Moving with Two Toddlers, I Have So Many Questions!

Updated on August 24, 2014
T.F. asks from Laurel, MD
11 answers

We are moving across town starting soon! And my wife and I just have a lot of questions.

1. The younger of our two girls is 1 year and 11 months. We were told when we adopted her in may that we needed to have a special toddler bed for her, so that is what we got. Well, the girls new room is a little on the smaller side and we want to get them bunk beds. Would that be bad? Does she really need to be in a toddler bed? SIL has said her kids NEVER used a toddler bed and called it a waste of money when we got it. I am kind of starting to think she was right because about 50% of night she either comes to sleep with us or crawls in bed with her big sister anyways!

2. Moving in to a condo with LOTS of busy streets around it and even a large shopping center across the street. How do we explain to the girls that they will no longer be allowed to just play outside whenever they want? (Current building has a field right outside my office window, we are on the first floor so they really spend a lot of time in the patio space or running around the field currently.)

3. What is the best way to get the girls to pack things without unpacking them? I tried to explain that everything went in the boxes so it could go to the new house but they keeping going behind us, taking things out of boxes, then playing, in the boxes. I even got art supplies and told them they could decorate the outside of the boxes today, They really just want to be in the boxes. I can;t imagine with it will be like when we start to pack their rooms and their toys!

What can I do next?

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M.B.

answers from Austin on

Give them a couple of boxes for them to play in..... kids LOVE boxes! That may help hold their attention as their toys and such are packed away.

I agree with getting a babysitter..... The girls don't understand what is going on, and will probably hinder more than they help.

Pack when they are sleeping... as things get packed, put them into a separate room where they cannot get to them.

Toddler beds? Yeah, a waste of time. Bunk beds? May be ok... just be careful... especially if the little one wants to sleep with big sister... she may try to climb up to the top bunk. What about a full-size bed for the two of them to share? Slightly bigger footprint than a twin bed, but safer than a bunk bed. When they get older, then you could get the bunk bed.

6 moms found this helpful

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B.C.

answers from Norfolk on

Um, the kids can not help with the move - they will not pack anything and might be upset as things change.
Pack boxes and put them where the kids can not get to them - garage or one room you can keep the kids out of.
Give them just a few small toys to keep them busy.
Come moving day - get a baby sitter to watch the kids in one room of the house away from all the activity or off site.
You might as well keep using the baby sitter while you set up your new household.
Condo life will be an adjustment but you'll all get use to it!

5 moms found this helpful

S.T.

answers from Washington DC on

i too think toddler beds are a waste of time and money. bunk beds are fine for most kids, but yours are really pretty young. i think i'd either have them share a bed for a couple of years, or get a twin + trundle.
i'm betting your new home will be fun and exciting and have lots of compensations. i loved having a yard for mine, but every family has its own compromises to make, so having very limited and supervised outside access will be yours. since this is a big safety issue, think less about 'explaining' (although of course explanations have a place) and more about commanding. 'you NEVER set foot outside this home without mommy or daddy.' and make the consequences for testing this boundary swift, unpleasant and uncompromising.
2 and 4 year olds are too young to pack. give them each a box to play 'packing for the move' with and do not expect them to be useful. but see above if they go behind you and remove the tape from already-packed boxes. no should mean no.
you are taping the finished boxes, i presume.
decorating the outside of the boxes is a stroke of genius!
i really enjoy your posts, T., and reading about your lovely family's adventures. can't wait to hear how the move goes. good luck, and enjoy your new home!
:) khairete
S.

4 moms found this helpful
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G.D.

answers from Detroit on

A tiny bit surprised with your responses about bunk beds. Do you have an IKEA anywhere near you, or one that would ship? Ikea has a small loft bed that is toddler sized-I have seen people that put another mattress underneath instead of using that as play space. It's called KURA reversible bed and you can get a tent for the top. Check into that. You could make it fun.
A trundle bed isn't a bad idea either.
If your handy you could make em some Murphy beds that fold up during the day so their bedroom can be a play area-since they can't go outside as much.
As far as packing-I just made it a game and put them in charge. They helped place items inside, tape it, and make sure no one opened it. They may or may not have been a little on the bossy side-but they made sure the boxes stayed shut!!

