Need Opinion on Grocery Store Incident.

Hmm - that's a tough one. I hate to say it, but I think you over reacted. Was she wrong - YES. Was it any of her business - NO. But swearing at her doesn't set a very good example for the kiddos - and any onlookers would have seen that she was crossing the line without you saying a word. Sarcasm might have been a better solution. "Oh, thank you for you wise words of advice on rasing MY sons" - and walk away.

you did the right thing... but I do agree with Lanay B that you should explain to the kids about the language used. That lady should have definitely minded her own business. I really get ticked when people try to tell me how to deal with my child in public. DUH hello, I know how to handle the situation. Then you have people that don't even control their children at all - disrespectful of others.

Johnnie H if this had happened to you, you may think differently......

Yes, you were right to tell her to mind her on business. It would have been different if you just left the apple sitting there, you were buying apples. I think every mom would have bought the apple he had started eating. As for her following you I would have done the same thing. She doesn't even know you.

Um, did you rip her a new one, cussing her out and all that in front of your kids??????? If so, that wasn't the best example to set. I would have walked off, told the kiddo we have to pay for that apple first, don't do it again, and left it at that. If she kept harassing me, I would've gotten the manager myself. It wasn't her place, BUT we still have to be responsible and act like sane adults in front of the kiddos, you know?

The older woman over-reacted and should not have raised her voice to you or taken the apple, but YOU demonstrated very unacceptable actions. It would have been much better if you had simply said that your 3 year old was hungry and did not realize that he shouldn't eat the apple before you paid for it, then just walked away. Your language is unforgivable, uncalled for and certainly not what your young children should be hearing. They'll hear that trash soon enough when they start to school. Hearing it from their mother tells them is't OK to talk that way. Both of you were wrong, but she doesn't have four little children to train. Shame on YOU for your actions (getting into a screaming match in public) and for your foul language, not only in front of your children but to all who heard you. You owe that store manager an apology.

You yourself told your son what he did was wrong. The woman pointed that out. She might not have done it in the best way, but she had a point. Instead of swearing and yelling at her (not a good example for your kids), you should have politely thanked her, told her it hadn't happened before, and said you were just explaining to your son right then why he should wait for permission to eat the apple. I let my kids eat things from pre-priced packages (maybe give them a granola bar) before I pay for them, but you can't weigh an apple that's already been eaten. If she'd continued harrassing you after you politely told her you were dealing with it, again, you should have kept your cool and said two more times thank you, and that you were dealing with it. Three times is generally enough for people to get embarrassed and shut up. If she still persisted, I think you should have called store security to get the woman to leave you alone, but you should have kept your cool and not screamed and sworn at the woman. That said, it can be stressful to shop with 2 young kids. Keep them in the cart until they prove they won't snatch apples, etc.

Is this for real???? i cant believe you, an adult, contributed to the minor incident so that it escalated like that. Yes, the older woman was totally insane - but for you to respond like that over such a minor incident was totally out of line too. If you knew what your intent was as well as that you planned to pay for the apple (minus one bite - big deal), you should have ignored the lady and directed your child away and explained to him that you needed to pay for the apple first before he ate it. I agree with standing up for yourself - but not in such a vulgar way. As your kids grow older you must learn to "pick your battles". One who is confident they are doing the right thing never has to worry about defending themselves. Dont beat yourself up over this, just learn from it and move on...

L. (a 54 yr old working mom of 2 grown kids and married 31 yrs)

maybe she had been eyeballing that apple... ;)
Yikes! That woman clearly has issues. Can you imagine her reaction to something serious?
That being said, we all lose our cool - and if it wasn't in front of the kiddos, you could say "cooky lady" and be done with it. Fortunately, they probably didn't understand what your words meant, but I'm sure they could tell you were upset and not "talking nicely." It might be a good idea to go back to them and say "You know what, mommy was upset with that lady and that lady was definitely wrong, but it's not okay to talk to people like that." And help them on their level understand (so they don't copy it) that there's other ways to handle "crazy people." Good luck!

Whoa!! I can't believe people sometimes. I can tell you that your son isn't the 1st & won't be the last to snag a bite of an apple or a grape in the store. I think I would have told her that I was going to pay for it if she would give it back, please. Only to avoid a confrontation in front of my kids with someone who is clearly a nut case. Although I wasn't in the situation & I can completely understand why you got mad & started yelling & swearing. A very natural reaction. I think it's best to show your kids how you would want them to handle confrontations. If she persisted I would have gone to the front of the store & asked a manager to have her stop harassing us. If that didn't work I probably would have left. I know with complete certainty that in these situations we don't always react immediately like we would if we had time to think about how we would want to handle it. Don't beat yourself up, just explain to your boys that if something like that happens again it's best to ignore people like that & walk away.

wow, that lady has her undies in a bunch. I would try to not let it bother you. You did the right thing, take the apple away and say we must pay for it first. he is three, how is he suppose to understand that!! Good grief. I am sure Kroger will not call the police for stealing on that one. The grocery store is a fabulous place to learn. Teach him how we pay for our items first then we bring them home. You can teach him about money, all kinds of things. That lady had too much time on her hands and, well... karmamy dear.... she will get back tenfold someday somewhere!

