Morning Tantrums!!

How puzzling and anxious this behavior must be for you. Your little boy sounds like he's able to ask for what he wants, but he may simply not know what he wants when he's just waking up, possibly somewhere between a dream and the "real" waking world. (Every once in awhile my 4yo grandboy has an unexplained meltdown, too. Puzzling, but then life goes on and he's his usual, sunny self.)

Try talking to him sometime during the afternoon, when he's in a great mood. Ask him what he would most like from you when he's feeling so upset in the morning. Come up with a "plan" in which he participates (subject to change depending on how well it goes).

If you can, work out a soothing symbol that he can cling to, like a favorite toy, until you are able to get to him (he may already be feeling too much distress for easy soothing by then). Make up a playful story, maybe about how this stuffed toy runs fast to his little boy when he hears him waking up, because he wants to help make him smile. Use imaginative language to talk about the positives of waking up safe in his own bed, warm and cozy, with mommy and daddy nearby and his toys there to help him smile.

Kids this age are beginning to connect with make-believe, and it can become a powerful shaping force over the next few years. Use it to your advantage. And don't be discouraged if it doesn't take right away. Like all new life skills, this will take some practice on your son's part, and some experimentation on yours.

Some tantrums have no reason, but when they happen at the same time each day they might. My daughter didn't have many tantrums, but several she had were because she was too hungry. She wouldn't stop playing to eat and then she would be so hungry she couldn't stop crying to eat. We'd have to be very calm with her and get her to eat the first bite, then she would calm down and eat more and be OK again. Could he be waking up hungry?

I also really like Peg M.'s suggestion. It may be a phase where he has trouble coming out of his dreaming and into the day. He may be able to tell you why his mornings have been like this, at a calm time of the day.

is he doing this "in" his sleep? does he fall back asleep at the end of it? i was going to say it sounds like night terrors, but this sounds past that. hmm.

have you talked to the doctor? ? ? i think you need to..

You did say where you put him down when he asks to be put down. If you are putting him back in his crib that could be why he is throwing a fit. If I was you and he started a tantrum the moment I walked in the room I would make sure e was safe and then walk out of the room. Once he realizes that the behavior is not going to get him what he wants he will stop. If this continues I would speak to your ped dr to see if there is a physical reason for his behavior. If not I wish you luck on breaking the tantrums.

Are you SURE he is awake? Eyes open don't necessarily mean awake. If he is still in a sleep state it could be night terrors, though I don't really think so. If he is asleep and it is night terrors, I'd say try to calm him until he falls back asleep. However, if it is just a tantrum, as I suspect it is, I would ignore it. If he starts screaming and won't tell you what he needs, then I would tell him he needs to "use his words" or something like that and walk out of the room until he is ready to be calm. If he follows you screaming, I'd put him back in the room and walk out again. Not fun, but he needs to know that throwing a fit is not the way to get what you want. If you are concerned about his safety, make sure he is in a safe environment to throw his fit, but I doubt he is going to seriously hurt himself in the crib. Some pain from kicking the crib, maybe, but that is a natural consequence of throwing a fit. (You know the safety of your situation better than I, but if he isn't going to seriously hurt himself, experiencing a little pain is a natural thing.) Don't know if any of this helps, but good luck!

how is his speech? is there something he is wanting that he can't tell you about? one thing is it might be that he is wanting your attention. but you have to get to the "why" of it. once you have that figured out you can go on to solve it. if it's that he wants something and can't tell you, try to figure out what it is (tho it sounds like you've already done this). does he do this with grandma? if it's just with you, i know as a young single mom it might be hard, but try to make sure he has plenty of one on one time with you, don't always have grandma watch him simply because she's there and it's convenient. i'm not saying you do this, just something to keep in mind. he wants his mom. if it's for attention sometimes simply ignoring the behavior (walking away and letting him fight it out on his own) puts a stop to it because suddenly he's not getting your attention anymore. but whatever you do just be consistent in your treatment of the tantrum. it's also possible this is out of the norm - i don't think so, but talk to as many people as you can. especially people who know him (your mom, his dr.). the more opinions you get the better. hang in there, you can do this!