Mother in Law, Siter in Law Reeking Havock in Family

No, you are not crazy. My mother in law is crazy. She gave us a puppy and then took it away from husband and daughter after my father in law gave it to them as a birthday gift. Then proceeded to say the meanest things about all of us and my family. I haven't spoken to her in months and I am really struggling with forgiving her, which I know I need to do. I also realized that we need space and if we all are arguing maybe it is best that we not contact each other for awhile.

It sounds clear that they have crossed the line on numerous occasions. I have similar family issues and it was hard for me to deal with but I have unfortunately had to pull away for a little bit. If your family has some level of insight maybe you could work with them and call them on their behavior in the moment. Hopefully that will help them be more aware of their own behavior and that will help for you not to carry it around with you....that is my 2cents. Hope it helps

Anna

oh, i can relate very much to these difficulties! my husband and i sought couples therapy as a result, and if there is tension between you and your spouse as a result, i would highly recommend this route.

the book, "Boundaries: when to say yes, when to say no, and when to take control of you life" by Townsend and Cloud. This is validating but moreover outlines how to set and stand by boundaries so that you do not go crazy.

This book was VERY helpful to myself and my husband. I have in-laws very similar to yours it sounds like, and for us the end result is that we are moving to the west coast in 6 months. it seems like part of the problem is that my in-laws have not let go of my husband as a son; they do not realize that we are a fully other family now and need to be treated with that space and respect.

Putting space there is a great idea, if even temporary. This can help them to understand that you are serious, that you will have a relationship with your boundaries respected, or not at all. Also, you can expect that when you do set a boundary, they will push back twice as hard, atleast for a time. It sounds like a great idea.

You are not crazy! It sounds very toxic. As much as we all want to make our families happy there are way to many personalities to be able to do that. They are over stepping their boundries and you have to tell them so. Let them give you the silent treatment it is them who are missing out on watching your children grow. I have not talked to my SIL for about a year for alot of toxic reasons.I knew it wasn't in the best interest of my son or myself. My husband feels the same.If someone isn't bringing alot of positive into a relationship it is not worth having.It is sad but hopefully they figure it out.Do what is best for your kids and you can't go wrong.

You definitely are not crazy. It sounds like they have some real issues. I would cut contact with them completely for awhile to let them know that you're serious about them changing their ways. They seem like very bitter people and you don't want that bitterness to polute your children's attitudes on life. And if they can't come to terms with the fact that they are overstepping boundaries then you're probably better off not seeing them. Have you tried having a third party (unrelated) speak to them about it? That might work if they hear it from someone else. Well, good luck.

I don't even know where to begin. First of all you and your husband are NOT crazy, you are caring responsible parents with family members who seem to have incredibly poor boundaries and boring lives, hence their need to butt into yours. My sister has similar issues and she and her husband just stood firm, they decided it was their family and they would do things the way they wanted (which was to be great parents), certainly relationships have changed since then, there is some strain etc. but they both know that they are doing the right thing for their kids. You and your husband will be around much longer and more often then your MIL will and possibly your SIL so remember that. I don't know your in laws but it sounds like if they are as shallow as to make fun of or criticize people at a childs basketball game you certainly don't want them to have the ability to influence your children. Shame on them.

Your children will grow up reflecting what they have seen and heard... good and bad. Make the atmosphere as happy as possible. Just tell them you take your job seriously as parents and need to cut down on the "bad" vibes and feelings. You may need to separate for while, but they will see how serious you are. good luck.

It is not you, your husband or your children. When you called the relationship toxic, you were right. Life is too short. No one can make you feel guilty when you know in your heart that they aren't worth your postive time and energy.

Let them go. If you ever want them back...after a while and only after a while..set boundaries that you feel comfortable with.

Life is too short.

A good long letter stating these problems and then an option for them at the end. Then the ball is in their court!

I am new to the group and have two adult sons a biological grandchild(only one)and a step grandson. I will tell you dear that the mother-in-law and others need to respect what both you and hubby decide and not do as they please. I know that there are many times that I as a mother and grandmother have to bite my tongue because I am not impressed with what is happening---but we had our turn and now you two have to have your chance as well. I guess what I am saying is that they all need to remember that it is your child not theres and you need to raise the child your way and not theres. My older sister is going through this right now and even though I have tried to talk to her at the request of her daughter(my niece)she just doesn't get it and will soon be loosing her grandson because of her constant meddling.

I don't know if this helps or not,but if I were you I guess I would have a talk with them telling them of my concerns and lay everything out on the table so that they know where they stand.

K.