Read the labels, chemical heaven! Our bodies don't know what to do with all those chemicals so you gain weight even though the calories seem lower.

I have a friend that is a vegan, google stl veg girl. Her food makes a carnivore like me drool!! Healthy food tastes great!! I know it sucks to learn how to cook when you weren't raised that way but it is the only way you are going to lose weight. Once you learn how to cook your husband will love what you cook, problem solved.

And let him have his snacks!

My husband and I rarely eat the same thing for any meal. You just need to do your own thing. You can not tell a grown man what to eat or buy. You can only control yourself.

Re: fruits, keep them in the refrigerator so they do not go bad as quickly. Also, I find it hard to believe that eating healthy is more expensive than eating junk food. Cookies, pies etc. are just as expensive as a watermelon and the watermelon will last several days if chilled.

Good luck! You can do this!!

Sorry honey - too long a post to really get through. I do want to say that Jill K is giving you excellent advise.

Don't let him go grocery shopping with you anymore. He's being a jackass for buying regular rather than low fat. You've told him and he doesn't care. And he's lording over you the fact that he can eat what he wants and stay slim.

Take control of your situation and don't cook or fix him anything that you cannot eat. When he fusses, just tell him "If you don't understand, then go talk to my doctor."

This is YOUR HEALTH and well being that is at stake. If he wants to eat junk, then it's on him and he can go out to eat without you.

None of this is meant to be snarky. You know that your husband is undermining you. This is meant to help you stand up for yourself.

Have you tried to have a serious conversation with him about all you wrote above? Explain that meds alone won't reduce your weight, that you NEED to eat healthier and that you feel his food purchases are impossible to resist once in the home.
While he might not be gaining weight his health can still be affected.
If you love him, let that shine through and let him know you want to share this life with him, not fight him about food. The tone of your post is very annoyed, seems like you are both ticked off at each other for little things, which generally means it has been going on for a long while. Maybe even open the conversation with wanting to improve your relationship in general, what does he think the issue are?
When I could not address a specific issue I created a pro/con list and asked my husband when would be a good time that he was not busy, and then asked him to read it to start the conversation.

This sounds so frustrating, and it's a shame he can't at least support your healthy choices if he doesn't make them himself. The clear solution to me is to shop and eat completely separately from him. You don't HAVE to eat what he buys or cooks. Yes, it's more of a hassle, but so is being overweight and diabetic. Have you considered Weight Watchers? I lost 25 lbs on it. Since it's hard for you to resist the stuff he's buying , having the structure of a program could really help.

Don't argue with him anymore- it's bad for both of you. Simply put your own pot of UNsalted water in if you want pasta.

Obviously, it's all about will power. It's not easy, but once you see your success in shedding pounds, you'll gain momentum and it gets way easier. YOU CAN DO IT!!

I don't have time to read all the replies but I have a metabolism like your husbands. I'm lucky. If my husband didn't that would mean we eat differently. If he expected me to change my diet I'd be really pissed. I am really lucky. I can enjoy all foods and not gain weight. I ain't givin' that up!!! You're an adult. He's an adult. Eat what you each want.

Yeah, I think you both might have unhealthy relationships with food.

If counseling is an option, I'd go for it. Obviously, you need a neutral third party. I have heard good things about OA, over eaters anonymous. There are probably meetings close to you.

You could take him to your doc to explain your nutitional priorities and the very real health risks that shadow your excess wt.

You could make a plan. I am reading "The Power of Habit". You need to change one keystone habit in him that might just cause other bad habits to fall. Adding Exercise to your day could just be the ticket.

I think your H's thinking has crossed the line from, I want my food, my way, to obsession, or addiction. In that case OA is the place to go.

You could start changing how you cook on your own. If you make it good enough, he might change something. Or not.

Good luck!

You can only control you, so start taking control of your own health and stop blaming him. Yes, it'd be nice if he were more helpful, but he's not, so cook your own meals and avoid temptation... I doubt counseling is going to resolve this, so you just need to decide whether this is something you're willing to tolerate or not. Good luck.

wow! i'm with you, it sounds as if he's very passive-aggressively attempting to sabotage your efforts to get healthy!
maybe just 'aggressively.' he's not even being very passive about it.
i would absolutely seek counseling. you've been communicating with him clearly and soliciting his help, and he's completely disregarding you. this is not how a man who loves his woman reacts.
it's all very well for people to say 'just eat what you should' but those of us who struggle with food issues know how hard it is. i'm so grateful that my husband quietly and without judgment supports my (fitful) attempts to overhaul my diet.
good luck, sweetie. he honestly sounds like a selfish jerk to me.
khairete
S.

