My Almost 3 Year Old Had Her First Discipline Problem at School Today.

It sounds like typical 3 year old behavior to me and honestly, the school overreacted if there is a question that she will be expelled or "uninvited". I mean, she didn't push, hit or slap another child, right? Perhaps I'm not visualizing the full extent of her behavior. However, the teacher should have been able to step in and communicate why those responses were inappropriate immediately afterward. Besides, small children are often told to "use your words" to express frustration... ok, she did. Maybe they weren't pleasant words, but it sounds like she's doing the best she can as a 3 yo.

Plus, you have a young baby in the house too... That's a big adjustment for her, especially as the baby gets more mobile. I have several friends who told me that their older child go through phrases where they re-claim their toys and possession as younger siblings get more apt to investigate and/or play with those toys themselves. Is sounds like she might be entering another readjustment period to the baby and being a big sister.

Her behavior seems completely normal for her age and in fact if yelling is out of character for her, I say WAY TO GO MOMMY! You are obviously doing a great job in teaching your daughter to use her words instead of physical reactions, even if it’s yelling she’s still ahead of the game in communicating. I wonder did the teacher explain the complete situation to you with the other child? Did they attempt to determine why she was yelling and communicate that to you or did they just tell her not to yell? You should not have been told only that she yelled, but you should have be told that she yelled and according to her version this is why she said she yelled. Even if she said, “I don’t know” when asked, the teacher should be able to tell you that she told them she didn’t know why she yelled. You handled it completely appropriately and I would communicate the corrective action your taken to the teach but definitely include your daughter’s explanation so they can watch out to see if your daughter is a victim of a bullying because of her good nature. They can’t see everything that’s going on all the time so if this is actually happening you want to make sure they are aware of it. I would think that this isn’t the first time that it’s happened if your daughter doesn’t normally act out. I would also ask them how they would like your daughter to handle situations like that in the future, telling them for example so you can discuss it with her. I personally think she’s telling the truth b/c her version seems a little too advance to be a lie; it would be more on her level to simply say the other child was being mean instead of giving you a specific action from the other kid that provoked her reaction. As for her getting kicked out, I would be really concerned about a school asking a 3 year old not to return for yelling, especially when this is a first time offense and this is totally normal behavior for a 3 year old. If you are truly worried about this talk to the teacher about that too, I’m sure your daughter is no where close to being kicked out and the teacher would be surprised to realize that you were thinking that it was a possibility. This will only be the start of these types of reports, but don’t get discouraged, it sounds like you're doing a great job and your daughter is lucking to have such a concerned and involved mother.

Hi V.,

Well, I have to agree with Laurie and Karen, 3 year old stage is not always easy for them nor for mom and dad either esp. when they have a younger brother or sister. Sometime they act out which might not seem normal behavior, but it really is normal. The school bringing it to your attention well is scary at first, we do think the worst as a parent and sometimes we dont think about whats going on with the person who had to handle the sitution in are absence. If it happens again and you do feel the school is being to hard esp. when they should know these things are going to happen esp. with that age group then maybe it wouldn't hurt to look for enviroment that knows what to expect and is willing to sit down and talk with you in a better manor. You might even want to question the school that your child is attending now and talk with the teacher. Communication is so important dont be afraid its your child well being that matters. Good Luck!

Sounds like typical behavior to me. I would suggest that you share your concerns with her teacher (the one that told you about the problem)...I would be willing to bet that she would be horrified to discover you were worried your child would be invited to leave!...I know that more than one of my son's teachers were when I shared my worries with them. ...and if they don't care, you might want to look for a new school!

You sound like me...my son's in second grade now but I still remember that first discipline report...and I remember most of the dozens that followed. I remember worrying that he would be invited to leave his private preschool when he bit another child...leave his private kindergarten when he started regularly disrupting class...leave his special elementary school when he got eight discipline reports in one week! ...and every time, the teacher assured me that he wasn't a "problem child"...that they had to make a big deal out of discipline problems at this age...and wanted parents to do the same...so the child learns that acting up at school had negative consequences. Keeps it from becoming a problem that does lead to expulsion or another problem when the child it older!

Just sounds like she was having a hard day. PMS? Ha, way too early.

If this is the first time and is not the norm, it was handled fine. Even though she is 3, she can have a bad day just like you do. Just tell her when she is frustrated or mad it is ok to have those feelings and to say out loud her feelings, but it is not ok to hurt other peoples feelings, or to be rude.

A kinder teacher told us that she would believe 50 % of what the kids told her about what goes on at home if we would promise to believe 50% of what we are told about what goes on at school. It is very likely someone did try to take her lunch, it is also possible, she thinks she will get in trouble if she says she does not know why she yelled.

As Parents when people tell us our children have misbehaved, we hear it way worse and take it as a personal comment on our parenting. It is good that the school told you. They said that this is not a usual behavior and were concerned and thought you should know. They are not saying your child is a horrible child.

There is a wonderful book called "Alexander and the Horrible, no Good, Terrible Day", by Judith Viorst. Sounds like your daughter would understand Alexander. Hang in there mom.