My 12 Year Old Won't Go to School!

Hello, What I suggest is go to school with him untill you figuar out what is wrong with him or he tells you. Dont be afraid to cause I went to school with my daughter on several occations and it works out well it help create bonding you wont get anywhere else. pam

OK, you and I are like PB&J. LOL

I have a 13 y/o son with ADD, Depression and ODD. He also hated the school that he was attending and deliberately failed (and I mean failed) both 6th and 7th grades. He had been living with my ex - his father - and just didn't want to live under his father's house any more. Luckily, I regained custody of him this year, but made him repeat the 7th grade. He wasn't too thrilled about this but I stood my ground.

One thing that you mentioned is that your son is not medicated. This really needs to change, especially if you want to help your son. You should also consider getting him involved with a childs psycotherapist. This will help him deal with his issues. My son sees someone 1x a week and also sees a psycologist 2 x a month to adjust his meds. He's currently on Wellbutrin and Focilin and we are slowly seeing results. He had been on Zoloft and we saw no change. Granted, he will robably have more med changes and adjustments, but if we can get him stable it will be the best thing for him. My son is also boarderline Bipolar, he gets the BP from me, so we are trying to also deal with that as well.

Best of luck and if you ever need to talk, just let me know.

M.

T.--
I am a junior high teacher in a Catholic school. Have you talked with your school about what might be happening there? Having come from a "resource room" setting, he might be being teased or bullied. If he was in a self-contained classroom and is now switching classes, that could be a huge adjustment that he needs help making.

If he is in a junior high where he's moving, perhaps finding a teacher who can "connect" with him a couple of times each day (morning, lunch, end, study hall, etc) would help. If that's a possibility, I'd work with the school to take him there after school one day and have him meet with that person (it might also be a counselor or administrator). It sounds like he really needs a personal connection, someone at school who will care if he's not there, to help make this transition.

Good Luck--L. I

Hi T.. I have a niece who is 13 now. She has not been in public school for over like 2 years now. My sister and her husband been separated for almost 2 years now and yes, that is part of the problem with their daughter. She said that she had been picked on, teased...you name it. She's not even a special ed. student. She's been seeing a therapist and found out that she has school phobia. Last year, she had home teaching. I truly believe that she had to get something stating she is fear from school..blah, blah from her therapist to her school. My sister is trying to find out what to do with her this year.

So maybe he does need to be a medicine or go see a therapist and see what they recommend about school. See if the therapist or whoever can contact the school and explain the situation. I hope this help you.

Hello T.,
I don't have any solutions or advice for you.
I just wanted to wish you God's blessings.

Okay, first off, do the ADHD children snore in their sleep. They have found that ADHD may actually be caused by not sleeping well during the night and being overly tired. If they are snoring, then this might be the case, and you might want to talk with your psych about a sleep study. If you want supporting studies, let me know and I will forward.
As far as going to school, let me tell you about my schooling. I was in a "special class" that was supposed to accelerate my education. There were only sic of us in the class from two different grads, so twelve in total. This was in my sixth grade year. So I spent all day in one classroom with the same 12 people, then went to the Junior High where there was much more social interaction. Myself, as well as many of the others in that class had a hard time adjusting. Instead of helping us it socially stunted our growth. This may be part of your son's issue. Going from a small class, to a mainstream in middle school, that is a DRASTIC change. He is probably fighting you because A. he is not used to interacting with ALL those kids, and B. because the kids probably relaized he was in the "special" class so they probably are horribly mean to him. Ask him. I hated middle school/high school because every day some one picked on me until I cried. My mother never belived me or listened to me until I was an adult. Listen to him. What he tells you he feels is important. You may also want to share his feelings experiences with the principal and the board of education. They should have transitioned the children better. You may also want to request wrap-around services if this continues.
Good luck.
L.

Did you speak with the Board of Special Education? I am also a mother of 4 and my 12 yr old also has ADHD and ODD. I sit in on my CSE meetings as a parent advocate. You do have a right to call another meeting and tell them that this is not working and he needs to be placed back into the 8:1:1. They need to see that he does not do well in the mainstream. And I am sure that the teachers as well can give them that information. Speak with his teachers and let them know that you are going to request another meeting and you could use their help. Well keep me posted. Any other question please ask me I also have a friend who belongs to Focus on Families and she helps me out alot she is the one that got me into this.

D.

My son had an awful time in public school from K-6th. In the early years it was him struggling in special ed classes & just hating going to school, about in 4th grade he started getting in trouble. Finally in 6th grade I did something I had wanted to do from day 1; I pulled him out of school & began home schooling him. There were still some problems while homeschooling; but much more managable than what was happening in school. He's now almost 18, and graduated last year. My only regret is that I didn't do it sooner. Perhaps it's something to consider for your son.
Feel free to contact me for more information.
D.

Dear T.,
I have went thru the same thing in the past. My son is now 16 yrs of age and is do'n alot better, but he also is a sufferer of ODD. Most children with ODD have more problems with school than they do at home. This is becuase these children have a problem with accepting athority and being told what to do. There are more rules at school and more than one person running the show.

I found out the hard way and would not want anyone to go thru what I did. So I would like to tell You what worked for me.

I found that structering their day with a very tight schedule works. Repition and little time for wandering makes a whole lot of difference. My son was put on meds as well, but the meds can only do so much, the child has to be willing to work with them. All the meds do is to help them to focus, and most ODD children will refuse to take them.