This is the longest post I've ever seen!!!! I didn't read it all.

My suggestion would be to give him your own grocery list. Ask him to contact you before he goes shopping so you can tell him what you want. Your job is to learn more self control. Will power is your enemy. How about getting a book or putting notes on your table and fridge that say 'will power' or another phrase that will make you think twice. Since you say you go back an hour later to finish eating the bad food, throw it away!!!

Also, have you asked your husband why he does this?

Be responsible for your meals. If he wants to make huge amounts of food and waste it, let him. It's his issue and not yours.

Find what works for you. The only way to make real changes is to be committed to wanting to change. Trust me, I know how hard it is. I've been overweight for years and have tried all types of things, including WW. I have FINALLY gotten to a point in my life where I WANT to make changes. I'm tired of being overweight and unhealthy. I want to be around to see my daughter grow up.

The hard part is finding what works for you. Do plenty of research and see what might be a good fit for you and your lifestyle. For me, I've decided to commit to going vegan. The health benefits are too many to ignore and my goal is to get off all medication. For you it may be cutting out processed foods. Whatever it is, it has to be something that your are comfortable with for the long term.

If you'd like support, feel free to PM me. It's always helpful to have others in your corner, especially if you have a spouse who is unsupportive.

I do apologize, I don't have time to read all this. My husband and I like different foods. I eat what I like and he makes himself sandwiches all day.

I think you both need to go to the store on his day off and both have a certain budget for the foods you want. Then when you get hungry fix what you want. If he comes home later let him cook for himself.

If he doesn't like this then be adults. Sit down and make the menu for the week. We eat Tuna Helper and Hamburger Helper and all sorts of stuff like that.

If he wants something like that then fix it a couple of nights per week, you eat the sides and let him have what's left as planned overs and he can take it for lunch the next day OR eat it the next night. We always eat left over Helper meals.

You can easily have a huge salad made up and add some boiled eggs, sliced turkey, cucumbers, onions, madarin oranges, etc....and have a good meal no matter what the other stuff on the table is.

Eat what YOU want and let him cook for himself or plan your meals and combine the foods you both want.

It sounds like you two have some power struggle issues that are manifesting over food. Counseling might not help, but it couldn't hurt.

The two of you have VERY different dietary needs, and it seems to me that the easiest way to solve it is for each of you to shop for your own groceries and cook your own meals. Shop for your groceries without him if you must.

It's not fair to him that he can't have the full fat, full salt, full flavor beans because you can't eat them, and it's not fair to you to have to eat pancakes because he wants them.

And it isn't fair to expect him to only eat sweets you don't like or are allergic to so that you won't have to exercise the will power to not eat them.
If you were diabetic, would you expect him to only eat foods made with artificial sweeteners? If you truly believe you are "addicted" to sweets, then ask him to hide them from your view. Having had alcoholics and opiate addicts in my life, I find it difficult to classify a sweet tooth as a true addiction.

Is he buying a whole turkey and cooking it or buying it and expecting you to cook it? If he's cooking it, let him cook. Put the leftover meat in the freezer in 1-lb containers and then use it in recipes as a substitute for chicken. If he's bringing it home and expecting you to cook it, just say ,"No."

As for ground turkey, I have to agree with him - it's nasty, and the flavor and texture are NOTHING like ground beef. I refuse to eat the stuff too. My ex would buy it and try to sneak it in in place of ground beef on the rare occasion that he cooked. One bite, and I would leave the table and make myself a pb&j.

I do believe some men like their wives to be on the heavier side because of their own insecurities (less men will flirt with the wife, if she is heavier).

I have a sister and cousin in your same situation, they have both gained over 100 pounds since their marriage and their husbands do most of the cooking.

I have heard the Shred Diet works well (you can lose up to 2 sizes in 4 weeks without messing up your system (it was in the Doctors show).

You haven't mentioned if you drink pop. That is a very easy thing to quit (replace with water), and then coffee.

Good luck hon.

Updated

I do believe some men like their wives to be on the heavier side because of their own insecurities (less men will flirt with the wife, if she is heavier).

I have a sister and cousin in your same situation, they have both gained over 100 pounds since their marriage and their husbands do most of the cooking.

I have heard the Shred Diet works well (you can lose up to 2 sizes in 4 weeks without messing up your system (it was in the Doctors show).

You haven't mentioned if you drink pop. That is a very easy thing to quit (replace with water), and then coffee.

Good luck hon.