My husband and I are strongly considering taking my sister's children away from her. I love my sister but there are soooo many things that she does that I do not agree with. They live in a very small town in a 2 bed 1 bath. rented home. She never cleans it, It's so dirty. Her kids are 3yr and 7yr. She doesn't teach them anything. the 3yr old is going to be 4 soon and she's not potty trained, there are no signs that she's trying. she has this baby so paranoid, she's getting after them for nothing all the time. the 3yr old just watches other kids play and if she trys to go play, my sister gets after her. The 7yr old maybe autistic. he plays all by himself, he still talks like a baby, and he can't read. because she doesn't teach him. The teachers call my sister to tell her that he is having trouble in school already. And instead of helping him and working with the teachers, she tell me that she's gonna go tell the teachers off and get irate. well a little about my sister, She dresses raggedy she doesn't try to look nice, She smokes like a train and takes the 3yr old with her.She is constantly on the phone, I mean if she spent the amount of time she is on the phone with her kids, they would be geniuses. She drinks cokes like water, and thats all her kids drink. she constantly gives candy to them. the 7 yr old had bad teeth before he turned 3. And OMG her husband doesnt even work 40 hours a week. and when he does she calls me and tells me that they worked him so hard, he's so worn out. ok this is a 26yr old woman and a 27yr old man. come ON! I'm so dissappointed in her, when we were kids she had such big dreams, she would always say how smoking was so grose ( now she is 95 pounds)it's aweful. I feel so bad for these children, i don't know what to do, Is it even any of my business? or what kind of person would i be if I just ignore this?
Thank you all so much for the concerns of this situation. I am talking with my sister alot more. today she went to a reading class with her son which made me so happy to hear. I think she just needs encouragment. Nobody's perfect but I'm going to try my best to get her to trust in me so maybe I can help her. Of course i have my children to think about first but there is so much room in my heart for her babies as well. Im going to give her maybe a month or 2, just to see if there is any progress, if not Im going to get help from the people you all have suggested. Thank you all so much for making this decision easier.
It is not easy to take someone's children. Have you reported her to the child welfare authorities in her city? You will have to begin there. Let them know that you are willing to take the children if the state takes custody from the parent(s). Good luck!
It definitely sounds like she is in trouble. Is a drug addiction a possibility here? It sounds like it. Perhaps before you try and take the kids-- can you try and help her? If the family confronted her to get some help- would she be receptive? You could also file a complaint with CPS-- but if the family can resolve this without them that might be less traumatic for the children. Perhaps talk to Casa de los Ninos (if you are in tucson)-- they help families just like hers without taking the kids away.
Oh K. where do I begin. I had a sister when I was younger(in my 20's) who had a son and she did not take care of him ie no baths would let him cry for hours or prop his car seat in front of the tv to watch HER play video games. I called cps when I felt like my nephew was just not being taken care of and tried to take him away from her. I was the one who was put in the lime light. The critizied everything I did and keep saying to me here be the temp foster for him while we give her parenting classes and teach her how to be a mom. Long story short my nephew would have been 14 this year but I lost him at 2. She ran away with him and he died. I know it is sad and a little drama queen like but be careful that you are ready to deal with it all. I to me lost a child since I was the only mom he had ever known and when she showed up at my house to "play" with him and called the police there was nothing I could do they let her take him....sorry if this was not what you were hoping for.
J.
K., you are asking for advice, so here's mine. Please call CPS asap! You have got to help out these kids! Good luck and God bless!
Sounds like she needs a little encouragement and a reminder of what she wants to be. Maybe help get her started she sounds like she needs some motivation back in her life. Maybe she just feels like shes in a rut. Try going over and helpl er to clean on a saturday then the kids could play togther. I really dont think the thing to do would be calling CPS, they cause so many problems and if its something you can handle with in the family than that would be best I think. Good luck hope all turns out well!
Instead of right away thinking about taking her kids away from her, have you thought about asking her to go to councelling with you so that you can get a councelor to explain to her how kids should be taken care of and what is expected of her as a mother? If I were your sister I would take that as you trying to help me and my kids and caring about our best interests versus just being negative and wanting to take my kids from me.