3 moms found this helpful
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E.B.

answers from Denver on

If this is the home where you're going to be settling down for the long term, then I suggest getting beds that are kind of temporary, but comfy, until you and your family figure out how everyone will be comfortable in the new home. For now, you could even get sleeping bags and soft pads to put under them until you figure out how your girls will want to sleep in their new home.

I like the idea of bunk beds, but not for the ages your girls are now. How about a futon with a trundle that slides out? Later, it can be seating in the room or an extra bed for guests, and you can get those bunk beds or loft beds. And if your littlest one likes to climb in bed with you or her sister, a bunk bed would be too tempting. They may want the security in a new place of a futon that folds flat so they can share a space for now.

It sounds like you work from home? So is there room for you to set up a nice new play space in your new condo? A toy kitchen, or an indoor climbing cube, with desks or a little table and cubbies for art supplies and toys? You can tell your girls that they're going to have a new exciting play area (or office!) right next to mommy's office. They'll adjust quickly. Don't tell them what they won't be able to do anymore, tell them what to look forward to.

Once you've packed a box, label it carefully and seal it with packing tape. Not until your kids are about 25 years old will you be able to pack a box and not have them unpack it and repack it and forget something and dig through a packed box! But it's pretty hard to get good packing tape off, so seal the boxes up good. Leave a couple of boxes open and don't worry about those. Your girls can't really comprehend packing, but they should be able to comprehend "don't touch".

You may want to get a small temporary storage unit. A 5 x 5 or 5 x 10 unit won't cost much for 30 days. I did this, for a month, when we moved recently, so we could have some room to move around without climbing over boxes. I would pack something, label the contents and color code it. I used different colors of duct tape. One color for "I won't need the items in this box in the foreseeable future, and it can go into an attic or storage but I want to keep it". That was for things like antique books, kids' toys like the Brio trains that I won't need until my kids have kids but I certainly wouldn't want to get rid of them, my kids' baby books or things I want them to have when they have their own homes, stuff that is memorable but doesn't need to be available. Another color for "essential, unpack immediately", like everyday dishes, bathroom items like toilet paper and towels and shower curtains, clothing that is worn all the time, the tvs and electronics, lightbulbs and extension cords and keyboards and plugs and cables. Another color for "doesn't need to come into the new apartment immediately but keep available and accessible", like entertaining dishes, martini glasses, pitchers, things that would go on the walls once the most important things were unpacked and once we had time to figure out the new place. That way I could tell anyone who was helping: green duct tape comes in, yellow goes into the new storage unit where I can easily access it, red can go in the back and I won't need it. Then I drove my car with a few boxes a day to the temporary storage unit. I felt like it kept me sane. And it kept us from the temptation of "I could fit a few more things in that box" or "maybe I should repack that". Nope. It's done and in the storage unit. When we rented the truck, most everything was in the storage unit except for the largest furniture pieces. So by packing a box, labeling and color coding it, and bringing it to a nearby storage unit, you won't have to worry about it being unpacked by "helpful" little hands.

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G.B.

answers from Oklahoma City on

I'm sorry you couldn't get in a nice house so the kids could have that experience. It's sad they won't have a yard.

As for bunk beds? Absolutely do NOT put those kids in bunk beds! They are way way way way too young.

My bff from 7th grade through most of my life lost her elementary age child when he put his hand down to move over and he missed the edge of the bed and fell on his head. My friend was right there. He died anyway. He wasn't bouncing or playing or being rough, he was sitting still and just went to move and missed and fell.

He was in school already, your girls aren't even 2 yet.

