My Toddler Is Having Sleep Problems Due to Nightmares

I just wanted to tell you that I am going through a similar situation with my 27 month old girl. I understand that you are broken in half when it comes to either let them "soothe themselves" or comfort them. It also breaks my heart when I see my baby girl cry and call my name, I feel bad leaving her there on her own, and yes, she also climbs into my bed at night, How can I send her away when she needs me?
I hope that there is someone out there who has some good suggestions. Good luck.

I truly think all kids go through this. My son did the same thing until he was about 4 years old. I know that isn't what you want to hear but you'll get through it. I asked the doctor about it and he said my son would see things in his sleep that he didn't quite understand and that he would grow out of it. His little mind wasn't old enough to comprehend it.

What I did was I gave him a night light, I left the hall light on and gave him a spiderman flashlight, so if he got scared he could use it to look around the room. On bad nights, I would lay with him until he fell asleep. It's important that they know mommy and daddy are there for them. I wouldn't worry about crippling her ability to soothe herself. My son is now 6 and able to perfectly fall asleep by himself. Also, one thing that helped was routine, we were very sparactic about what time we'd go to sleep and never did the same thing two nights in a row. But when we implemented a routine...starting the bath at 8:00 with playtime, then a book and to bed usually by 8:30....it all stopped.

Good Luck!

You said any help is appreciated...well, as a mother of a 14 yr. (old who never had any sleeping problems), I can only suggest reading her a bible story before going to bed. Her fear is real, but fear is not of God and you want to instill in her the goodness of the Lord. Let her know He will protect her. If you are a believer, ask God to appoint angels in her room each night and you will see a big difference in her behavior.
~M.

Hi there! I am a mother of two and have experienced something like this in the past. May I suggest you turn the light on and give the child some happy soothing music. This will allow the child to sleep with happy thoughts in her mind and heart. There is someone or something that she apparently fears and she is truly afraid. You may want to monitor the people she spends time with or question them about the activities with her (daycare or in home provider). Perhaps a book was read to her at some point and time and she became afraid and it is now coming out in her sleep. I suggest comforting her and talking to her about happy and good things before putting her down for the night and see how that affects her sleep.

Good luck and God bless you and your family.

My three year old is having nightmares. The only thing that helps so far is that at night BEFORE sleeping, we talk extensively about our day. Every little bump and yelling screaming match and fun new thing that happens. A re-cap of the day. It seems to calm and relax her. Also, I remind her that when she has a bad dream, all she has to do is call me and i'll be right there (we still use monitors for this event). And we talk about the things she likes best in life after we talk about our day.
Try that, if you don't do that already. And try to not be there while she falls asleep or it will be a hard habit to break. It may be hard already, but be firm. If she cries herself to sleep a couple times it's not the end of the world.
She won't be scarred for life.

Sorry i don't have more advice.

Our daughter suffered from bad dreams from 18 months until 3 years. They simply stopped the same way they suddenly began. We asked our pediatrician about it -- it's so hard to narrow some things down as each child is so different and are not always able to put things into words for us to understand.
I love Christianity Today and I hope you will find this article helpful:
"Bedbugs, Bad Dreams, and the Bogeyman"
(It's 10 o'clock. Do you know why your kids are not sleeping?) by Debra Bruce at
http://www.christianitytoday.com/cpt/2000/001/1.20.html

Hello N.,
I feel your pain. Take her to a therapist or talk with your pediatrician. If as you say she really is afraid you need to find what's behind it.

my daughter is 22 months old, and she's been sleeping in the bed with us since she was 6 months old. Mostly because after 6 months of getting up in the middle of the night I was exhausted during the day.
I don't know how you can stand to let her be afraid.
For me, it would not be worth it. I love to see her sleep, I love to cuddle with her in the night. We are all rested in the morning, and she has an extra sense of security that I think she needs. She is still a baby afterall. Good luck!

You are really lucky your daughter is so articulate to be able to tell you her fears. Most kids who have nightmares, have to deal with the added frusteration of not being able to share their frightful experience.
I would say, keep encouraging her to tell you about the nightmares but then reassure she is a very intelegent and creative girl. This will positively enforce that it's indeed her imagination getting the best of her without directly telling her she's wrong.
Also, it sounds weird, but I have known it to work... sometimes moving the bedtime a half an hour earlier will lesses the effects of nightmares and night terrors as well.
Good Luck!