Just a thought, let us know how it goes. Some people are open to counceling and others aren't, but I am thinking if nothing else she will see that you are trying to teach her the right things to do and the right way to raise her kids rather than just taking them away or getting the state involved.
Maybe as a first step you could try that and then if she is completely closed to anything like that THEN get the state involved and do what you have to do. ALL children deserve a healthy environment and a healthy upbringing.
Good luck to you and your sister!
Hi K., I would start by talking to CYFD, Child Protective Services and ask them to investigate. They might take the children away from your Sister/Brother-In-Law, for a while, to give them a chance to change their Parenting ways and living conditions. If there is no change in the situation, after a set amount of time, then they would probably be taken away from their Parents permanently, then the decision would be up to You and Your Husband, whether you would want to gain legal custody of the children and give them a chance to obtain a good quality of life. I commend you K., for being very concerned for your Niece and Nephew and I believe that you are on the right track, for wanting to take those children, out of horrible living conditions. Good Luck to You and Your Husband. I have a Daughter named Crystal and she will be 24 years old on October 11th, but she does not have any children yet. Take Care...
I think it's a great gesture that you are so concerned for your sister and her children. I do agree smoking is not good and giving candy and soda is not a great choice either. my sister is also a smoker. She smoked while she was pregnant with all of them and so did our parents. All the kids have some form of ailment like asthma, hearing impairment from chronic ear and sinus infections, lack of good immunity and bad teeth with behavioral problems too. I don't agree with a lot of my sisters choices on how she raises her kids. She has 3 boys and I only have 1 girl. I know it's hard and sometimes you probably think if she would just do this or that it would be better. Maybe she has some problems you are not aware of? What does your mother think of it? She might need a family intervention to help her and the kids. No one ever knows how to raise kids. How was her childhood? Sometimes even when we grow up in the same house both of you have different versions of what it was like. Try and think of how she might be feeling but if you need to take action ASAP with the kids, do it. My bio mom was mentally ill and I never knew my father. We lived with my Grandparents until Grandma passed away when I was 6. My mom ended up in county hospital and I eventually went to live with my Aunt. Before though I was at bars, strip clubs, hitchhiking and at strange houses at all ours of the night and never played with kids or was sent to school on a regular basis. My Aunt always tried to be there for me and take me when she could. I couldn't be more greateful today because she did become my leagal guardian. She is the best mom ever. If you love those kids try and help them in every way possible. Maybe letting them come to your house as often as you can without taking them from her. Maybe if she sees your love and commitment for her kids she might try and straiten up or ask for help for herself. I hope everything works out for those kids. I am thankful my Aunt cared enough for me. Good luck and God bless.
I would sit down with your sister and share your concerns and maybe offer to help. If she rejects it, as an Aunt, I would contact CPS. These kids need a better enviroment and need the help they can get. Mention to CPS that you'd be willing to care for the kids until a final decision is made. I'm sorry you're stuck in this enviroment. I wish you the best of luck.
This is a tough situation. I would be feeling the same way you do. In my own opinion: Unfortunately, it doesn't sound like she is doing anything illegal or anything to directly harm the children and that is how the authorities will look at it, I'm sure. Even though sometimes we are against the ways others raise their children, doesn't mean that it is wrong enough to take their children away. As long as the children are being fed and not being abused, there isn't much you can do about it, but hope for the best! Low income families and people who dress "dirty", smoke or drink soda aren't considered "bad parents" by CPS or Law enforcement unfortunately (for these cases). I'm afraid that if you took legal action, you wouldn't have anything to back up your concern and it would just cause a HUGE family fight, that would be just as rough on the children as anything else. My advice to you is to just try to stay out of this situation and pray for the kids (if you pray)...wish them the best and be there for them as much as YOU can. I think you should definitly keep your eyes open and aware and make sure there is no physical harm or anything else of that sort, but until there is (hopefully there won't be), I don't think there is much to do. The most I think you should do is call CPS and somehow not lead her on to think it was you that called, ha! I don't know, this is a rough situation. So, Unfortunately, in my opinion, you should probably ignore it for the most part. Ignoring it doesn't make you a bad person in this case, you love them and you care about their wellbeing, but like I said before, there isn't much you can do in this situation. Calling CPS is the only action you could really take, but I'm afraid they wouldn't find anything, and your sister would never forgive you. What I would do in this situation, is follow my heart and do what I think is best! If you don't take action, then you might regret it, if you do take action you might regret that too, so follow your heart and do what you think is best! In the end, hopefully it will work out in God's will.