I am confused about that though, most developmental charts show birth to age 1 as infants then age 12 months up to 24 months as toddlers.

Toddlers are developmentally trying to learn to walk and run and talk and hold a toy and move without toppling over. That's a toddler.

Once they get to age 2 years old they aren't really doing that stuff anymore so they're a pre-schooler age. Once they turn 4 they're a pre-K age. Each developmental stage is specific and different.

If you continue to call either one of them toddlers some people might really be confused by your term. I realize many still call a 2 year old a toddler but the developmental challenges for those two age groups are very different.

Both kids are too old for toddler beds now. If they're making a big change to the new house start them both in twin beds or some sort of corner unit bed. I'll find a link and post a picture of what I'm talking about. I love these sort of things.

So, again, you need a bigger place as far as I can tell from what you're stating. Have you thought about that???? Perhaps you could find a place with more space.

Perhaps you can knock out a wall before you move or let the kids take your larger room and you and wife take the smaller room. You really only need space for your bed. Your other bedroom furniture could go in another room?

Some might also say they have had a lot of changes in their lives and why not put them in one full size bed. That's not a bad idea in their case.

Another option is a trundle bed. A bed moves out from underneath and it can move up even or it can simply sit on the floor.

http://www.potterybarnkids.com/search/results.html?words=...

When you move in the next few years due to needing more space you could get a 3 bedroom place and they would each have their own room. As they go to elementary school they'll start wanting to have their own friends over and separate spaces.

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These are about the price of what I've seen people pay but these are rather plain for girls. The white is nicer and they can decorate with various colors. Lots and lots of storage under the beds.

http://www.potterybarnkids.com/products/belden-corner-unit/

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This is almost the same exact thing but thousands more. Shopping around will help you get a great deal.

http://www.potterybarnkids.com/search/results.html?
words=twin+bed+corner+unit

This one has tubs instead of drawers. I like the drawers but these tubs are nice since they are exactly the same AND semi Opaque. Can't see the mess inside.

http://www.goodshomedesign.com/diy-twin-corner-beds-storage/

Here's how to build your own corner unit bed set.

http://isteppedoutofmycomfortzone.blogspot.com/2010/09/an...

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The first picture is another way of doing 2 twin beds, without any sort of shelving unit. This will take even less space.

http://ana-white.com/2011/04/cozy-corner-twin-bed-collect...

If you leave off the headboard and side shelves you'd save at least 8-10 inches.

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Nice chest of drawers placement.

http://thebeanbagstore.com/bhbrooklyncornerunit.htm

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Again, it truly sounds like you need more space so planning on moving to a larger home in the next few years might be something to consider when putting money into this new place.

Bunk beds are for much older kids and NOT pre-school age kiddos. Your kids are way too young.

Lose the toddler beds, they are BOTH too old for them.

Then look at other options for using your space. They are still in a transition/traumatic place. If this was me I'd simply get one bed and let them share until you move by the time the youngest starts elementary school.

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P.K.

answers from New York on

I love your posts. You seem like such a great Dad. Kudos to you.
First, no bunks. Way too young and very dangerous. A daybed with a pull out or trundle bed would work well for you.

As far as playing outside, just keep teen forcing that they must always be accompanied by an adult. Explain why. They will get it.

As far as packing, yes, give kids a box and their imagination runs wild. Isn't it great. Too young to really "pack". The 4 year old might put a few things in boxes, but I wouldn't count on it lol.

I have four kids and nine grandchildren. No one ever used a toddler bed. Actually when we bought our boys beds at 2 yo, we ordered extra long!!
They were very tall and we knew based on the women in fam being six feet and men 6'5" they did not have a chance. Best thing we did because we were right lol.

Best advice for you, go with your gut and you can't go wrong. I think these two little girls are very lucky to have you as their Dad.