Please try working out a schedule for your son and using alot of structure in his days, I'm sure you will see a difference. It takes some time and there isn't a complete cure. But , don;t be over whelmed they do get alot better with maturity and age.
Thanks R. S

I'm not exactly sure what grade this school starts at but they specialize in helping and teaching special needs children. My little cousin goes there and he also has ADHD. The name of the school is McNaugher it's located on the Northside but they have a bus system that travels all over the city to pick up and drop off their students. Also, I have a question why isn't your son on any medication? One more thing about this school they will call you and let you know whenever their is a problem they wear uniforms so that there isn't any fights about who has what label on and whatnot. I hope this information can help you.

Hi T.,

Not sure how much I can help right at this moment, but I will look into some stuff later, just wanted to tell you I am mom to three kids with issues as well. One with autism(severe) one autistic like ( add, ocd) and one with medical issues. You are not alone!!
C.

I am 34 now but when I was in school I did NOT want to go. My mom didn't beleive me when I told her the people picked on me. I was extremely scared to go to school. I remember being overly anxious. Now that I am older I know that I had terrible anxiety. I now take medication for anxiety/depression but back then, I couldn't even talk to anyone I was so shy.
I was one time in a math class for "challenged" people that only had about 9 people in it and did very well. I beleive I was in grade 8. However whenever I was in a bigger class, I had too much anxiety and worried what other people were saying about me and was too shy to answer questions from teachers and felt "picked on".
Possibly your son needs medication and counselling.
I know for me as a child, I hated school and that was why.

I totaly understand where your comeing from.I have a almost 8 yr old with ADHD and OCD and its hard.I was fed up and It sounds bad but I didt know what else to do , so I called The state for help.I called maine DHS and got him into services.Noto nly is it free if found he needs services but it gets done.Hope I helped:)

Hi T. --

Where is the behavior plan for your child? This is something that the school should have had a consultant called in to help work on it and have it in place in you r child's IEP. Do you have an advocate for your child? Your school system knows what needs to be done, but unless you know, the school will NOT tell you. Call info line (211) and ask them for information on any agencies that advocate for special Ed kids. Please take action, I watch so many people think the school is acting in the best interest for the child, and they are not. The schools are playing will not tell, and cover my a*% games. Please take the next step and locate a child advocate.
J.

well i am not speaking from experience, however my fiance (of 10 years) had//has a learning disability and was in spec ed classes thru out high school (he will tell you to this day, he should have not graduated). anyway, this LD (learning disability) has formed his personality. he is extremely quite (unless he has drank a couple beers, then he is more talkative), he is defensive, (wont admit it)but has a low self esteem. (wont make eye contact when someone is speaking to him, etc) well, when talking about his high school days he says how hard it was to be in those special classes, he got teased, even got into fights, etc. he too was on A.D.D type drugs (he is 33 now, so what ever was available back then is what he took). he said it completely changed him... he used to be outgoing etc... it made him very quiet etc. but on the other hand he said he wouldnt have learned anything unless he did take them.. i dont completely think it was totally the drugs that changed him, i think over time he has created a defensive wall to protect himself so that ppl dont think he is stupid... kinda of "if i dont say anything at all, then noone can make fun of me". anyway... this is just another way to look at it. going to special ed classes cant be easy, but you are among your peers. by mainstreaming them, they are out of their elimante, and maybe he is getting teased, etc. i dont know about you, but that would definately make me not want to go to school. becareful, by forcing him, you could bring on a bunch of new issues that may be far worse. try talking to him on his level-- good luck

Hello,T.. My Name is J.. I do under stand what your going through,My daughter is ADHD too. It took me one and half years to even try Meds with her,I now can see a big differents in her abitly to see social cues and keep her impulses down to a smile roar.The BEST thing I did for her is take a class with her at " IN STEP " for a year to teach me and her ways to deal with the ADHD.Through the Phychlogist and support from other parents. I now try to keep to a schedule of dinner,bath,homework,bed time and ect....; this all does make for a better moring to school.One of my good girlfriends has her kids take baths at night,and sleep in clothes for the next day to open up the moring schedule.I would write and take pictures of the school day and tell your son the routine to help his separations fears.Try to find a mentor in another student to help keep a eye out for the situations that worry your son and see if that helps any.-J.

HI my name is V. I have 5 children 3 of wich have issues that requier special care when thay are at school. I think it is out rages first of all that the school system has just decited to throwe a child who seems to despretly need that smaller group setting into main stream. It sounds like seperation dosn't have a hole lot to do with the problem I belive that it could be transion related children with the needs such as your son do very well with thinks being very regamented thay can become very upset over small changes thay have a need for knowing what comes next all the time, my best advice for you is to keep rewarding him for going give him praise and help build his confadence . When he dosn't want to g you must stand firm you need to make it very clear that he must go. my son went threw the same thing when he was in first grade he would do what ever it took to miss the bus so when he did that I would drive him to school I will never forget the day I had to prie him from my minivan . I had to get the school guidence councler to work with me on it I felt so mean like the worlds worst mom.It tok us about a month of struggles but he finaly ajusted learned that school was not an oppsion and now is a very sucesful 5th grader who has come to love school.

Hi T. I can sort of relate to you. I am recently divorced to a man who had custody of his 3 children - 1 of which was special ed. He was in the Hartford school system. He was extremely overwhelmed with mainstreaming. We had to set up a special meeting with the principal, guidance counselor and teacher to come up with a plan that eventually did work. We would schedule weekly phone conferences with the guidance counselor or teacher.

You should consider talking to your dr. about medication. He may be overwhelmed and anxious. We had to try 3 different types to find one that works. You should also try and talk with the school psychiatrist to see if you have any other options.