Hi N.,
Ok I know this sounds a little crazy but it is possible your daughter is seeing a real spirit. What you need to do is go to her room and say outloud, "in the name of Jesus Christ I rebuke you" and tell it outloud it has to go, then pray and ask the lord to protect you and your family and to not let any spirits near you except for God's gardian angels who you ask to protect you. I hope you don't think I am a nut. I'm not. I am a christian though also I have some experience in these things from when I was a child that I rarely even discuss. Anyway try it. it can't hurt and it really will work.
Good luck.
R.

My daughter has gone through this as well. She is also 2 1/2. She started saying she saw/heard a cow. Come to find out it was a fisher price clock that, when the alarm went off made a cow sound. HAs your daughter seen or heard of anything with a man in a fire? Does she ahve any books/toys/etc wiht men/fire/ etc that would link together? HVae you tried a night light in her room? My husband doesn't want her to ahve one but she does because it helps her and i see no problem wiht it. For about a week we let her come in bed wiht us iof she woke up screaming, in part because we had to take her to the emergencty room for dehydration and it totally traumatized her. HOwever, after about a wekk my husband would go in her room when she woke up and tlak to her and told her that if she got pout of bed we would turn her nnightlight out and she went back to bed no problem. This lasted about 2-3 weeks and for now has stopped. I woudl totally believe that ypour child saw/heard/etc something somewhere that is making them afraid. Usually my daughter does not make things up. For exampmple, for the loongest time she told me she saw a ladybug and I jusrt agreed wiht it but was confused becasue I had seen no ladybugs. COme to find out a few months later that we do hagve ladybugs alol of a sudden and they seem to enter her bedroom first! Hopefully this info can help. YOu can E-mail me if you want, just put mamasource in the subject. my E-amil is ____@____.com

My daughter started nightmares at 2 1/2 as well...must be a developmental thing. In her case, there was a fish in her crib, and it was biting her. We discussed imagination the next day and I got her to "show me the fish" (that is, we went upstairs and verified that there was no fish in the crib.) She also agreed that if I changed her sheets, that would take care of the fish problem. Several weeks later, she still brings up the fish issue, but mostly just to laugh about it. Occasionally, and only recently, she asks for a nightlight on at night, as well. That has helped reassure her. I recall that as a child, when I had a bad dream, it helped to talk about it...made it less real and then I was able to get over it. (I literally would crawl into bed with mom and tell her what the dream was. Then it seemed less real to me.) So I tried to take that approach, sort of turning the event into a story instead of something real and scary. It seems to have worked, at least this time.

Hi N.,
I feel for you, I've gone through the same thing with my (now) four year old. She isn't as bad now, and she never had what you would call "nightmares" or night terrors but she did go through a stage of waking up and coming to my room crying and saying she had a bad dream. The best solution came when I learned about dreams in a psych class I was taking at the time. The section on dreams taught us that dreams are simply images that your brain stores througout the day, then at night those images are brought forth radomly (which is why we can sometimes have such weird dreams). The same thing goes for children, and that can be pretty scary for them. Another thing the book talked about was our brains ability to "redirect" a dream if we happen to wake up. In other words, we can control our dreams by waking up and thinking of the dream and changing it to be whatever we want. I tried this with myself first, and it worked! So, the next time my daughter came to me in the night upset, I tried it with her. I took her back to her room and asked what the dream was about...she told me scooby do had her in a haunted castle (an image she had probably gotten from a movie she'd watched). I began to tell her about how we can change our dreams by thinking of something nice, or pretty, or funny. We laid there and started talking about all of the silliest stuff we could and by the time we had re-written her dream (which included scooby do "tooting" flowers all over the castle - lol, a bit nasty, I know...but with kids sometimes that is the best way to get their minds redirected)she had forgotten all about the nightmare and was ready to go back to sleep thinking about her silly new story.

So anyway, I know that was a little long winded but it worked for us and I hope it will work for you. Maybe you could come up with a story about the fire.in your dd's dream..like it's actually a campfire and you're roasting marshmallows and making smores (maybe not even mention the man, since I'm not sure how you would redirect that) but if she gets thinking about the campfire, and camping and marshmallows...who knows where it'll end up and I bet she forgets all about the man.

Good luck! If you can, let me know how it works out (if you decide to try it).

Liz

I would look at what has changed in her life recently that might be causing her stress. Then I would try praying for her and with her at bedtime. I would also try reading Bible stories to her at bedtime. Then I would not worry about letting her come into your bed if she is scared. Parenting is a 24/7 job. All of these things have worked with my kids. I have found that if they are having nightmares it is usually because there is stress during the day. If you can find what that is and address it, it should help with the nightmares.

