My Husband and His Mother.

14 months is still kind of at the stranger anxiety stage, I wouldn't worry about it. MAybe have her take her somewhere really fun, like chuck ee chees, or a park, somewhere that is fun but she will relate to mine and grandma's special time. I would encourage her to just come get her and let them go out for a while, or come over and do something fun like make cookies together. The more comfortable you are around them, she will take her cues from you.

What time does your DH get home at night and when does your daughter go to bed? Maybe you can keep her up until storytime and let him read to her and put her to sleep. Cuddle time can be just as happy as play time. We have weekends that we have mommy day and daddy day. One day a month he takes her to the zoo for their day, and one day I take her to the aquarium. We both are responsible for the enitre day from breakfast to bath time. That way we get a break and have one day to ourelves, and we get to have a day to spend time with just the munchkin.

Hi, my name is S. and I'm 25, and in the same boat as you, my husband works alot as well and complains that he doesn't get to see our 21 month old daughter that much. So he started to take her (and only her) out to breakfast every Sunday! It doesn't have to be expensive, they usually go to McDonalds. The bonus is that you get to sleep in and now my husband doesn't complain as much! Plus I get a cup of coffee every sunday that I don't have to make! That's because they are spending quality time together with just themselves and with no mommy interference!

Good luck and give it a try quality is always better than quanity any day.

Hi A.,

First let me sympathize with you. I too, am sorta in that situation however a bit different. I am a stay at home mom of 3 kids. My husband is the one also that works 12-13 hour days plus, he's been gone now for 6 weeks traveling M-F only being here Sat and Sun. He and I both wish he could spend more time w/ the kids. But the fact is, you have to work. If you didn't work, you wouldn't be able to provide for your family. What I would recommend to you, is the time that is spent w/ your daughter, make it worth while. I understand you are both really tired after working, we all are. BUT, you're kids are only home with you for a short time before they grow up. They won't be around when you do get home. I would recommend trying to work something out to spend the time you do have together the best way possible. I know it probably sounds easier said then done.
The other thing about the in-laws. We are in the same situation. My kids don't want to be with my husbands mom either. They do not get to see them very often and she has asked to keep them but they don't want to go. I did go ahead and let her know that it had been a long time since she had spent time with them and they kind of shyed away from her because of the distance between her and them. She has tried to make a promise to me and the kids that she will come and see them more often. That was in June this year, and the kids ahve seen her 2 times and we took them to her! So....good luck with that relationship, but it would probably be best to be honest w/ her. There is a way to say it w/out hurting feelings!Just tell her that kids when small need to see someone a lot before they will just "go to them"...and thats the truth. Your child needs to know them at the young age because they go through "seperation anxiety".....

Good luck to you!

Hi A.,

What type of hours does your husband work? Maybe he could take her to breakfast in the morning, or make it a point to get up with her and just have breakfast at the table, maybe 3 days a week with her alone and 2 days the 3 of you could sit down together. I find this gives my children time to talk to me. We do it at dinner but first thing in the morning would be good too. She would probably be tickled to spend time with her daddy in the morning. I really dont think kids care what time, just that they get some.
Does your in laws house feel scary, dark to her. Do they have toys? Smoke? Maybe they shoudl take baby steps to seeing her, you know, coming to your house and starting of maybe 30 minutes a few times a week and let her build on that. Let her decide when she is done. That way, no pressure. I think it wouLD be good for grandma and grandpa to get on the floor with her to play! Good Luck!

My husband used to have a problem with not spending a lot of time with our son. It's not quantity, it's quality. Like someone else said, read her the good night book, etc. Find little ways to spend time with her. As for your MIL, my son doesn't take to mine all that well at first either. They live 2 states away & she tends to push herself on him. We've made her relax when she 1st gets here for her visit. It helps that when we all visit, it's for a couple of days at a time. If MIL lets my son come to her, then he does really well with her for the whole visit.

Hi A.,

I am in the same situation as you are. Both myself and my husband work long hours and my husbands grand parents watch our 13 month old daughter while we work. From the beginning we started putting out daughter to bed later than normal so that we could spend more time with her. She usually goes to bed about 10pm. My husband also complains that he doesn't get to see our daughter so I have certain things that the two of them do together. For example, he brushes her teeth at night and tucks her into bed. Then on the weekends he plays with her while I catch up on the house cleaning.

My mother-in-law also complains that she doesn't get to see her very much but my daughter doesn't seem interested in them either. What we have worked out is that she will come to our house on Saturday for a few hours and her and my husband will spend time playing with our daughter while I work around the house. My daughter seems to feel more comfortable in her own house and that gives my mother-in-law and my husband time to spend with her alone.

It is really hard when both parents have to work full time and try to fit in time with their kids. My problem is that me and my husband hardly get to see our daughter because of work so the time we do have with her we don't want to spend taking her to visit other people.

A.

A.,

First look at your true feelings about your mother in law. Do you really like her? Do you really want your daughter to spend more time with her? I'm not making a judgement call here. Some mother in laws are not that great. At 14 months, I wouldn't expect your daughter to show strong feelings about being with grandma. You have to show her that you like grandma, that you want to spend time with her. You make the effort to include grandma in your life and special events. Does your mom see your daughter a lot?

The more time your daughter spends with grandma, the better it should be, provided grandma is a nice person.