I'm 37 and guess I'm old school...but I welcome any corrections when my children are doing something wrong. Granted, she did not approach you in a welcoming manner. She could have maybe chose a better way and better words to use, but you in turn did the same thing. Two wrongs don't make it right and what message did the children get out of it. Life is too short...don't let people push your buttons like that, your are the one who will be accountable for your actions, not them. When you know better, do better I say. Especially being an older lady, that's how most in their generation are. I don't think you should have taken it so personal. I'm sure some simular situation may arise again, being that it's part of life...so just try to be accountable for the way you handle any future situations. Kids learn by not so much what we say, but what we do. Best wishes to you and your family.

Well I have to say although the lady was obviously out of line. You should never curse in front of young children like that. Your teaching them it is okay to talk like that to someone. And you say that she was about 60. Well you are also teaching them they do not have to respect their elders. And that is hugh problem with alot of children these days. My opion, and take it how you want, is you should have simply taken the apple back and said thank you very kindly (grinding your teeth) for the advice and walked off. If she continued to follow you just ignore her and she would have looked like a crazy person. Finished your shopping and paid for the apple.

A key phrase to remember, "'We're working on a teachable moment here . . .' and then smile, just barely." It just ends it.

It lets the person know that you are handling it, and politely tells them to step back. By prolonging the conflict, it makes it really hard for the wee ones to understand. Mommy can yell when someone makes them mad, but I can't yell at my sister/teacher/whoever when I am mad? I wasn't there, but it doesn't sound like either of you really handled it like a pro. However, with 4 kids under the age of 5, I cannot even imagine the stress. Chalk that one up to the "boy, I blew that moment" list that happens during and throughout parenthood. And pick out some phrase/plan/or something for the next time someone says something crummy! With 4 little ones, it may happen again. Because everyone IS entitled to an opinion, and we can only hope and pray that they choose not to share it with us. (Short version, I told an 8 year old throwing a huge fit to stand next to that security guard because I was going home whether she wanted to or not. Daddy could come pick her up. You should have seen the looks on that one! A wee bit of drama followed with my daughter and we sorted it out, but I'm sure that some folks had a few opinions on that one.)

Wow, talk about an uncomfortable situation. I believe that you both handled it VERY poorly. You should never fly off the handle, but especially in front of your children. It is scary to them to see their mother so out of control. As to the responses that say, "You were just protecting your cubs" that is B.S. You weren't protecting them, you were just protecting your pride. All you had to do was smile and walk away, telling your kids that some people get upset over the smallest of things. And I seriously doubt the woman yelled at the top of her lungs, it just seemed that way since you were the object of her ridiculous scorn. Sounds like she has nothing better to do than to criticize. BUT DON'T LOSE YOUR COOL over something so trivial.

The lady WAS SO WRONG and completely out of line, but from what you described, I'm sure you wish you had handled it differently too. Like knocked her out. =) only kidding! I would have told her to mind her own business too but not cussed her out in front of children. I'm sure you don't want your sons to cuss out the next kid who takes their toys but hopefully they won't remember it in a couple of weeks anyway. I'm not judging b/c it's hard to be in complete control when something SO unexpected is thrown at you, so try not to let it bother you and know that you didn't start it. I don't know why people have to do such hateful things but just decide how you would like to handle stuff like that in the future and move on.

You were right to tell her to mind her own business, but I'm not so sure it was done the right way. I probably would have interrupted her and told her that I was in the process of disciplining my son. If she was still screeching and yelling, I would have asked someone to call the manager or call security. That is what they are there for - it's not my job to deal with people like that. Then they could have taken her away (in a straightjacket?) and you could explain that your son took an apple and bit into it without asking and that you need to pay for it. That would have set a better example.