Fortunately, I haven't had to deal with this yet. My sister has a 6 year old with a very active imagination and she says her toys move around her room and that a monster lives in the closet, under her bed, and in the corners. My brother in law, in a fit of desperation, found a special 'box' that traps the monsters and other things in the room. He found the 'monster stick' and used it to get the monsters. He took my niece through the room and she showed him where everything was. He gathered them up and put them in the box. Then he said some magic words. Stomped on the box, told the monsters to never come back, and threw the box in the trash in the garage and locked the door. Amazingly this worked.

At 6, it takes a bit more but it worked for her at about the same age.

Is your daughter in daycare? Maybe she saw something that scared her there or at a friend's house that may be causing the new dreams.

Oh, yeah. My brother in law also had some 'monster spray'. It was an old bottle of hairspray.

Good luck!

Hi N.,

I suggest using the Sleep Lady (http://www.sleeplady.com/) as a resource. She's written a great book that we used with our girls, but for different reasons. Check out her website and sign up for her newsletter. She's very helpful and the advise she gave us always worked.

Best of luck!
S.

Sometimes you can fight fire with fire, so to speak. Nightmares at this age are partly due to the fact that the child's imagination is developing, and you may be able to use that new spark of imagination to extinguish some of those nightmares...

My daughter went through a period of nightmares at around the same age (and she wasn't a stellar sleeper to begin with, so I still remember how exhausting that was). I don't have a perfect solution, but here's what ultimately worked for us:

First, I think it's important to reiterate that dreams are "just your imagination" while acknowledging that they certainly can seem very real.

Second, give her power.

One way to do this is to help her make the scary thing into a silly thing. With my daughter it was a monster who was chasing her. So I asked her why the monster might be chasing her. She said the monster wanted to eat her. I said, "how do you know? did you ask him? maybe he's chasing you because he wants to invite you to his birthday party. Maybe he is very sad, because everyone runs away from him even though he is a very nice monster." Etc.

Another way is to explain that dreaming can be like drawing a picture, if she wants to change something, she can do it. She can make the monster disappear or turn it into a rabbit, etc. I found that the "Harold and the Purple Crayon" books were very helpful in conveying this concept.

In your case, maybe you could help her to imagine ways to get rid of or cope with the fire and the man. After you acknowledge that what she imagines must be very scary (and, yes, fire can be dangerous), remind her that fire can also be very useful and very pretty. Maybe the fire is a campfire, and the next time she sees it, she should remember to bring some marshmellows? Or, if she wants to put it out, she might need some water...maybe she can call the water fairies (or whatever), or she can use a magic wand that puts out fires. If "the man" is scaring her she should tell him to go away. Tell her that it's her dream, and everyone has to do what you tell them in your dreams. Maybe the man is very afraid of dogs, so she should bring a big dog along in her dream (unless she is also scared of dogs, of course).

Also, acknowledge that you had bad dreams too when you were little, (though I don't recommend going into details, which might give her new ideas for nightmares), but that this is what worked for you.

You can also help her to imagine happy things while she is trying to fall back to sleep. I told my daughter about how when I was a little girl I saw an episode of Sesame Street where Ernie was having bad dreams, so he imagined hundreds of ballons and ice cream cones floating down from the ceiling...I told her that I tried Ernie's trick when I was just her age and that it worked for me.

It was very reassuring and important to her that I understood what she was talking about, and that I seemed to know how to "fix" the problem (even though I was obviously winging it).

Also tell her that if she does have a bad dream, you will come to her right away. (if she thinks you might not come, it could create more sleep anxiety). But when you get there don't let it be a big drama. If she needs to talk about the dream, listen to her, but don't have a whole conversation. Try stroking her back, her hair, and reminding her that's it's not real, it's just a dream, and then help her think of happy images (puppies, birthday parties, an upcoming holiday). Once she's calm, tell her that you are going back to bed, but that you will check on her in five minutes. If she's still awake, repeat. Give her another five minutes, then ten. But if you stay until she's fully asleep, you're right, she won't have learned to soothe herself.

I still remember listening to my daughter chanting to herself, "It's not real, it's just my 'magination, it's not real.." And a couple of years later, when were on the Haunted House ride at Disney World, "It's not real, it's just animatronics, it's not real..." She insisted on going on that ride three times. So the technique seemed to work for her to some extent, and she extrapolated on it to conquer other problems/fears (not sure how she knew about animatronics). But hope this helps a little. Best luck!