I wish I had a better answer (not to say that I'm right).....but I wish you the best and I wish the children the best!
Take care!
It sounds like an unfortunate situation, but nothing your sister is doing is illegal. I know that may sound petty, but when filing a complaint with CPS you must have strong evidence that your sister is neglecting or abusing her children. YOur definition of neglect is more along the lines of what most people would agree with, however, not in a legal stance. YOu are in a difficult position and the only advice that I could offer would be to stay as actively involved as you can...volunteer at your nephew/niece's classroom, spend quality time with them, and focus on helping your sister. She will be very resistant, no one want to hear that they are doing a poor job raising their kids. Many people with similar circumstances forget that children aren't able to make well informed decisions and as parents it is our job to make sure they are healthy, educated, and safe. Unfortunatly for you, a poor job parenting isn't against the law.
Boy, this is a hard one. Definitely those kids deserve better. Are there any other family members who feel the same as you? If so, I would get together and have a very serious talk with your sister and her husband. If not, you could do it. I would try everything possible before bringing in authorities.
If nothing works and it is that bad, there is always Family Services to go check things out, but if they take the kids away, are you prepared to look after them? It may be more traumatic for them to get shuffled around in foster care. There are problems with that too.
If you call Family Services out on your sister, you also have to be prepared for the fallout. She is going to be livid. But, the most important thing is the welfare of the kids. They don't have a voice right now and don't know how to make their situation better. Maybe your sister will thank you one day, but don't count on it.
Good luck.
Call Social Services. They probably won't take the kids away but maybe she'll get a wake-up call. The kids have to be in immediate danger in most states for the state to remove a child. i am assuming you've already sat her down and spoken with her about your concerns?! Fight for those kids, somebody needs to.
you wont get the kids until child protective services determines that it is a problem for the kids. and cps can be so wishy washy about things. they make a big deal out of nothing sometimes and sometimes they dont do anything . for instance the case in tucson where they found the little gilr in a storage locker and her brother missing. they had plenty of opportunities to take the children but didnt. then once i had a l9 yr old girl that came into our er and she had no teeth wiehged 45 lbs was all dirty and they didnt do anything aobut it. you may want to talk to the teachers yourself and encoruage them to report, it will have more proprity than if you do it. then follow up with a report yourself. if anything it may get her some help in dealing with the kids so that thye may havea better life. they can give her tools and if she knows there is a report she may try harder. if you approach her shes just going to get mad a t you. it is always better if the kids can stay with their parents but if its not healthy then someting needs to be done. also you cant be gfuaranteed that you will get them, they may go to a foster home and foster homes are terrible. some people do it just for the money and the kids are traumatised for life.
Hi K.,
You're right to be concerned for your nephews' sake. You can call her town's Child Welfare Agency and make an anonymous report, detailing all the above, and chances are, they will visit the home and offer services to address the family's issues without taking away her kids.
I feel for you and the decision to report your sister, but your nephews can't, and in their best interests (and in your sister's, if she has other issues you're unaware of) you should make sure they're ok, or at least offer your sister parenting education, in case she just really doesn't get it - the importance of meeting her children's needs.
Good luck and please don't give up and "do nothing" whatever you do. The children deserve your concern and I think they're very lucky they have an aunt who cares enough to question their care.
It definitely sounds like your sister needs some parental support or classes. It is in the children's best interest to have a social worker come to the house and investigate...if they determine their living environment is unfit they will either offer parenting classes and home visits or they will remove the children and place them with family, hopefully you since you are willing to take them in. I hope things improve and you can help the children somehow. Best wishes.