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S.S.

answers from Chicago on

At 4 and 2 they should not ever be outside alone. Ever. I would at this point just deal with a toddler bed and a twin bed or get the bunk beds that are low. I would not get the trundle bed they are a pain to pull out every night. As far as the kids packing...They won't. Best thing to do is rent a storage locker or use your garage and put the packed boxes there. Don't leave them in the girls room. We always found it easier to pack kids room last and unpack it first.

You sound like a good parent. But this might be a good time to introduce a firm no. And stick to it as far as unpacking what you have started to pack. At their ages they should understand no.

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D.N.

answers from Chicago on

When we had toddler beds, we used them for 3 yrs so not so much a waste. For your girls, if space is a major problem, you could get a twin bed with a trundle that would get pulled out at night. Or you could just have them sleep together on a twin. They would both fit, just be prepared in a couple years to get another bed. As for the boxes, give them each a box of their own to decorate and play in, that way they can leave the packed boxes alone. Once boxes are packed, tape them and put them away somewhere.

And for outside, this is the time to teach them about safety. It will be hard, lots of reminders but they will learn. A friend of mine did this same thing and bought a small play kitchen for her kids and a small slide to have inside. They would fold it and put it away when needed. But the kids had a way to play when they could not go out.

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D.B.

answers from Boston on

These children are 4 and almost 2. They cannot be in bunk beds, not at all! Way too dangerous! Also, bunk beds are a huge pain when it comes to changing sheets and making the bed, just so you know. If the children are undergoing a big change in terms of a new house, I'd keep as much other stuff the same. Keep the 2 year old in a crib, and the 4.5 year old in the toddler bed if that's what she's in now. You can put the beds in an L shape if you have to to keep some open floor space. You can get some under-bed storage for toys or extra clothes. It's okay to keep them in the same room for now - I wouldn't change anything for at least a year, frankly. Don't listen to SIL - you're not changing anything else with these girls for now.

How do you explain safety to kids this age? You don't! You can mention it 100 times but you still have to watch them like a hawk. You don't let them play outside now without supervision anyway unless you have a fenced yard, and even so, you can't leave them unattended (especially the 2 year old). You can look into some child-safe fencing (like what people use to block off the driveway) in children's safety equipment catalogs or websites, to help provide a barrier as a visual reminder, but it's just a general reminder and not a substitute for total and complete adult supervision. You will be holding their hands as you cross streets until they are 8 or so, depending on the child's spirit and defiance and distraction, so don't plan on relying on verbal instructions. You should have outlet covers and venetian blind cord wraps and cabinet locks and doorknob covers. It's just the way it is.

Packing? Kids this age don't pack! And they absolutely don't understand the new house - they have no sense of time or distance or the future. YOU pack when they are asleep or with a sitter, and they don't know the difference. You tape the boxes shut and move them into a corner of the living room or into the garage. OR you hire movers who will pack on the day before the move. It's completely unrealistic to expect kids to understand "we're moving" - they're going to go searching for what they are missing. You pack the least favorite, least used items first, and then you get a sitter or have one parent take them out while the other parent marathon-packs the rest. Decorating the boxes was a cute idea but you can't leave a 2 year old with art supplies and no supervision - you probably can't leave a 4.5 year old either. By all means give them a couple of empty boxes and a few old sheets and have them build a fort, but don't take away their toys until the day before the move. If you can get into the new place before the main move, you can take a few boxes over to the new place with the kids and let them experience taking cartons in and leaving them there. But otherwise, just telling them about it is going to fall on deaf ears.

Good luck with the move!

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J.O.

answers from Detroit on

I love toddler beds. LOOOOOVE them. No way waste of money. They take up less space, too. More room to play! Then we put them in bunk beds. Youngest on a bunk is 3 but he sleeps on the bottom. On top is 7-year-old.
We actually have baby's crib next to the bunk now, so she'll go into the bottom bunk around age 2 or whenever.

I would not let them outside alone anywhere at that age. Maybe when they are 8...depending.

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