Mother Seeks Advice on Potty Training!

Hi T.. This is definitely not a psychological problem. It's perfectly normal. My daughter (now 5) learned how to pee on the toilet by age 3. It took 6 months after for her to finally go poo on the toilet. She would either hold it or go in her training pants. I thought at the time she's never going to poo on the toilet. Finally after 6 months, at the snap of a finger, she suddently started going poo on the toilet. So I think when they're ready, they will eventually go on their own. It just takes a lot of patience for the parents.

Both of my daughters did the same thing. I would offer them a diaper for a BM (after the first offer, they would run and grab a diaper and hand it to me when they needed to go) and they would usually find a corner or under the table to do it. I think you're right, there is something psychological going on. Using a diaper worked for us and it only lasted a couple months. Hope this helps! Good luck!

T. - the BM thing is totally normal. In fact, from my experience and everyone else I know, all of my sisters', my brother's kids, and every friend I know who has kids - all of their children did the same thing. Most kids usually easily take to urinating on the potty, but take longer to do a BM and of course it is natural for them to hide somewhere to do it (especially if she is being scolding or reprimanded in any way when this happens). The potty can be intimidating for a lot of children and even if praised when using it, sometimes, they just aren't ready to make the complete transition yet. Don't worry about it and as for the constipation and tummy aches, it could be that she is feeling nerve wracked over the pressure to use the potty. When my daughter went through this, I just concentrated on getting her to go pee and completely ignored encouraging her to do BMs for a couple of months, then suggested it again to her. She was ready then. I hope this helps.
Jody

As a mother and Grandmother I have watched several children who won't go poo unless they have privacy. My 2 year old grandaughter potty trained very young, but she asks me or her mother to leave the bathroom when she has to have a BM. She just had to learn to call to be wiped when she was finished. Her older sister did the same. I used to know when a child was having a BM once they could walk, because they would disappear, like your daughter, to hide. Just let her know you can shut the door on the bathroom and make it her private place.

My son had a similar problem although he didn't hide to poop in his pants, but our neighbor made a toilet and we decorated it with Spiderman and everytime we went Potty we asked our sit on it even if he didn't have to go. We told him that every time he went potty we would put a sticker on the potty for him. The potty was so cute it even had a magazine rack on the side. One other thing is introducing her to pull ups if you have not already and letting her know these are "big girl" underpants and for girls that can also go poopy in the potty. Don't push though, that is the worst thing to do and don't yell. I hope this helps. cheermom

*laugh* My son did the same thing.

Reasure her that "Everybody poops" in a light hearted manner. There is even a book to that title. She simply has to become comfortable with it.

My niece was 4 and potty trained and when it came time for a BM she would find a diaper, put it on and lock herself in her moms room, she was afraid of falling in so we let them use a port-a-potty out of our tent trailer and she broke herself. Ask her why she does not want to use the potty and make sure she knows that she is not in trouble or she won't tell you. If it is the same problem then you might use a potty training potty if you don't have a port-a-potty however if it is that she just doesn't want to then try some kind of reward for each time she goes in the potty until it becomes second nature. I hope this helps.

Hi T.,
I am a grandma now and my days of potty training are over. But, I still remember a thing or two...first, if you don't already know what times she likes to go to the bathroom, then watch her for a few days and keep track of the times. Get her favorite book or mommy and me past time. Set her on the toilet and make it story time or songs. Something that she really enjoys doing w/you. And just wait it out. I'm sure you already know that praising her big accomplishment is also key. Also, make sure she eats plenty of fresh fruit.
Hope this helps. Good luck. Potty training is always a challenge!

Hi there T.,

My son went through something similar (but more extreme)...he would hold it so long, would get constipated and would run around the house crying because he REALLY didn't want to go... I'm guessing that maybe one time it hurt when he went and he put the two together... my advice... don't pressure her. Make whatever you decide to do positive. For us, I followed something similar to the Dr Phil suggestion and our son got to "call" Thomas the train whenever he went poop in the toilet. (He totally adores Thomas)... I had my husband be "Thomas" and sometimes my brother-in-law. Then, I would buy a couple trains and put them where he could see them but he couldn't play with them unless he went poop in the toilet. So, each time he went, we had the "poo-poo" party (clapped hands and said YAY!) then he got to pick a train to play with. We did this for a couple weeks and it worked like a gem! Eventually, he realized the toilet is not his enemy (although we DID continue to wave bye-bye to the poo for a couple months)... and he goes in the toilet without a problem now!
Just remember, whatever you decide to do, keep it positive...even when she has an accident.. just say "oh well, that's ok, let's go get cleaned up" (and put the poo in the toilet and tell her "see, this is where the poo goes... maybe next time, you can try going in the toilet!"...
Good luck!

She is too young for you to worry about her being potty trained fully. You should both be praised that she is able to urinate in the potty at 3. She just isn't ready to poop there yet. She is going to maintain the control of her body (that is what she's doing by getting constipated). I would back off and let her decide when she is ready. Worry when she is 5 or 6 if she is still not going in the toilet. Do let her see that her friends go there and that she will too, when she is ready. Don't give it any more attention than that, and when she does do it successfully praise her. (Probably just as you did with urinating, Pooping just seems to need a little more control). Good Luck and relax. That is not a place to get into a power struggle.