I can understand how you must have felt, something very similar happened to me last week( I wonder if it was the same lady or maybe her sister? Just kidding). I was shopping in Walmart with my 3 year old daughter and was about to leave, but I decided to check out the hair accesories in the girls section.Since my shopping cart was full with groceries and the space between the clothes rack is not very wide and there was another shopping cart with things in the way, I decided to leave the shopping cart a few steps in front of me about 6 small steps from me while I check out the bows, please keep in mind I had my daughter in plain view and didn't even take 2 minutes to check if there were any nice hair bows for my little girl, so anyways they did not have anything new so I grab my shopping cart and was about to leave when this lady around 50-60 years old that was seating in a buggy(those little cars from Wal-mart) looked at me angrily and scolded me for leaving my daughter for her to babysit!This are the exact words she used "How dare you leave your daughter for me to babysit while I look at this clothes, you saw me standing here and left your daughter for me to watch and wandered off! Ok,so at first I was not even sure she was talking to me because it was kind of surreal and it did not make sense, I mean you should have heard the way she said it to me, so still in disbelief I asked her what she was talking about, and she went on scolding me without any reason, so that's when I felt the need to give her a little piece of my mind.... But I didn't, why? 3 reasons 1. I'm a Christian and I belief I should behave like one,even at times when it's not easy, 2. I truly belief she has somekind of mental problem and I don't deal with crazy people, 3.My daughter was there and like I say to her 'if you are not going to say something nice than don't say anything at all'.
So what I did was say 'You know what? I don't have the time or the patience to deal with people like you, excuse me' and walked away with my head up and that was it short, simple, and effective. Now I'm sure someone else would have handled it better but, at least I did not loose my cool and I have nothing to be ashamed of.
What I gained from this experience is that even though you can't control what other people say or do to you, you can control the way you react to them, and although it's only natural to get upset or even furious at times, it's never wise to behave in front of your kids in a way you would not want them to behave in the future. So to answer your question I think you could have handled it better, but what is done is done, so turn this incident into a learning experience and explain to your children that we all make mistakes and your reaction was not the appropiate one and together come up with better ways to deal with people or situations that they will encounter in the future.

YOU GO GIRL!!!! You were absolutley right. I was pissed off just reading this. LOL. There was something wrong with this lady I think, b/c most elders are usually kind and patient and show a lot of understanding to Moms. You know what I mean. I think most people who saw this would have given you that...I know exactly what your feeling.....kind of look.

Personally, I don't even think what he did was wrong. When I was pregnant, my appetite was out of control and even though it wasn't something I would usually do, I would rip open a bag on donuts and continue my Wal-mart shopping. Hee! Hee!, plus how many dang adults have we seen that grab a grape or something from the produce stand either to check them out or just to nibble? I mean, I've never exactly heard the law that you can not eat in the grocery store. Especially when you plan to pay for it and it's not like he was trying to steal the dang thing.

Thanks for the funny story. I'm sorry you were publically embarrassed by an obviously insane woman!! Chin up girlfriend, ya did good!!!!

Well, cursing people never gets us anywhere--I know that. It's satisfying for the moment but definitely has repercussions. I would have told her you were just as surprised as she was--your son obviously thought the apples were already yours since they were in the shopping cart--that should have been obvious to anyone listening. And you were about to take it away from him when she started carrying on, right? And yes I would have also told the supervisor--just to keep the record straight. The trick is to stay calm. Lots of luck with that!

This woman sounds like a flipping idiot. It is sad that some people are so miserable to feel the need to do something like that. It is hard not to defend yourself when someone attacks you so hard like that, so I wouldn't feel bad. She is the one who should feel bad, but honestly, she probably just has mental issues. I cannot imagine what I would do in that kind of situation. Sorry that happened to you!

I think you were justified! That lady had no right to tell you what your little one would grow up to be and she was lucky you did not throw the apple at her(SHE was following YOU!). I am not an advocate of violence, but never mess with a mother and her cubs. I have to ask: was this racialLy motivated you think? I had to ask, sorry. We do live in Texas.
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And about your language. Sometimes parents curse and it is a part of life. Simply explain to your children the words used are not to come out of their mouths whatsoever. Period.

J.,
There is always a busy body isn't there?! I think God gave us those people to test our patience. The lady was wrong to say anything but you lashing back has made you feel bad. The lady isn't someone you have to deal with everyday so though its hard the best way so you'll be left not feeling bad would be to not say anything or just look at her and say thank you and walk on.

Hello J.,

After reading some of these responses--I had to laugh. Some I do agree with, but others are really crazy! (Thank the older woman politely and walk away???) Come on--that person must not have kids, or run errands with her kids. Or was it a man--anyway, what you did was a natural response. It's in the past and we all learn from our experiences. I can honestly say that I would have probably done the same thing because it is MY business and whoever else is watching or listening is out of line. The lady is probably bitter and hateful, and probably even sick with an illness. Let it go, teach your kids what is right, correct them when they are wrong, and make sure that they see you happy. It sounds like you are doing a great job, so keep it up. When you are happy, they are happy!

I think you were right! Kids are so unpredictable that no matter how you raise them they will on occasion do stuff wth out thinking about it..like biting the apple because he was hungry. I think that lady was way out of line for even getting involved. If she had kept her mouth shut she would have heard you talking to your son about how it was wrong. She went way beyond what is normal and sounds like she is proabably a bitter woman who does not have a heart! I hope I never run into her! :)