My son (who is almost three) went through the exact same thing (except for him it was "the owl at the window"). My husband and I do let him come into bed with us when he screams out in the middle of the night which luckily doesn't happen that often. For a while though it was happening about once a week... Like you, I don't want to start The Family Bed when we haven't needed it before. What worked for us was to leave the light on in his room. Sometimes we leave the dresser lamp and the ceiling light on. A friend also did this and it worked for her. The nightmares have seemed to dissipate a bit as he has gotten closer to three, but we still leave the ceiling light on low when we leave his room (it is on a dimmer switch). The nightlight wasn't enough for him, even though it was fine until he started having nightmares. During the height of the nightmares, we left the lights on all night long. Not great for the environment, but it gave me sleep at night!! Maybe you've already tried this route - if not good luck!

I would comfort her. I went through somewhat of the same issue with my now 5 year old. She had all of a sudden started discussing this strange "story" that blew my mind, and she was suddenly frightened of me dying. Nights were terrible, crying and hysterics because she wanted to be with me. People would tell me that she was just doing it to try and not go to bed, but I think mothers can tell when their child is truly scared. If you think she is... comfort her in what you are willing to do. I would lay with my daughter until she fell asleep. Then during the night if there was an issue, I would go to HER bed and sleep with her (to prevent her from sleeping in ours and starting a habbit that wouldn't work in our household at that time). Ask her things about this man? About the fire? And maybe you can get to the bottom of why/what she is seeing. I would let my daughter tell me all the details of this story, and have conversations with her about it, never denying her that it had happened. I guess my feeling is, even though you can't see them..doesn't always mean they really can't. Wether her imagination is showing it to her, and she can't decifer the difference, or wether she can see something beyond what we can. I would comfort her and listen.
K.

N.,
Your daughter will grow out of this. Our daughter preferred that I stay with her, near her bed, at this same age until she went to sleep. She would sleep through the night. As she got older, I didn't have to do this anymore, and she has grown up to be the most independent person I know. Cut back on her tv watching, etc., that might be getting her keyed up before she goes to bed. Listening to soft music in her bedroom may help. Just remember, this is just a temporary stage that she'll pass through in time.
S.

two suggestions from my own experience with toddler nightmares - they are so frustrating because you can't see what goes on inside your child's head, and she's obviously terrified.
we got my daughter a big stuffed dog and we talked about how "Rosie" would protect her from the morning doves (yes, she was scared of the birds outside her window - they do sound scary). when she talked about a ghost recently, i reminded her that Rosie was still there for her and i didn't hear about the ghost again.
Second, a friend of mine clued me in to this and it worked for my daughter too - do a "go away monster" ritual. for me, this involved a song "go away monster, leave alex's room now, etc. etc." and a dance with lots of hand motions. she thought this was great. i haven't heard about the monster's since.
Finally, you should know that i read my child to sleep every night - two stories or moderate length, about 15 minutes worth of reading. when she tries to get into bed in the middle of the night, i take her back to bed and tuck her in, but don't get in with her. instead i help her gather her "buddies" about her and remind her that they are there to snuggle with her and keep her safe. Just recently, the nightmares seem to be decreasing and she has gone to sleep on her own after staying awake through story time. Hang in there, i understand this is fairly common.

My daughter went through the same thing, but it started when she was around one or so. She started waking up with scratches on her and stuff and would scream and cry when she went to bed. We put a bible under her crib mattress and it all went away. We then moved later on when she was around two and she kept saying that she saw a man outside of her window. Our bedrooms were on the second floor and there was no way anyone could get up on the roof. I again put a bible under her bed and it all went away. I believe that kids do see things that we as adults do not see. I do not know what your beliefs are or anything, but I am letting you know what worked for me. Best of luck.

Have you changed your daughter's routine in any way? Have you started any new activities? I put some bubbles in my daughters' bath water because they love them so much and one of them (I have 2 yo twin girls) started waking up screaming every night. My sister asked me the questions I started with -- her friend's son (much older) had the same problem and a therapist told them that sometimes the smallest change can really upset a child. Low and behold, I stopped using the bubbles and the nightmares stopped as well. You might want to try to think of anything that changed prior to the nightmares starting. My sister's friend's son had started participating on the wrestling team in school and that is what triggered his nightmares. Hope this helps.