One simple thing to try is making sure that she has a place to firmly plant her feet. You can either use a step stool that is high enough that she can comfortably rest her feet while she is sitting on the potty (try IKEA). You can also resort to using a little training potty, but then you will still have to deal with getting her used to the big potty eventually. A lot of times, parents don't think about how it would feel to be teetering over the big toilet seat with nothing to plant your feet on. Can you imagine having to try to have a BM with your feet dangling and trying to maintain your balance so as not to fall in the pot? Whatever you do, don't force her to sit there if she is not a ready willing participant. It will only traumatize her and make things much more difficult and stressful for the both of you. She will come around in her own time.

hi T., how old was she when she started urinating in the bathroom? sometimes when we are "taught" and even "forced" to go there's a sense of lack of control to "do it" on our own. the bm issue could be her way to "control" her own body and "do it her way". trust that she knows how, when, and where. allow her to make her own time. you'll find that she'll even be happier when you give her some room. instead of "training" think of it as "allowing" and "being". sometimes we have to trust that our babies know a lot more than we give them credit for.

Maybe she's just not ready emotionally to poop in the toilet. I've known a lot of kids who have been comfortable peeing on the toilet long before pooping. I think the concern is making sure that she doesn't end up feeling any shame around it, and giving her the time she needs. Sometimes it works to offer the child a diaper when she feels ready to go. You could say, "It seems like you're not quite ready to poop in the toilet, and that's fine! If you tell me when you feel like you need to poop, we can put a pull-up on. Does that sound good?" Also, she's probably just hiding in the corner because she prefers a little privacy. You can ask her.

Hi I would suggest that you purchase or check out: "Once Upon a Potty for Her" VHS or DVD at your local library or purchase it at www.amazon.com. This animated video is very helpful and can maybe help your daughter understand more about going poop, so to say. Also, try checking out some potty training books at the library. Make sure you explain to your daughter how important it is to go poop. Remind her about it, but try to have a cheerful attitude. Your attitude can directly affect her.

Hang in there, you're doing great because you care.

Hi T.,

I've had a very similiar situation with my son Gabriel, who is now 3-1/2. We started potty training in September when he was 3-1/4 (he showed no interest earlier), and had the exact same experience for the first 3 months - he would pee in the potty, but refused to poop. I would just give it some time and/or offer her a pull-up as a poop option. Even now, Gabriel poops in his pants at least once or twice a week - mostly I think because his bowels move quickly and he doesn't make it to the toilet in time. But, he definitely had a "thing" about pooping in the potty before, although I could never figure out exactly what it was. I think it helps to let them be naked some - Gabriel could always tell a poop was coming when he was in the bath, and he would leap out and sit on his little potty, because he knew pooping in the bath was gross! - his first success happened this way and we praised him big time. Also spend time trying to poop, reading books, generally making the bathroom a party-space! Be patient, she'll figure it out eventually!

Good luck.

- C.

We had the same problem with out daughter when she was three. Once she began having some pain with her BM due to constipation, she would not go. At times it would take us 5 days to get her to have a BM. We fed her lots of food that had high fiber. She drank ALOT of prune juice (which she did not like). Even with all the fiber, she still would not have a BM everyday. By the way, I have been told apple juice is constipating. In the end, there were many days where I had to hold her on the potty until she went BM. She often cried, sometimes hit me. It was not easy. After a BM we would give her a treat of her choice. If she went BM several days in a row, I would take her to buy a book or a toy. It took 8 to 10 months to resolve.

I had the same problem with my daughter (now 16) when she was little. She experienced so much pain with her poops that she'd do anything to avoid them, and the problem just kept getting worse and worse. Two things helped - the first was that if I got the sense she needed to go, I'd line her underwear with tissues (Kleenex). For some reason she felt more comfortable going in her underwear, and with the tissues, clean-up was easy and she felt less shame. The second thing that REALLY helped was Metamucil cookies (recommended by our doctor). Basically, they're fiber cookies. Try giving her half a cookie with lots of water, and it will help her BMs be more comfortable. You should be able to find them at a pharmacy or in the pharmacy section of a grocery store. Good luck!

Sounds to me like Genesis is not ready to use the toilet for her BMs. The good news: There's nothing at all wrong with her psychologically! It's very common for toddlers to get comfortable first with urinating in the toilet. BMs come later. The more you pressure her to use the toilet for both, the more likely it will backfire...some kids end up with serious internal problems if they are forced to use the toilet before they are ready. My advice: back off a bit, and offer her a diaper or a pull-up when she needs to poop. Also, make sure she gets to see other kids her age or a bit older who can use the toilet for both. In my experience, peer example is the most persuasive way to encourage your toddler to potty train. Best of luck, and try to be patient :)

K.

When I was potty training my 2 year old at the time she loved stickers of the Disney Princess. So first we started out with the stickers even if she did not go she still got a sticker for trying.When she had a "BM" she would get to have a small candy or small gift (color book,crayons,ect.) that seem to help her. After a month she was good to go. Hope that helps.

J.

She may just be afraid. BMs are huge - think about being a little kid then seeing that come out of your bum! Try getting a book about it. Mo Willems has a great one called "Everybody Poops". Also, talk to her about it in terms she'll understand. Make sure she doesn't feel ashamed when she does have a BM in her pants. Good luck!

T., My daughter did the exact same thing. Went into a corner to poop instead of using the potty--even thought she would urinate independently on the toilet. We decided to just be matter of fact about it..say "Oh, you went poop. Let's take care of this." Then we would go in the bathroom, take off the pullups, show her how we emptied the poop into the toilet, and let her flush it. (she liked this part--some kids don't and some experts suggest that some children fear the flushing part as losing a part of themselves into the toilet.) Then we would say something like "this is where you can poop when you are ready." No fussing or discipline or disappointed tone of voice. The key was that we put no pressure on her. At the same time, a friend of mine suggested doing a "reward chart"--so we told her that she would get a sticker on her chart (located on the back of the bathroom door, so she could see it when on the potty) every time she pooped on the potty. For every 5 stickers, she got some kind of treat (going to a friend's house to play, dinner at the pizza place, etc) For every 15 it was something big--like the zoo, the amusement park, the aquarium, a movie, etc. In about 2 months, she was going on the potty every time. I am not sure if it was the low key responses, or the reward chart--but, something worked. Also, she was almost 4 at the time. This was not an issue with the older daughter at all. Every child is different; I wouldn't worry that it is a psychological problem. It is a big change for a child to transition to pooping on the potty--and don't we all naturally resist change to some degree?!?!?! Good luck and best wishes to you. A good friend's comment at the time was "By kindergarten, every child poops on the potty!" I took my comfort from that! Hang in there and try not to worry.

I have three kids and it is perfectly normal to have a kid that goes pee on the potty and has trouble with BM's. What I did with my youngest who just turned 3yrs. is I went to the dollar store and bought a bunch of small toys and wrapped them up and put them in a basket on the back of the toilet. At first I used it to potty train her, for both pee and poop. Once she got the pee down I only rewarded her for going poop on the potty, she had to actually go though not only try. It is fun for the child because they get to pick their "prize" It is exciting for them and also don't forget praise, that is a huge thing we always make a big deal about it and tell Daddy or who ever....it makes her feel good.
Good luck!

Put little plastic potties in her hiding places. Let her poo there comfortably without guilt. Put little books there that she likes to look at when pooing. Gradually move the potties out from the spots a few inches the first week and so on. Eventually, move the books to the big girls potty spot (your bathroom). You should have her size potty (littld plastic one just like whatever turns out to be her favorite one) there next to the big "real" one. Talk to her kindly about how big girls do it (in the bathroom). Don't make her feel guilty for her "style." Reserve her favorite books for the big girl potty spot. She'll come around with patience. You can pick up plastic potties inexpensively at garage sales.
One final note, if she's going in her pants, remove her pants and underpants when she's home. Nothing on the bottom, just a long shirt, something that will cover her, but not give her place to "do it." If she starts to just go whereever she is, you can scoop her up and stick her on the little potty in the big girl bathroom.

Hi T.,
I too have a 3 yr old boy who is doing the exact same thing.He goes to the bathroom all by himself to urinate but when he has to go BM he actully will take his underwear off and try to put on a huggies pull up ( he wears at night only)lol. I have tried everything and havent had any luck yet!Books or his favorite toy to play with.Dont worry,I dont think its psychological.
:( If i find something that works i will let you know.
J.

this is not a psychological problem. this is normal. it is instinctive for kids to want to go off to hide somewhere when they poop. the key is positive encouragement and reward for actually going on the toilet, making it fun somehow (like, a sticker on the "potty train" every time she goes or something - we actually used m and m's, had a dispenser for them in the bathroom - you can laugh but it worked), letting her watch you go, waving bye to the poo as it goes down into the pipes, stuff like that. there are also several books that might be helpful to read with her, like "everyone poops" by taro gomi, or various potty training books. good luck.

Have you tried letting her use a training diaper just for her BM's? This seemed to have worked with my son... we just showed him where the pull ups were and told him if he needed to have a BM he could put these on ... this took the stress off of him having to use the potties and within 3 months he was using the toilet.

Not really advice, just sympathy. My oldest daughter who is now 4 went through this too. SHe was great at urinating in the potty and would hold the BM till she could get on a diaper and do it there. We kinda gave in because she would get too the constipation and going in her pants point and hurt herself trying not to go. So we would allow her to have a diaper when at home and just clean up the mess from there. It took her another almost 6 months to finally decide for herself that she could go BM on the potty. I think some of it had to de with her being stubborn, but also had to do with her needing to move up and down and work the poop out, adn now she has figured out how to do that on the potty.

C.