I have to agree with China C. I don't know what your faith/religion is, but if you are open to it, talking with your child about guardian angels watching over him/her really helps. Also, I bought my son a guardian angel bear at a local Christian store (looks like a beanie baby with wings and a cross on its chest). We talk about how if he gets scared, he can hug his bear and know that he is safe. I know it works because of something that happened the other night. We have a video monitor, so I was able to watch what happened. He woke up in the middle of the night crying. I was about to go into to his room, but took a look on the monitor before I did. I saw him dig around through his other stuffed animals until he found the angel bear, he hugged it, stopped crying, and immediately went back to sleep. I was so happy that he was able to calm himself and go back to sleep without any problems; it will be such a valuable tool as he gets older. Hope this helps!

K. R.
Severn, MD

My almost 3 year old started this not too long ago where she'd wake up in the middle of the night screaming...and crying..yet she wouldn't even be completely awake either. All I've found that helps is just rubbing her back saying to her it's just a dream and then I sing a lullaby. But if your daughter is not wanting to even go to sleep because of it I am not sure what you could do better than what you haven't already been trying. Good luck and hope you get some great advice.

N.,
Perhaps consider letting her talk out her fears and what she "sees." When she is done reassure her of where she is, who you are, and that everything is safe and ok now.
Also consider taking a look at Carol Bowman's book "Past Lives of Children"
http://www.amazon.com/s?ie=UTF8&search-type=ss&in...

http://www.ial.goldthread.com/kidspage/bowman.html

Best Wishes!

I saw this on Supernanny. Get two plastic spray bottles, and lable one with fire remover, and the other with man remover or whatever she's scared of. Before she gets in bed, have her spray the closet, under the bed, ect... and then keep the bottles where she can get them. As for sleeping, I figured out with my two year old that if I lay with her until she just starts nodding off, she is the one who puts herself to sleep. It can take a couple nights, but it has virtually stopped the midnight trips to mommy's bed, because she doesn't wake up wondering where I am, and she can roll over and go back to sleep. Good luck

My daughter have nightmares at 8 years old and I tell her that "Granny" and "Papa" (my father and mother-in-law both pass away and they were close to her) are your angels and God will send them to protect you. Ten we sit in her bead and look at that door and outline the door with "secret lines that only good people can enter the room and the angel's place a net there to trap the bad people's and send them to God to make then better. It sounds strange but it helps her and I've been doing it since she was about two years old. She would say, she sees things/ people and they were mean to her so I put her troubles in the hands of God so that he could fight the battles. She doesn’t have the night mares as much now but when she does the first thing I ask her, "Did you draw you line at your door?" and she would say, “I forgot...” so we do it together so she has some security with it. She sleeps with different teddy bears at night just to hold on if she gets scared. That was the only way I could sleep in peace. I hope this helps. If you want more details just email me and I'll love to tell you the story again (full version)

C.

Hi N.

this seems to be a common problem with this age. We too have had the same trouble. I would lay next to my little boys bed till he went to sleep then I would get up. We have night lights, music anything to sooth him... however he too found his way into our bed. Which we are now slowly trying to move him back - we put a little bed next to ours so when he comes into our room once he is asleep i move him to the little bed and he stays there all night - i know this is not an answer at all -- but we do what we can to get out sleep too! I will be interested in seeing anyone suggestions--- we are now thinking of getting a regular bed which would be more like ours to see if that will make a difference. Since his bed converts to a full size bed. it is not easy especially when they come in and say something scared them - I wish you luck and if I find anything that works I will let you know - just know you are not the only one out there going through this same stage. take care A.

Sorry you are having such problems with peaceful sleep - both for you and your daughter. As I read about your issue, I thought about a few things.

First, you might want to check out what kind of things your daughter has seen on TV. With my children, I've found that TV can have a profound effect on their imaginative play and their dreams. If the "bad guy" Batman is fighting is a little scary at 10 AM, he's still scary at 7 PM - and they remember!

Secondly, open a dialogue with her well before sleep time. Ask her to explain whether she's met someone that scared her. Ask your daughter whether she's had a bad experience with a caregiver or caregiver's "friend or relative"? If she has, she's been wanting to tell you about this. If not, and her imagination is running away with her, ask her why she's so scared of a man being in her room.

Thirdly, pray with her. Remind her that God takes care of her and that He protects her all thru the night.

Hope this helps!

Laura Stauffer provides infant massage. You may want to contact her: ###-###-####.
N. B.

Don't take this lightly. Children under age 5 see through the veil of their past life, they can see "ghosts", they are very in tune with the spiritual world. This is not all that uncommon what your daughter is experiencing. I suggest you have someone come to the house and do an energy clearing. Do you know if there has ever been a fire in your house? Ask her simple questions about what she is seeing, how she feels about it, etc.. Feel free to email me privately if you'd like more help.